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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:01:59 PM EDT
With hard times here with housing what is the plan for those of you with kids?
I have a 17 and 10 year old. I don't intend to force them out into 2k a month apartments . They are welcome to stay as long as they want in my house as long as they are saving and investing in their future and helping out around the house and with bills when I need them to. I am planning on either adding onto the house so I can have my music studio mancave back if they stay or building a small split 2 bedroom apartment in the backyard. Probably whichever is cheaper to do with plumbing , electric and HVAC needs. Things used to be this way. We didn't used to push our kids out until they were established enough to thrive rather than struggle. Easy money and economic boom changed that any many kids want to move out but it's looking like we are heading into a cycle where that's a pretty bad choice for their future. Unlike some I would be happy to have my kids around as long as they want as long as they aren't taking advantage of me and making good choices . Thoughts? |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:03:43 PM EDT
[#1]
We are having similar conversations as well.
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USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:03:46 PM EDT
[#2]
Most knuckleheads here have the "out when you're 18" mindset
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:08:09 PM EDT
[#3]
We have 55 acres and two homes, one home was given to my Son and his wife.
Plus is we see the grandkids daily since both homes are on the 55 acres. His other house is being rented out. Daughter and husband are in Europe and live in a 5BR house. Other son lives in a 4 br house. If needed I could house everyone in my house. When they retire they can come home and build a house. By then I hope to have a third home built. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:11:20 PM EDT
[#4]
My wife is Korean and she would love nothing more than for our day to reside at home forever with her family. Me…
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SGP
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:12:22 PM EDT
[#5]
Future generations will be fortunate to have a multigenerational household. Most will probably end up in government projects.
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:12:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Notcalifornialegal]
[#6]
Stay at home as long as they want. Save the rent. Find a good spouse. Use the money they saved for a house.
Also stay close in case they need help with kids. That used to be the standard until we kicked kids out at 18 and left them to fend for themselves so we could "live out retirement" |
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USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:15:20 PM EDT
[#7]
Nothing at all wrong with that.
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USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:15:50 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Notcalifornialegal: Stay at home as long as they want. Save the rent. Find a good spouse. Use the money they saved for a house. Also stay close in case they need help with kids. That used to be the standard until we kicked kids out at 18 and left them to fend for themselves so we could "live out retirement" True. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:16:24 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Notcalifornialegal: Stay at home as long as they want. Save the rent. Find a good spouse. Use the money they saved for a house. Also stay close in case they need help with kids. That used to be the standard until we kicked kids out at 18 and left them to fend for themselves so we could "live out retirement" Thinking about that. We may have doomed ourselves with that mentality of kicking the kids out early. Not only do they face more struggle in life but have less of a family bond. Both of which lead to people looking to government for help and fucking us all over . |
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IN, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:21:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Burnsy]
[#10]
My thoughts are that while I love(ed) my parents and were grateful that they fed and raised me very well, there is no way I would have wanted to live in mommy and daddy's basement as a young adult. I moved out and struggled like hell, but I also loved every minute of it because I was..."doing it". My girl and I, backs against the wall and us agaisnt the world, we were carving out our life and for me, independence and my own roof over my head was worth any cost.
It had nothing to do with my parents. They were fantastic and would have let me stay for as long as needed. I though needed to go fly. Not because I hated the nest, because I needed to go live my own life. Deep down inside it was a drive and it still is. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:22:58 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Burnsy: My thoughts are that while I love(ed) my parents and were grateful that they fed and rasied me very well, there is no way I would have wanted to live in mommy and daddy's basement as a young adult. I moved out and struggled like hell, but I also loved every minute of it because I was..."doing it". My girl and I, backs against the wall and us agaisnt the world, we were carving out our life and for me, independence and my own roof over my head was work any cost. It had nothing to do with my parents. They were fantastic and would have let me stay for as long as needed. I though needed to go fly. Not because I hated the next, because I needed to go live my own life. Deep down inside it was a drive and it still is. And that's good dude. Seriously if you're ready to go kick the world's ass but have a fallback you're in great shape. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:25:05 PM EDT
[#12]
I am raising my children to welcome me into their home one day when I'm old, so I dont intend on booting them out as long as they aren't freeloading.
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IN, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:25:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Burnsy]
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Notcalifornialegal: And that's good dude. Seriously if you're ready to go kick the world's ass but have a fallback you're in great shape. For clarity, I am 45 years old now. I am speaking about me from a long time ago but still remember that "drive" and fantastic feeling of fresh independence. It wasn't just the I get to do whatever I want part, but also the I am responsible if this shit all falls apart, part. It sounds dumb to say out loud but I deeply wanted both. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:28:09 PM EDT
[#14]
My current house is almost paid off. I might gift it to them when they are older.
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:31:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: tsg68]
[#15]
Pirate colony is my next step.
 Beastie Boys - Rhymin' & Stealin' (Official Video) |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:33:12 PM EDT
[#16]
Both of my daughters lived with us after college for a year or two. It was a way to save money and have a suitable down payment for a house at least it was back before 2019.
One of them even moved back in with us twice. Once after school, and then again when she sold her townhome and bought a bigger house just down the street. Didn't want to get caught with two payments so sold, moved in, found a deal, bought new house. We had the room and I didn't see the point in wasting money on rent or other arrangements. Yeah it can be awkward a bit but we got past it. Now I have my 90 YO mother living with us. Let me tell you about PITA nightmare. 
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:39:20 PM EDT
[#17]
I lived at home until I was 23 and got married, wife was 21; we had 20% down to buy a house because I saved up living at home.
Our boys are 19 & 20 and I plan to extend the same courtesy to them. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:42:52 PM EDT
[#18]
My kids can live with me as long as they need to, but just them. No boyfriends/husbands/grandkids under my roof. I own a rental house and if they want to play house, they can move out and pay rent.
I realize home prices are shit now and I want my kids to have a head start. But they are also going to have to help out a lot more around the house as well if they are staying here into their 20s. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:44:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: JG_Wentworth]
[#19]
Look for two or three family house
Then you can have the kids living in separate units |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 2:49:51 PM EDT
[#20]
My house is occupied by me, my wife, daughter and SIL and granddaughter while their condo is being renovated. My 95 year old father will be moving in soon since mom recently died.
Family is family. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:01:40 PM EDT
[#21]
My grandpa is 91 and lives about a block from us. I’ve thought about trying to keep his house after he’s gone as a launchpad for my kids. I’m not sure that I’ve got the finances to swing it though, as it would involve buying out my three sisters.
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MT, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:04:39 PM EDT
[#22]
This is GD. Where dudes get called 'enablers' because they want to help their kid find a good job.....
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:18:17 PM EDT
[#23]
It has been a societal thing. English society generally granted the inheritance to the oldest male child - as such, they had a habit of kicking out kids when they became of age. Go and make your own fortune. Latin society tended to keep the family together - we are all part of the family business.
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USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:20:50 PM EDT
[#24]
Originally Posted By victorgonzales: With hard times here with housing what is the plan for those of you with kids? I have a 17 and 10 year old. I don't intend to force them out into 2k a month apartments . They are welcome to stay as long as they want in my house as long as they are saving and investing in their future and helping out around the house and with bills when I need them to. I am planning on either adding onto the house so I can have my music studio mancave back if they stay or building a small split 2 bedroom apartment in the backyard. Probably whichever is cheaper to do with plumbing , electric and HVAC needs. Things used to be this way. We didn't used to push our kids out until they were established enough to thrive rather than struggle. Easy money and economic boom changed that any many kids want to move out but it's looking like we are heading into a cycle where that's a pretty bad choice for their future. Unlike some I would be happy to have my kids around as long as they want as long as they aren't taking advantage of me and making good choices . Thoughts? Multigenerational living has probably been the norm for most of human history. Living in the basement as a simp hasn’t. So it’s definitely in that “depends” category. Particularly if grandkids are present, I think it can be a wonderful thing. Grandparents raising kids because mom and dad want to be living life as kids themselves isn’t so good, obviously. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:34:46 PM EDT
[#25]
Originally Posted By victorgonzales: With hard times here with housing what is the plan for those of you with kids? I have a 17 and 10 year old. I don't intend to force them out into 2k a month apartments . They are welcome to stay as long as they want in my house as long as they are saving and investing in their future and helping out around the house and with bills when I need them to. I am planning on either adding onto the house so I can have my music studio mancave back if they stay or building a small split 2 bedroom apartment in the backyard. Probably whichever is cheaper to do with plumbing , electric and HVAC needs. Things used to be this way. We didn't used to push our kids out until they were established enough to thrive rather than struggle. Easy money and economic boom changed that any many kids want to move out but it's looking like we are heading into a cycle where that's a pretty bad choice for their future. Unlike some I would be happy to have my kids around as long as they want as long as they aren't taking advantage of me and making good choices . Thoughts? Honestly, in certain respects, we should have never gone away from generational housing. The share their experience, the middle keep to the head and day to day while the young learn. It's a big part of the book I'm writing. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:38:50 PM EDT
[#26]
My youngest son stayed at home into his mid-twenties, he helped out with expenses.
When he was halfway through school he wanted to move out and got an apartment. He is single and can't afford a home but he has saved a large amount of money. |
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MT, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:39:48 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By LittlePony: Honestly, in certain respects, we should have never gone away from generational housing. The share their experience, the middle keep to the head and day to day while the young learn. It's a big part of the book I'm writing. I've spent time living in other countries. "Kick the kids out" and "Send the old people to expensive retirement villages" are a fairly unique American thing. Which is weird, because you'd think that a culture obsessed with things like "career" and "income" would realize that there can be real financial benefits to sharing a roof with the young and the old.... |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:40:48 PM EDT
[#28]
For 5 years on our property (with two homes) we had my parents, my wife and I, my 2 daughters, my son-in-law, and three of my grandchildren.
So 4 generations on one property at the same time. |
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IN, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:46:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Burnsy]
[#29]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By MtnMusic: I've spent time living in other countries. "Kick the kids out" and "Send the old people to expensive retirement villages" are a fairly unique American thing. Which is weird, because you'd think that a culture obsessed with things like "career" and "income" would realize that there can be real financial benefits to sharing a roof with the young and the old.... As far as I know we are talking about adults. People of the age that traditionally are supposed to leave the nest and go start their own family and life. |
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KY, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:56:10 PM EDT
[#30]
Not a parent but I can speak from the child's perspective. I spent my twenties and thirties working on the road and coming home to my parents house when i had time off. When my dad got sick a few years ago I came off the road to help mom. After he passed I sold my business and worked part time while living with my mother. I have my own entrance coming and going as I please. I never paid rent instead I took over the upkeep of the house and farm. Roofs, paint, appliances what ever needs fixing I do it or pay someone.
This has allowed me to save money but like everything there's a downside. Mom can still function by herself but she has become accustomed to leaning on me. I've recently realized I can see a future where I can't take care of her (memory starting to slip). So I really need to go back to work full time but she's fighting me on this. To summarize I'm pushing fifty taking care of a home and property I'll never own. I'm OK with that but I need to roll up some money now to insure my future later. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:58:15 PM EDT
[#31]
We've talked about building ourselves a new house and keeping this one for the kids to rent from us.
We'll just keep the price low and then save the rent money for them to use as a down payment on a house some day, but not tell them that plan. |
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AL, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:59:21 PM EDT
[#32]
I've thought about possibly having a conversation with some family members about this. Parents are getting older. Being able to centralize things and make everyone quality of life would be better.
Sometime after WW2 we had this AMERICAN DREAM! everyone gets their 1/2 acre and 1500sq ft when up until then multi-generational families were very common and quite efficient to run things efficiently. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 3:59:27 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Explorer225: Not a parent but I can speak from the child's perspective. I spent my twenties and thirties working on the road and coming home to my parents house when i had time off. When my dad got sick a few years ago I came off the road to help mom. After he passed I sold my business and worked part time while living with my mother. I have my own entrance coming and going as I please. I never paid rent instead I took over the upkeep of the house and farm. Roofs, paint, appliances what ever needs fixing I do it or pay someone. This has allowed me to save money but like everything there's a downside. Mom can still function by herself but she has become accustomed to leaning on me. I've recently realized I can see a future where I can't take care of her (memory starting to slip). So I really need to go back to work full time but she's fighting me on this. To summarize I'm pushing fifty taking care of a home and property I'll never own. I'm OK with that but I need to roll up some money now to insure my future later. Why won't you own it? Do you think your mother will sell it before dying? |
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KY, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:03:14 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By sitdwnandhngon: Why won't you own it? Do you think your mother will sell it before dying? She never bought any long term care insurance. When it comes time I'll have to sell everything to cover her care. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:03:39 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By victorgonzales: Thinking about that. We may have doomed ourselves with that mentality of kicking the kids out early. Not only do they face more struggle in life but have less of a family bond. Both of which lead to people looking to government for help and fucking us all over . Depends on the kid. I was out at 18 and my wife and I bought our house when I was 21. Granted the timing worked out because of the market crash right then, but we were still super broke for years after that as a result. Neither of us could live with our parents any longer though, it was time to move on. I couldn't imagine living with my parents through my 20's, it would have been brutal. No privacy, I would have been working full time and helping Dad non stop the rest of the time, no way to build a life with my girlfriend or become independent that way. The other side of it though, is maybe we could have been able to get a bigger place if we waited, but it was better for us to put all our money into the house to start rather than kick the can down the road. I'll be 38 this year, house will be paid off this year, and we can start planning for our next one. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:05:08 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Burnsy: For clarity, I am 45 years old now. I am speaking about me from a long time ago but still remember that "drive" and fantastic feeling of fresh independence. It wasn't just the I get to do whatever I want part, but also the I am responsible if this shit all falls apart, part. It sounds dumb to say out loud but I deeply wanted both. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Burnsy: Originally Posted By Notcalifornialegal: And that's good dude. Seriously if you're ready to go kick the world's ass but have a fallback you're in great shape. For clarity, I am 45 years old now. I am speaking about me from a long time ago but still remember that "drive" and fantastic feeling of fresh independence. It wasn't just the I get to do whatever I want part, but also the I am responsible if this shit all falls apart, part. It sounds dumb to say out loud but I deeply wanted both. That feeling of being able to do whatever you want is nice while it lasts. I was in an apartment with 3 other guys at age 19 and it was chaos.....we did whatever we wanted, and we learned quickly about money management and paying bills. |
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IN, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:06:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Burnsy]
[#37]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By sitdwnandhngon: Why won't you own it? Do you think your mother will sell it before dying? It is possible though that as she ages more and more, she will need more and more help. There may come a time when she will require full time assistance. Due to alzheimer's or the like. I want to take care of her as much as possible and am willing to do what it takes, but I am also only 1 person and I still have to feed myself and pay my own bills. I can't just quit my full time job and neither can my sister. If she needs full time care....something will have to change. Neither of us can likely afford to fully pay for the help that she might end up needing...so that paid off condo that she would no question leave to my sister and I, would instead need to be sold or the state will take it as part of her care. My mother intends for the value of her property to passed on to her children, I have seen the signed will which says so. The reality is that that isn't likely to actually happen. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:06:42 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By MtnMusic: I've spent time living in other countries. "Kick the kids out" and "Send the old people to expensive retirement villages" are a fairly unique American thing. Which is weird, because you'd think that a culture obsessed with things like "career" and "income" would realize that there can be real financial benefits to sharing a roof with the young and the old.... You’d think so. Then the taxes kick in. We have more income to do things like that in the USA. In most foreign countries no one can afford to do it the American way. The American way is still lacking in care file elders. The idea of shoving people into a care home is bad enough. Even good ones are just a death row prison line for old people. |
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WV, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:09:35 PM EDT
[#39]
Value of a dollar and such.
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:10:35 PM EDT
[#40]
We have two homes on our property. Currently my elderly Father & Step-Mom live in the smaller one.
The plan all along has been to raise the kids & help my parents until their time comes in place. Then sell both houses & build our dream home on some lakefront acreage we own. The possibility of changing those plans to one of staying put & either giving one of the kids our home & us moving into my parents smaller home or us building a small home on the property & giving 2 of our kids the existing homes have started. We don’t want to watch our children struggle anymore than necessary. And frankly the only way we can assure we stay rural & don’t have to move into town with all of its associated issues is to have help around when we can longer do the work necessary to live on a large piece of property. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:11:47 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Burnsy: I can't speak for him but I can speak for my situation which is of kind of similar. I own my own place but my mother is elderly and she lives near me in her condo. I am over there several times a week right now, doing small things for her and fixing this and that. Her condo is fully paid for, she owns it. It is possible though that as she ages more and more, she will need more and more help. There may come a time when she will require full time assistance. Due to alzheimer's or the like. I want to take care of her as much as possible and am willing to do what it takes, but I am also only 1 person and I still have to feed myself and pay my own bills. I can't just quit my full time job and neither can my sister. If she needs full time care....something will have to change. Neither of us can likely afford to fully pay for the help that she might end up needing...so that paid off condo that she would no question leave to my sister and I, would instead need to be sold or the state will take it as part of her care. My mother intends for the value of her property to passed on to her children, I have seen the will. The reality is that that isn't likely to actually happen. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Burnsy: Originally Posted By sitdwnandhngon: Why won't you own it? Do you think your mother will sell it before dying? It is possible though that as she ages more and more, she will need more and more help. There may come a time when she will require full time assistance. Due to alzheimer's or the like. I want to take care of her as much as possible and am willing to do what it takes, but I am also only 1 person and I still have to feed myself and pay my own bills. I can't just quit my full time job and neither can my sister. If she needs full time care....something will have to change. Neither of us can likely afford to fully pay for the help that she might end up needing...so that paid off condo that she would no question leave to my sister and I, would instead need to be sold or the state will take it as part of her care. My mother intends for the value of her property to passed on to her children, I have seen the will. The reality is that that isn't likely to actually happen. Now may be the time then to start transferring ownership and writing up some kind of lease agreement that allows them to stay there for as long as they possibly can. Then when it's time (if it happens) it's not part of their asset list to be used to pay for care. |
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NV, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:14:02 PM EDT
[#42]
I more or less agree with you on this, OP. From an economic standpoint, it makes a lot of sense, and it can be a way for children to help their parents as they get older. Sure, the kids living in their parents' home will miss out on some of the independence that comes with getting their own place, but they also get the opportunity to spend more time with their parents, which they may appreciate later in life. That being said, I'm not sure the standard cookie-cutter neighborhood on 1/4 acre lots is built for multiple generations.
 (Especially if grandkids come into the picture.) Our whole society seems to have been geared toward single generational households for a while now.
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IN, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:14:45 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Burnsy]
[#43]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By sitdwnandhngon: Now may be the time then to start transferring ownership and writing up some kind of lease agreement that allows them to stay there for as long as they possibly can. Then when it's time (if it happens) it's not part of their asset list to be used to pay for care. At any rate, was just sharing an example of how a child might end up caring for a property they will never own. I have thought about it. Maybe I should sell my place and move in with her. She might need it anyway, save me some money etc etc and win/win right? One has to consider all outcomes. Such as that in which I couldn't supply the needed care any longer...I might find myself in a very bad situation if I am counting on receiving that value. So it's more complicated that first meets the eye. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:15:02 PM EDT
[#44]
Unfortunately some kids need to be shown the door at 18.
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:18:42 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By NN300BLK: but they also get the opportunity to spend more time with their parents, which they may appreciate later in life. I honestly think that if I spent a few more years with my parents then my dad and I would have gotten into some kind of really big fight at some point. I love him, and he taught me how to work hard, but we do not see things the same way at all. When I go help him I keep my mouth shut, because he values saving money over saving time, and I operate the exact opposite most of the time. I'll throw money at a project as long as we can get it done quickly and I can get paid. It leads to some real friction if we spend too much time together. What makes me sad now that I'm older is how much potential there was, I've never met a harder worker than my dad, but he simply can't ever point that hard work in the right direction to really benefit from it. If he could have run a small crew and not gotten hung up on nickels and dimes rather than try to make a hobby into a career he would be a very wealthy man right now. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:18:50 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By HecklerKac: Most knuckleheads here have the "out when you're 18" mindset Agreed Tag for reading |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:22:19 PM EDT
[#47]
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:28:50 PM EDT
[#48]
That how old farms are. Main house, addition put on then usually a 2nd or even a 3rd house built over generations.
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:29:51 PM EDT
[#49]
We have 6 and 4 year old little girls.
They can stay here as long as they want or feel the need to. |
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Posted: 4/25/2024 4:32:52 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By CanaryCamaro: We have 6 and 4 year old little girls. They can stay here as long as they want or feel the need to. What until they are 13 and 11.....you'll be understanding why the dowry system used to be quite popular. |
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