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Posted: 12/29/2018 2:46:15 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
And you know you are dying.

Might be soon,might be a while.

but whatever it is, it is killing you, and you know it. And even though not spoken of, those around you know it too. You see it if you will.

Sure, you’re doing the Dr thing, but you saw it in his eyes, heard the unsaid, along with the hope gven.

And there is just so much that you won’t be able to finish, so much left undone.

Any thought of prayer making a difference?

It won’t.

And I don’t know where we go, I believe in God,
But I think all there is is this life, here and now.

Every animal I’ve seen die fights to stay here.

And yet, we will all have to leave.

So take all you can, give all you can. Get every last bit out of life there is.

Because I think it is all there is.

Later.........

Where Do Cowboys Go When They Die


UPDATE IN LATEST POST- 7/27
Link Posted: 7/15/2018 11:24:03 PM EDT
[#1]
Hope this is more of a "I'm doing some reflecting on the inevitable" than "I'm giving up" sort of post.

I recall you posting recently about some health questions/challenges.  Hang in there and look for the brighter spots.

Talk here if you feel up to it.
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 12:12:04 AM EDT
[#2]
Still praying for you.
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 12:17:17 AM EDT
[#3]
In some ways this life feels like a car wash, where you get hooked up and then pulled along for the ride.

I don't think this is all there is.

You're in my prayers.
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 1:01:25 AM EDT
[#4]
I believe you are correct sir. Life is precious and fleet. It’s not something we all enjoy thinking about.
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 3:38:11 AM EDT
[#5]
Hang in there.
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 4:45:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet] [#6]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By raysheen:
Still praying for you.
View Quote
@raysheen

Thanks

Had a Blue Merle Aussie for 10 yrs- damn, they are strange doggies, but loved, and in the end just like every loyal dog there ever was

Like me some cupcakes too.

No, I'm not giving up, at all. But after 3 days, got no call-backs from those supposed to be setting up a game plan...

Odd to think I can't wait for the sun to go down so I can simply just sleep.

Why the hell I'm posting this crap here I don't know.
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 5:03:34 PM EDT
[#7]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:

Why the hell I'm posting this crap here I don't know.
View Quote
If I keep things bottled up and inside, they don't go away, or get processed, or resolved, and stress builds and builds.  No good.  (That is my own experience.)

This is a perfect use of Team.
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 5:13:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet] [#8]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By vim:
If I keep things bottled up and inside, they don't go away, or get processed, or resolved, and stress builds and builds.  No good.  (That is my own experience.)

This is a perfect use of Team.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By vim:
Originally Posted By usjet:

Why the hell I'm posting this crap here I don't know.
If I keep things bottled up and inside, they don't go away, or get processed, or resolved, and stress builds and builds.  No good.  (That is my own experience.)

This is a perfect use of Team.
"Life's rich pageant"

Surprised you didn't tell me to move it to gd.



eta: ouch, there's that little bite of something eating on me....

Doc did say if they weren't getting it together, go to er, do  the 'i've fallen and can't get up' thing".

Need another week then maybe...

sorry to be so obtuse....
Link Posted: 7/16/2018 6:46:21 PM EDT
[#9]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:

"Life's rich pageant"

Surprised you didn't tell me to move it to gd.



eta: ouch, there's that little bite of something eating on me....

Doc did say if they weren't getting it together, go to er, do  the 'i've fallen and can't get up' thing".

Need another week then maybe...

sorry to be so obtuse....
View Quote
That phrase and I have a long history together.

You laughed; I think you correctly got the nuances and feelz behind it.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 8:49:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet] [#10]
UPDATE:

A morning when you read your MRI results,

and then read all about “massive perineural spread”.

Well, looks like I was right.

Now I need to figure out how to tell her...
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 9:36:53 AM EDT
[#11]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:
UPDATE:

A morning when you read your MRI results,

and then read all about "massive perineural spread".

Well, looks like I was right.

Now I need to figure out how to tell her...
View Quote
Not the end yet boss. High spirits
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 9:48:02 AM EDT
[#12]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By 4HShooter:
Not the end yet boss. High spirits
View Quote
Thanks

The Doc just called, hard way for him to start his day.

Next step is a consult to estimate timeline.

Funny, I’m more concerned about getting rid of a lot of stuff so she isn’t stuck trying to figure out what to do with it all (motorcycle, gear, guns etc).

Got my browser history and favorites all cleared out.

So there is that....
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 10:43:09 AM EDT
[#13]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:

Thanks

The Doc just called, hard way for him to start his day.

Next step is a consult to estimate timeline.

Funny, I'm more concerned about getting rid of a lot of stuff so she isn't stuck trying to figure out what to do with it all (motorcycle, gear, guns etc).

Got my browser history and favorites all cleared out.

So there is that....
View Quote
Just seeing this, don't leave GD often but you'll be in my prayers, you and your family as well.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 12:21:23 PM EDT
[#14]
Funny thing- Lucky, my 20 yr old black cat, adopted Good Friday the 13th in 2001 (Hence the name), just won't leave me alone today.

They just know somehow.....

Wives probably do too, but that conversation will be for tonight.

Broke news to RN sis this AM, which means I probably won't have to tell a whole lot of other family......

I'm more ok with it than they are, but they'll be alright.

Decided to do nothing today other than sit outside, enjoying the early cool day- Fall will be here soon, normally can't wait, but now wish summer could go on forever.

No matter what I've said, thank you each for the thoughts and prayers.

Guess this is as good a place as any to lay down my spew....

Thanks
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 1:03:43 PM EDT
[#15]
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family.

Fight when you want to fight, rest when you’re ready.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 2:22:31 PM EDT
[#16]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By bandaid_man:
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family.

Fight when you want to fight, rest when you’re ready.
View Quote
Agreed.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 4:11:48 PM EDT
[#17]
Tell her its OK to move on...that is very important!
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 6:16:44 PM EDT
[#18]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Tulip:
Tell her its OK to move on...that is very important!
View Quote
After 48 years together she’s not sure how to do that.

Weakened, called and told her I needed her home.

Had the talk.

Hardest thing I ever did.

Hardest thing she ever did was coming home today. Said she got flashed by a deputy coming up the hill, slowed down to 70in a 40 after that.

God bless you deputy....
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 7:16:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet] [#19]
Just got off the phone with eye Doc,

He saw report and wanted to reach out.

To let me know he’d pray for us!

If I could just take her pain away.

Prayer or good thoughts,

Give it all ypu’ve Got
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 7:37:10 PM EDT
[#20]
It'll be an honor, sir.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 7:42:53 PM EDT
[#21]
Prayers for strength for you and your family.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 8:08:20 PM EDT
[#22]
Praying for you and your family, usjet.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 8:16:54 PM EDT
[#23]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By vim:
It'll be an honor, sir.
View Quote
The biggest aggravation yesterday was the tech kept calling me “sir”.

Ain’t even a butter bar, let alone “sir”.

But thanks.



Out for tonight,
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 10:09:54 PM EDT
[#24]
Will say some prayers for your wife and you.
Link Posted: 7/27/2018 10:25:46 PM EDT
[#25]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By cmw:

Will say some prayers for your wife and you.
View Quote
I will, too.
Link Posted: 7/28/2018 11:48:39 AM EDT
[#26]
Wow, been contacting people with the news.

Comes a point in the conversation you realize it hurts them to hear.

That you realize they really do care about and love you, that they never wanted to hear this.

Makes the next call a lot harder.....
Link Posted: 7/28/2018 6:29:16 PM EDT
[#27]
Prayers sent.
Link Posted: 7/28/2018 7:01:40 PM EDT
[#28]
Prayers sent for you and your loved ones.

Sometimes, if you can say "it's been a good run" that's all that counts.
Link Posted: 7/28/2018 8:32:49 PM EDT
[#29]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By EastcARstle:
Prayers sent for you and your loved ones.

Sometimes, if you can say "it's been a good run" that's all that counts.
View Quote
Thank you,

It’s been so much more than a “good run”.

Thanks again....

Good night all
Link Posted: 7/28/2018 9:29:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: grinning_bob] [#30]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:

Thank you,

It’s been so much more than a “good run”.

Thanks again....

Good night all
View Quote
I will be praying for you and your family usjet.

It is good for you to talk here.   Some things are easier to express to strangers.  Have a good night.  Tomorrow is a new day.
Link Posted: 7/28/2018 9:52:07 PM EDT
[#31]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By grinning_bob:

I will be praying for you and your family usjet.

It is good for you to talk here.   Some things are easier to express to strangers.  Have a good night.  Tomorrow is a new day.
View Quote
Well Said.   Good Night usjet.   I look forward to a post from you tomorrow.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 1:28:07 AM EDT
[#32]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By bandaid_man:
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family.

Fight when you want to fight, rest when you’re ready.
View Quote
This.

Usjet- Prayers for you, your wife & family
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 1:35:56 AM EDT
[#33]
Prayers
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 8:37:39 AM EDT
[#34]
Prayers for you and your family Good Sir!
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 9:45:51 AM EDT
[#35]
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it.

John

Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given".

Was born just short of 2 months premature.

Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom.

Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth

Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling.

Not done squawking yet.
John
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 10:52:42 AM EDT
[#36]
Keep going it John. Tell your story.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 11:12:09 AM EDT
[#37]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it.

John

Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given".

Was born just short of 2 months premature.

Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom.

Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth

Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling.

Not done squawking yet.
John
View Quote
This is likely the single most powerful post I've read during my time here.

Keep squawking, John. We've got you.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 11:29:00 AM EDT
[#38]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By SERVED_USMC:
This is likely the single most powerful post I've read during my time here.

Keep squawking, John. We've got you.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By SERVED_USMC:
Originally Posted By usjet:
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it.

John

Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given".

Was born just short of 2 months premature.

Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom.

Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth

Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling.

Not done squawking yet.
John
This is likely the single most powerful post I've read during my time here.

Keep squawking, John. We've got you.
No doubt.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 12:15:22 PM EDT
[#39]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Gingerbreadman:
No doubt.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Gingerbreadman:
Originally Posted By SERVED_USMC:
Originally Posted By usjet:
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it.

John

Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given".

Was born just short of 2 months premature.

Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom.

Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth

Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling.

Not done squawking yet.
John
This is likely the single most powerful post I've read during my time here.

Keep squawking, John. We've got you.
No doubt.
I’ll add a big +1 to that. Thanks for the story John.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 1:22:37 PM EDT
[#40]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By pasquale91:
Keep going it John. Tell your story.
View Quote
Hey John.   I'm Paul.   Nice to meet you.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 2:09:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet] [#41]
Thank you guys.

Just got a big kiss on the lips.

Sure wish I could feel it.

Came up with an idea(today has been idea and start the list day), to will my body to the local university med school.

Normally they probably think jeeze, Thanks- another old guy to dissect.

But the pathology in my head is kind of unusual from what I’ve read, so might make a real difference to someone 5 yrs down the road.

Saves $1500,too..........
They take care of cremation, transport and all that.

The only disadvantage is you won’t know until thery’re Done- means you have to leave it open for a while.

But she’s ok with if I am.

And I am...

John
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 4:55:43 PM EDT
[#42]
Tough to read. Just be the spirit that others would want to follow.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 5:34:42 PM EDT
[#43]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Iamhere:
Tough to read. Just be the spirit that others would want to follow.
View Quote
I see your dog tag and your Army Star.

Did you ever, ever.....

Get behind some guy who said “Follow me, men!”?

Link Posted: 7/29/2018 6:31:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Ubaddog] [#44]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:
Thank you guys.

Just got a big kiss on the lips.

Sure wish I could feel it.

Came up with an idea(today has been idea and start the list day), to will my body to the local university med school.

Normally they probably think jeeze, Thanks- another old guy to dissect.

But the pathology in my head is kind of unusual from what I’ve read, so might make a real difference to someone 5 yrs down the road.

Saves $1500,too..........
They take care of cremation, transport and all that.

The only disadvantage is you won’t know until thery’re Done- means you have to leave it open for a while.

But she’s ok with if I am.

And I am...

John
View Quote
Make sure she is really fine with It.  
I was having issues so I was looking at my options and was leaning toward local body donation.  Easy peasy, I really didnt care I was looking to make it easy for the wife.   I mentioned it to the wife and she was not on board, kinda upset.
So I ended up getting what she wanted, side by side burial I prepaid all the details.
Ended up getting 2 double plots on the aftermarket ( Searched the Internet, pretty trouble free) and purchasing 2 burial insurance policies from the local undertakers.
Tough talk but put her at ease.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 6:43:43 PM EDT
[#45]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By u-baddog:

Make sure she is really fine with It.  
I was having issues so I was looking at my options and was leaning toward local body donation.  Easy peasy, I really didnt care I was looking to make it easy for the wife.   I mentioned it to the wife and she was not on board, kinda upset.
So I ended up getting what she wanted, side by side burial I prepaid all the details.
Ended up getting 2 double plots on the aftermarket ( Searched the Internet, pretty trouble free) and purchasing 2 burial insurance policies from the local undertakers.
Tough talk but put her at ease.
View Quote
We're good with it. She lit up for the first time in days....

doin't think she was so much with the whole program as much as she was so very behind making some sense and use of al this.

and just, to add, (I KNOW I will regret this), "HER" name is Karla.



Pics maybe later, maybe never.....
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 7:05:57 PM EDT
[#46]
@EdAvilaSr:

Don't know what you were thinking when you started this all, bet you never even thought this could happen, that this place could become so important to some,

a place to let out more than anyone ever knew, a place someone would take their finish in.

But there it is.

And thanks for all of it.

Thanks.

John
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 8:56:19 PM EDT
[#47]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By usjet:
@EdAvilaSr:

Don't know what you were thinking when you started this all, bet you never even thought this could happen, that this place could become so important to some,

a place to let out more than anyone ever knew, a place someone would take their finish in.

But there it is.

And thanks for all of it.

Thanks.

John
View Quote
And once in a while we even talk about guns.  
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 9:10:33 PM EDT
[#48]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By bandaid_man:
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family.

Fight when you want to fight, rest when you're ready.
View Quote
Just this.
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 9:37:00 PM EDT
[#49]
John,
We're all going to be where you are sometime. I'm a simple man, not very well spoken, but I'll pray for you and yours.
Live well John.
David
Link Posted: 7/29/2018 11:01:31 PM EDT
[#50]
John -

You're in my prayers.
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