User Panel
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Please give us an update on the repair.
Your o-n o-f-f swtch was in the o-f-f position. How can that be? User error. How soon will this be fixed? As soon as people stop asking me for fucking updates. |
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Would it change your opinion if you knew this person has taken as many as 10 attempts to successfully complete two CLEET courses with at least a 72 score at biannual quals? View Quote Think how may Glock legs could have been prevented! |
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Well, I am not tying to dispute the fact that he may be an idiot, just that Israeli draw is a legit thing. Think how may Glock legs could have been prevented! View Quote |
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Before Zero's first immaculation... "Barrack isn't like Romney. He's one of us."
Btw... my office was mostly split along gender lines during the last 3-5 presidential elections. There were/are a few females who THINK when they vote. But the vast majority of them here just FEEL. And no matter how ignorant they are of candidates and issues, their opinions on them are strong. Most of them avoid engaging me in debate (I NEVER seek them out or bring politics up)... because they know that I have facts, logic and reason. And all they have is FEELZ. |
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"I can't have an IV; I'm allergic to saline."
"I have end-stage fibromyalgia." |
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Quoted: I grew up not far from Tulsa. That sounds like an interesting profession btw. View Quote I have a PI and bail enforcer endorsement, too. My license is self-employed with a personal bond, so it doesn't immediately lapse if I am no longer employed by the city. My employer bond is primary, however. |
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"Scientists claim life on earth 3.5 billion years old, no wonder any thinking person believes science is bullshit."
(well, I didn't hear it, I read it.) (And it wasn't from a coworker or a customer.) (But I was at work when it happened! ) |
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Arrive at customers No heat call. Room temperature is 50F All thermostats are set to 90F. Why are the thermostats set to 90F? Because we wanted heat. What are they normally set to? 72F So since the room wasn't getting to 72F you decided that setting the thermostats to 90F would get it there? View Quote Of course they then way overshoot. |
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I don't keep a round in the chamber for safety. I practice racking the slide when I draw, in case I need to. View Quote "you'll shoot yer dick off!" they told me. one of them shot thru their holster/pants/car seat and car floor. "Forgot i had one in the tube, thats why you carry empty ya see!" Or, i dont know, dont pull the fucking trigger when you are moving your gun from your cupholder to your nylon holster as driving around holstered was "uncomfortable". This is a guy I walked thru the buying of the gun, how to use the gun, and how to get his CCW in my old county. Some people really shouldn't have guns. |
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Come apply. Get a self employed armed CLEET license and the interview takes about 90 seconds. I have a PI and bail enforcer endorsement, too. My license is self-employed with a personal bond, so it doesn't immediately lapse if I am no longer employed by the city. My employer bond is primary, however. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
Quoted: I grew up not far from Tulsa. That sounds like an interesting profession btw. I have a PI and bail enforcer endorsement, too. My license is self-employed with a personal bond, so it doesn't immediately lapse if I am no longer employed by the city. My employer bond is primary, however. |
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*knock knock
(drunk guy at two in the morning) "Can I help you?" I'm just trying to get to my room. My card isn't working. This is City Hall. You want that huge building two blocks that way, with the "Marriott" sign. *points Dude wanders off the opposite direction into the street, almost got hit by a taxi. Had to call 10-80 (TPD) |
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My temperature is normally 96, so 98 is a fever for me. (Umm, no it's not.) My cold always turns into bronchitis, so I need the antibiotics now. (No you don't. It's still a cold, as we're most of your supposed bronchitis cases.) I know my body. (Anyone who says this, usually doesn't.) I have a high pain tolerance. (No you don't. People with a high pain tolerance don't even think about pain. It's not part of their life. You have a high pain 'med' tolerance.) View Quote |
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My Mom was convinced the thermostat was a switch. On or OFF. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes |
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Arrive at customers No heat call. Room temperature is 50F All thermostats are set to 90F. Why are the thermostats set to 90F? Because we wanted heat. What are they normally set to? 72F So since the room wasn't getting to 72F you decided that setting the thermostats to 90F would get it there? View Quote Her: "Is the AC on?' Me: "Yeah." Her: "Turn it off, it is only 75 degrees outside today." Me: "It is set to 80 degrees, so it won't come on unless the temperature gets to 80. And if it does get to 80, we will need to AC." Her: "But it is 75 degrees outside, I don't want to waste money running the AC." Me: "It isn't running." Her: "Not now, but it is on!" Me:(slaps head) |
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Absolutely stoned off his ass guy in his early twenties wanders into the public entrance to City Hall.
"I just bought this building. I'm your new boss." |
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"I've got a barrett 50 bmg. I don't even have to hit the pigs, just get close and it blows them to pieces."
He fucked a saw up Friday because he is retarded and he hasn't shown back up. |
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My wife, who is normally quite good at understanding things, cannot figure out thermostats. Her: "Is the AC on?' Me: "Yeah." Her: "Turn it off, it is only 75 degrees outside today." Me: "It is set to 80 degrees, so it won't come on unless the temperature gets to 80. And if it does get to 80, we will need to AC." Her: "But it is 75 degrees outside, I don't want to waste money running the AC." Me: "It isn't running." Her: "Not now, but it is on!" Me:(slaps head) View Quote that, OK, that is deep... |
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Well old ones were a switch now they are more of a relay I guess and on most furnaces they are just on and off View Quote |
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My wife had a great one when she worked for the city water billing department.
Caller: Why did you shut off my water? Wife: Give me your name, and address, and I will look up the account. After a short pause: Your bill is paid current, we didn't shut off your water. Caller: But it doesn't work...why did you only shut off my hot water? Wife: I suggest you check your water heater...we haven't shut off any of your water. Caller: Huh? Call ends. |
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In fairness the first one might be correct. Only it should be stated as "Stop sending email back and forth between your work account and your Gmail account, fucknuckle! Your phone got compromised so now every email address in there is getting the same shitty spam messages, only your friends and relatives already KNOW you are a tool."" View Quote |
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Head dispatcher at the PD, complaining about no network connectivity. When the tech gets there, she is connecting to a wirless network, and it is asking for a password. Tech asks what password is, enters it, and boom. Same dispatcher called in one of their phones was not working. I go look at it and sure as shit, its dead. Look around at the jumble of wires, the phone power supply is unplugged from the power strip. I pull out my trusty zip ties and tie it down to the strip. I even tell them to check the power supply next time. $120 charge for 2 mins of work is fine with me. View Quote I usually find a cell phone charger plugged in where the equipment should be. there are usually emails with pictures included sent out after those calls |
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Before Zero's first immaculation... "Barrack isn't like Romney. He's one of us." Btw... my office was mostly split along gender lines during the last 3-5 presidential elections. There were/are a few females who THINK when they vote. But the vast majority of them here just FEEL. And no matter how ignorant they are of candidates and issues, their opinions on them are strong. Most of them avoid engaging me in debate (I NEVER seek them out or bring politics up)... because they know that I have facts, logic and reason. And all they have is FEELZ. View Quote But because she felt that healthcare should be paid for by the government that it would be okay to have them wasting time and money that way. |
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One of my employees offered to show me a photo of his anus right after lunch today.
I politely declined. He was trying to sensationalize his colitis. |
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'Im financing this stock 2000 Wrangler for $14,500' View Quote |
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Sweet. Now can you give me update rights to TNSNAMES.ORA so I can access the database servers I need to do my development work on this stupid application? View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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Her: "Can you install SQL on my computer?" Me: "It's part of our standard image so it's already installed." Her: "Where is it?" Me: "Click the START button, select All Programs, scroll down the menu and you'll see it right there. Microsoft SQL...." Her: "I don't see it." I remote in to her machine Me: Clicked START, selected All Programs, scrolled down, Microsoft SQL... Me: "There it is." Me: /hangup |
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From a plumber today: What the fuck is a MJ (mechanical joint) fitting?
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Quoted: A 2000 Jeep Wrangler? https://media.ed.edmunds-media.com/jeep/wrangler/2000/oem/2000_jeep_wrangler_convertible-suv_sport_fq_oem_1_500.jpg At first, I was shocked and didn't believe it, but then I looked on autotrader.com https://www.autotrader.com/cars-for-sale/vehicledetails.xhtml?listingId=474027671&zip=23111&referrer=%2Fcars-for-sale%2Fsearchresults.xhtml%3Fzip%3D23111%26startYear%3D2000%26sortBy%3DderivedpriceDESC%26incremental%3Dall%26firstRecord%3D0%26endYear%3D2001%26modelCodeList%3DWRANGLER%26makeCodeList%3DJEEP%26searchRadius%3D0&startYear=2000&numRecords=25&firstRecord=0&endYear=2001&modelCodeList=WRANGLER&makeCodeList=JEEP&searchRadius=0&makeCode1=JEEP&modelCode1=WRANGLER https://www.autotrader.com/cars-for-sale/vehicledetails.xhtml?listingId=470465787&zip=23111&referrer=%2Fcars-for-sale%2Fsearchresults.xhtml%3Fzip%3D23111%26startYear%3D2000%26sortBy%3DderivedpriceDESC%26incremental%3Dall%26firstRecord%3D0%26endYear%3D2001%26modelCodeList%3DWRANGLER%26makeCodeList%3DJEEP%26searchRadius%3D0&startYear=2000&numRecords=25&firstRecord=0&endYear=2001&modelCodeList=WRANGLER&makeCodeList=JEEP&searchRadius=0&makeCode1=JEEP&modelCode1=WRANGLER https://www.autotrader.com/cars-for-sale/vehicledetails.xhtml?listingId=471117051&zip=23111&referrer=%2Fcars-for-sale%2Fsearchresults.xhtml%3Fzip%3D23111%26startYear%3D2000%26sortBy%3DderivedpriceDESC%26incremental%3Dall%26firstRecord%3D0%26endYear%3D2001%26modelCodeList%3DWRANGLER%26makeCodeList%3DJEEP%26searchRadius%3D0&startYear=2000&numRecords=25&firstRecord=0&endYear=2001&modelCodeList=WRANGLER&makeCodeList=JEEP&searchRadius=0&makeCode1=JEEP&modelCode1=WRANGLER https://www.autotrader.com/cars-for-sale/vehicledetails.xhtml?listingId=468646793&zip=23111&referrer=%2Fcars-for-sale%2Fsearchresults.xhtml%3Fzip%3D23111%26startYear%3D2000%26sortBy%3DderivedpriceDESC%26incremental%3Dall%26firstRecord%3D0%26endYear%3D2001%26modelCodeList%3DWRANGLER%26makeCodeList%3DJEEP%26searchRadius%3D0&startYear=2000&numRecords=25&firstRecord=0&endYear=2001&modelCodeList=WRANGLER&makeCodeList=JEEP&searchRadius=0&makeCode1=JEEP&modelCode1=WRANGLER https://www.autotrader.com/cars-for-sale/vehicledetails.xhtml?listingId=464483579&zip=23111&referrer=%2Fcars-for-sale%2Fsearchresults.xhtml%3Fzip%3D23111%26startYear%3D2000%26sortBy%3DderivedpriceDESC%26incremental%3Dall%26firstRecord%3D0%26endYear%3D2001%26modelCodeList%3DWRANGLER%26makeCodeList%3DJEEP%26searchRadius%3D0&startYear=2000&numRecords=25&firstRecord=0&endYear=2001&modelCodeList=WRANGLER&makeCodeList=JEEP&searchRadius=0&makeCode1=JEEP&modelCode1=WRANGLER View Quote |
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I’m an IT contractor for the SMB world. I don’t even raise an eyebrow anymore, unless it isn’t stupid.
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Genius level comments heard at various jobs over the years:
"I didn't know people from Spain spoke Spanish?" When their (fortunately) personal vehicles stopped working: "What do you mean I have to add/change oil regularly? I thought it runs on gas?" "Oh, I wondered why there were two pump handles at the gas pump. I thought the green one was better for the environment". At a Pizza Hut a looooong time ago: Manager - "Why are you putting so much pepperoni on that pizza?" Me - "It says right here on the ingredients list for a Large Super Supreme pizza, XX slices of pepperoni". Her - "You're just wasting ingredients. You don't need to use so much. See, if you arrange the slices like this (1/3 of what the list states), every slice of pizza still has pepperoni. Me - 2 days later, Regional Manager comes in for inspection, while I'm making a Large Super Supreme. RM - "STOP. What are you making?" Me - "A Large Super Supreme" RM - "And how many slices of pepperoni are supposed to go on a Large Super Supreme?" Me - *while looking him dead in the eye, and not even glancing at the ingredients card*, "XX". RM - "And how many did you put on that pizza" Me - *still looking him dead in the eye*, "XX" RM - "Why did you do that" Me - *pointing at store manager*, "Because she told me to. She told me I was unnecessarily wasting ingredients when I followed the list". Manager's face turns even whiter. RM's face turns dark red. RM - "From now on, just follow the card". That was not the only incident I'd had with that store manager. There were numerous other incidents with that twat waffle in just the 5 days I'd worked there. I quit the next day. |
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That is called an Israeli draw. Whereas I don't do it, I would not call it stupid. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted:
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I don't keep a round in the chamber for safety. I practice racking the slide when I draw, in case I need to. Whereas I don't do it, I would not call it stupid. Yes, I read Gun&Ammo through the 80's. I no longer wear neon headbands and I keep one in the chamber. |
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Boss comes back a few hours ago, in a huff, and asked on of my co-workers to "talk to this guy" and handed him his cell phone.
Co-worker takes the phone, says "hello" several times and says "he must have hung up." He then asks the boss what the call was about and the boss describes a textbook phone scam. He gets told that by co-worker and I. He then asks my co-worker how they got his number and starts wondering out loud if it had something to do with the Equifax data breach and leaves, muttering to himself. He then goes to talk to the woman who does our payroll and leaves to close his personal bank accounts. The payroll woman comes back, to see if we know what's he's on about. We tell her we're just as confused as she is. |
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