Giving away 3 bronze team memberships. Post a joke, a funny picture, or gif..
Top 3 funniest posts that make me raff, gets it.  That's it.. I know GD won't disappoint.


Fine print - Winners announced on Thursday Morning.. if you win and already have a membership, I'll let you pick who gets the membership (no trolls).


ETA- Winners: liaisons, crux, And Ciraxis choice..

Just posting for fun...

What do you call a woman with PMS & GPS?

A crazy bitch who WILL find you!

Here ya go...

Clinton '16?

Beat!  

Okay, how about this:

I was waiting for him to get knocked the fuck out!

1) I was having dinner with Garry Kasporov (world chess champion) and there was a checkered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.

2) A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''

3) How are women and tornadoes alike?
They both moan like hell when they come, and take the house when they leave.

4) There are four kinds of sex :

HOUSE SEX - When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX - After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX - After you've been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say "FUCK YOU"

COURTROOM SEX - When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you've got.

This was the hardest I ever laughed at anything on this site.

In honor of Bubbles.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VfSl0iGAus

photos I took at a gas station..I find it entertaining

How about this one.

It's always worth a shot and the first few posts don't amuse me so here I go

3 guys have a boating accident in the middle of the ocean. After two days of drifting around on a log, they see an island.
Once on the island, a group of cannibals greet them and they happen to speak english. The 3 men beg the cannibals not to eat them, the cannibals say each of you go into the forest and grab 10 of the first fruit you see and come back, if you do what we say, we won't eat you.

The first guy comes back with 10 apples, the cannibals say "if you put all 10 up your butt without making a facial expression we will let you live", he gets 3 done and makes a pained face, they eat him

The second guy returns back with 10 cherries and once again, they tell him to put all 10 up his butt without making a facial expression, the 2nd man makes it to number 9 and starts laughing, so they eat him

Up in heaven, they first guy asks the second guy why he started laughing, the second guy says back "I saw the third guy come back with pineapples"



Edit: fixed small spelling errors

Kent Murphy "Dinger Derby" YouTube

cant afford a re-up for a bit... so here goes

A bunch of college students smoking pot under a parachute get confronted by a cop.

Saw this the other day here, funniest Ive seen in a long time.

Did it for me....
IM sent.

 

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an
animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first,
but her attention is grabbed when she hears one of the men say the
following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come
once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee
twice. Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig" shouts the lady indignantly. "In this
country....we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives.........

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa
tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'.

I become confused when I hear the word "Service " used with these agencies:

Internal Revenue 'Service'
US Postal 'Service'
Telephone 'Service'
Cable & Satellite TV 'Service'
Civil 'Service'
Federal, State, City, & public 'Service'
Customer 'Service'

This is NOT what I thought 'Service' meant.

But today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired a bull to 'Service'

A few of his cows.

BAM !!! It all came into focus. Now I fully understand what all those agencies are doing to us.

You are now as enlightened as I.

Is that you John Wayne?

Poor college kid here.

Around age 10 my dad got me one of those cool little compound bow beginner kits. Of course, the first month I went around our land sticking arrows in anything that could get stuck by an arrow. Did you know that a 1955 40 horse Farmall tractor tire will take 6 rounds before it goes down?

Tough sucker..

That got boring, so being the 10 yr. old Dukes of Hazard fan that I was, I quickly advanced t...o taking strips of cut up T-shirt doused in chainsaw gas tied around the end and was sending flaming arrows all over the place.

One summer afternoon, I was shooting flaming arrows into a large rotten oak stump in our backyard. I looked over and under the carport I see a shiny brand new can of starting fluid (Ether). The light bulb went off in my head...

I grabbed the can and set it on the stump. I thought that it would probably just spray out in a disappointing manner. Let’s face it, to a 10 yr old mouth-breather like myself, (Ether), really doesn't "sound" flammable.

So, I went back into the house and got a 1 pound can of pyrodex (black powder for muzzle loader rifles). At this point, I set the can of ether on the stump and opened up the can of black powder. My intentions were to sprinkle a little bit around the (Ether) can but it all sorta dumped out on me. No biggie, a 1 lb. pyrodex and 16 oz (Ether) should make a loud pop, kinda like a firecracker you know?

You know what? Screw that I'm going back in the house for the other can. Yes, I got a second can of pyrodex and dumped it too. Now we're cookin'.

I stepped back about 15 ft and lit the 2 stroke arrow. I drew the nock to my cheek and took aim. As I released I heard a clunk as the arrow launched from my bow. In a slow motion time frame, I turned to see my dad getting out of the truck... OH Crap! He just got home from work. So help me God it took 10 minutes for that arrow to go from my bow to the can. My dad was walking towards me in slow motion with a WTF look in his eyes. I turned back towards my target just in time to see the arrow pierce the starting fluid can right at the bottom. Right through the main pile of pyrodex and into the can. Oh Crap.

When the shock wave hit it knocked me off my feet. I don't know if it was the actual compression wave that threw me back or just reflex jerk back from 235 fricking decibels of sound. I caught a half a millisecond glimpse of the violence during the initial explosion and I will tell you there was dust, grass, and bugs all hovering 1 ft above the ground as far as I could see. It looked like a low to the ground layer of dust fog full of grasshoppers, spiders, and a worm or two.

The daylight turned purple. Let me repeat this... THE FRICKING DAYLIGHT TURNED PURPLE.

There was a big sweetgum tree out by the gate going into the pasture.

Notice I said "was". That s-o-b got up and ran off..

So here I am, on the ground blown completely out of my shoes with my
Thundercats T-Shirt shredded, my dad is on the other side of the carport
having what I can only assume is a Vietnam flashback: ECHO BRAVO CHARLIE YOU'RE BRINGIN' EM IN TOO CLOSE!! CEASE FIRE. DAMN IT CEASE FIRE!!!!!

His hat had blown off and is 30 ft behind him in the driveway. All windows on the north side of the house are blown out and there is a slow rolling mushroom cloud about 2000 ft. over our backyard. There is a Honda 185 3 wheeler parked on the other side of the yard and the fenders are drooped down and are now touching the tires.

I wish I knew what I said to my dad at this moment. I don't know - I know I said something. I couldn't hear. I couldn't hear inside my own head. I don't think he heard me either... not that it would really matter. I don't remember much from this point on. I said something, felt a sharp pain, and then woke up later. I felt a sharp pain, blacked out, woke later....repeat this process for an hour or so and you get the idea. I remember at one point my mom had to give me CPR. and Dad screaming "Bring him back to life so I can kill him again". Thanks Mom.

One thing is for sure... I never had to mow around that stump again, Mom had been complaining about that thing for years and dad never did anything about it. I stepped up to the plate and handled business.

Dad sold his muzzle loader a week or so later. I still have some sort of bone growth abnormality, either from the blast or the beating, or both.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, get your kids into archery. It's good
discipline and will teach them skills they can use later on in life.

~Author Unknown

A modification of a poem I made, and post in my cubical at work.  It disappears on a regular basis for coworkers to copy.


This is my Cubicle.

There are many like it, but this one is mine.
My Cubicle is my best friend.  It is my life.

I am master of my cubicle,
As I am a sad, poor bastard outside of it.

My Cubicle without me is empty.
Without my Cubicle, I am cold and exposed to daylight.

I must hide in my cubicle well.
I must avoid the management who tries to crush me with metrics.
I must staple him before he makes me come in on Saturday.  I will. . . .

My Cubicle and I know that what counts in this life are not the processes we develop,
The ideas we patent, nor the products we design.
We know it’s the engineering that counts.  We will engineer. . . .

My Cubicle is square, even as I, because it is an efficient use of space.
Thus, I will be efficient.  I will learn its design flaws, its load strength, where to get chairs, parts and accessories, and its internet connection.
I will keep my cubicle filled with paperwork and random parts, just so I look busy.
We will become part of each other.  We will. . . .

Before whatever Religious figure or not, I swear this Creed.
My Cubicle and I are defenders of my paycheck.
We are masters of obscure technical information.
We are saviors of our company.
So be it, until the CEO’s bank account is full,
And there are no more project deadlines, only beer. . . . .

And just because its funny:

I just posted this recently as a way of describing what the liberals succeeded in doing as they tried to railroad Zimmerman.

An oldie but goodie:

Knock knock

Who's there?






Fuck you

lulz

IN!

stand by for my collection of my favorite gifs...

http://img6.joyreactor.com/pics/post/iphone-rice-702186.jpeg
http://cdn.ebaumsworld.com/picture/covertopcqc/1.jpg
http://belieber.files.wordpress.com/2011/03/in-the-yard-for-5-minutes-better-eat-my-own-shit.jpg?w=590

I once saw a skilled woman driver.