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gooooooooooooooooood call!!!!!!!!!! the bitch stands 15 feet from the checkout stalls, she can't just fucking WATCH you checkout and thus save the 5 minute full body cavity search of your receipt?!?!?!?!?!!? |
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Tex, you sound like an uptight jerk from New Jersey.
j/k Here's my two-step solution to your very own food shopping nirvana: 1. Find a good woman. 2. Marry her. 3. Make your new wife the designated food shopper. |
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When they approach me, I always reach under my shirt like I am getting ready to draw on them. (Cause I am) You people really don't sound like you know how to defend yourselves in the store. You get some bitch that blocks the aisle, when you go around her, let a nice loud fart. She will get the message. In the next aisle when you go by her, she will get out of your way. Trust me, it works. |
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Yep. Come over here to Converse and I'll show you one that says "Swipe Card." After deciding that my .45 couldn't solve the prob, I turned to leave and an older lady was laughing at me. She said, "It's not a swipe machine." And it isn't - the fucking instructions are wrong - you stuff the card in the slot. EDIT: just want to add that I enjoy being out of sync with the rest of the planet. HAHA> |
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already done, but i'd never trust her to shop for a BBQ, she'd come home with tofu t-bones or in some other way screw it up....................... |
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You must read step one more closely. |
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I just hate ow how they take so damn long to check my ID when im buying booze.. You see arizona has this wonerfull thing on your ID if your under 21 they reverse the way the id is its vertical if your under 21 and if your over 21 its horizontal. also if your under 21 it has this big strip that says UNDER 21 UNTIL then a date on it. Well since im 22 mine is horizontal apparently it takes people like 3 mintues to notice that the damn date is 1981 and is oblsy well before the if you are born after this date no booze for you calander. Jesus people it doesnt take that long to go ok your over 21 go ahead,
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If they did that, it would offend all the dumbshits that can't read. They have to cater to the morons out there, after all. Anyone that can't read. GO FUCKING LEARN. |
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I got yer colon. DO NOT make me use it Edit cause I'm stupid. |
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just another part i left out.........................they can now swipe your drivers license to find out how old you are in years, they do this to me quite often lets look at this in depth, shall we? i was born on 4/15/80 and it of course says so on my drivers license, nice, even decade birthdate too HOW IN THE HOLY HELL CAN YOU POSSIBLY NEED TO SWIPE MY FUCKING DRIVERS LICENSE TO KNOW IM OVER 21?!??!?!?!?!?!? lets see, 2004-1980 = 24, buy a fucking clue. shit, i know you don't need a degree in astrophysics to work at circle K but you really should be able to add and subtract on a 2nd grade level............... |
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Preaching to the choir here brother! It does work wonders! BigDozer66 |
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wow... I am almost speechless...
I will start with: +1 and: Go ahead asshat, take your half right out of the middle! I thought I was goin' nuts. I mean, it really seemed like NOBODY else noticed this stuff. Somebody else on this thread wrote somethin' like: 'happiness is made not found.' OK, sure, sounds good to me... But frankly, I am EXHAUSTED from walking around in Condition One all the time. I stay home so I can rest. I resent the rude/arrogant (not really the ignorant) because it increases the complexity of locating a threat. It turns otherwise harmless (possibly normal) people into potential monsters... The struting and chest thumping falls into the same catagory. I mean, they're thinking they're impressing their 'bitch' and I am moving to make certain that overpenetration won't kill an inocent behind them... I believe the world would be a better place if folks woke up in the morning and repeated this phrase: I am not bullet proof. |
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Here is another one to watch for...
It is NOT incidental that people use their left arm to open a door that pivots on its right edge... OR... To open a door with the right hand if it pivots on its left edge. Get up out of your chair and try it, you'll see. I didn't get it at first... I watched this 'mature, over about two years in downtown Atlanta. For you lazy folks, it allows you to 'short stroke' opening a door. It makes it look like you have casually released the door because your arm isn't 'long enough' to hold it open. The effect is that the door closes tight on your 6. Stand outside a business that does NOT have auto doors and watch for a minute before going inside. People do this even when their opposite hand is empty... That is to say, it is more natural to reach across your body because you get more leverage (again, try it, you will see) and you have a wider birth through the doorway. Don't get me wrong, of course some folks do this without thought... But those folks usually pivot a bit to maintain somewhat of a hold to give you more time to catch the door. Or they will call reflexiely 'I'm sorry' over their shoulder as the door closes on you. The problem is with the folks that are only a step or two ahead of you and they KNOW you are behind them... They move with a purpose... Man, I know that sounds nutz... |
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You forgot that of the 5000 people in front of you in the checkout line, 4900 of them bought ONE item, and are paying with a check.
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Great stuff! So true.
Tex - gotta know. What does your wife think of your attitude? Does she tell you to take it easy? Everybody who posted in agreement - are you guilty of doing the same or are you "perfect"? We hate liars but we lie. We hate thieves but we steal. We hate people with attitudes but we have attitudes. No condemnation on any here but we need to be more tolerant. Now if only I could take my own advice |
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A true Zen Master. The drooling, twitching eye thing will create doubt in the other curious( read weird) late night shoppers and expedites things at the check out line quite a bit too.
This is marvelous! "I'm not giving ground, I'm keying in on you for the followup shot for your buddy as you clear my sights while you're heading for the floor". Late night for me- 3am to 6 am is good (although admittedly I do drive to a Wally Mart 20 minutes away rather than the one just around the corner because of the quality of the clientele present at the closest Wall Mart). Basicly the store is traffic free and can shop with minimal interference. |
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for some reason unknown to me she thinks im wound too tight i really have tried to not get as pissed as i do with people but i just can't because when i try to i tend to analyze the situation from their viewpoint and then once again realize just how selfish the sonofabitches truly are. in most cases it would require virtually NO effort to NOT be an asshole and in just as many cases it seems as if they're actually going out of their way to be assholes. i have a social problem i suppose, im always aware of the people around me and am forever wondering whether or not i'm the asshole that i can't stand and try every way in the friggin world to NOT BE. i just cannot bring myself to be the guy that enters from the exit only driveay or the guy that makes everybody in line wait while he goes to aisle 506 to get the frosty freezies he forgot while everybody else stands there waiting on his dumbass to get back or any other of the assholes in the scenarios i've given |
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Well no shopping trip would be complete without cell phones.
From the person who has to come to a dead stop in an aisle, blocking it with a cart at a 45 degree angle while they converse with their significant other... "HONEY? I'M AT THE STORE, I'M LOOKING AT THE (FIGS/WHEELBARROWS/BULK PACKS OF MAXI-PADS) AND WHICH ONES DID YOU WANT? WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU? WHAT?" to the person who seems to be wandering up and down aisles talking to themslves when you catch site of the earpiece and microphone and seeing how Dick Cheney is not shopping in Pep Boys that day that the mad yapper must be talking to his homies in just a loud and disturbing enough voice to make reading and comprehending the instructions for the 2-part vs. the ready to go epoxy is utterly impossible so you buy both and go out to the car to read them without distraaction figuring half the shit you bought is going to get returned anyway but wait we overlooked CASHIERS TALKING ON CELL PHONES!!! This must be a new "business strategy" designed by "Wharton graduates" to "boost profits" by making "customers explode" Honestly, I have never seen anything letting a customer know just what an annoying POS he or she is for INTERRUPTING THE CASHIERS DAY by aactually having the UNMITIGATED GALL to actually try to MAKE A PURCHASE They don't put the caller on hold, or even acknowledge your presence, they happily chat away about how "Chad gave Marilyn the crabs" and what new CD's are hot and "I just got the coolest new tattoo and eyeball stud" while you stand their patiently and wait for the neuron to fire reminding them that IT IS THEIR FREAKING JOB TO WAIT ON CUSTOMERS at which point they glare at you with unabashed irritation and cheerfully overcharge you for your purchase before going back to their call... Shopping in bulk is the only answer, I believe, and no I don't care if I get dirty looks from my fellow shoppers as I lash 8 carts together, Ben-Hur style, stacked to tipsy haywagon height with 8,400 rolls of TP (No more shopping to '06! WoooHooo!) and wait patiently in the Express checkout lane... now where did I put my check cashing card? |
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ahhhh, one i forgot: the sixth sense produce shopper
you've all seen them, they'll go to the stack of cantaloupes and you can stand there, given teh patience and watch them sniff every fucking one of them as if their spidey sense is going to give them the holy grail of cantaloupes. this goes for other produce as well or the people that are absolutely ANAL about getting that freshest expiration date............they'll go through 80 gallons of milk to get one that says it expires 14 minutes after the other 79 gallons on display. i've got an idea, drink the shit then come back and buy more. cows have not yet dried up how about the bread squeezers? if they werent all compressed from being jacked off by sally the super shopper they'd probably all be soft and fluffy is it absolutely necessary to read teh ENTIRE label on that can of green beans? do they think there'll be small print somewhere where it says, "just fucking with you, this is really creamed corn?" i'd better stop myself.................. |
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Holy crap! Sounds like my trip to best (worst) buy for a lousy phone battery last friday afternoon. You forgot the 3 genetic defectives in front of the line all paying by check for something that costs 20 bucks or less. And do they have to review your life's history and 3 forms of ID before accepting the check? The line at the DMV moves faster.
Is cash that hard to use these days???? The only thing worse is someone with a check and........................................ cupons. By the time I get back home I feel I would enjoy hitting myself about the head and shoulders repeatedly with a 2x4 better than go shopping again. |
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You are the master, I humbly summit:
10 Capital offenses at the Supermarket: 1) Charging purchase under 10 bucks 2) Trying to use last weeks coupons 3) Not realizing the milk leaks or the egg is cracked til you are checking out. 4) Bumpin' my ankles with the frickin' cart. 5) Running out to the car to get the little club card thingy. 6) Relating a personal experience or recipe to the cashier 7) Leaving your herd of kids in line while you go back for "one last thing" 8) Not bathing before shopping. 9) Running a cart convoy with mama-san so you can beat the 6 bottle limit on soda. 10) After any combination of the above, wishing me a nice day. |
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All this stuff is so true.
One I didn't see is where you're in line at the checkout behind some asshat who is holding up the line waiting on their (spouse/kid/grandma etc) to bring that one last item or two they were too stupid to put in their cart while they were shopping. Then they usually end up arguing about the items that they thought were on sale but weren't because they didn't bother to read the sign completely. All is not lost though. This past weekend while out shopping with the wife, the people in front of us had an item with no price tag, the cashier rang up everything else, suspended the transaction while waiting for the price check, and rang up our purchases. |
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I like going to the store. In VA people are smart,polite, clean and good drivers.
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Does your Walmart have some of the new self checkouts? What a hoot they are. To get people to use them, Walmart shuts down the checkouts that are actually staffed. The problem with this is the systems are not really ready to go. They are still working out the bugs on them. An example, I go in and buy 2 50 lb. bags of dog food. This stupid fucking machine expects me to put them in a bag. They don't work very well for this application. Not to mention, the stupid woman that is running around trying to help people get through this ordeal, is running her head to some other idiot that works there., instead of doing her job. In frustration one time, I just left the stuff in the cart and walked out. I would rather buy the stuff elsewhere than have to put up with this kind of shit.
My old lady thinks I am wrapped too tight also. I just know that I am paying for customer service, and this is part of it. She really hates it when I start in on a store manager about not having enough checkouts open. |
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www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=250309 11th post. I believe XerO and TexRdnec may be related (might even be the same person). |
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I love the self checkouts - but I hate the fact they are designed for stupid people.
Anyway - I was buying a weight set, and had scanned it. The damn thing kept telling me "Please place item in the bag". I tried to skip past it, but it kept telling me to "please place item in the bag". With some help from my buddy we proceded to place a big-ass weight set on the counter. The guy managing the self-checkouts was not amused. Av. |
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The reason the computer was demanding it in the bag is to cross check the weight of the product being scanned VS the weight it has stored in the database for the barcode. The bag is sitting on a scale or the treadmill has one built in to it. If the weights DO NOT match, the tags may have been switched from a less costly product. A signal should be sent to store personel that a problem has occured. |
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I know why they work, buy a simple programming change would have fixed the problem.
If item is more then 10 pounds then do not ask for item to be placed in bag. They should do the same for the size of each object. The look on the guys face was priceless, however. Av. |
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I feel your pain. I worked in a grocery store for 3 years and saw and heard it all. Oh there were some customers that lost it with me for no reason but there were some 'workers' there that were so freakin stupid that it was a wonder that they could even understand how to breathe. The idiots that complain alot. crying screaming children, fighting children, people that wanted their stuff bagged in double paper and then change their minds The wierd witch who thought id crushed her pie and told me that her pie loved her. The stupid music that kept going on and on and on and the stupid idiotic high school teenager gangsta wannabes in thier ricers.
How I ever stood working in a place like that for 3 years is beyond me. But it nearly cost me my sanity. |
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How publically? My oath was printed in my hometown newspaper. I STIL mean it |
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So...that was YOU!!! j/k |
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Your an angry, angry man. Sad very sad...and I agree with you.
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lets not forget the "special people" who are allowed to park right in front of the door at walmart....usually between 2 no parking signs..........tieing up traffic for everybody else..........and how about the people who get to use the handicap parking spots....about 95% of them weigh about 500 lbs,smoke 3 cigarettes from the car to the door,then get in one of those electric carts and ride around.......(they need the cart to hold their oxygen tank).....this is one of the best threads ive seen on here.
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Sometimes ill go to WAL-mart after work which is after 11 p.m. Amazes me how people are there at that hour of the night WITH THEIR KIDS, on a school night no less. |
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This thread is awesome. I just woke up the house laughing from most of the replies. Half this shit I saved in a text file for future use.
The kicker for me was.... is it absolutely necessary to read teh ENTIRE label on that can of green beans? do they think there'll be small print somewhere where it says, "just fucking with you, this is really creamed corn?" |
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Leaving the local Wally-World I was stopped by the door Nazi.
She requested that i lift up my shirt because it looked like I had somthing under it. (I did, Mr. Glock in .40) I told her that I would be more than happy to comply as long as we could go over to the side of the door area. She refused, asked me again, I refused, so she got on her little walkie-talkie thing and asked for a LPS. At that point I thought "fuck it" and lifted up my shirt to let her see the gun, spare mag and holster. She let out a little "eek" and backed away from me as fast as she could. I dropped my shirt and was ready to walk out the door when the LPS guy came up to her and asked what the problem was. She was so flustered that she was speachless. I told the guy in a quite voice that I had my concealed pistol with me. He didn't blink an eye and told me to have a nice day. I make it a point to see if she is working whenever I go there. |
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glad you enjoyed it, don't forget to read the rest of the collection more rants: www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=255980 www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=256143 www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=256143 www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=261083 www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=261354 i haven't had a part 5 yet, i feel one coming up very soon though..........................maybe the long awaited "i hate people: driving" or perhaps "i hate people: fucking hippies" who knows.......... |
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Wow, Converse, part of my old stomping grounds! I liverd in Kirby, Graduated from JHS in '83. We might know some of the same people. cool.I miss the service you get at HEB. Walmart sucks for service as well as being full of side show freaks. |
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Now there's an idea TEAM WINDBREAKING that oughta clear out the aisles and the checkstands. I love messing with the self checkout. Place item in bag, unexpected item in bagging area, remove item, place item in bagging area, revolving circle and the Manager has to come over and point out there is a continue/ignore button. That's what it is, doesn't say it, but that's what you push. They know I kno now. So I don't mess with them too much uinless it isn't busy and they have a little time to bs with customers. Once you get the hang of them it's a lot of fun to pass the folks in line and go zipping out the door when they are still waiting. they put in 6 just after the supermarket strike. Bet that made the shop stewards happy. |
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we haven't been 'blessed' with self checkouts......................no doubt they'd piss me off too anyway..........................
went to the store today............................: wanted to buy 1 case of beer and 2 cases of mandarin oranges for my son because he can't get enough of the shit............... i started off in the express lane because it looked promising and i was the ultimate candidate for it with my 3 fucking items. well, the fucking teller decides to leave for no apparent reason and stays gone for quite some time. while the teller is gone corky from Life Goes On come to join his mother in line, apparently buying a video with his own money, adding yet another asshole to the line................i decide i don't have time for this shit as my beer is getting hot anyway and step over one line into the regular checkout thinking im doing all the good in the world. this is shitty idea #1, cause i should know judging from my past luck that im blatantly fucking myself. so im in the regular line now, zipping right the fuck along when captain and lieutentant cocksuck in front of me decide they want one of the exchangable propane tanks offered in front of the store (irony?) ok, well, dumb bitch from hell can't find the price in any of her paperwork and thus calls general pimply faced dumb shit. she informs pimply faced dumb shit she needs to know how much to charge the gentlemen in front of me. what seems like FOREVER goes by, im guessing actually about 5 minutes.............................general dumb fuck comes back with zero news except that perhaps extension 209 could help our incredibly inept dumb bitch cashier........... so now we're waiting on whoever the fuck ext. 209 is to call us back................................after yet more time, ext. 209 in all their infinite fucking wisdom call back and apparently tell dumb bitch they have no idea what the fuck she is talking about. super. captain and lieutenant cocksuck now try and convince the dumb bitch to just type it in as $20 even and let them go about their business. this continues for way fucking longer than i'd like.................(im so fucking mad im seriously thinking about pulling a beer from the case and drinking it right there( the asshats finally decide, "gee, we'll just go to wal-mart, we'll go ahead and pay so the other folks can check out" thanks for the concern you monkey fucking faggot, where was your sense of give-a-fuck 15 minutes ago?!?!?!? so the dipshits leave without their sacred propane.......................im so fucking mad i can't even see straight................................and what does the bitch from hell do................ID me. being the no good sorry mad motherfucker i am, i take my ID out of my wallet and display it prominently inches from her face and ask if that's good enough. apparently its good enough and after i pay for my shit, they allow me to leave!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK I HATE THE STORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 |
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Affirmative. Night is when the real wierdos come out. It's also when the looney bins let their folk out to try and reconnect with society. Oh, wait - same thing. |
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