Last weekend we were handing out with my parents about 2 hrs away. We're having a good time, I've had a few drinks, hanging out. My wife announced that she thought the person she was texting on marketplace might be a scammer. They said they sent the money for the workout equipment she was selling, but are now asking for a refund. I look at the texts, and I immediately agree that it's 100% a scammer.

She then told us that she had already given said person our address and told them we were out of town until tomorrow afternoon to arrange the meetup prior to receiving the money.

I flip out a bit. I don't raise my voice, but I'm more than a little angry with her for telling strangers we're out of town and giving them our address. I then look at our driveway/garage security camera and realize I forgot to charge it (it's at 1% battery.) This is my fault, but it fuels my unease more than a bit. I can't just drive home as I had been drinking, plus it's 11:30 at night. I think about the fact a house not far from ours got hit and cleaned out due to a social media post last year.

So I give my wife a bit of the riot act. Again, not to the point of losing my mind or raising my voice, but like "Seriously, did you think about the fact you don't know this person before telling them that!?" She just retorts, "Look at the profile pic, she seems normal!" This conversation lasts about 10 minutes. It was nothing crazy, I've had worse come to Jesus' from elementary school teachers.

Instead of just apologizing for her mistake, my wife doesn't take any responsibility for it and storms off to bed. So I vent a bit to my mom for about 20 minutes about my wife's lack of situational awareness and common sense at times, in reality I'm probably more pissed at myself for not charging the camera more than anything.  

I then get a text from the wife. "I hear everything you are saying, it's gonna take a long time to forgive you for this!"



Now I'm the bad guy. My wife has been seeing a therapist for depression/anxiety and some childhood trauma. I think that's great. The downside is, because of this she now seems to fancy herself a mental health expert. She claims that I need therapy and it wasn't normal to be angry over that, etc etc.

I apologized for probably overreacting. Thankfully, we got home and all was well and now I seem like an asshole. But it was still really dumb on her part. Somehow, it's now my fault and I'm the one who has problems.

In before Eject? lol

That sucks man. I’d be irritated AF about that tho

No, you are NOT "the bad guy" in this case.

When she says "it's going to take a long time to forgive you for this"' that means she's never going to forgive you for this. Pepper your angus.

Not the asshole.

How would your wife feel if yall had came home to a completely empty house? Giving a stranger your address AND telling them your out of town was pretty thoughtless.

Women tend to not accept responsibility or apologize when they know they are wrong. It’s easier to twist around reality and deflect until they find a way to place the blame at your feet.

He is for everything after his wife went to bed.  You keep shit like that between yourselves.

Fair point.

You never tell people what she revealed.  Hopefully you can make her understand but this event is why women suck at protective issues.  They should not be in government or managers and probably not allowed to vote either.

Yup, dump in hindsight.

I was stressed. I wanted to vent said stress. I did. I feel like that's a pretty normal response... Saying I "need therapy" for doing so seems like a lot of projection.

Women only want to go to couples therapy because they have friends doing it and they want to brag about going to therapy as if it’s some kind of social status. Then the other women jump in and say it’s the man’s fault etc.

It’s basically a feedback loop. What happens in therapy won’t matter. The dopamine hit they’ll get from their friends after mentioning therapy is what matters.

Call her bluff and say you’ll go if she pays for it.

What she did was wrong. She will continue to exhibit lack of situational awareness. She will continue to be naive. You can come to terms and live with it, or do the math and decide if what you’ll end up paying after lawyer and judge decision is worth the split.

I'll clarify, my Mom was around for the conversation before she went to bed. It wasn't like I was airing dirty laundry, just bitching about the wife's stupid move.

I would be letting her know that her behavior is not acceptable and I won’t be putting up with it.  Of course there is no way in hell my wife would do that.

ETA:  I’m referencing her making me out to be the asshole, not just the violating an elementary school child level of security.

You may or not be wrong but you are fucked.  You need to keep that shit in house.  Good luck.    
 Edit    Never forget she faked going to bed to eavesdrop on you, throw that shit in her face if you want to double down.

My woman does this shit. I say my piece--- I don't give a fuck.  Some people are right, some people are wrong.  Your wife is wrong.  Give no quarter.   If your kid was talking to strangers, or playing with matches, and your corrected him, and het got made at you, how would you looking at it?

Don't take advice from weak men her either.


She pulls this shit because she doesn't respect you.  You can work towards making it better or you can make it worse.  The safety of your family and home is more important than her feelings.  This is a byproduct of 2024 , feminism and the breakdown of male leadership of the home.

No.

Remind her how wrong she is and that her stupid actions are the root cause.  They have zero self preservation skills despite constantly saying how they are victims etc

I’ve had very similar converatsions

just give her the ol socratic treatment instead of getting angry

"what could a scammer do with our address and knowing we're out of town?"

"... but I'm more than a little angry with her...."



Anything said to her with you being angry and drinking other than "this is really stupid how do we fix it" was probably bad.


No body likes to be dressed down, especially in front of others.  And private dirty laundry should be kept private.  Bonus:  the worse person in the world anyone can spout off about private stuff of the spouse is their mother in law.


Life is too short to introduce this kinda conflict into your life over some stupid act.

Her bad for no OPSEC.

Talking to your mom about her when she can hear it.  Yikes, she is never going to forget that.

Probably be easier if you had been robbed at this point

Add internet to the list of things she can't do unsupervised.

You held your cool better than I would have.

I never expected anything more from a spouse than my basic needs and even that was too much. Nothing was a surprise the second time around.

N/M

Yup it was dumb, I'll take that.

In reality, it was like the perfect storm of dumb shit. Me being several drinks deep when the idiocy was revealed, me forgetting to charge the camera after I had been out of town for six weeks for work, and my wife finding scammers on marketplace, plus giving them our address and that we weren't home.

Had just one of those things not happened, I'd still be Mr. Model husband.

Have a buddy come remove some stuff from your house then when you get home she will be the bad guy again and you will be right.

Do you guys ever listen to yourselves talk about how stupid and childlike you think your wives are?


And MGTOW are supposed to be the misogynists?

I’ve been married 36 years.

Have you ever hit your elbow (funny bone) and wanted to scream like  5 year old?

You are concerned, that’s a good start.
This will be but one ‘funny bone’ you both survive.

Also realize the bad times allow you to enjoy the good times even more.

Agreed. Possible that you were a dick in how you handled it but you are absolutely right to be upset and that is unacceptable behavior very unsafe.

I can understand the scenario happening, but yeah, you became the bad guy when you started blabbing/complaining to your mom.   That was extremely uncool, even if understandable.     She probably felt stupid, and it makes it worse that your mom was there.

A quick sincere apology, “sorry I discussed it with my mom, that was wrong and I won’t ever do it again” then forget about it, don’t bring it up again. Water under the bridge.

Those scammers are most likely not in your AO so you were probably fine. I think you are both overreacting a little. Buy her some chocolates and apologize.

I can understand wife being upset about OP venting to his mother within earshot of wife.  The better conversation would have been with wife about OP's standards of OPSEC and why the violation is dangerous.

Attached File

Yeah, I tried to apologize after I realized she was in earshot. That didn’t go well.

She seemed over it the next morning. This all happened last weekend and tonight I came home to pissy wife… “What do you think I’m angry about!?”

Fucking Christ… I apologized. Either get over it or don’t. That’s her choice, I can’t take it back unfortunately.

Yup I was out of line venting to mom. I’ll own it, I just wish she’d own her part.

Major PERSEC fail!

You were right to admonish her.

Where you fucked up was continuing to talk about it, and not addressing it in a place where she would be embarrassed.

You committed the cardinal rule of dealing with the fragile sex: You hurt her feelings AND others saw it.

She's also deflecting because she knows she fucked up, so she's going to focus on your transgressions.

Bingo.
Understanding the issue and having no doubt she is a very smart woman, she already knew how you felt and prob felt like she let you down. Then BAM you decide to go full retard.

I get being mad, but venting about your wife is shitty.

so yeah, you both failed at security and you betrayed confidence

Yeah, that's never going to happen.

Never apologize.  

Never admit wrong.

Never back down.  

Restrict her social media access.

@BuckeyeRifleman

Was she drinking too?

Women are even weirder than we are about shit like that.   They want to look Good in front of the parents.  It’s a strange female ego thing.  
Plus, it’s supposed to be you two, against the world.   I’d be far more angry if my wife complained about me to her parents, than to a therapist or even friend.   Just the way it is.  You don’t do that.  
I’ve always found it helpful to just let time smooth things over.

There was another thread on this very topic a few days ago. Seems to be SOP. I would not have apologized.

OP needs therapy

She's confusing being right for being an asshole.

She had like a beer. My wife doesn’t drink much.

The thing that stuck me is the fact my wife will surely bring this up and “vent” about me to her therapist. Without a care in the world, and I’m not angry about it either, frankly I think that’s healthy.

But I’m the bad guy for venting to my mom of all people. Yup, still was stupid, but I’m human. I need an outlet.

I guess that’s why I posted.

LOL. Almost the same exact thing happened to me last week. We were out of town, I wondered about all the pictures, all the posting online and especially the rage when I wouldn't give up the window seat for more pictures until I realized they were all being posted on Twitter (now X) about the fact that we were not home. I checked the cameras and realized they were offline. Shit. Luckily (or not) I figured this out on the way home - and all this internet sharing had been going on since we left the house almost a week ago. Not happy.

I mentioned it last night. I waited until the time was right and the situation presented itself. Still got an attitude, but the fuckup was acknowledged and I don't think it will happen again. I didn't do it in front of other people, however. That was your mistake. Now YOU are wrong, no matter what.

Lolz.  I never thought about it before, but my wife probably does that sometimes.  
I’ll have to (discretely) ask her not to.  

Lol