Is keeping money from your spouse a bad thing?

Not talking about me.

My wife has a friend on FB that she went to HS with who ever since he turned 18 has put $100 in a bank account every month, he never touches the money and adds to it every month. FF 18 years and now he's been married for the last 12 years and has never told his wife about the account, one way or the other she found out about it and is hurt/upset that he would not tell her about that account. He took the $100 a month from their shared account once they were married and hasn't spent any of it since he's saving it for his retirement (that's why he started the account at 18).

So did he do wrong by not telling her about it?

Personally I think that it's about intent, if his intent from day one was to keep a separate and hidden account for hookers and blow then yes that's bad but if his intent from day one was for his/their retirement then is that still a bad thing because he didn't tell her about it?

No poll option on JRS

if you dont have some kind of secret account kept from the SO your a damned fool.

Sounds like he may need to cough up 7200 to momma and quit taking money for his retirement from their money. Now if it was "his" money from his left over cash then I would say tough shit. But either way sounds like he needs to find a way to hide it now, cause if she were to divorce him he could say bye bye to some of that.

I hide money from my wife all of the time... so that I can buy stuff for her as a surprise. It's hard to surprise someone when they know just how much liquid assets that you have.

My wife does it!

I'm not bad with money, but all the long-term savings and project money is in her account. I only handle the month-to-month stuff, plus the entertainment fund.

It works out to where we "pay ourselves first" into the savings, emergency fund, and long-term stuff by putting money in her account, then we pay the bills out of mine, and whatever's left over in mine is entertainment money.


I'm not saying ours is the best model out there, but it works for us, and it makes it so we never have to worry about money.

The dumb bitch is only mad because it was money she wouldn't have known about when she divorced him and took him for all he's worth.

+1

All I am going to say is that while you may not think there is anything wrong with it, your wife may think otherwise. They have a different perspective.

Clear it first.

And this is first hand knowledge

my wife gives my allowance and part of it is my rainy day fund.

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Yes, there is something wrong with it.

Marriage is a partnership, and how you spend your money is a tremendously important decision that needs to be mutually agreed upon.

If your wife is a grasping bitch who will spend any surplus she has access to...you have chosen poorly.

ditto

I ALWAYS had a stash of cash, some wives(note: not women in general, I said SOME WIVES) can burn thru money like
a cardboard house afire...then Turn into devils spawn when you tell them there's no more sheckels for more shoes, hair clips, purses or eye liner. ...
The on ly way I was able to aquire what I have today was thru discreet socking away of rainy day gold and silver
BUT,,DONT Listen to me, I am an oft divorced OLD single guy on 30 acres in a nice house with a dozen or two guns in the safes and enough ammo to take on a major cartel

And we wonder why there's an "arfcom curse."

No, I don't think it's OK to hide money from your spouse, no matter the intent. What if he were to have a massive heart attack (you know, the leading first symptom of heart disease) and die? All those thousands of dollars may never be discovered. Further, the pragmatic aside, ommision is still dishonesty, if you can't trust your wife enough to know about your retirement fund, you should be single.

Last time I looked, my fiancee was nowhere to be seen on the fire floor. The money I earned there is mine.

I squirrel money away all the time.. well.I used to .. until we had to use it.. but he knows I take all the lose bills and chance and put them into a jar or one of my drawers.
We have joint accounts so I cant really purchase something for his b day or anything lest he knows about it.. I guess I could get cash and then buy it.. but a lot is on the internet..so kinda limited on paying for it per CC..
But I do not hide the fact I stash money..
I would be glad to find out he saved some cash for later years.. everyone needs to save..I would not get upset if I found out he had done it..

Total bullshit, but totally necessary. Just a smart thing to do. As long as the family isn't starving or going bancrupt, i don't see the problem.

My wife and i have seperate accounts that we know about and i have one she doesnt know about. I am sure she does to.

+1,000,000
Could not of said it better.

I would be thrilled to know that after 26 years of marriage my wife finally learned how to save some money.

Our household budget includes a modest allowance every other week to each of us to spend however we wish. I usually put half of mine away for either emergencies or surprise gifts for her. She blows hers within days, and has never saved any of it.

My wife and I have joint accounts. We trust each other. There is no his or her money. I do not ask permission and neither does she to spend money. But we each know what our money situation is at any given time. We make money spending decesions together. If you can't trust your spouse, and have to hide money, maybe your decesion to get married was not a good one.

If I disclosed 100% of every penny I had at any given time to the wife I would not have 3/4 of the guns that I have or ammo or knives etc...

as has been my experience..saving for a rainy day seems to be very low on the totum pole of many, and seems expressly evident in females.
MY Daughter thankfully saves 10% per payday regardless her income..but she's been fortunate in having the same job for over 10 years so far and a GREAT
savings/investment plan..

I think it depends on the over-all economic situation of the household. If it is 10% of the household income and bills are not being met, then yes it is a problem. If everything is OK, then I don't see a problem.

My wife and I have 4 accounts. Mine, hers, ours and cash reserves.

The thing I would wonder about is WHY he didn't tell her. if he knew she would piss the money away, you could just tell her, "this is how it is, if it is a deal breaker I understand." If she is responsible with money she would probably be on board so there is no problem. If he was socking it away for the divorce, why get married in the first place? I would really doubt they were waiting for marriage to have sex, so just move in together and have seperate acounts. I worry about your friends decision making capability.

It works for some, but not for others. To each his/her own.

I think it is. People who are hiding money from them are basically set them themselves up for failure.

This

if we can't pay our bills, are getting forclosed etc.... and I'm doing it - then no... shouldn't be

One of my best friends is on his second marriage. He refuses to have joint accounts with his wife, because his first wife screwed in royally. They do have access to each others accounts though. He has an unquenchable thirst for "man toys"...guns, ATVs, power tools, outdoor gear, and buys only the BEST of everything. When I say BEST i mean custom and one off stuff, not off the rack stuff.

He routinely buys guns and gear without telling her. his only downfall is he works for the same agency as her and rides to and from work with her so he has a hard time sneaking to the FFL to get his goodies.

He is constantly plnning for the upcoming divorce because he got so screwed the first time. Its very unhealthy.

On that note. I have a savinsg account that I had before my wife and I got married. She knows about it, but never has any idea how much is in it. If she rarely asks I tell her, but she lets me spend it on whatever I want. Sometimes it is on her and sometimes it is on me.

I just had an education account set up through my graduate school, that she doesnt know about. I may make that an emergency account for whatever. She doesnt egt mad when we need money and I have it saved. She just uses it...but she is good with money and I dont have to worry even if she finds out we have money to spend.

We don't hide money...we just really don't know how much each other has.

When we got married we got a joint checking account for paying bills. We figured out a percentage and a portion of each of our paychecks went direct deposit to the bill paying account. Anything left over on your paycheck is then yours.

Now with 2 kids she's working part-time and after awhile we are in a position where my salary covers all the bills and still puts money in savings. The deal was she then makes sure we have food in the house...in which she does a good job at. At this point I hope my wife is stashing money away because I know her monthly 'play money' allowance is easily 3x mine and half the time I still end up putting gas in her car 'cause she's "tapped til next payday". That may be why, by default, I handle all the bills. She never 'buys' anything tangle that you can see where her money goes. I think she consumes it with McDonalds here, an ice cream there. I'll save up for months and buy one large ticket asset, she'll piss away hundreds on a bunch of little $2-$3 transactions and then wonder why I seem to be able to buy more.

In this case taking the money from a shared account to stashed in a private, hidden account - Thats a No, No.

This is what we do. She wants to buy shoes... go for it. I want to buy a gun... I do.

It works.

this.

We tried that Joint account thing decades ago. It didn't work for us.

It's simple:
Don't get a spouse
Amass wealth.

No. We have joint accounts and separate accounts. We both put in equal amounts of money every month to cover bills, savings, and everyday expenses. We also have individual accounts to spend money on whatever we want to.

I've been known to stash $$ every week, and any bonus money I get.
It has been spent for extras for the wife and daughter, mostly, and a couple of guns over the years.

I never hid it, really; I just never tell the wife how much I have at any point. She's always assumed I have a little danger money put away.

I'm the bread winner at our house. My check DDs on Friday and in 10 minutes I have money transferred into the joint for bills, into the kids college funds, and into both of our Roths. The left over money stays in my account for whatever I deem necessary. Bills and most family expenses come out of the joint fund, and my wife may put in a few hundred a week from doing hair in her salon at the house. My play money goes towards toys but also vacations or large home improvement projects. At any given time my wife doesn't know and probably doesn't care what is in my toy fund.

Double Tap

I wonder if she likes to spend his money and that's why she was upset.

This man speaks the truth.

I dont, whats mine is hers and her mine. After 20+ yrs it is the easiest way. I buy what I want and so does she. WE DONT WASTE.

Or if they have access to your online bank account and can see exactly what you purchased with the check, debit card, or credit card...

Lots of people choose poorly for lots of different reasons.

Once the initial choice is made, giving 100% transparency doesn't suddenly make things better.

Reality is, most people don't get married to the "perfect" girl.

oops

Facebook again.

Why? You don't trust her?

He started the savings plan before he met her. I see no reason he should have been expected to tell her about it, it was his rainy day fund.

I 'hide' money all the time, but it's usually "Hey look, I saved up 5k for a downpayment on that new car you wanted" or "Look here's 15k lets go buy a few acres of land".

Good fences make good neighbors, and seperate accounts make a good marrage. It's also much easier to save up for and balance your toy funds if you're the only one using your account. This works both ways, I can plan for my toys, and she balances her account for her clothes/shoes/girl crap.

Yup.

That's what we do. Joint accounts, total transparency, and a big budget spreadsheet tracking it all. We both are aware of every dime that goes in and goes out and why.

Weekly budget review to update what we spent and track our progress plus a monthly review to see where we spent too much, or ID "leftover" money that we can add to savings (a set amount goes in every month anyway) or what strategy we need to use next month.

For birthdays and such we discuss what the upper limit is for gifts. We still don't know what we're getting each other.

Money related stress has gone down significantly (mostly mine, I stress about money) since we started doing this.

\/\/ To comment on the whole "never had a problem getting any toy", my wife and I pretty much never say "no" to each other. If somebody wants something specific, it is discussed, planned for, and budgeted.

We have 1 account for everything. She wants something, it gets brought up at the weekly budget meeting. The same for me. I have never had a problem obtaining any toy I wanted and neither has she. We work together to accomplish the things we both want out of life. Money is a non issue for us, we either have enough to get the extras we want, or we do not have the money to ge the extras we want.

It is called being a responsible spouse. I simply cannot understand why people have seperate accounts. If a particular spoouse is that irresponsible, then there are problems that ned to be adressed.

This. Bitches be trifling. You're a moron if you tell you wife about something like this. Ignorance is bliss, she didn't know and you have a bank account with some cash.

No two marriages are alike.

What works for one will inevitably not work for another.

Depending on how they agreed to handle the money it may be nothing. Was the $100 part of the money he was given to spend and he saved it instead? If so I don't see a problem with it at all. If not and he took it out without her knowledge then she would have a right to be pissed for him doing it, no matter what his intentions were.

We keep seperate accounts and it works well for us. One person handling all the money usually results in conflict.

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