Originally Posted By Smashy:

I would have to break it up into several posts. There's so much. And I'm just spinning my wheels with the VA.

Originally Posted By Smashy:

I would have to break it up into several posts. There's so much. And I'm just spinning my wheels with the VA.

Originally Posted By sq40:
I've never met you in person, but I love you bother, and I feel deep compassion for your suffering.

I don't have medical answers.  I do know that you are far stronger than I am in every way.

It seems to me that a complete situation change is needed to have some quality of life back.  I feel like you would benefit from disability, and lord knows you are who it is meant to help. And really, living would be a lot easier if you had assisted living or moved into a good assisted living apartment. You shouldn't need to work or struggle to survive. Taking those burdens away is a step that might lead to better outcomes.

Originally Posted By Smashy:
I mean for example when someone is backed into a corner and there's too much pain and no way out. There must be some allowance for situations like that.

Originally Posted By Smashy:
I have a really bad hernia. I mean it's bulging out pretty far. It needs surgery. I have to push in on it with my fingers to keep it from popping out when I'm doing my thing in the morning. Also if I feel a cough or sneeze coming on.

I had a life-changing back injury 18 years ago. Two bulged discs and one torn, L4 and L5. My physiatrist at the time recommended against surgery because no guarantee it would work and might make it worse. So I just lived with the pain best I could. Physical therapy for a year, twice weekly chiropractor visits also for a year. I couldn't work. My wife supported us. Eventually we moved to Oregon, partly for family reasons but also because we never had time for each other (three kids) and we wanted to make a change to a slower pace of life and have more time together. But a few weeks after we moved to Oregon, she died.

I still couldn't work. I didn't know what I was going to do. But after a few months I started receiving survivor benefits from the social security she paid into. It was enough for us to live on so I could raise my kids and work on my back healing. I raised the kids on my own. They're all gone now. I live alone. The back injury slowly healed enough to the point where I could do fairly normal things, although no jobs involving heavy lifting. It goes out occasionally and I might be out of work for a few days while it heals. That's been the case for the last 17 years.

But over the last year and a half the old injury has deteriorated and is causing other issues. Those damaged discs are causing compression on the main nerve going down both legs. At first it was just some numbness in a couple of toes, but it's gotten much worse. If I lay down, the spine not being compressed allows those discs to absorb fluid, making them expand and put pressue on the nerve. I wake up with severe pain in my lower legs, muscle tightness and cramping, and also in the feet. I jump up and start walking around to get the muscles moving. When I'm upright, the compression of the spine causes those swollen discs to go down again and stop pressing on the nerve, and after a minute or two the pain and cramping goes away. But if I lay down again, it happens again a short time later. I end up jumping up in pain every 30 minutes all night long.

To prevent his, I can't lay down. I have to sleep sitting up in a chair. That keeps compression on those discs all night so it doesn't happen. But that also means piss poor quality sleep, so I've been living on an average of 3-4 hours' sleep a night for several months. I'm suffering from extended sleep deprivation due to this. But there's nothing I can do about it. I have to use caffeine pills to stay awake when driving or watching a movie. Living the zombie life.

Originally Posted By flippflopped:
There is only one unforgivable sin, if you will, and that is not accepting Christ. God forgives at the cross, once and for all.

Originally Posted By Smashy:

Not all problems are temporary. Mine aren't, and keep getting worse by the day.





I did all that when I was baptized a few months ago.

Originally Posted By Ninjaman:
I've had 3 family members kill themselves.  My mom in 1989, and I still ask myself to this day what did I do wrong?  What did I miss?

My wife of almost 30 years died last month.  And I've been wanting to join her so very badly.  My life has been so bad in many ways and I feel like I missed out.  And there's no way to recover. Like I failed.  I prayed to God so many times over decades to please just let me be unborn.  To never have existed.  Or to instantly cease to exist with no more suffering.  And only in the last week did I realize that God knew what I would go through in my life.  He knew how I would feel and suffer.  And yet he created me anyway.  And I realized, He knows more than me and must have a reason for me to be here.  And it made me think I just need to keep going on to see where this goes.  

Keep holding on.  There is a reason for you to be here and to endure your suffering.  That is what I have to believe to keep going right now.

Originally Posted By HappyCamel:
Can they remove the troublesome section of bowel? I think the EOD guy here said it gave him a note normal life.

Originally Posted By Ninjaman:
Smashy, I just had half a page of a response typed up, just talking about the first issue you mentioned and my hand/arm had some kind of spasm and the mouse jerked and I may have hit the back button on the mouse.  It went back a page.  When I went forward a page to the comment box, everything I typed was wiped out and I couldn't figure out a way to recover it.  This is the way it's been going for me for months.  Everything I try to do is met by some kind of resistance.  It is discouraging and makes me just want to give up.  But the way this has been happening in my life is making me want to deal with it differently.  I have been praying lately for more and more faith and for wisdom.  And the fact that I keep seeing all this weird resistance to all my efforts...it was kind of scaring me at first but now it is making me mad because I know Jesus has conquered all that.   I don't want to make out like I know what I'm talking about because I don't.  I haven't been back to church in about 30 years.  But I have not forsaken the assembly of myself with other Christians, because from time to time over the years I run into another Christian and it's like we know and one or the other of us unburdens ourselves or something.  The last one I remember was a woman I think from FEMA? who came to check on hurricane damage from Hurricane Irma (?)  I can't remember the name of it but we got minor damage here in Northeast Florida. We were in the backyard looking at damage and she said something that made me think she was a Christian and I said something and she asked me if I was a Christian and I said yes.  And she told me how she and her husband and their 5 year old son were in a car accident and her husband was injured badly and her son needed surgery and she had to go back to work because she was the only one who could.  I have prayed for her and her family many times over the years.  
I do not want to send this paragraph because it makes me sound like a nutcase.  And I have been confused since my wife died and also I went to the hospital the week after my wife died because I did not have time to take care of an infection I had because there was no time, what with my wife needing my help.  I came to ARFCOM at the time to ask for advice about if I should go to the hospital.  I was there for 4 days getting bag after bag of antibiotics put in me.

Your situation kind of reminded me of Job and what he went through.  I think you need help with all that is on your plate.  Just as I need  help with all that is on my plate.  Some of the things you mentioned happening to you have been happening to me but on a much less severe scale.  Both my feet got numb l think last year from my toes to half way up my foot.  Sometimes when I'm driving I can't really feel if my foot is on the accelerator and it seems like it might get tangled up between the accelerator and brake.  I had two hernias around my belly-button and I waited over a year to go get it taken care of and the surgeon in the premeeting got mad at me for waiting so long.  I got the mesh and quit lifting heavy stuff.   I wish you could get a couple or more docs to maybe give advice about maybe another way than the enemas.  Maybe there might be some other way.  And maybe some kind of dietician to find a way to get you more nourishment.  I could not get my wife to get enough and she lost weight and muscle.  You need strenght to deal with this.  My wife lost near 100lbs and I lost 30 lbs since March taking care of her.  I kept forgetting to eat.

And you talk about back problems and mines been bothering me and 2 or 3 years ago they xrayed or some other machine and said my spine was curving in 2 directions.  No idea how that happened. But I keep injuring it like when helping my wife with bedpans and washing and rolling and all.  Or picking up something that doesn't look to heavy but was.  Or even going through a door and my sholder bumps the door frame and twists my back.  And then I have to stay in bed for a bit but it gets better again.  

And my Dr of 15 years changed his practice up so my wife and I couldn't afford for both of us to go.  Some how she got on some program and they sent a nurse pratcioner to the house for my wife and she said she would do my prescriptions to and she even gave me something for my back.  Listen I though I amost lost this text again.  I'm kind of tired now.  You are in my prayers now.  You have been doing so much for others and neglecting yourself (my opinion).  I bet you have always been to one helping everybody else.  My brother in Christ.  It is your turn to be the one to get helped.  Somehow, some way either we here os somebody needs to get you the Docs you need to solve those problems to reduce the pain and get you nourishment.  There were other coincidences between us but you've been dealing with situations far far worse than me.  I don't feel I have much longer.  I think I still have my infection. I still have the swelling under my jaw and chin and I'm getting confused again a little.  I'm good with it but I still think I have to be here for a bit longer.  Many times when I'm not sure about something last year or so, I have a Bible verse or part of one come in my head.  And this is even with all my memory problems.  And I can Google it to get the whole verse.  I never can remember the Book and verse numbers and all, but what's weird is the verse is what answers my question of what to do.  I made a noite to find my Bible.  I think it's in the garage in a box. I didn't go to church for 30 or so years.  My wife wanted a precher to do our wedding but after we were married she didn't want to talk about going back to church.  She said her uncle founded a church and he was like on person preaching at church and a different person at home and that upset her and she would't tell me more.  I thought if I gave her time we would eventually go to church. I need to unburden my self about her and me some time. But not now.  Somebody please help this man to get the help he needs.  The VA is not doing it.  I think our medical system is falling apart too.  I could never getr answers about my wife and I'm  haveing the same symptoms now with being weak.  She finally died from Sepsis from maybe a UTI but they never said what started all of this.  Three hospitals I took her to and nobody new anything. I believe in my heart it was the covid vacinne.  The one that starts with "M". We got them at same time by same person only she went back later to get the booster and I never took that.  I feel so bad because I joked with her 3 or 4 months ago that they murdered us.  We just weren't dead yet.  I was joking though.  My faith IS getting stronger though from all these weird coincidences and the difficulties or roadblocks that keep getting in the way every time I try to get something done.  It's just reallly strange times.  I'm worried about my wife.  It's like the 30 years went by and I was asleep or somthing.  She told me  in the last month or so that she didn't believe in God any more.  Her sister-in-law Pat said she was kind of talking crazy sometimes near the end.  I had a lot of mental anguish the last 14 years.  She was mad at me about something and she wouldn't  tell me what I did or said.  She just kept saing it was her but she would give different answers every year or two and I thought she wasn't being truthful with me. And I can't get closure.  I took a nap this morning for a couple of hours, but I don't thjink I slept last night.  Please help that man. Find him some docs and get him to eat for strength.  And pray for him as much as you can.  He has done a lot for people by sacrificing  his own needs.  You can tell.  I think God is proud of him like Job.