i posted this elsewhere, i typed so damn much though i figured id give it its own thread and make it a series

i can't go to the store without coming away pissed at the entire human race actually..........................

you go to the store....................some no driving motherfuckers try to run over you several times while you're trying to find a parking space. you find a parking space, you park the farthest away possible because you know assholes care about their own cars but nobody elses. doesn't matter, seems worthless motherfuckers can wheel a shopping cart 400 yards to where they're parked, but not another 15 to put it in the shopping cart bin, your vehicle will end up dented anyway.

you emerge from your vehicle, hopeful you can go in and get your shit done without wishing for the total annihilation of the human race but thats a lofty goal. you lock your vehicle and secure everything in the back because things are so bad you can't trust to leave anything not tied down for 5 minutes. you proceed into the store but not until you've heard at least 5 songs with the title, apaprently being "fuck you you fucking motherucker hope you fucking die bitch" then you get to those lovely crosswalks that lead to the doors, wait untiil you see a decent gap so as to not inconvenience any drivers. doesn't work, you're forced to give the driver of a '94 geo metro with a hood scoop and flame paint job a look that says "so help me God i will rip off your balls and replace them as your eyes if you even think about fucking with me so you'd best yield"

there are no fucking shopping carts as employees can't be made to actually work so you take one of those quick shop baskets for the 800 items you inevitably need. but not before some dickheads asking if you need coupons or your picture taken, free banking or a blowjob.

you've got a plan, you're going to go get your shit, check out and get the fuck out of there. that never works, at every turn you're met by the two largest women you've ever seen in your life, that are apparently good friends, having a conversation in the middle of your aisle blocking the fucking cheesy poofs you thought you needed when you got there. guess what, you decide you can live without them, give the two beached whales a look befitting what they deserve and move to the next item. heads up, no bitch, i don't want a free sample, if i did i'd come in there with a bib on and a personalized fucking fork, im there to shop so don't fuck with me.

organiztional skills are lacking in prepubescent hanicapped people that the stores love to hire so you're wandering around aimlessly for about an hour before you find the 6 fucking things you need. HALLELUJAH, your job is complete not, all you have to do is jump over half a dozen misbehaving kids throwing a fit in the middle of the floor and make it to a checkout conter!!!!!!!!!! you can even get in the quick checkout lane because you have less than 10 items!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

well fuck, that didn't work out, the quick checkout lanes have about 87 times more people in them than the regular lanes (apparently morons think that a "quick checkout lane" is still faster than a regular one regarless of the fact that the lines reaches into the pissers in teh back of the store. so you fall in line behind some bitch that apparently shops once every 4 years........................whatever, you're in it for the long haul, you need this shit, right?

so you read teh headlines on the national enquirer and associated bullshit magazines, start to doubt the future of the human race and marvel at the freaks that are able to not only breathe but make it to the store.................

you get to the cashier and try to pay in cash but that's too difficult to count even for the computer assisted cashier so you just say fuck it and pay for it with a credit card. after the 5 minute spiel on whether or not its a credit or debit card you still come out ahead...................

you encounter the same shit on your way out (besides, im tired of typing)

i've come to the conclusion that i just hate people

I am no professional...but I sense anger.....


SGatr15

I cant figure out those fucking swipe pictures for the life of me. Its a 50/90 guess every time.
Why cant they just make a big sign that says "UPSIDE DOWN, JACKASS" or if its a vertical slot write "MAGNETIC THINGIE FACING LEFT." The pictures suck balls.

Quoted: I cant figure out those fucking swipe pictures for the life of me. Its a 50/90 guess every time. Why cant they just make a big sign that says "UPSIDE DOWN, JACKASS" or if its a vertical slot write "MAGNETIC THINGIE FACING LEFT." The pictures suck balls.

lol, sorry, left out that detail, but ya, often find myself wondering wtf the picture denotes as well

Quoted: I am no professional...but I sense anger..... SGatr15

reckon?

I take it you've been to Wal-Mart tody? Mid afternoon?.... ( I even work for them, but thank GOD not in the stores)

 The only thing worse is when that lady in front of you in the checkout has purchased the very last whatzit in existence, and it has no price.  Call for price check......

That's why I usually go really late at night to avoid the crowds.

I find that cupping a hand over one ear, talking to myself and drooling tends to shorten a lot of lines in the stores... fullclip

Quoted: That's why I usually go really late at night to avoid the crowds.

don't think i haven't tried that......................sure, i encounter less people but the people i do encounter are even MORE fucked up

Quoted: Quoted: That's why I usually go really late at night to avoid the crowds. don't think i haven't tried that......................sure, i encounter less people but the people i do encounter are even MORE fucked up

I went to Whole Foods, you guys know Whole Foods, right? It's the place where the fucking hippy "I'm saving the planet by buying organic" shitheads go to shop fo ritems that cost twice as much as they should because they are "certified" as "organic" or whatever the hell that means because there is no clear definition of what organic food is. So nayways, I'm in the check out for the 8-or-less line and there is a French asshat in front of me who decided that he didn't need to pick up an item with a scan tag on it or anything, so while the checkout person is trying to find a price on it, the guy is yelling at her for wasting his time "I dont have to stand for zis shit, I dont need to make sure zer iz a tag on my stuff, zis iz your problem!" and I want to bash his fucking head in because he doesn't offer any help, or even the isle that the item was on, he just thinks that the cashiers should know all item tag numbers and prices telepathically or something. I want to bash his head in when he looks at the rest of the line and says that the cashier should know better, and that the customer is always right. I explode and yell that he's the one wasting everyone's time by pulling this shit, that he should get an item with a tag, and that he's being a dick and not helping fix the problem by at least giving information on where a replacement product with a tag can be found. Mr Dickless turns back around and gives some more hell to the cashier and then leaves and I see him in his POS car covered with Liberal bullshit stickers and I just want to blow out his tires.

<ahem>
Rant off.

by your definition of "whole foods," if one came to THIS part of TX (might make it in liberal Austin) it'd be out of business quite quickly

I’ve made a deal with my parents and with my in-laws -

They’ve agreed not to drive, and I’ve agreed to go to the store for them, whenever they ask.

I originally thought they would cheat, but now I suspect they’re laughing behind my back.

I had no idea how bad it was going to be. My wife did all the shopping before. Now I understand her evil laugh when I told her about the deal.

The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of the poor innocents out there on the highway.


Mike

Quoted: i've come to the conclusion that i just hate people

Welcome to the club. I'll send you a team windbreaker.

BTW, what's with the freaks that are just sitting in the parking lot at 2:00am? Scoring some weed? Already high? I'd say looking to single out a victim but there's just so damn many of them.

This is the most true to life post I have seen in quite awhile.

Yep.


You forgot the morons that park their carts sideways in the isle and block it off, forcing you to retreat 3/4s of the way back to try the next isle, which is also blocked, then finally you go down the weird isle nobody uses, and find your way back to the 1st isle to get the shit you needed.


Also, let's talk about the dickhead that cut you off in traffic, cut you off in the parking lot, cut you off going into the store, seems to get in your way in nearly every isle.

If you had only passed that ass 20 minutes ago on the road, you'd be ahead of them, instead of them getting in your way over, and over and over and over again.

Oh here's one.  They just re-did the checkout lanes at our local WM.  To thwart under-age tobacco buyers, they now only sell tobbaco at #11.  But, if you have more than ten items, including the tobacco, you're screwed.  It has a strict ten item limit.  First time they have EVER enforced that rule.

At all the other express lanes, they are not allowed to say anything to a customer with 20 items in the express lane.


So, usually I will do it for them!

I'm to the point where trips to the store require me to psych myself up in order to properly deal with
all the fucking morons i'm destined to encounter.

People who still write checks. It's 2004. If you are gonna write a check, you should pull out a scribe and chisel and your check better be made of bedrock.

Hey dipshit, since the population of the world is one, make sure you leave your shopping cart in the middle of the aisle. There is zero chance of anyone wanting to go down the aisle you have so selfishly
cordoned off.

Dickbrain, is it possible for you to have a louder more personal cell phone conversation in the checkout line? My sole purpose on earth is to uncover exactly why you have contracted genital warts!

By all means engage the deli worker in conversation about exactly how Boarshead Bologna differs from Oscar Meyer, while there are 10 other people waiting to buy a half pound of ham.

Listen fucktard, incase you thought we were all standing here because we have nothing better to do,
get a number and wait. Exactly why do you think you should be able to jump ahead of everyone and ask the bakery worker where rye comes from and if it is related to poppy.

I fucking hate people to the point where I loath going to any store and knowing full well that i'll have to
endure the hoards of moronic assclowns who sole purpose in life is to do everything wrong even though they've been shopping for more than 20 years.

People are doomed to extinction! Thank God!!!!

HS1

Quoted: Oh here's one.  They just re-did the checkout lanes at our local WM.  To thwart under-age tobacco buyers, they now only sell tobbaco at #11.  But, if you have more than ten items, including the tobacco, you're screwed.  It has a strict ten item limit.  First time they have EVER enforced that rule. At all the other express lanes, they are not allowed to say anything to a customer with 20 items in the express lane. So, usually I will do it for them!

What if you buy like 11 cartons?

Quoted: Quoted: Oh here's one.  They just re-did the checkout lanes at our local WM.  To thwart under-age tobacco buyers, they now only sell tobbaco at #11.  But, if you have more than ten items, including the tobacco, you're screwed.  It has a strict ten item limit.  First time they have EVER enforced that rule. At all the other express lanes, they are not allowed to say anything to a customer with 20 items in the express lane. So, usually I will do it for them! What if you buy like 11 cartons?

Nope

Ten cartons only, please!

Go about 11:00 to 11:30 at night; I thought those people only existed on the internet or some movie about hillbillies - close your mouth, moron, you look like you're missing a gene!

come on people, express it, its the only way to make yourself feel better

until you have to go back, that is............................................

INNER STRENGTH: - If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills, - If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains, - If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles, - If you can eat the same food everyday and be grateful for it, - If you can take criticism and blame without resentment, - If you can conquer tension without medical help, - If you can relax without liquor, - If you can sleep without the aid of drugs, Then you're probably a dog.

Must just be an American thing...doesnt happen here.  People are polite and courteous here.  Must have something to do with the American gun culture.

What I don't understand is why people need to bring their entire freaking families with them.  

Why does it take grandparents, aunts and uncles, and all the kids to make a trip to Home Depot?

I either go early (8-10am), or at the end of my workday.

If I go early, there is less people.  If I go at the end of my workday, I am worn out mentally, and stand less of a chance of committing homicide.

It's a toss-up.....

Quoted: What I don't understand is why people need to bring their entire freaking families with them.   Why does it take grandparents, aunts and uncles, and all the kids to make a trip to Home Depot?

Because people are so poor that this constitutes a vacation at Disneyland.

I remember I stopped by a Top Foods in the "city" one time, just to get a magazine that they don't have where I live.
I don't know if it's relevant... but I'm white with a shaved head and had a H&K windbreaker on and this cashier is probably around the same age,taller,shaved head and black. Well I'm buying a few gun rags and as this guys ringing it up he gets this smirk on his face like he caught me shoplifting or something. He says " Soo why are you buying this magazine ?" I just looked at him like he asked me to rub cream on his hemroids....he says " Do you own any guns in this magazine ? " I say " Ya all the ones on the cover " I think there was a Robinson M-96 and maybe a .45 with a can and several others. His eyes get as big as the cow in the candy sections knuckles and he finished ringing me up. I looked at the 3 people in line behind me and they were all beat red in the face and every one of them looked away when I looked em in the eye......weird....

Happiness is made, not found. The world isn't changing, it won't and can't. So, you either stop shopping or you learn to live with it.

I am at peace in Wallyworld. I go in, I buy a soft pretzel, I check out the bulk pack .22 and gun rack, then I get the hell out.

Quoted: by your definition of "whole foods," if one came to THIS part of TX (might make it in liberal Austin) it'd be out of business quite quickly

Good Christ, what is it with you and Austin?!  There are plenty of good people living up here.  It's not near as bad as everyone makes it out to be.  Beautiful city, decent people, great bar scene, TONS of live music, and yes.... even a shitload of Propane stores.  

Oh, and I forgot about all the nice lookin' women everywhere.  I love this town

BTW, Whole Foods is headquartered in Austin.  Me?  I can't stand shopping there.  I've lived here for 6 years, and I think I've shopped there 4 times?  (always for something for the wife).  If I need "frufru" shit, I'll hit HEB Central Market.  Normal shopping?  Regular old HEB store.  

Quoted: They're building a huge Whole Foods in downtown Austin. Good Christ, what is it with you and Austin?! There are plenty of good people living up here. +1 come the end of Aug.

Yep.  It has inconvenienced me since the day they started building it (traffic diversions, street tearings up, etc.).  I still won't shop there.  F em!

Shopping is great when you are spending money on yourself! ie:

Guns
tools
cars
boats
fishing rods
NY strips
etc.........................

Quoted: Must just be an American thing...doesnt happen here.  People are polite and courteous here.  Must have something to do with the American gun culture.

Quoted: I cant figure out those fucking swipe pictures for the life of me. Its a 50/90 guess every time. Why cant they just make a big sign that says "UPSIDE DOWN, JACKASS" or if its a vertical slot write "MAGNETIC THINGIE FACING LEFT." The pictures suck balls.

Even with a PhD in nuclear physics, those stupid pictures don't help.  I still get them wrong half the time.  I would much prefer a sign that says "STRIPE LEFT" or "STRIPE RIGHT", or even better "STRIPE" with an arrow.

Quoted: Must just be an American thing...doesnt happen here.  People are polite and courteous here.  Must have something to do with the American gun culture.

Nah, it's because the idiots are breeding without check, and the gene pool is getting mighty shallow.

And we aren't allowed to take the warning labels off appliances. Give us a year, let the idiots actually have to suffer for their stupidity, and all will be well in the universe.

Gawd,  have to agree that most of the people around here just suck. Dumb, Dumb,

Quoted: Quoted: by your definition of "whole foods," if one came to THIS part of TX (might make it in liberal Austin) it'd be out of business quite quickly Good Christ, what is it with you and Austin?!  There are plenty of good people living up here.  It's not near as bad as everyone makes it out to be.  Beautiful city, decent people, great bar scene, TONS of live music, and yes.... even a shitload of Propane stores.   Oh, and I forgot about all the nice lookin' women everywhere.  I love this town BTW, Whole Foods is headquartered in Austin. SEE!!!!!! Me?  I can't stand shopping there.  I've lived here for 6 years, and I think I've shopped there 4 times?  (always for something for the wife).  If I need "frufru" shit, I'll hit HEB Central Market.  Normal shopping?  Regular old HEB store.

Austin does have some fine ass womenz

You forgot the morons who walk in one direction while facing in another (usually backward). Hey, buddy, either your conversation is important enough to stand still for, or your next obligation is important enough for you to shut and walk without inconveniencing other people. I usually just let them walk into me.

My personal favorite: Guy at the grocery store puts a huge pile of shit on the belt. I mean a bunch of damned groceries. Checker rings it up. Guy hands her a 3d party check. Checker says "We don't take 3d party checks," pointing at the sign that says "We don't take 3d party checks." Guy says "Well, I tried to pay with it at the other Winn-Dixie but they don't take third party checks either. I thought I'd try and see if you all took them at this Winn-Dixie."

Quoted: Quoted: I cant figure out those fucking swipe pictures for the life of me. Its a 50/90 guess every time. Why cant they just make a big sign that says "UPSIDE DOWN, JACKASS" or if its a vertical slot write "MAGNETIC THINGIE FACING LEFT." The pictures suck balls. Even with a PhD in nuclear physics, those stupid pictures don't help.  I still get them wrong half the time.  I would much prefer a sign that says "STRIPE LEFT" or "STRIPE RIGHT", or even better "STRIPE" with an arrow.

A lot of gas pumps around here have an illustration of a hand swiping the card, theoretically to show you which way to swipe the card. Of course, it shows a LEFT_HANDED person holding a card. It makes you want to hold it with the same orientation of the stripe to your thumb as in the little pic. Which is backwards if you're right-handed.

I think it's a left-handed graphic designer's idea of a practical joke.

Quoted: don't think i haven't tried that......................sure, i encounter less people but the people i do encounter are even MORE fucked up

The song refrain that goes, "The freaks come out at night" definitely had that one pegged!

I heard that HEB was buying out whole foods...I guess they'll have to call it "Butt-Whole foods" now...

I have experienced:

D) Allof the above scenarios.


My pet peeve is the asshole that walks down the MIDDLE of the aisle, stops and starts reading the labels of several different items, completely oblivios to the fact that THERE ARE OTHER FUCKING PEOPLE SHOPPING TOO, ASSHOLE.

One time some crack-whore looking bitch stopped her cart  right in front of me  in the middle of the aisle. Her poor child, who's face looked like he had DIRT for breakfast, was sitting in the cart. I smiled at the kid and gently moved the cart aside while she attempted to decipher the directions on a can of Campbell's soup.
She started to come unglued, nearly screaming, "Leave my kid alone. NOBODY touches my kid!"

I looked at her, calmly told her that she's not the only person shopping in the store today, and if she had any consideration she'd move her cart AND HER SON out of eveyone's way. A couple of other people witnessed the scene and told her the same. She WAS smart enough to shut up and split.

awww the little tree hugger tries to defend austin.......If we have any luck at all.....it will sink straight down into a sinkhole.

Well, first, that is some damn funny stuff TexRdnec! What makes it soo funny is that it is SO true!
For a minute there I thought I was reading about MY last trip to the store. Every single one of those things happened. In addition to the following:

1. When I finally did make it to the checkout lane, I go to the shortest one. Only had one person in it. I thought "Great! Jackpot!" So much for that idea! The cashier was about 900 years old, rings up about one item every 30 seconds or so. Looks back up at the screen EVERY damn time, to make sure it recorded the item as if the damn beep doesn't tell you that.  Lovingly places it in a bag. (Yeah, no f'ing bag boy/girl) I grit my teeth and settle in for the inevitable half hour wait since the woman in front of me happens to be one of those people who shops once every decade. Then it happens! Yep, PRICE CHECK! SHIT! There goes another 5 minutes, because Lord knows you can't ring up the other 400 items while you're waiting for a price on this one! Finally, gets that item through and starts "buzzing" along on the others and wouldn't you know it? Screws up something. I see the little blinking lane light come on and realized there is no hope of getting out of here today! These two start having a nice little conversation about God knows what waiting for the supervisor to show up and clear the damn register. Well, we all know that in a grocery store the size of a shopping mall, there's only ONE DAMN supervisor! So naturally he mosies over with that stupid fake smile they always wear and fixes the damn thing by pushing one key! AHHHHH! When that happens I just want to smack the shit out of the cashiers! One button?! I'm waiting for this ass clown to hit one f'ing button?! So, she finally finishes up with this woman, who happens to write a check btw. Yeah, couldn't go ahead and fill that shit out while she was ringing up your stuff, had to wait till she was finished just in case you decide this really wasn't the store you were going to shop at! She runs my stuff through finally, asking me all sorts of stupid ass questions about everything she can think of. What do you use this for? etc. None of your f'ing business bitch! Just ring it up so I can get back to my life! (Obviously at this point my patience was GONE so I didn't feel like being polite)

2. When I finally did get back out to the parking lot I find some stupid jack ass has parked his truck literally right ON my bumper! I just stood there in utter disbelief for a minute. WTF?! That parking space behind me wasn't big enough? You felt you needed to have part of mine as well? So I load my groceries into the truck, all the while contimplating what "friendly" reminder I'm going to leave this jerk! Then I decide that I really didn't NEED all 12 eggs in the first place so I left him a few on the windshield with a little note "thanking him for his courtesy and kindness by reminding me that I should have known he was coming and parked somewhere else. I thought it was only fair for me to return the courtesy by dumping a bottle of soda on your seat. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did." (Dumbshit left his window down)

I usually don't get that pissed. I love my truck and I figure others like their vehicle as well, so I don't get involved in retaliation by screwing up someone's car. This guy though, caught me on THE wrong day and dented my bumber anyway. Felt I owed it to him.

Then of course, it's on the road trying to tolerate all the dumbasses who for one reason or another believe that they are the only person that drives. All of the roads were built for you schmuck! The rest of us just walk!

I once heard a very smart thing and I'd love to give credit to the author, but I don't remember who it was. "A person can be intelligent, but People are stupid." Everytime I venture to the store I see it. One on one most of those people probably aren't that stupid, but get them together and their brains short circuit! They become as stupid as a herd of cattle!

Quoted: awww the little tree hugger tries to defend austin.......If we have any luck at all.....it will sink straight down into a sinkhole.

Wow, your sarcasm is sometimes hard to miss

Tree hugger?
Hah.
HAH! I say.  Let's see...

I don't recycle.  Not even cardboard.  Sure it's easy, and the trash company even provides the bins and service at no charge.  All my TRASH goes in the TRASH.  It's a huge hassle to separate my trash into separate bins.  If it were up to me, I'd have a burnpile in the backyard.  I don't have a compost heap.  I actually CUT DOWN trees if they are troublesome.  I drive a 14MPG getting road beast.  It's amazing how many gallons of gas I go thru.  I eat beef (supporting the evil cattle raising industry), plus, I shoot rounds and rounds of LEAD (NOOOOOO!) into berms and hillsides whenever I get the chance.  I did my part in littering THOUSANDS of rounds of lead into a hillside in Ohio just a couple of weeks ago.  Tree hugger?

Neener Neener, hound.  

every body knows that only weak kneed LITTLE men live in austin...the real men live in Fort Worth.....come visit some time....if you can get a kitchen pass......

I like to fill a cart with femine hygene products and then abandon it in the middle of the aisle....
Life sure is fun when you're an asshole

The one I hate is the fucking door nazi at Sams club.