User Panel
User Panel
User Panel
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:45:49 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Sierra5]
Hey lookin for advice. My son 25 is in the throws of finals week (will get done with finals Thursday.) I have asked him come help my husband patch the roof on our rental property and he is basically saying FU he doesn't want to help. Little background info: My husband is injured (work injury, shoulder-still fighting with the railroad as to what to do about it). Our rental house's roof leaks, husband just needs help from my sons to lift the stuff up onto the roof. Probably only take a couple of hours.
My husband (son's step father) provides him with his insurance and we pay his car insurance. I also think kids should help their parents. My son has a history of saying FU when asked to help. In fairness he doesn't ask us for any help. We provided insurance for our other kids when they were in college. I do know he appreciates the health insurance. I think he often forgets about his car insurance. Two years ago my husband injured his shoulder at work and was out of work for 10 months. He also wasn't paid so I had to work two jobs and at the time cooked and did all the housework. I asked my son (who was living with us at the time) to help out more and he moved out (he was very angry that I would even ask.) I accept responsibility for my part in his creation. He grew up watching his dad care for his parents (he took care of both his parents--though he always acted like his mother was an idiot) and he watched me care for my grandfather. He is just selfish and inconsiderate. How would you handle this. My gut is to drop him off our car insurance. It doesn't cost us anymore to have him on our healthcare (my husband's benefits-not mine.) I don't see him changing - just being pissed off at it. Details: We waited until after his finals to do the repairs. He lives on his owns but visits frequently. He agreed to help us but has backed out. I think that's about it. TLDR: son won't help us ~Sierra5 - No curse words in the title please |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:48:39 PM EDT
[#1]
follow your gut. its hardly ever wrong
|
|
|
|
TX, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:49:13 PM EDT
[#2]
Tell him to help or pay his own way. If he says FU then drop him.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:49:21 PM EDT
[#3]
Shit in his boots and set him on fire a little.
|
|
|
|
GA, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:49:50 PM EDT
[#4]
If you are asking him to help in the middle of finals- that’s insane.
If you are asking him to help when finals are over- That would be a reasonable expectation. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:50:29 PM EDT
[#5]
I'd let him know when his next insurance payment due is and how much it is.
|
|
|
|
USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:50:50 PM EDT
[#6]
How far away is he? When does he graduate?
|
|
|
AZ, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:51:10 PM EDT
[#7]
He’s a grown 25-year-old adult. Stop providing things for him.
|
|
|
CT, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:51:55 PM EDT
[#8]
Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Hey lookin for advice. My son 25 is in the throws of finals week (will get done with finals Thursday.) I have asked him come help my husband patch the roof on our rental property and he is basically saying FU he doesn't want to help. Little background info: My husband is injured (work injury, shoulder-still fighting with the railroad as to what to do about it). Our rental house's roof leaks, husband just needs help from my sons to lift the stuff up onto the roof. Probably only take a couple of hours. My husband (son's step father) provides him with his insurance and we pay his car insurance. I also think kids should help their parents. My son has a history of saying FU when asked to help. In fairness he doesn't ask us for any help. We provided insurance for our other kids when they were in college. I do know he appreciates the health insurance. I think he often forgets about his car insurance. Two years ago my husband injured his shoulder at work and was out of work for 10 months. He also wasn't paid so I had to work two jobs and at the time cooked and did all the housework. I asked my son (who was living with us at the time) to help out more and he moved out (he was very angry that I would even ask.) I accept responsibility for my part in his creation. He grew up watching his dad care for his parents (he took care of both his parents--though he always acted like his mother was an idiot) and he watched me care for my grandfather. He is just selfish and inconsiderate. How would you handle this. My gut is to drop him off our car insurance. It doesn't cost us anymore to have him on our healthcare (my husband's benefits-not mine.) I don't see him changing - just being pissed off at it. TLDR: son won't help us does not compute ? He was working for railroad and was injured at work That doesn't make sense |
|
|
FL, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:51:58 PM EDT
[#9]
You need to pee on him to establish dominance and show him who is boss.
|
|
|
CO, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:52:04 PM EDT
[#10]
I have various neighbors with children, all of whom are college-aged.
The kids that were tasked with helping/chores/mowing the lawn/washing the cars from early on still help as that is how they were raised. The kids that refuse to help managed to get away with saying "no" from an early age. The die may be cast at this point. |
|
|
QC, CAN
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:52:12 PM EDT
[#11]
Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Hey lookin for advice. My son 25 is in the throws of finals week (will get done with finals Thursday.) I have asked him come help my husband patch the roof on our rental property and he is basically saying FU he doesn't want to help. Little background info: My husband is injured (work injury, shoulder-still fighting with the railroad as to what to do about it). Our rental house's roof leaks, husband just needs help from my sons to lift the stuff up onto the roof. Probably only take a couple of hours. My husband (son's step father) provides him with his insurance and we pay his car insurance. I also think kids should help their parents. My son has a history of saying FU when asked to help. In fairness he doesn't ask us for any help. We provided insurance for our other kids when they were in college. I do know he appreciates the health insurance. I think he often forgets about his car insurance. Two years ago my husband injured his shoulder at work and was out of work for 10 months. He also wasn't paid so I had to work two jobs and at the time cooked and did all the housework. I asked my son (who was living with us at the time) to help out more and he moved out (he was very angry that I would even ask.) I accept responsibility for my part in his creation. He grew up watching his dad care for his parents (he took care of both his parents--though he always acted like his mother was an idiot) and he watched me care for my grandfather. He is just selfish and inconsiderate. How would you handle this. My gut is to drop him off our car insurance. It doesn't cost us anymore to have him on our healthcare (my husband's benefits-not mine.) I don't see him changing - just being pissed off at it. TLDR: son won't help us He has a week left for finals. That can be very stressful for many. Have you asked if he could help the following weekend? How about the other kids helping? |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:53:00 PM EDT
[#12]
You pay the bills for a 25 year old? Jesus.
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:53:32 PM EDT
[#13]
Thanks, I know it's the right thing to do. I just wish I could do something that will get him to be a better man. I guess there's no substitute for maturity.
|
|
|
|
TX, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:53:52 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ramairthree: If you are asking him to help in the middle of finals- that's insane. If you are asking him to help when finals are over- That would be a reasonable expectation. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:54:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: OKnativeson]
[#15]
when did the roof start leaking.
finals week is pretty rough.having said that, the best thing we can teach our children is the word "NO" this works both ways. does your husband not have any friends that could help? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:54:40 PM EDT
[#16]
Originally Posted By 10mmillie: Tell him to help or pay his own way. If he says FU then drop him. Originally Posted By bgenlvtex: I'd let him know when his next insurance payment due is and how much it is. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:54:50 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Miles_Urbanus]
[#17]
I can't imagine not helping my friends or family. That's sort of the whole point of friends and family.Mutual aid. People you can count on when the chips are down. I'd let him know that too. How has he not figured that out yet? Maybe he hasn't been humbled and needed help being only 25. Young man needs to be humbled.
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:54:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: BillofRights]
[#18]
I’d be very inclined to drop him from the insurance, as a starter.
He should already have his own insurance, even if you’re helping him pay for it. Having him on yours, puts all your assets in jeopardy. But more info is needed. What are the courses? What degree? Is this his final year? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:55:39 PM EDT
[#19]
I get it. Doesn't seem to appreciate what you do for him. But in my opinion if he is about to graduate and be sprung free in a few weeks I'd not do anything rash that could sour your relationship for years. Instead enjoy his graduation and set him free after that. As recognition he is now a man and has to make his own way in the world.
But remember his lack of help when you needed it. Because he WILL ask for help some day on some project and that's when you remind him. But don't destroy your connection. I know he is being petty but at that age and time in his life he thinks his finals are way more important than roofing a rental property. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:55:50 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By dogsandhogs: How far away is he? When does he graduate? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:56:10 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ramairthree: If you are asking him to help in the middle of finals- that’s insane. If you are asking him to help when finals are over- That would be a reasonable expectation. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:56:31 PM EDT
[#22]
“Son, I understand you are busy. But it would really mean a lot to me and your step dad if you could find time to help. We’d also love to see you.”
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:56:36 PM EDT
[#23]
Help or GTFO. If you choose to GTFO. Then you’re on your own.
Cut the insurance. Do not continue to be an enabler for his behavior. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:56:49 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By NwG: Shit in his boots and set him on fire a little. Curious how you set someone on fire “a little.” |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:57:09 PM EDT
[#25]
 Weird Al Yankovic - Asshole Sun |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:57:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Miles_Urbanus]
[#26]
Just to clarify you haven't asked him to help get but are pretty sure he won't help this time?
eta: I see he said no. How about after testing? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:57:25 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ranging-by-zipcode: does not compute ? He was working for railroad and was injured at work That doesn't make sense Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ranging-by-zipcode: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Hey lookin for advice. My son 25 is in the throws of finals week (will get done with finals Thursday.) I have asked him come help my husband patch the roof on our rental property and he is basically saying FU he doesn't want to help. Little background info: My husband is injured (work injury, shoulder-still fighting with the railroad as to what to do about it). Our rental house's roof leaks, husband just needs help from my sons to lift the stuff up onto the roof. Probably only take a couple of hours. My husband (son's step father) provides him with his insurance and we pay his car insurance. I also think kids should help their parents. My son has a history of saying FU when asked to help. In fairness he doesn't ask us for any help. We provided insurance for our other kids when they were in college. I do know he appreciates the health insurance. I think he often forgets about his car insurance. Two years ago my husband injured his shoulder at work and was out of work for 10 months. He also wasn't paid so I had to work two jobs and at the time cooked and did all the housework. I asked my son (who was living with us at the time) to help out more and he moved out (he was very angry that I would even ask.) I accept responsibility for my part in his creation. He grew up watching his dad care for his parents (he took care of both his parents--though he always acted like his mother was an idiot) and he watched me care for my grandfather. He is just selfish and inconsiderate. How would you handle this. My gut is to drop him off our car insurance. It doesn't cost us anymore to have him on our healthcare (my husband's benefits-not mine.) I don't see him changing - just being pissed off at it. TLDR: son won't help us does not compute ? He was working for railroad and was injured at work That doesn't make sense |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:57:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: DubyaB]
[#28]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 10mmillie: Tell him to help or pay his own way. If he says FU then drop him. Pretty much this , he needs to grow up and appreciate you. Eta No one studys every hour of the day for finals. A 2 hour working break imo would help him physical activity stimulates the mind. Hell of a lot better than video games |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:58:01 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ramairthree: If you are asking him to help in the middle of finals- that’s insane. If you are asking him to help when finals are over- That would be a reasonable expectation. You nailed it. |
|
|
|
USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:59:09 PM EDT
[#30]
Does said 25 yrs old son live with you?
If so he’s being an entitled asshole because you all are enabling him. Time for him to spread his wings and fly |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:59:27 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ramairthree: If you are asking him to help in the middle of finals- that's insane. If you are asking him to help when finals are over- That would be a reasonable expectation. +1 |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:59:39 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By hatidua: I have various neighbors with children, all of whom are college-aged. The kids that were tasked with helping/chores/mowing the lawn/washing the cars from early on still help as that is how they were raised. The kids that refuse to help managed to get away with saying "no" from an early age. The die may be cast at this point. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 1:59:57 PM EDT
[#33]
Finals week sucks. Stress is off the charts. I watched my daughter go through it. I would hire an older kid to help, then have a conversation with your kid when things are settled down.
|
|
|
|
CT, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:00:32 PM EDT
[#34]
How does he afford his own place but cant pay his own insurance?
Being a dad i would ask him if after finals are done can he help out. If that answer is still a NO then cut him off. If the answer is a YES then let him help and still cut him off. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:00:42 PM EDT
[#35]
I would never hesitate to help my parents with anything.
My parents would never ask me to do something that would cause a significant burden on me. We have a pretty awesome relationship. |
|
|
|
CYM
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:01:56 PM EDT
[#36]
.Finals more important than your roof. If he won’t help after finals that’s a different issue. If your husband was injured at work at the railroad, how is that he’s able to do roofing?
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:02:20 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By MrMackey: You pay the bills for a 25 year old? Jesus. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:03:42 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: When he graduated from high school he wanted to be an aerospace engineer. His plan was to go into the Air Force and obtain his education through that. He was medically denied by the AF. So he decided to live at home and save for his education. We agreed to help him with his car insurance and he has been on my husband's insurance since he was 13 and can stay on until he is 26. So yes, I am helping him with his education. He will have his degree debt free next spring. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By MrMackey: You pay the bills for a 25 year old? Jesus. And this is gratitude? This is thanks? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:04:30 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Union Pacific can be a bitch to its employees. He was out of work for 10 months as he ruptured his bicep at work and it took 10 months of non use to heal. He wasn't paid while he was off work. Last fall we did get his pay in his medical settlement. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By ranging-by-zipcode: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Hey lookin for advice. My son 25 is in the throws of finals week (will get done with finals Thursday.) I have asked him come help my husband patch the roof on our rental property and he is basically saying FU he doesn't want to help. Little background info: My husband is injured (work injury, shoulder-still fighting with the railroad as to what to do about it). Our rental house's roof leaks, husband just needs help from my sons to lift the stuff up onto the roof. Probably only take a couple of hours. My husband (son's step father) provides him with his insurance and we pay his car insurance. I also think kids should help their parents. My son has a history of saying FU when asked to help. In fairness he doesn't ask us for any help. We provided insurance for our other kids when they were in college. I do know he appreciates the health insurance. I think he often forgets about his car insurance. Two years ago my husband injured his shoulder at work and was out of work for 10 months. He also wasn't paid so I had to work two jobs and at the time cooked and did all the housework. I asked my son (who was living with us at the time) to help out more and he moved out (he was very angry that I would even ask.) I accept responsibility for my part in his creation. He grew up watching his dad care for his parents (he took care of both his parents--though he always acted like his mother was an idiot) and he watched me care for my grandfather. He is just selfish and inconsiderate. How would you handle this. My gut is to drop him off our car insurance. It doesn't cost us anymore to have him on our healthcare (my husband's benefits-not mine.) I don't see him changing - just being pissed off at it. TLDR: son won't help us does not compute ? He was working for railroad and was injured at work That doesn't make sense Don't mean to derail (unintentional train pun) but how was this not a worker's comp situation? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:04:47 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Miles_Urbanus: Just to clarify you haven't asked him to help get but are pretty sure he won't help this time? eta: I see he said no. How about after testing? He's just being an immature shit. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:06:40 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: We talked to both of my sons about needing their help. My son said he wouldn't be able to help until after finals. He works full time as well as goes to school so this was understandable. We made the date for the roofing for May 4th. He is now saying he isn't going to be available to help. Stupid excuse (he misses his sister--his sister isn't aware of his plan to visit her.) He's just being an immature shit. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By Miles_Urbanus: Just to clarify you haven't asked him to help get but are pretty sure he won't help this time? eta: I see he said no. How about after testing? He's just being an immature shit. Sadly I know there are Oregon ARFcommers that would help you with nothing asked in return. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:06:49 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By LV1976: Don't mean to derail (unintentional train pun) but how was this not a worker's comp situation? Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By LV1976: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By ranging-by-zipcode: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Hey lookin for advice. My son 25 is in the throws of finals week (will get done with finals Thursday.) I have asked him come help my husband patch the roof on our rental property and he is basically saying FU he doesn't want to help. Little background info: My husband is injured (work injury, shoulder-still fighting with the railroad as to what to do about it). Our rental house's roof leaks, husband just needs help from my sons to lift the stuff up onto the roof. Probably only take a couple of hours. My husband (son's step father) provides him with his insurance and we pay his car insurance. I also think kids should help their parents. My son has a history of saying FU when asked to help. In fairness he doesn't ask us for any help. We provided insurance for our other kids when they were in college. I do know he appreciates the health insurance. I think he often forgets about his car insurance. Two years ago my husband injured his shoulder at work and was out of work for 10 months. He also wasn't paid so I had to work two jobs and at the time cooked and did all the housework. I asked my son (who was living with us at the time) to help out more and he moved out (he was very angry that I would even ask.) I accept responsibility for my part in his creation. He grew up watching his dad care for his parents (he took care of both his parents--though he always acted like his mother was an idiot) and he watched me care for my grandfather. He is just selfish and inconsiderate. How would you handle this. My gut is to drop him off our car insurance. It doesn't cost us anymore to have him on our healthcare (my husband's benefits-not mine.) I don't see him changing - just being pissed off at it. TLDR: son won't help us does not compute ? He was working for railroad and was injured at work That doesn't make sense Don't mean to derail (unintentional train pun) but how was this not a worker's comp situation? |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:07:46 PM EDT
[#43]
Forget the roofing.
Invite him over with promises of cake, wine and easy women. When he arrives slam the door shut, then rassle him to the floor and give him a good spanking. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:07:57 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ramairthree: If you are asking him to help in the middle of finals- that’s insane. If you are asking him to help when finals are over- That would be a reasonable expectation. This is true. Hire other help, then have a come to Jesus talk with him after finals, about family responsibilities and expectations. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:08:18 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Miles_Urbanus: Sadly I know there are Oregon ARFcommers that would help you with nothing asked in return. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Miles_Urbanus: Originally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By Miles_Urbanus: Just to clarify you haven't asked him to help get but are pretty sure he won't help this time? eta: I see he said no. How about after testing? He's just being an immature shit. Sadly I know there are Oregon ARFcommers that would help you with nothing asked in return. |
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:09:40 PM EDT
[Last Edit: QueenDeNile]
[#46]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JohnfromHR: .Finals more important than your roof. If he won't help after finals that's a different issue. If your husband was injured at work at the railroad, how is that he's able to do roofing? @Boom_stick 
|
|
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:12:44 PM EDT
[#47]
Hey, Zippy!
|
|
|
|
MI, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:13:21 PM EDT
[#48]
It doesn't sound like it is the son.
Hanging things over ones head to get them to do the things you want exactly when you want them is a dick move. |
|
|
PA, USA
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:13:32 PM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By denverdan: Curious how you set someone on fire “a little.” Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By denverdan: Originally Posted By NwG: Shit in his boots and set him on fire a little. Curious how you set someone on fire “a little.” You know, just put a lighter to their pantleg while they're not paying attention and watch them dance around for a while. |
|
|
|
Posted: 4/27/2024 2:14:50 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: We talked to both of my sons about needing their help. My son said he wouldn't be able to help until after finals. He works full time as well as goes to school so this was understandable. We made the date for the roofing for May 4th. He is now saying he isn't going to be available to help. Stupid excuse (he misses his sister--his sister isn't aware of his plan to visit her.) He's just being an immature shit. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By QueenDeNile: Originally Posted By Miles_Urbanus: Just to clarify you haven't asked him to help get but are pretty sure he won't help this time? eta: I see he said no. How about after testing? He's just being an immature shit. How often do you ask him to help out with little things? If he’s working full time and getting an engineering degree… yikes. Possible that you underestimate how much work he’s doing and how much stress he’s under? Or you overestimate how much value you’re providing paying for his insurance? Did you convey the importance of him helping out and why? He could just not understand why it’s so critical for him to do it. Poor communication is almost always the root cause of conflicts. Or he’s just an asshole, in which case trying to guilt him into helping probably isn’t going to make things better. |
|
|
|
Win a FREE Membership!
Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!
You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.
AR15.COM is the world's largest firearm community and is a gathering place for firearm enthusiasts of all types.
From hunters and military members, to competition shooters and general firearm enthusiasts, we welcome anyone who values and respects the way of the firearm.
Subscribe to our monthly Newsletter to receive firearm news, product discounts from your favorite Industry Partners, and more.
Copyright © 1996-2024 AR15.COM LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Any use of this content without express written consent is prohibited.
AR15.Com reserves the right to overwrite or replace any affiliate, commercial, or monetizable links, posted by users, with our own.
