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User Panel
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PA, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 6:55:17 AM EDT
[#1]
Moral of the story...Don't sweat the small stuff...and its all small stuff.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:16:40 AM EDT
[#2]
I just want to know why you would allow anyone coming to your house to buy stuff from FB market place ?
You meet them somewhere other than your home 
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:20:30 AM EDT
[#3]
Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: I apologized for probably overreacting. Thankfully, we got home and all was well and now I seem like an asshole. But it was still really dumb on her part. Somehow, it's now my fault and I'm the one who has problems. You are supposed to be on team wife, not against team wife. Your reaction and talking about her to your parents shows you are not on team wife. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:27:08 AM EDT
[#4]
When you return to an empty house, leave it with her and eject as proof that you aren't "the bad guy."
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:28:49 AM EDT
[#5]
Typical woman think.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:38:58 AM EDT
[#6]
She's the AH.
And kind of an idiot. |
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KY, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:41:22 AM EDT
[#7]
If she brings it up, tell her your first job as a husband is to protect her and your home. Then apologize that your frustration over your first mistake, not charging the camera, combined with your second bad decision, drinking, led to you making a third mistake, which was the way this conversation went. Close with a conversation about how you all are a team and that in order to do your job of protecting the family you need her to consider her actions and bring things like this to you rather than telling the world your business.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:44:40 AM EDT
[#8]
I have very little tolerance for women using their mental health issues as a crutch for bad behavior and stupid decisions. I’m sure there was minimal real-world risk, but you are not in the wrong for being upset. Especially if you handled it the way you did. If you had yelled or made a scene that might be a different story.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:46:18 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Subpar: Never apologize. Never admit wrong. Never back down. Restrict her social media access. |
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WV, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:50:08 AM EDT
[#10]
"Yes dear"
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:51:05 AM EDT
[#11]
You F'ed up when you apoligized. Should have told her you are in the right anx she needs to apologize. Just cause she gets mad doesnt make her right
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:52:28 AM EDT
[#12]
OP, once you realize Jack's video explains the vast majority of women, your life will improve. When your wife makes a pretty big mistake and you talk to her about it, you're going to screw up her thought processes, and she's gonna get pissed off at you. It is always the man's fault, because you are the accountable one. Follow me for more life hacks.
  As Good As It Gets - Women |
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OH, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:52:35 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By King-Of-Town: My woman does this shit. I say my piece--- I don't give a fuck. Some people are right, some people are wrong. Your wife is wrong. Give no quarter. If your kid was talking to strangers, or playing with matches, and your corrected him, and het got made at you, how would you looking at it? Don't take advice from weak men her either. She pulls this shit because she doesn't respect you. You can work towards making it better or you can make it worse. The safety of your family and home is more important than her feelings. This is a byproduct of 2024 , feminism and the breakdown of male leadership of the home. This. I don't know what I'd do in that situation, but i likely would have used terms closer to "that's fucking stupid" and "I'll call your ass out on this shit because as a grown ass woman you should know better." Depending on her response, "piss off" might be a closing argument. Unfortunately, we have had moments like this before (my wife gave her cellphone number to a total stranger, didn't tell me about the social interaction until the guy actually called a week later - to ask us both to join his pyramid scheme....). I did point out all things that seemingly never occurred to her before. 
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KY, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:56:38 AM EDT
[#14]
Your wife is wrong. You are correct.
You don't give information like that out no matter what their profile pic shows. My wife knows better but would have absolutely accepted the ass tearing she would have gotten for that. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:57:53 AM EDT
[#15]
My wife is cut lot of similar cloth.
She is a prime example of the Dunning Kruger Effect. She is quite confident despite her stupidity. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:58:41 AM EDT
[#16]
Originally Posted By FGracing: Women tend to not accept responsibility or apologize when they know they are wrong. It’s easier to twist around reality and deflect until they find a way to place the blame at your feet. This quote is the most truth I’ve ever seen on the inner web |
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VA, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 7:59:00 AM EDT
[#17]
No, you’re right to flip your lid.
You never give out addresses to strangers. You definitely never tell said stranger that you’re out of town. Fucking hell, some folks have no common sense… |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:03:37 AM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: I'll clarify, my Mom was around for the conversation before she went to bed. It wasn't like I was airing dirty laundry, just bitching about the wife's stupid move. That is inappropriate. As mad as I can get with my wife at times, I never disparage her to ANYONE, ever. She is hurt by you, in addition to feeling stupid, and all in front of her MIL. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:07:03 AM EDT
[#19]
You upset the pecking order of the hens in your family. If you're going to complain about your wife to extended family, complain to your father or brother - not your mother or sister. And for Christs sake don't do it where she can hear it.
You aren't the bad guy, but you are the one who aired out the dirty laundry. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:07:05 AM EDT
[#20]
My previous next door neighbors use to leave a lot of weekends because they're kids raced motocross. The wife started posting pics on facebook when they were out of state for an event and that Saturday a moving truck was backed up to the house for a few hours.
I saw the truck and figured it might be them moving stuff to a storage unit. They had A LOT of toys. It wasn't hem. Someone cleaned them out, knowing they were out of the state. |
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NC, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:07:17 AM EDT
[#21]
yes you over-reacted. she is a woman prone to depression. making your point ? fine. going on and on and 'embarrassing her' to your parents ? not fine everyone take a deep breath and recognize / admit what they did wrong and move forward get her some flowers and take her out for a nice steak dinner -- y'all should be fine (been happily married 27 years) |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:10:41 AM EDT
[#22]
Never "Flip Out" on your wife.
They will do dumb shit from time to time. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:34:41 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By FGracing: Women tend to not accept responsibility or apologize when they know they are wrong. It’s easier to twist around reality and deflect until they find a way to place the blame at your feet. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:40:05 AM EDT
[#24]
Running to mommy wasn't a good idea OP.
Rephrasing the above may make you feel a bit more justified in your own eyes, but to your wife, your left her and ran to mommy. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:48:37 AM EDT
[#25]
Not going to read three pages of dysfunctional marriages.
Men are pre-dispositioned to situational awareness because it has been our job to protect our mate for all of time. Women are not, they have to be taught or learn the hard way. Yes you over reacted, yes you should have bit your tongue,yes you should have charged the camera, yes you fucked up. The thing to do now is calmly and rationally apologize (and mean it, not say "I guess") and just as calmly and rationally explain why you went off. Facebook is stealing from you every day, Marketplace adds a dimension of home pick up to that. Men are largely capable of quiting Facebook, women are almost completely incapable of quiting it as it is a means to feed their ego with flattery. Facebook is an electronic demon. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:50:02 AM EDT
[#26]
Bitching about it to your mom within earshot of of your wife was not a smart move and I suspect she will now go to her grave insisting she’s the victim here. She’s not and it was a stupid move but by berating her over it in front of others you were pretty much an asshole to your wife. So now you have muddied the waters.
Like was already said, at this point being robbed might be less hassle. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:51:02 AM EDT
[#27]
You are definitely not the bad guy. I would have reacted in a similar way. But I wouldn't have spoken to my mom about it.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:51:37 AM EDT
[#28]
Wife was reckless and dumb.
You might have been a bit harsh and didnt need to bring mom into it. take her to a nice dinner. feed her some tube steak and move on. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:53:34 AM EDT
[#29]
Did the dog recover from the grape incident?
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Posted: 4/19/2024 8:55:27 AM EDT
[#30]
On the bright side, it should be easy to cherry pick the bulk of household belongings prior to the divorce.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:00:47 AM EDT
[#31]
You went and cried to your mother about this? That's as bad or worse than what your wife did. You're a man, you shouldn't "need" to vent to someone else. Booze isn't an excuse, either. Keep your shit together.
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PA, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:04:01 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By ENGCPT: You are supposed to be on team wife, not against team wife. Your reaction and talking about her to your parents shows you are not on team wife. Maybe he's team common sense and doesn't have time for dumb shit. |
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PA, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:08:04 AM EDT
[#33]
Wife wasn't that smart at all but for everyone says "NeVeR gIvE OuT Ur ReAl AdDrEsS"
You guys do realize that it takes 15 seconds on the internet to find your address, cell phone, emails, previous addresses, relatives, background, age, birthday, etc right? |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:10:48 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BillofRights: Women are even weirder than we are about shit like that. They want to look Good in front of the parents. It’s a strange female ego thing. Plus, it’s supposed to be you two, against the world. I’d be far more angry if my wife complained about me to her parents, than to a therapist or even friend. Just the way it is. You don’t do that. I’ve always found it helpful to just let time smooth things over. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BillofRights: Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: Originally Posted By BillofRights: I can understand the scenario happening, but yeah, you became the bad guy when you started blabbing/complaining to your mom. That was extremely uncool, even if understandable. She probably felt stupid, and it makes it worse that your mom was there. A quick sincere apology, “sorry I discussed it with my mom, that was wrong and I won’t ever do it again” then forget about it, don’t bring it up again. Water under the bridge. Yeah, I tried to apologize after I realized she was in earshot. That didn’t go well. She seemed over it the next morning. This all happened last weekend and tonight I came home to pissy wife… “What do you think I’m angry about!?” Fucking Christ… I apologized. Either get over it or don’t. That’s her choice, I can’t take it back unfortunately. Yup I was out of line venting to mom. I’ll own it, I just wish she’d own her part. Women are even weirder than we are about shit like that. They want to look Good in front of the parents. It’s a strange female ego thing. Plus, it’s supposed to be you two, against the world. I’d be far more angry if my wife complained about me to her parents, than to a therapist or even friend. Just the way it is. You don’t do that. I’ve always found it helpful to just let time smooth things over. +1 Always side with the wife in your communications outside the home. Always keep the batteries charged! I have two cameras that look out the front of the house so if one goes down, I still have the other. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:12:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: BuckeyeRifleman]
[#35]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By macaho45: You went and cried to your mother about this? That's as bad or worse than what your wife did. You're a man, you shouldn't "need" to vent to someone else. Booze isn't an excuse, either. Keep your shit together. Wife, mom and I are all hanging out after dinner, having a few drinks and enjoying ourselves at around 1030 pm. We’re probably about to all go to bed anyway. That’s when my wife made the announcement that she almost got scammed and gave our address to strangers and let them know we weren’t home. I tell her how dumb that was, and that I’m doubly worried because I forgot to charge the security camera and it’s about to die. Wife storms off, I’m still pretty mad/worried and vent to mom for a bit who was there for the whole thing. It wasn’t like my mom didn’t know what happened already. What I’ve learned about this whole thread is that it’s better to just bottle up that anger and let it build into deep seated resentment. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:15:15 AM EDT
[Last Edit: BuckeyeRifleman]
[#36]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By C-4: +1 Always side with the wife in your communications outside the home. Always keep the batteries charged! I have two cameras that look out the front of the house so if one goes down, I still have the other. Yeah trust me. I had been out of town for six weeks and just got home. Those batteries last a loooong time but I just forgot to do it before we left. I remembered I meant to do it as we were driving to my parents place the day before but figured it was gonna be fine, “What are the chances?” I swear this whole thing was just the perfect storm of shit. The holes in the Swiss cheese lined up perfectly. -My wife found scammers -We happened to be going out of town that weekend -The conversation happens at 11pm the one night I’ve had a few drinks and I handle it more poorly than I otherwise would've (I probably wouldn’t have been dumb enough to vent to mom if not.) -My wife tells these people we are out of town instead of just saying we weren’t available -My wife gives these people our address before receiving payment. -I forget to charge the security camera which fuels my worry/anger -My wife overhears me vent I’ll own my portion of it, which was staying up and venting, but still, sometimes I have to marvel at my lack of luck. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:22:14 AM EDT
[#37]
Hard to tell but you're probably the asshole in your wife's eyes, the only ones that matter.
Both of you need to take a deep breath, you're just barely still alive by some miracle, and now move forward and do better.  |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:37:16 AM EDT
[#38]
I read the OP but no subsequent comments. I’m reluctant to even post this in a multi-page thread.
Bro, this is part of being a husband. You have every right to be alarmed at her security failure. But chiding her for it doesn’t fix it. You have to -gently - train her to do better. 1 Peter 3:1-7, especially verses 6-7, encapsulate this well. You have to lead on this and she needs to follow, which in this case means adopting and understanding your view that security is a serious matter, and supporting it, not undermining it. But you have to be gentle in leading her here. I can assure you with absolute certainty you aren’t the only person in this thread to ever get upset with a wife over a security breach involving either a technical security failure or an opsec violation over social media. And you aren’t the only person to articulate frustration in a counterproductive way while being self-convinced of the justness of his position.  Go apologize to her. You were a jerk to her, you weren’t gentle with her. For a moment you forgot that she, not your stuff, is the crown jewel of your empire and you failed to protect her in that moment. Then reiterate that you love her and need her help to allow you to fully protect the family. She’ll forgive you. She’ll likely walk away with a renewed sense of what a great man you are. Also - never vent to your parents. They’ll hold grudges against her longer than you will. She’s your wife, you’re one flesh with her, venting to your parents might as well be inviting them to hate *you* because she *is* you. Whatever past traumas your wife is dealing with, she needs you to lead her through it, not trigger her. Please don’t confuse this as me saying her counselors are advising her well. They may be idiots. That doesn’t change your role in being the man here, even when, especially when, the very person you’re supposed to protect sometimes makes your job more difficult. You can 100% handle this. I’m certain of that. Just remember that leadership means being the first to apologize sometimes, even when you don’t think your issues created the problem. |
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CO, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:39:38 AM EDT
[#39]
Not gonna read it. Yes you are the bad guy.
Don’t berate your wife on a public forum. |
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OH, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:42:47 AM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By jalcon9: Wife wasn't that smart at all but for everyone says "NeVeR gIvE OuT Ur ReAl AdDrEsS" You guys do realize that it takes 15 seconds on the internet to find your address, cell phone, emails, previous addresses, relatives, background, age, birthday, etc right? Can you PM me my address? I just want to see how long it takes. Also, most of the people who are breaking into houses are usually low IQ enough to actually need the address written down for them - in crayon. These types would likely offer to buy or sell something and then rob / shoot you when you show up. It happens. But the "I can find anyone online with my special set of skills" types are much more likely to take the easy way and just burn a few credit card purchases. |
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MT, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:42:48 AM EDT
[#41]
Look dead in eye...
"You're starting to sound like my exwife" Leave room |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:43:00 AM EDT
[#42]
I'd be mad too but I wouldn't have brought it up right then and there. I also wouldn't have complained to my mom about my wife. The riot act should have waited until you were in a private location.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:44:14 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By arowneragain: I read the OP but no subsequent comments. I’m reluctant to even post this in a multi-page thread. Bro, this is part of being a husband. You have every right to be alarmed at her security failure. But chiding her for it doesn’t fix it. You have to -gently - train her to do better. 1 Peter 3:1-7, especially verses 6-7, encapsulate this well. You have to lead on this and she needs to follow, which in this case means adopting and understanding your view that security is a serious matter, and supporting it, not undermining it. But you have to be gentle in leading her here. I can assure you with absolute certainty you aren’t the only person in this thread to ever get upset with a wife over a security breach involving either a technical security failure or an opsec violation over social media. And you aren’t the only person to articulate frustration in a counterproductive way while being self-convinced of the justness of his position. Go apologize to her. You were a jerk to her, you weren’t gentle with her. For a moment you forgot that she, not your stuff, is the crown jewel of your empire and you failed to protect her in that moment. Then reiterate that you love her and need her help to allow you to fully protect the family. She’ll forgive you. She’ll likely walk away with a renewed sense of what a great man you are. Also - never vent to your parents. They’ll hold grudges against her longer than you will. She’s your wife, you’re one flesh with her, venting to your parents might as well be inviting them to hate *you* because she *is* you. Whatever past traumas your wife is dealing with, she needs you to lead her through it, not trigger her. Please don’t confuse this as me saying her counselors are advising her well. They may be idiots. That doesn’t change your role in being the man here, even when, especially when, the very person you’re supposed to protect sometimes makes your job more difficult. You can 100% handle this. I’m certain of that. Just remember that leadership means being the first to apologize sometimes, even when you don’t think your issues created the problem. Great post. Thank you, you are right. I know we’ve had our disagreements on here but there is a reason you are one of my favorite posters.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:45:26 AM EDT
[Last Edit: buck19delta]
[#44]
Op, no offense meant, but , Tell your wife that my wife said ……she’s a idiot, everything about the sale, getting money before pickup, giving info your out of town and address, makes her a clueless child, and her being too clueless to understand why your mad / how she fucked up, makes her stupid and lacking accountability as well. She’s basically a child.
My wife woman to woman. I think you were 100% right in regards to home / social media security, and telling your wife she fyucked up big time, HOWEVER, better to keep such tough conversations between you two private, same as with supervisor/ employee, and bitching to parents / siblings,/ friends etc about your spouse isn't a good idea, always drags problems into your relationships, better to bitch on arfcom! |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:47:21 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By HecklerKac: Women always do dumb shit regarding security, safety and well being. Can't tell you how many times I yell at mine for not locking doors or leaving her gun in the mud room, etc Edit, the therapist thing is bad news...get out of that shit If I had a nickel for every time my wife doesn't lock her car doors (we live in the burbs with street parking) I'd have a shit load of nickels. She never leaves anything of value in the car, and I thought the couple of times she came out to find the contents of her center console emptied on to the driver's seat by someone checking for unlocked cars that found a winner would have changed her perspective, but nope.... |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:48:09 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By King-Of-Town: My woman does this shit. I say my piece--- I don't give a fuck. Some people are right, some people are wrong. Your wife is wrong. Give no quarter. If your kid was talking to strangers, or playing with matches, and your corrected him, and het got made at you, how would you looking at it? Don't take advice from weak men her either. She pulls this shit because she doesn't respect you. You can work towards making it better or you can make it worse. The safety of your family and home is more important than her feelings. This is a byproduct of 2024 , feminism and the breakdown of male leadership of the home. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By King-Of-Town: Originally Posted By Zardoz: No, you are NOT "the bad guy" in this case. My woman does this shit. I say my piece--- I don't give a fuck. Some people are right, some people are wrong. Your wife is wrong. Give no quarter. If your kid was talking to strangers, or playing with matches, and your corrected him, and het got made at you, how would you looking at it? Don't take advice from weak men her either. She pulls this shit because she doesn't respect you. You can work towards making it better or you can make it worse. The safety of your family and home is more important than her feelings. This is a byproduct of 2024 , feminism and the breakdown of male leadership of the home. This. Leave her ass at your parents op, take the car and drive home, let her figure out how to get home. She’s a child, let her catch a school bus. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:49:28 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By XDONX3: Those scammers are most likely not in your AO so you were probably fine. I think you are both overreacting a little. Buy her some chocolates and apologize. This right here is why people get ripped off, robbed, and assaulted: "Well, really....what are the chances it will happen to me/us?" Or: "You're being ridiculous, that would never happen in our neighborhood" Or: "You're just paranoid" Once it happens the damage is done and there is no repairing it. "I told you so" is just another insult according to the wife, family member, neighbor....Because instead of acknowledging that you were right to be pre-emptive in protecting your family or home, it's FAR more important that THEIR FEELINGS aren't hurt for being wrong. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:54:15 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By WoolRug: Do you guys ever listen to yourselves talk about how stupid and childlike you think your wives are? And MGTOW are supposed to be the misogynists? This is like the one sane post in this entire thread. This entire thread is a perfect encapsulation of "the Arfcom Curse." Why would you ever "read her the riot act," even if it's just "a bit." Screaming/yelling/berating only makes the screamer feel better. You're fucking adults. Act like it. You wanna read a 9 year-old the riot act for lighting off fireworks in the living room? Knock yourself out. Normal adults don't do that shit. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:55:24 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By FGracing: Women tend to not accept responsibility or apologize when they know they are wrong. It’s easier to twist around reality and deflect until they find a way to place the blame at your feet. This. She turned the tables for some bullshit reason as soon as she could. I soooo do not miss being married. Good luck on the therapist/old trauma track. “I’m a victim of trauma” is the latest car magnet/badge for white women and they’ll find the kind of stuff most people have to deal with in their lives and try to turn into a disability. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:55:41 AM EDT
[#50]
Should have paid someone to ransack the house before you got home and then have your mom call her and ask why she broke PERSEC.
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