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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:55:53 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By bikertrash: This right here is why people get ripped off, robbed, and assaulted: "Well, really....what are the chances it will happen to me/us?"  Or: "You're being ridiculous, that would never happen in our neighborhood" Or: "You're just paranoid" Once it happens the damage is done and there is no repairing it. "I told you so" is just another insult according to the wife, family member, neighbor....Because instead of acknowledging that you were right to be pre-emptive in protecting your family or home, it's FAR more important that THEIR FEELINGS aren't hurt for being wrong. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By bikertrash: Originally Posted By XDONX3: Those scammers are most likely not in your AO so you were probably fine. I think you are both overreacting a little. Buy her some chocolates and apologize. This right here is why people get ripped off, robbed, and assaulted: "Well, really....what are the chances it will happen to me/us?" Or: "You're being ridiculous, that would never happen in our neighborhood" Or: "You're just paranoid" Once it happens the damage is done and there is no repairing it. "I told you so" is just another insult according to the wife, family member, neighbor....Because instead of acknowledging that you were right to be pre-emptive in protecting your family or home, it's FAR more important that THEIR FEELINGS aren't hurt for being wrong. These are the exact excuses my wife gave. “They probably don’t even live in this country… What are the chances?” I had to explain that you are already dealing with someone willing to break the law and harm you, don’t underestimate what laws they are willing to break. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:56:24 AM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By intheburbs: This is like the one sane post in this entire thread. This entire thread is a perfect encapsulation of "the Arfcom Curse." Why would you ever "read her the riot act," even if it's just "a bit." Screaming/yelling/berating only makes the screamer feel better. You're fucking adults. Act like it. You wanna read a 9 year-old the riot act for lighting off fireworks in the living room? Knock yourself out. Normal adults don't do that shit. OP said he never even raised his voice... |
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TN, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:56:35 AM EDT
[#3]
Not your fault, wife was dumb and refused to take responsibility.
My wife does this, even if she is 100% wrong, she will dig in, fortify herself, and deflect the argument from being about her mistake to how I reacted. She can't stand being wrong. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:57:13 AM EDT
[#4]
Bad guy or not, you’re the one in the dog house
 You are correct to be concerned, you were correct to let your wife know why, she is still going to be pissed at you. FWIW- My wife bought her own electric hedge trimmer and has a habit of cutting extension cords which also trip the same breaker for the circuit that powers the pump for our septic system. I have just had to learn how to fix extension cords and reset the breaker ASAP. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:57:28 AM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: I'll clarify, my Mom was around for the conversation before she went to bed. It wasn't like I was airing dirty laundry, just bitching about the wife's stupid move. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: Originally Posted By AmericanPeople: You never tell people what she revealed. Hopefully you can make her understand but this event is why women suck at protective issues. They should not be in government or managers and probably not allowed to vote either. I'll clarify, my Mom was around for the conversation before she went to bed. It wasn't like I was airing dirty laundry, just bitching about the wife's stupid move. You’re not in the wrong, but here is the extra element of the fact it’s her mother-in-law and that can be a lightning rod for some women, especially those with a head full of snakes. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 9:57:31 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By FGracing: Women tend to not accept responsibility or apologize when they know they are wrong. It's easier to twist around reality and deflect until they find a way to place the blame at your feet. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:01:22 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Glck1911]
[#7]
A few things.
You were right to be upset with her, and she should have known better. Women rarely apologize. I think it's disrespectful to speak or vent to others about your spouse or marriage in a negative manner. Once she knew you were upset it turned into an emotional issue for her. If you try and project your line of reasoning onto her, you are going to have conflict every single time. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:06:10 AM EDT
[#8]
My hubby and I are in the camp of "everyone does stupid shit sometimes". We both try not to be accusatory and pissy with each other. We also both admit when we are wrong and do stupid things. It's much easier to admit your fault without someone screaming/being nasty at you that it's all your fault. If everything turns out okay (or even if it doesn't), you live and learn. Fighting about it isn't going to change anything... except your marriage.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:08:59 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By CharlesUFina: "Yes dear" Pussy whipped much? This is why these issues never get solved. |
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GA, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:09:43 AM EDT
[Last Edit: T1NMAN]
[#10]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: Yup, dump in hindsight. I was stressed. I wanted to vent said stress. I did. I feel like that's a pretty normal response... Saying I "need therapy" for doing so seems like a lot of projection. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: Originally Posted By MMcCall: He is for everything after his wife went to bed. You keep shit like that between yourselves. Yup, dump in hindsight. I was stressed. I wanted to vent said stress. I did. I feel like that's a pretty normal response... Saying I "need therapy" for doing so seems like a lot of projection. Keep in mind that at the end of it all only the people in life that matter. Careful with " modern therapy" much of it is trash that does more harm than good.  Bad Therapy, Weak Parenting, Broken Children | Abigail Shrier | EP 427 I'll be honest here to my friend. Drinking to excess infront of the wife and mom is not you at your best moment. Make it right with the wife for sure. The world is falling apart ..were going to need sober men with solid families.  Real Men - 4 Laws of Marriage for Men |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:12:24 AM EDT
[#11]
Pics of wife?
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:13:21 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Action45]
[#12]
Meh, it’ll be fine. I’d be annoyed too, women are oblivious at times. Don’t vent about your wife to family members, that’s what your buddies are for OP
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:13:32 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By FGracing: Women tend to not accept responsibility or apologize when they know they are wrong. It’s easier to twist around reality and deflect until they find a way to place the blame at your feet. This, times a million. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:16:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: BuckeyeRifleman]
[#14]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By T1NMAN: Keep in mind that at the end of it all only the people matter. Careful with " modern therapy" much of it is trash that does more harm than good.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4roLI_Gb12II'll be honest here to my friend. Drinking to excess infront of the wife and mom is not you at your best moment. Make it right with the wife for sure. The world is falling apart ..were going to need sober men with solid families. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MIEub8cNeHsI wasn’t hammered, just not in a position where it would be a good idea to drive 2 hrs to be home and possibly confront thieves. Yeah I’m starting to get the impression the therapy is bad news. Her claiming I need it because I “berate her all the time” was evidence of it. After she made that accusation yesterday I calmly asked her when was the last time I berated her unfairly. Apparently it was 3.5 years ago when she said she was thinking about voting for Biden. (True story, I was deployed, she was at home and my mom was over a bunch watching nonstop MSNBC and the propoganda worked.) I eventually convinced her to not, and she is pretty right wing these days, maybe even more so than me now, but she’s still mad about how I reacted. Either way I find it funny that I more or less lost my temper twice in nearly 4 years, and didn’t even really yell either time, and “I need therapy.”
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VA, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:20:49 AM EDT
[#15]
Generally speaking, they are stupid. Its a tough row to hoe, but its our lot in life. We just got my wife a beautiful new car that I think is incredible. The first week, she comes home and tells me she hit a curb. I went to the place and saw that she had smacked the nose of a median while making a left turn. A week later she hit another one with the other side and this time got a little 'road rash' on the rim of the $650 20" wheel. I think I solved it - we adjusted the seat for her but I think she didn't realize that it was still too low, so she couldn't see the road closer to the car. Naturally, she never said that. So we adjusted it again and so far no more incidents. It just makes you sick sometimes.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:22:01 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StarCityShooter: OP said he never even raised his voice... How else do you read a riot act? |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:30:48 AM EDT
[#17]
I can see both sides of the coin so hopefully you can understand what I'm seeing:
Your wife made a mistake and should own up to it but your behavior makes her feel threatened. If you were working united as a team you would react differently. Oh man baby, I am worried about these scammers having access to our home address and knowing we aren't home (this is what you're mad about). Instead you show your anger at her mistake. She didn't purposely set your home up to danger. Then you venting to your mother was disrespectful and disloyal to your wife. When you put her down-you put yourself down. Marriage is United and shouldn't be so punitive. You have a right to be upset about the situation she put you in-but she clearly couldn't foresee that danger. Your focus should be on educating her and taking steps to protect your home. Tearing her down has no benefit here. If you understand naivety it is the lack of experience to make judgments. That isn't stupid-that's not knowing. Women are designed by nature to need protection. When our protectors attack us for our needs for protection this is the ultimate betrayal and disrespect. You should know whether she acted intentionally or not and your reaction should be different. You reacted as if she intentionally put your home in danger and that's what she is upset about. You are angry because her naively put your home in danger and as things sit the only thing she has learned from this experience is to be more careful about sharing her address and that when the going gets rough you won't have her back. You are more focused on the problem than the solution. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:31:22 AM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: Either way I find it funny that I more or less lost my temper twice in nearly 4 years, and didn’t even really yell either time, and “I need therapy.” That's how women think. You can learn to navigate it or learn to like penis. I choose option A. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:33:18 AM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 1saxman: Generally speaking, they are stupid. Its a tough row to hoe, but its our lot in life. We just got my wife a beautiful new car that I think is incredible. The first week, she comes home and tells me she hit a curb. I went to the place and saw that she had smacked the nose of a median while making a left turn. A week later she hit another one with the other side and this time got a little 'road rash' on the rim of the $650 20" wheel. I think I solved it - we adjusted the seat for her but I think she didn't realize that it was still too low, so she couldn't see the road closer to the car. Naturally, she never said that. So we adjusted it again and so far no more incidents. It just makes you sick sometimes. A few years ago my wife backed into a parked car with my truck, causing a few thousand dollars in damage. I asked her why she didn’t look at the backup camera. “My car beeps at me if I’m about to hit something.” I didn’t even get mad that time. “Accidents happen…” and left it at that. Yup, I’m a total loose cannon with a temper problem. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:36:05 AM EDT
[#20]
I would just go home when I sobered up, that would ruin my trip knowing that info was disclosed. It probably wasn’t a good thing to call her out like that in front of family, save it for private. Maybe lay off the booze.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:36:27 AM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wakeboarder: How else do you read a riot act? Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wakeboarder: Originally Posted By StarCityShooter: OP said he never even raised his voice... How else do you read a riot act? You can easily go over fuckups and issues without raising your voice. OP said he didnt raise his voice, so we have to take it at that. This thread is already showing the typical GD comprehension skills "Dont scream, it doesnt work" or "Dont drink to excess" when OP stated he did neither. Assuming that he did all that when it wasnt stated is a failure on the reader. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:36:41 AM EDT
[#22]
Oh no, you married a retard
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:39:38 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By HecklerKac: Women always do dumb shit regarding security, safety and well being. Can't tell you how many times I yell at mine for not locking doors or leaving her gun in the mud room, etc Edit, the therapist thing is bad news...get out of that shit |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:41:30 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StarCityShooter: You can easily go over fuckups and issues without raising your voice. OP said he didnt raise his voice, so we have to take it at that. This thread is already showing the typical GD comprehension skills "Dont scream, it doesnt work" or "Dont drink to excess" when OP stated he did neither. Assuming that he did all that when it wasnt stated is a failure on the reader. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StarCityShooter: Originally Posted By wakeboarder: Originally Posted By StarCityShooter: OP said he never even raised his voice... How else do you read a riot act? You can easily go over fuckups and issues without raising your voice. OP said he didnt raise his voice, so we have to take it at that. This thread is already showing the typical GD comprehension skills "Dont scream, it doesnt work" or "Dont drink to excess" when OP stated he did neither. Assuming that he did all that when it wasnt stated is a failure on the reader. Then he misspoke and did not read his wife the riot act |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:42:41 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StarCityShooter: This thread is already showing the typical GD comprehension skills "Dont scream, it doesnt work" or "Dont drink to excess" when OP stated he did neither. Assuming that he did all that when it wasnt stated is a failure on the reader. Because 99% of the problems people post here involve emotional instability, loss of temper, and other issues, all of which are enhanced or caused by alcohol use. OP said he had too many to drive, which means he was drunk, end of story, and a safety and preparation fail because you have to always be ready to spring into action. |
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FL, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:43:11 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BoyScoutArsonist: When she says "it's going to take a long time to forgive you for this"' that means she's never going to forgive you for this. Pepper your angus. + 1, That will be brought up for now on. Will never get away from it. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:43:14 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Zardoz: No, you are NOT "the bad guy" in this case. Agreed. She needs to wise up. Bigly. You shouldn’t have shit talked her to your mom though. That’s petty. Your beef was with wife. No need to denigrate to your mom |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:48:00 AM EDT
[#28]
You're in a tough spot, OP. Going to take some delicate tact to navigate. Good luck.
Dear Lord, I thank you for my wife, whom I don't deserve. Thank you for using arfcom to smack me in the face with that fact nearly every day so I never take her for granted. Amen. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:50:20 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wakeboarder: Then he misspoke and did not read his wife the riot act Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By wakeboarder: Originally Posted By StarCityShooter: Originally Posted By wakeboarder: Originally Posted By StarCityShooter: OP said he never even raised his voice... How else do you read a riot act? You can easily go over fuckups and issues without raising your voice. OP said he didnt raise his voice, so we have to take it at that. This thread is already showing the typical GD comprehension skills "Dont scream, it doesnt work" or "Dont drink to excess" when OP stated he did neither. Assuming that he did all that when it wasnt stated is a failure on the reader. Then he misspoke and did not read his wife the riot act "So I give my wife a bit of the riot act. Again, not to the point of losing my mind or raising my voice" |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:51:52 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JohnnyLoco: Because 99% of the problems people post here involve emotional instability, loss of temper, and other issues, all of which are enhanced or caused by alcohol use. OP said he had too many to drive, which means he was drunk, end of story, and a safety and preparation fail because you have to always be ready to spring into action. You do realize some people have a few (2-3) and dont drive after, right? Even though theyre not drunk? |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:52:26 AM EDT
[#31]
She did nothing wrong and you acted like a toolbag. It’s public record. If they really cared to come and “clean you out’ they wouldn’t go through some elaborate Facebook scam. They’re probably in some Indian Internet cafe or a Brazilian transplant. You overreacted and are just paranoid. Do you also cover your license plate up in photos?
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Posted: 4/19/2024 10:59:28 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: You're in a tough spot, OP. Going to take some delicate tact to navigate. Good luck. Dear Lord, I thank you for my wife, whom I don't deserve. Thank you for using arfcom to smack me in the face with that fact nearly every day so I never take her for granted. Amen. I think every marriage would improve if both couples started their day thanking God for their spouse and inviting Him authority over their marriage. I thank God for my husband often (definitely not daily) and will try to do this myself. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:02:53 AM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StillGonnaSendIt: She did nothing wrong and you acted like a toolbag. It's public record. If they really cared to come and "clean you out' they wouldn't go through some elaborate Facebook scam. They're probably in some Indian Internet cafe or a Brazilian transplant. You overreacted and are just paranoid. Do you also cover your license plate up in photos? No no. This is security 101. You don't give random people your address and then tell them you're out of town! |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:04:21 AM EDT
[#34]
Originally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: My wife announced that she thought the person she was texting on marketplace might be a scammer. They said they sent the money for the workout equipment she was selling, but are now asking for a refund. I look at the texts, and I immediately agree that it's 100% a scammer. It's probably way too late but... how did the scammer buyer pay? If something like Zelle or Venmo then your wife absolutely should NOT refund because that payment was backed up with a stolen credit or debit card. Eventually the card holder will figure it out, report the fraudulent charge, and the bank/Zelle/Venmo will claw back the money from your wife's account. There's no way for your wife to "refund" using these services; any payment she sends back will be a standalone transaction and not fraudulent because she authorized the money transfer. Scammers know this so they get money from victims via these "refunds". If the payment was done via PP G&S then your wife can use their refund function to send back the $, which is why scammers don't use it. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:12:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: sitdwnandhngon]
[#35]
Sounds like an over reaction.
We've all done dumb stuff, not worth getting mad over. Report it to FB and move on. Talking about her to your mother was a fuck up. Don't do that. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:13:51 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StillGonnaSendIt: She did nothing wrong and you acted like a toolbag. It’s public record. If they really cared to come and “clean you out’ they wouldn’t go through some elaborate Facebook scam. They’re probably in some Indian Internet cafe or a Brazilian transplant. You overreacted and are just paranoid. Do you also cover your license plate up in photos? It's public record that they were 2 hours away from their home and not going to be there until the next day???? |
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AZ, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:17:45 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By AmericanPeople: You never tell people what she revealed. Hopefully you can make her understand but this event is why women suck at protective issues. They should not be in government or managers and probably not allowed to vote either. I was thinking about posting something like this, but I'm glad you beat me to it. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:18:19 AM EDT
[#38]
Should never apologize, they don't.
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:19:17 AM EDT
[Last Edit: JohnnyLoco]
[#39]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By BuckeyeRifleman: I wasn’t hammered, just not in a position where it would be a good idea to drive 2 hrs to be home and possibly confront thieves. Yeah I’m starting to get the impression the therapy is bad news. Her claiming I need it because I “berate her all the time” was evidence of it. After she made that accusation yesterday I calmly asked her when was the last time I berated her unfairly. Apparently it was 3.5 years ago when she said she was thinking about voting for Biden. (True story, I was deployed, she was at home and my mom was over a bunch watching nonstop MSNBC and the propoganda worked.) I eventually convinced her to not, and she is pretty right wing these days, maybe even more so than me now, but she’s still mad about how I reacted. Either way I find it funny that I more or less lost my temper twice in nearly 4 years, and didn’t even really yell either time, and “I need therapy.” Who knows, hard to tell from an online forum. Either she’s crazy like many women and vindictive, punishing, emotionally withholding etc. or maybe, just maybe you’re overly negative and overbearing with her and you just don’t notice (understandable given your profession). All I can say is with women, even the worst batshit crazy, bp ones upbeat positivity, compliments, encouragement and positive reinforcement (even when you’re lying through your teeth), affection and humor goes a long way. She obviously is over sensitive so take a don’t give a shit, nonchalant attitude with her (even if you’re freaking out inside), then quietly fix the damage or make preparations on the side. This also helps when they try to bait you, just don’t show your cards, stay calm and cool. Women aren’t like men, we can handle being yelled at and berated, thrive under negativity, etc. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:20:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: QueenDeNile]
[#40]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Andrewsky: WHAT?! No no. This is security 101. You don't give random people your address and then tell them you're out of town! Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Andrewsky: Originally Posted By StillGonnaSendIt: She did nothing wrong and you acted like a toolbag. It's public record. If they really cared to come and "clean you out' they wouldn't go through some elaborate Facebook scam. They're probably in some Indian Internet cafe or a Brazilian transplant. You overreacted and are just paranoid. Do you also cover your license plate up in photos? No no. This is security 101. You don't give random people your address and then tell them you're out of town! |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:20:47 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By badm4: I just want to know why you would allow anyone coming to your house to buy stuff from FB market place ? You meet them somewhere other than your home Home Depot, Walmart and Target parking lots usually have video cameras and are where we make the sale. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:21:31 AM EDT
[#42]
Its not on you brother . The wife should have never said anything about being out of town.
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:24:03 AM EDT
[#43]
Something my EX would have done.... hence the word EX
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:24:33 AM EDT
[#44]
 The Guess Who - No Sugar Tonight / New Mother Nature (Audio) |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:24:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: StillGonnaSendIt]
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Ridgerunner9876: It's public record that they were 2 hours away from their home and not going to be there until the next day???? You don’t tell people that you work? You’re busy that day? You just tell people all the time “I’m chilling at the house”? This might blow some of your minds but telling someone you’re out of town is not a breach of security. Telling someone on Facebook market ‘can’t meet today as we’re out of town’ and giving them the address is no lore dangerous than any other time someone might find you. |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:25:17 AM EDT
[#46]
You are not the asshole.
My wife never takes responsibility for anything. Everything that happens is my fault. I'm pretty sure that if an asteroid hit the Earth, it will be my fault. |
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TX, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:26:13 AM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By The_Master_Shake: Probably be easier if you had been robbed at this point Ha. Reminds me of a joke: "My wife left her purse in the car and was robbed of it. I didn't cancel the credit cards because it turns out the thief spends less than my wife did." |
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:31:10 AM EDT
[#48]
talking to yourself out loud where she can hear you is immature and escalatory.
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MO, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:38:40 AM EDT
[#49]
There are some very good pieces of advice in this thread about behavior not to engage in if you must drink, and about who/when/how it's appropriate to vent about your spouse if you need to. These pieces of advice are ostensibly being ignored by OP.
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AZ, USA
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Posted: 4/19/2024 11:46:37 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By jalcon9: Wife wasn't that smart at all but for everyone says "NeVeR gIvE OuT Ur ReAl AdDrEsS" You guys do realize that it takes 15 seconds on the internet to find your address, cell phone, emails, previous addresses, relatives, background, age, birthday, etc right? That isn't the only thing she did. She revealed the time slot in which it would be advantageous for an unscrupulous person to victimize her. |
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