User Panel
User Panel
User Panel
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:21:50 PM EDT
[#1]
Headstoner! Are you fucking off again?
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:22:21 PM EDT
[#2]
"I'm a profeshinul driver, duuuurrrrrr."
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:22:28 PM EDT
[#3]
'Im financing this stock 2000 Wrangler for $14,500' 
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:24:22 PM EDT
[#4]
"Motherfucker we will return fire!!!"- CCC (crazy coonass coworker, ironically named Dave)
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:24:37 PM EDT
[#5]
if a rubicon or LJ - it is a good price!
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:26:23 PM EDT
[#6]
During desert storm I told a lady I worked with I have a bunch of buddies that are shipping out. Told her they are a day ahead over there, so the Powerball numbers are out a day before...asked if she wanted in on this plan. She responds, " oh my God, do you think it'll work?" While grabbing her purse to hand over cash.
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:28:09 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
if a rubicon or LJ - it is a good price! |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:28:22 PM EDT
[#8]
*subj at a red light, with street signs, calling to report an accident*
Me "what's the location of the emergency" Him "I don't know. I'm on a road before a red light." 5 minutes later after finally getting him to look up, and read the street signs, it turns out he's at one of the major, well known intersections in our county 
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:30:17 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
During desert storm I told a lady I worked with I have a bunch of buddies that are shipping out. Told her they are a day ahead over there, so the Powerball numbers are out a day before...asked if she wanted in on this plan. She responds, " oh my God, do you think it'll work?" While grabbing her purse to hand over cash. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:30:25 PM EDT
[#10]
Oops.. it's ok, no one was affected.
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:32:28 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Damn, some people... |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:32:45 PM EDT
[#12]
"Soooooo big plans for the weekend??"
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:34:29 PM EDT
[#13]
"You keep getting spam at your work address because you have Gmail on your phone."
"That report doesn't work anymore because a security update to Word blocks the display of [postal, snail-mail] addresses." "Kaspersky is perfectly safe to use." The last may be subjective, but the first two make me a very sad panda. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:36:26 PM EDT
[#14]
He was hitting on you. Civil trap shot
One of the guys at the shop always says something that make me the other day he said "I don't start nothing until I finish it" I had to ask him what he said because it made no sense and he repeated the exact same line
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:42:37 PM EDT
[#15]
Bids estimated to exceed 25k must use our new bidding software, but bidding is not required until the PO exceeds 100k.
...ok |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:45:23 PM EDT
[#16]
Not a quote but just a fact. I work for the government. It would boggle your mind the stupidity I see and hear daily. There isn't enough space or time to write it all. Serious! How our country functions with the people in charge of our government(not talking about Trump etc) is beyond me.
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:51:33 PM EDT
[#17]
I gave a job to one of my simpletons this morning, a control panel with cutouts for switches and lights going on a custom machine. When I mentioned that one of the small holes was for a pilot light, just an indicator that power is on, he cocked his head and asked "This thing run on gas?"
Another guy was sweeping up around the manual mill. I was setting up a job and one of my old timers said, "I cut my teeth on one of those machines." The sweeper looked puzzled and said "Fuuuck! How did you manage to do that?" I worry for the future generations 
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:54:06 PM EDT
[#18]
Head dispatcher at the PD, complaining about no network connectivity. When the tech gets there, she is connecting to a wirless network, and it is asking for a password. Tech asks what password is, enters it, and boom.
Same dispatcher called in one of their phones was not working. I go look at it and sure as shit, its dead. Look around at the jumble of wires, the phone power supply is unplugged from the power strip. I pull out my trusty zip ties and tie it down to the strip. I even tell them to check the power supply next time. $120 charge for 2 mins of work is fine with me. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 1:55:32 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
*subj at a red light, with street signs, calling to report an accident* Me "what's the location of the emergency" Him "I don't know. I'm on a road before a red light." 5 minutes later after finally getting him to look up, and read the street signs, it turns out he's at one of the major, well known intersections in our county Still, that doesn't stop me from looking up at a street sign and being able to read it I guess. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 2:05:30 PM EDT
[#20]
"Twat? I cunt here yeah, I got infucktion in my ear, bare ass me again."
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Posted: 1/30/2018 2:10:29 PM EDT
[#21]
Her: "Can you install SQL on my computer?"
Me: "It's part of our standard image so it's already installed." Her: "Where is it?" Me: "Click the START button, select All Programs, scroll down the menu and you'll see it right there. Microsoft SQL...." Her: "I don't see it." I remote in to her machine Me: Clicked START, selected All Programs, scrolled down, Microsoft SQL... Me: "There it is." Me: /hangup |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 2:32:57 PM EDT
[#22]
"Hey IT guy, I poured coffee on my computer and it's not turning on. Can you fix it?"
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Posted: 1/30/2018 2:35:05 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
During desert storm I told a lady I worked with I have a bunch of buddies that are shipping out. Told her they are a day ahead over there, so the Powerball numbers are out a day before...asked if she wanted in on this plan. She responds, " oh my God, do you think it'll work?" While grabbing her purse to hand over cash. 
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Posted: 1/30/2018 2:39:30 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Her: "Can you install SQL on my computer?" Me: "It's part of our standard image so it's already installed." Her: "Where is it?" Me: "Click the START button, select All Programs, scroll down the menu and you'll see it right there. Microsoft SQL...." Her: "I don't see it." I remote in to her machine Me: Clicked START, selected All Programs, scrolled down, Microsoft SQL... Me: "There it is." Me: /hangup Sweet. Now can you give me update rights to TNSNAMES.ORA so I can access the database servers I need to do my development work on this stupid application? |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 2:50:03 PM EDT
[#25]
I could write a book about this.
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Posted: 1/30/2018 2:50:49 PM EDT
[#26]
I provided a microphone for Janeane Garofalo so that she could do her routine.
Do I have to provide examples, or will you guys take my word for it that she said dumb shit? |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:01:45 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"You keep getting spam at your work address because you have Gmail on your phone." "That report doesn't work anymore because a security update to Word blocks the display of [postal, snail-mail] addresses." "Kaspersky is perfectly safe to use." The last may be subjective, but the first two make me a very sad panda. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:04:32 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I provided a microphone for Janeane Garofalo so that she could do her routine. Do I have to provide examples, or will you guys take my word for it that she said dumb shit? |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:07:08 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
*subj at a red light, with street signs, calling to report an accident* Me "what's the location of the emergency" Him "I don't know. I'm on a road before a red light." 5 minutes later after finally getting him to look up, and read the street signs, it turns out he's at one of the major, well known intersections in our county |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:07:11 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quotes or GTFO! Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I provided a microphone for Janeane Garofalo so that she could do her routine. Do I have to provide examples, or will you guys take my word for it that she said dumb shit?
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:08:48 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I've lived where I am at now for four years. I can navigate anywhere around the city without getting lost and am usually the one shuffling people around at work. What I can't do is give a name for any of those streets at all. I was brought up with everyone giving landmark instructions and that has stuck with me to this day. I can tell you to turn right at the McDonalds with the broken sign but couldn't tell you what street you are actually turning onto. Still, that doesn't stop me from looking up at a street sign and being able to read it I guess. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
*subj at a red light, with street signs, calling to report an accident* Me "what's the location of the emergency" Him "I don't know. I'm on a road before a red light." 5 minutes later after finally getting him to look up, and read the street signs, it turns out he's at one of the major, well known intersections in our county Still, that doesn't stop me from looking up at a street sign and being able to read it I guess. But I can read a sign, and not have someone explain it to me
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:11:01 PM EDT
[#32]
Hey JTP!, PUT YOUR PANTS BACK ON!
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:14:50 PM EDT
[#33]
"I qualified expert at boot camp so this M-4 qual will be no problem."
"I was the SWAT commander at my old PD, so I'm qualified for Pro Ops." "I carried a SAW/M240 in the Corps, how hard can the qual be?" |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:16:19 PM EDT
[#34]
Dispatcher calls me, 0100 on a Sunday, says she needs me to come fill in on dispatch because she can't keep up AND write up an alarm at the same time.
4 hours later, there's been like nine calls total. Hey, are you done writing up that alarm yet? Yes? Were you planning on letting me finish your shift? You know I have to finish patrols and so on, right? I also came in the ops room many times and she was 4 pages behind on the log, with handwritten notes all over the desk to be entered later. "Oh look, I figured out how to reorganize the police courts surveillance cams!" And that's another
She got fired a month later. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:16:46 PM EDT
[#35]
Customers or coworkers?
A week or two ago my boss noticed that the hatch on one of our Ford Focus' wouldn't stay open. He was annoyed, and said someone probably installed these in backwards at the factory.  Attached FileHe asked me if we could take them off and flip them around so the hatch would stay open.
As was explained to me, they're like springs. If you have a spring and push down on it, it pushes back. If you flip the spring upside down, it will push the other direction. 
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:20:45 PM EDT
[#36]
I don't keep a round in the chamber for safety.
I practice racking the slide when I draw, in case I need to. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:24:39 PM EDT
[#37]
"Good morning"
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:24:46 PM EDT
[#38]
Safety first.
We value our employees. Your opinion matters. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:26:33 PM EDT
[#39]
Arrive at customers
No heat call. Room temperature is 50F All thermostats are set to 90F. Why are the thermostats set to 90F? Because we wanted heat. What are they normally set to? 72F So since the room wasn't getting to 72F you decided that setting the thermostats to 90F would get it there? |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:33:26 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Customers or coworkers?
A week or two ago my boss noticed that the hatch on one of our Ford Focus' wouldn't stay open. He was annoyed, and said someone probably installed these in backwards at the factory. https://www.AR15.Com/media/mediaFiles/146991/image-436045.JPG He asked me if we could take them off and flip them around so the hatch would stay open.
As was explained to me, they're like springs. If you have a spring and push down on it, it pushes back. If you flip the spring upside down, it will push the other direction. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:33:57 PM EDT
[#41]
My temperature is normally 96, so 98 is a fever for me. (Umm, no it's not.)
My cold always turns into bronchitis, so I need the antibiotics now. (No you don't. It's still a cold, as we're most of your supposed bronchitis cases.) I know my body. (Anyone who says this, usually doesn't.) I have a high pain tolerance. (No you don't. People with a high pain tolerance don't even think about pain. It's not part of their life. You have a high pain 'med' tolerance.) |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:35:10 PM EDT
[#42]
The UK stands for Ukraine.
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:36:34 PM EDT
[#43]
"How are you today?"
Everyday, same god damn response from me... "Still breathing" Stop asking |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:39:59 PM EDT
[#44]
"Don't freak out, it's unloaded" *12 gauge shockwave pointed at my knee/thigh region*
I hate working on a public range but hey its paying the bills while I'm back in school. I really need hazard pay for this crap. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:40:03 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
more like a light weight shock absorber...they will extend to their full length no matter what position they are installed. one of those blown, and is acting just like a blown shock. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Customers or coworkers?
A week or two ago my boss noticed that the hatch on one of our Ford Focus' wouldn't stay open. He was annoyed, and said someone probably installed these in backwards at the factory. https://www.AR15.Com/media/mediaFiles/146991/image-436045.JPG He asked me if we could take them off and flip them around so the hatch would stay open.
As was explained to me, they're like springs. If you have a spring and push down on it, it pushes back. If you flip the spring upside down, it will push the other direction.
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:41:08 PM EDT
[#46]
Co-worker was on the phone with a customer who needed shocks. My co-worker covered the phone with has hand, looked at me, and asked "does the shock come with the absorber or do we sell them separate".
Same co-worker was holding a brake wheel cylinder and asked where the "tire solenoids" go. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:43:43 PM EDT
[#47]
Got a text from a coworker on my phone. Thought it was a request from her to assist her (there is no other reason why anyone would text me) so I look at it. It's a link to a video explaining how giving tips to service people is racist
Before you ask, this woman was black, immensely fat, and had a picture of Obama on her office wall. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:46:13 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I don't keep a round in the chamber for safety. I practice racking the slide when I draw, in case I need to. Whereas I don't do it, I would not call it stupid. |
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:54:04 PM EDT
[#49]
take away the guns, you lower suicide rates.
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Posted: 1/30/2018 3:54:21 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I don't keep a round in the chamber for safety. I practice racking the slide when I draw, in case I need to. |
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