Trying to figure out and learn tasks that my wife did as a stay at home mom. We are headed to a divorce and she is moving out. The things im trying to navigate currently is how to maintain my fulltime job of 16years and taking care of the kids needs as well. Currently, just had to call in due to a sick child, while wife left to her recently new minimum wage job. Logically that doesn't make sense, since i make more and we are losing money, but perception wise she doesn't care because thats her money now and mines is ours, is the thinking. Im looking down to road, on how to manage this on my own anyway, and what i can do to make her less necessary. It is sad, because if we were not headed this way, divorced, there wouldn't be all this extra unnecessary things needed and we would just share the responsibility.

anyway, i am looking for ideas, thoughts on how others in similar situations manage childcare/sick care/ scheduling/ and other things like doctors appointments that i am missing that is going to come up?.. how does people do this and not lose their jobs and not go broke?

I went though this.  It is very hard.  Sounds stupid, but you just find ways to make it work.

Thankfully, I was a able to lean on my parents and ask them for help when I needed it.  
I was a Network Engineer for Charter (before Spectrum), I traveled a lot, worked tons of hours.

There were times she'd get sick, I'd have her stay with mom and dad, Mom took her to a few doctors and dentists appointments for me.

Sometimes I could not get off or miss a project deadline, some times I took days off. Sometimes I'd work from home for a few days.
Thankfully, I also had a really cool understanding boss.  He knew if I was asking for time off, it was really needed and I did not have a choice...

I've known many folks (both men and women) go though this exact same thing.  I'll admidt, most of them had it much rougher than I did.  

My parents were more help than they know.  This is why my daughter is so close to them today (Well my dad, Mom is gone now)...

First thing's first. Get thee to a lawyer. If she's leaving you with young children and she's just going to fuck off then things are going to get screwy with spousal and child support. Once you've gotten a lawyer, go talk to your boss and let them know that some shit's going down and that you'll need a little flexibility and understanding while you deal with it. It's more expensive to hire and train someone new than it is to just accept so-so worker output for a few months. Leverage whatever resources you have for the short term but look for long term solutions too.

Get lawyer…

Take charge…

Detach fully, no emotion, no drama.  Do not talk to her except about divorce and kids.


Split assets and bills.  


Ask judge for full custody and child support.  Ask for marital home and vehicle.  


Do not go soft or try to love her back to you.

I have already talked to the boss weeks ago and I have his support. Luckily he is a good man. Already enrolled them into the boys and girls club so that starts tomorrow, as for afterschool so they can be there and I can finish the shift. Whether she picks them up or not, as was planned but her new job hours somehow changed and now she wants to stay late to get her some OT. Whatever right.?! The next phase will be dicey when she officially walks out, as I could change door codes, but pretty sure kids will given them to her, and I am trying how to mitigate that without turning them against her, which is a big freaking NONO! Especially where this is going. I have counseled with a lawyer earlier, and that is my next step to hire him, when so finally moves out. She mentioned going to get counsel on how to show it not as abandonment but something else, I dont think that will fly since i had her sign a handwritten letter stating that she was moving out and the money was a loan. And she wants more, so i will make her sign another one, all this so it goes against her claims to the assets in the end. But possibly also, show she left us, not that she was forced out.

I know your pain.

Got into a fight with my boss last week because of the amount of time it takes me to deal with my sons needs to get to and from school and daycare. They want me at work at 8 but his school doesn't even open till 8:15.

All I can suggest is that you keep in mind that it gets easier as you learn to manage the issues. The older they get, the more responsibility they can take for themselves giving a little more freedom to do what you need.

My son is almost five and although it takes a lot for me to prep his lunch and get ready for the day

If you're heading for a divorce, you ABSOLUTELY want her working, especially if you want 50/50 with the kids.  One, she needs to be earning an income, this will lessen the blow of alimony if she can earn beyond minimum wage.  two, you need to have demonstrated the ability and willingness to stay at home and care for the kids if it comes to a custody battle.  Document everything.  

If you don't know, make sure you learn and get to know all the school teachers, coaches, doctors, etc and be sure that you put yourself out there in a positive light.  Get the prescriptions, give them their medicine, enforce bed times and tuck them in, help with homework, take them to sports practices...everything.  

Learn how to cook, schedule and rearrange your routine as necessary to make sure they're fed, clothed, and off to whatever activity they do.  

Bascially, become superdad.  

What you can't cover, see if family can (if you're lucky and have them in town).  Also make your employer aware of what is going on, and see if there's any kind of work from home arrangement you can make with them.  You're not the first single dad that's existed.  Definately won't be the last.  Most employers will understand.  

Beyond that, lawyer up and protect your assets, run a Digital audio recorder whenever you're around her in the house that only you know about (this is for your protection...ask me how i know), and prepare for the worst.  KEEP YOUR COOL and don't blow a gasket.  Ever.  Raising your voice at her is enough to get a phony DV charge.  If she doesn't turn into an evil harpie during this time, drink a scotch when it's all over, the papers are signed and she's out, and consider yourself lucky.  

OK, ok.  Stop right there.  

If she wants to move out, let her.  Have your attorney file for exclusive use of the home for the duration of the divorce proceedings and let her find her own damn way.  

Don't give her a dime that isn't court ordered.  Don't agree to give her anything else, either in writing or verbally.  Note you will have to pay temporary spousal support and child support, even if you have majority custody due to income disparity.  Just don't do so willingly.  Once she has the free honey coming she'll have no impetus to close the deal.

I appreciate everyones input..

Redneck

I just logged in today after not posting on this forum for many moons.

I got just disgusted with this forum.

I would try to give Biblical advice to men that were struggling with divorce and was met with a wall of parroting idiots the likes of which was just impressive. I have never seen more bad advice in any one place in my life as I have on this forum. You would seriously get better marriage advice at a singles bar at 1:30 in the morning and I am stone serious and convinced about that.

Most of the members here are demonic, homosexual, porn addicted manbabies or a combination of two or three, and the mods will let the most graphic sexual debauchery conversation run wild, but if you challenge someone's spiritually and morally bankrupt thought process with wisdom, they will stop you cold and blame you for being inflammatory for offering help while others are unrestrained asking for naked pictures of the mans wife or asking if she likes deviant sexual acts.

It's a weird place once you get off the technical topics side of this forum

This is unfortunately normal. Easily offended is a trait of both tyrannical men and apathetic men alike.

So first, I would get off this forum if you want your life to go in a different direction. Your info says you post here daily. Read Proverbs daily instead.

Second, I would get serious about seeking The Lord. Ask Him if He want's you to stand for your marriage regardless of what your wife is doing. (The answer is yes).

Third I would get serious about seeking marriage reconciliation oriented ministries in your area. They are not all equal, but go to several until you find a good group of men that will come along side you and support you and hold you accountable. Be willing to be corrected. Have a teachable heart.

And forth I would throw down and decide to wage war in the spirit against the devil and his desire to destroy your life and your family. Your kids will be in a significantly bad place as a result of a divorce. So will you and your wife. Dont believe worldly junk about how things will be fine. They wont.

If you want to get divorced, go get a divorce attorney. If you want to take the road less traveled, IM me and I will try to help you and direct you towards substantive resources.

My prayers are with you

Kinda an update, maybe unwisely or not, we are still separated and not filed yet. Currently kids are predominantly under my care with her helping out. I have moved on pretty much, as I have no desire for her to come back. Kids doing better, trying to keep them in church as much as possible. Even though while it is much better than how much we went in the past, i feel it isn't enough. I do have a lawyer, but haven't fully paid him off yet. I am hoping that the length of time she has been moved out, over 6 months now, the judge will rule in my favor, i cant really push the adultery anymore, but i still have the upper hand I believe. I know some
of you will probably think i am not wise, but trying to keep my kids life as stable as possible with the best outcome for them and not necessarily me. So, i dont see going scorched earth on her and completely taking kids from her as an option, since that wouldn't be good either. She is helping out like 25%, and we are already swapping weekends on where kids stay. Any thoughts on if my situation is a unicorn situation or im just a dumbass?

Follow the advice you paid the lawyer for.

Updates? Did your plan work out?

My dad raised me as a single father. Basically gave all his assets away to not be challenged for custody, then figured it out. We didn’t have have much spare income, but he was an amazing father none the less, and we had the best time. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

I hope this provides a bit of encouragement.

Get a lawyer.  Now.

I heard a stat the other day about kids attendance in church where dad or mom was the principal motivator of that: if moms took the kids chances kids would attend later in life was 40-50%. If dad took em to church odd we’re double, up to about 80%.

So what that says to me is that dad is crucial for spiritual maturity etc