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CO, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:08:09 AM EDT
[Last Edit: TheAvatar9265ft]
My (now) ex-wife has both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder and is being insane. I need ARFhelp!
BACKGROUND - ARREST: ~3 years ago I initiated a divorce and I had to flee my house and call the police due to her threats of self-harm combined with property destruction and violence toward me all at the same time. She was the opposite of friendly and cooperative with the 10 LEOs who ultimately responded. She was arrested and charged with DV. Her attorney drug out proceedings for ~18 months before she pled guilty with a deferred sentence. An automatic restraining order was put in place, which she mostly abided by. It expired at the end of her deferred judgement just recently. NOW - NEW RESTRAINING ORDER: Crazy started sending me middle-of-the-night texts from multiple numbers, rejecting her diagnoses and manic, stalked me on social media... I did not respond, just blocked. She made comments like "knowing" she would "reunite" in a way easily understood to be a threat to come to my house. Judge issued a new temporary restraining order, but it's not in effect until she is served. I didn't know exactly where she lives, just her PO box, but the court clerk said "not good enough" and it's my job to figure it out. QUESTION 1 - HOW TO SERVE PAPERS? Googling her voter reg gave a physical address, but I heard she is no longer there. I sent the addy and papers to that LE agency's civil div. I am hoping those officers can either ask the people at that address where she is or use their police powers to look up better info. Friends following her socials say she may not even have a home, may be traveling in another state. Any ideas on a way to make sure she is served quickly? QUESTION 2 - ELECTRONIC TRACKERS? Before and during the restraining order (21-23), she knew my physical location realtime several times. I determined she wasn't tracking me by phone or social media. I was told to sweep my vehicle for trackers. Can someone recommend a device that can sweep my car for trackers? Will it find one if the battery is dead? |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:11:52 AM EDT
[#1]
Since you have her last known address you can go to the post office and fill out a form and they will give you her new address. That's how I found a deadbeat renter that owed me money.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:21:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Karankawa]
[#2]
It’s not all bad. You got something going for you if you’re worthy of a stalker.
 My friend had his ex served on the first week of her new job. She thought it was someone coming to train her or something like that. Look up Apple air tags. They seem to be the most popular tracker currently. You can check for them with a cell phone. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:22:31 AM EDT
[#3]
She seems fun.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:27:57 AM EDT
[#4]
Process server or whoever is mandated to serve in your state such as sheriffs offices.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:32:19 AM EDT
[#5]
Wow. Good luck. My ex is BPD/BPD. I feel your pain.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:33:52 AM EDT
[#6]
Been there with the BPD ex. It’s not a good time. Yours sounds exponentially worse than mine. Weaponized BPD has no conscience and is extremely creative. I have no advice on serving her the warrant, but I do wish you good luck fellow traveler.
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LA, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 6:48:47 AM EDT
[#7]
I was briefly engaged to a woman who is Borderline. She was, by far, the meanest, nastiest, most awful human being I have ever known. And I'm being generous calling her human. Luckily, she found some meatball to focus on and she went away. They are terrifying people and I hope never to become involved with one ever again.
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NY, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 7:58:29 AM EDT
[#8]
You can try https://www.fastpeoplesearch.com/ to see if she legally registerred any new addresses.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:12:06 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Austin4130: She seems fun. So how was the sex, OP?  |
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WI, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:16:51 AM EDT
[#10]
Kind of half joking but hang it on your door. She’ll be along shortly and she can just pick it up herself.
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KY, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:23:05 AM EDT
[#11]
In before "I can fix her".
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:28:04 AM EDT
[#12]
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:31:45 AM EDT
[#13]
Pics? I might take her off your hands.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:35:37 AM EDT
[#14]
Law enforcement should be attempting service on a DV related OoP. Thats not for you to figure out
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MP, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:36:57 AM EDT
[#15]
You must have been smashing her very well. Good job, OP!
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LA, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:38:56 AM EDT
[#16]
Newer phones will alert you if someone is tracking you. It's pretty cool.
My non iPhone alerted me that I'm traveling with an apple tracker the other day. It was my wife's because it's on her keys and I borrowed her car but still pretty cool. |
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USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:39:06 AM EDT
[#17]
Seems you have enough documentation to safely 'fix the problem' if she shows up.
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LA, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:40:14 AM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By GreenGoose: Pics? I might take her off your hands. You have one job op and that is to put up pics |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:41:11 AM EDT
[#19]
Might be easier just to give in and reunite/remarry
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:45:51 AM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Austin4130: She seems fun. I bet that cat was incredible. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:47:20 AM EDT
[#21]
Originally Posted By TheAvatar9265ft: My (now) ex-wife has both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder and is being insane. I need ARFhelp! BACKGROUND - ARREST: ~3 years ago I initiated a divorce and I had to flee my house and call the police due to her threats of self-harm combined with property destruction and violence toward me all at the same time. She was the opposite of friendly and cooperative with the 10 LEOs who ultimately responded. She was arrested and charged with DV. Her attorney drug out proceedings for ~18 months before she pled guilty with a deferred sentence. An automatic restraining order was put in place, which she mostly abided by. It expired at the end of her deferred judgement just recently. NOW - NEW RESTRAINING ORDER: Crazy started sending me middle-of-the-night texts from multiple numbers, rejecting her diagnoses and manic, stalked me on social media... I did not respond, just blocked. She made comments like "knowing" she would "reunite" in a way easily understood to be a threat to come to my house. Judge issued a new temporary restraining order, but it's not in effect until she is served. I didn't know exactly where she lives, just her PO box, but the court clerk said "not good enough" and it's my job to figure it out. QUESTION 1 - HOW TO SERVE PAPERS? Googling her voter reg gave a physical address, but I heard she is no longer there. I sent the addy and papers to that LE agency's civil div. I am hoping those officers can either ask the people at that address where she is or use their police powers to look up better info. Friends following her socials say she may not even have a home, may be traveling in another state. Any ideas on a way to make sure she is served quickly? QUESTION 2 - ELECTRONIC TRACKERS? Before and during the restraining order (21-23), she knew my physical location realtime several times. I determined she wasn't tracking me by phone or social media. I was told to sweep my vehicle for trackers. Can someone recommend a device that can sweep my car for trackers? Will it find one if the battery is dead? OP does Colorado have protective orders? There's a difference between Protective Orders and Restraining Orders in many states. It's worth clarifying. If you are a victim of DV/FV you should be able to get one. The clerk is dumb it's not exactly your job to find the person for FV related issues but you can certainly help. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:52:22 AM EDT
[Last Edit: VidaEterna]
[#22]
Originally Posted By TheAvatar9265ft: My (now) ex-wife has both Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder and is being insane. I need ARFhelp! BACKGROUND - ARREST: ~3 years ago I initiated a divorce and I had to flee my house and call the police due to her threats of self-harm combined with property destruction and violence toward me all at the same time. She was the opposite of friendly and cooperative with the 10 LEOs who ultimately responded. She was arrested and charged with DV. Her attorney drug out proceedings for ~18 months before she pled guilty with a deferred sentence. An automatic restraining order was put in place, which she mostly abided by. It expired at the end of her deferred judgement just recently. NOW - NEW RESTRAINING ORDER: Crazy started sending me middle-of-the-night texts from multiple numbers, rejecting her diagnoses and manic, stalked me on social media... I did not respond, just blocked. She made comments like "knowing" she would "reunite" in a way easily understood to be a threat to come to my house. Judge issued a new temporary restraining order, but it's not in effect until she is served. I didn't know exactly where she lives, just her PO box, but the court clerk said "not good enough" and it's my job to figure it out. QUESTION 1 - HOW TO SERVE PAPERS? Googling her voter reg gave a physical address, but I heard she is no longer there. I sent the addy and papers to that LE agency's civil div. I am hoping those officers can either ask the people at that address where she is or use their police powers to look up better info. Friends following her socials say she may not even have a home, may be traveling in another state. Any ideas on a way to make sure she is served quickly? QUESTION 2 - ELECTRONIC TRACKERS? Before and during the restraining order (21-23), she knew my physical location realtime several times. I determined she wasn't tracking me by phone or social media. I was told to sweep my vehicle for trackers. Can someone recommend a device that can sweep my car for trackers? Will it find one if the battery is dead? Find a state licensed PI that has access to Lexus Nexus or CP Clear. They’ll find her quickly. See who can serve her legally in your state. Money is a motivator. If the Sheriff’s Dept. is the only outfit that can do it, find her with LN or CPC and coordinate the serving. |
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NC, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:57:05 AM EDT
[#23]
Sell old car
Buy replacement vehicle Move out of state You want your rabbit boiled? This is how you keep your rabbit from getting boiled. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 8:59:24 AM EDT
[#24]
Advice I got from an old PI: find people through their hobbies. Anything like a bowling league, knitting circle, favorite bar, whatever.
For finding the tracker, the only tool I have is a software-defined radio. I'd take the car somewhere electrically quiet and patiently scan the spectrum looking for pings. Focus on known cellular bands, the ISM frequencies, and similar. |
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CA, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 9:18:31 AM EDT
[#25]
When she texts again, ask her to meet up with you, then say, "You're served, bitch." Of course, have a server do it.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 9:24:32 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By TNC: Advice I got from an old PI: find people through their hobbies. Anything like a bowling league, knitting circle, favorite bar, whatever. Problem is it has to be served by the sheriff's dept. The sheriff isn't going to attend her bowling league at 9pm on Saturday night, or stake out Hobby Lobby waiting for her to purchase another Live Laugh Love plaque. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 9:32:25 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By colklink: /media/mediaFiles/sharedAlbum/planet-of-the-apes-charlton-heston-992.gif We don't even have pics yet. RULZ people. |
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WI, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 9:35:26 AM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By killstick_engaged: Newer phones will alert you if someone is tracking you. It's pretty cool. My non iPhone alerted me that I'm traveling with an apple tracker the other day. It was my wife's because it's on her keys and I borrowed her car but still pretty cool. That kind of sucks when using airtags to track stolen property. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 9:36:45 AM EDT
[#29]
I feel for you op. I had a BPD/NPD/HPD ex. She was bat shit insane.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 9:41:07 AM EDT
[#30]
Been there, got stabbed by a woman stalker who had a personality disorder. Had never even met her before it happened. It really rocks your feeling if safety
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USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 9:41:43 AM EDT
[Last Edit: jkm]
[#31]
Have zero contact with her.
File a detailed police report on any new events and keep a hard copy with you at ALL times. Use alias cell app and you may be able to determine who leaks your number. Dash cam up your vehicles. Make contact with court office of victim services and keep them posted. You will not want to do this stuff, but it is all needed for the impending reverse arrest she has planned for you. An event will happen. It may be a minor disturbance or a detailed SA accusation. This stuff does happen. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 10:36:00 AM EDT
[#32]
If it were me, I would do one or both of the following:
1. Witness protection program yourself. New town, apartment building with security and secured parking, new car, new haircut, new job, new internet aliases, put everything in an LLC so it's not in your name. Ever thought about becoming an ex-pat? 2. Reply to one of her posts or friend requests with the following: "You win, I lose, let's get married again. Meet me at Judge No-help's chambers Monday at 1:00 for the quick ceremony. See you then!" Good luck with the crazy! |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 10:36:26 AM EDT
[#33]
Does she like BBQ?
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MI, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 10:42:00 AM EDT
[#34]
Respond in a friendly manner. Suggest to meet for coffee. Let the police know time and place and her threats?
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Posted: 4/23/2024 10:56:57 AM EDT
[#35]
How does she like being licquored up and scantily clad? Asking for a friend.....
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USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 11:46:18 AM EDT
[#36]
You have all the needed evidence against this individual, indicating that there is a threat to your life. When the immediate threat presents itself to you next time, neutralize it while you can. I am not a lawyer.
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Posted: 4/23/2024 11:48:58 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By tc556guy: Law enforcement should be attempting service on a DV related OoP. Thats not for you to figure out Some county sheriffs have a civil division working out of the courthouse for this |
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USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 12:01:03 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StevenH: Some county sheriffs have a civil division working out of the courthouse for this Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By StevenH: Originally Posted By tc556guy: Law enforcement should be attempting service on a DV related OoP. Thats not for you to figure out Some county sheriffs have a civil division working out of the courthouse for this It does seem downright bizarre to expect a DV victim to serve their own protection orders. |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 12:02:52 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Karankawa: It’s not all bad. You got something going for you if you’re worthy of a stalker. My friend had his ex served on the first week of her new job. She thought it was someone coming to train her or something like that. Look up Apple air tags. They seem to be the most popular tracker currently. You can check for them with a cell phone. Now I feel bad. I've never been cool enough to have a stalker. 
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MS, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 12:14:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: ExFed1811]
[#40]
I was married to a BPD. I went through the same drama when I told her I wanted a divorce. She attempted suicide. Finally, I figured how to calm them down. Bore them to death. Give no reaction to anything and move out. No matter how crazy they get, do not give any feedback. Feedback is what they are looking for. Eventually, she will get bored and look for the emotional melodrama she needs like she needs air, somewhere else.
For the trackers, go online and see what the leading brands look like Most are little black rectangles. Put the car on a rack and get a flashlight. They usually aren't hard to find. They are good for about two weeks unless they have an extended battery pack or are hardwired into your car's electrical system. You could locate one with a Stingray, because they communicate via cellular service, but I don't know anything sold to the public to do that. I am less familiar with Apple Airtags and similar type trackers. |
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CO, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 12:17:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: TheAvatar9265ft]
[#41]
I had an iphone having friend check for an Air Tag... no dice (I'd assume it is dead by now).
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By TheLASwamp: I was briefly engaged to a woman who is Borderline. She was, by far, the meanest, nastiest, most awful human being I have ever known. And I'm being generous calling her human. Luckily, she found some meatball to focus on and she went away. They are terrifying people and I hope never to become involved with one ever again. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By TheLASwamp: I was briefly engaged to a woman who is Borderline. She was, by far, the meanest, nastiest, most awful human being I have ever known. And I'm being generous calling her human. Luckily, she found some meatball to focus on and she went away. They are terrifying people and I hope never to become involved with one ever again. Spot on description... really are terrifying. I understand she is between new targets so she is focusing on the old target. Originally Posted By hawkeye4771: You can try https://www.fastpeoplesearch.com/ to see if she legally registerred any new addresses. No dice... strange it has all her relatives, has me, has my relatives, but it doesn't find her by any means: phone, old addy, my addy, me, relatives... like she was scrubbed. Originally Posted By ScoutH57: OP does Colorado have protective orders? There's a difference between Protective Orders and Restraining Orders in many states. It's worth clarifying. If you are a victim of DV/FV you should be able to get one. The clerk is dumb it's not exactly your job to find the person for FV related issues but you can certainly help. @ScoutH57 yes this is a CPO. The expired one was a MPO. I don't know the difference between that and a RO, just thought I'd use the common term. |
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FL, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 12:22:08 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By TheAvatar9265ft: I had an iphone having friend check for an Air Tag... no dice (I'd assume it is dead by now). Spot on description... really are terrifying. I understand she is between new targets so she is focusing on the old target. No dice... strange it has all her relatives, has me, has my relatives, but it doesn't find her by any means: phone, old addy, my addy, me, relatives... like she was scrubbed. @ScoutH57 yes this is a CPO. The expired one was a MPO. I don't know the difference between that and a RO, just thought I'd use the common term. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By TheAvatar9265ft: I had an iphone having friend check for an Air Tag... no dice (I'd assume it is dead by now). Originally Posted By TheLASwamp: I was briefly engaged to a woman who is Borderline. She was, by far, the meanest, nastiest, most awful human being I have ever known. And I'm being generous calling her human. Luckily, she found some meatball to focus on and she went away. They are terrifying people and I hope never to become involved with one ever again. Spot on description... really are terrifying. I understand she is between new targets so she is focusing on the old target. Originally Posted By hawkeye4771: You can try https://www.fastpeoplesearch.com/ to see if she legally registerred any new addresses. No dice... strange it has all her relatives, has me, has my relatives, but it doesn't find her by any means: phone, old addy, my addy, me, relatives... like she was scrubbed. Originally Posted By ScoutH57: OP does Colorado have protective orders? There's a difference between Protective Orders and Restraining Orders in many states. It's worth clarifying. If you are a victim of DV/FV you should be able to get one. The clerk is dumb it's not exactly your job to find the person for FV related issues but you can certainly help. @ScoutH57 yes this is a CPO. The expired one was a MPO. I don't know the difference between that and a RO, just thought I'd use the common term. IIRC, theoretically the MPO is an immediate arrest for violation, while a civil PO may or may not. Being a DV issue though, any harassment/stalking she engages in makes the act a mandatory arrest as well. |
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NV, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 12:28:23 PM EDT
[#43]
If you are still involved in divorce proceedings see if serving her attorney would suffice in your jurisdiction.
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CO, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 12:47:27 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By detharin: If you are still involved in divorce proceedings see if serving her attorney would suffice in your jurisdiction. Good idea but no dice. Part of the crazy... divorce proceedings ended over 2 years ago! (and there are no kids, alimony, etc) |
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Posted: 4/23/2024 1:00:30 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JeepersCreepers: Problem is it has to be served by the sheriff's dept. The sheriff isn't going to attend her bowling league at 9pm on Saturday night, or stake out Hobby Lobby waiting for her to purchase another Live Laugh Love plaque. Our civil deputies would serve people wherever they could be found Used to get some complaints about people being served at work. Oh well. Don't hide from our guys, if that's what you're worried about |
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MT, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 1:06:12 PM EDT
[#46]
Have your attorney arrange service via a process server or private investigator. Don't try to serve her yourself.
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USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 1:11:32 PM EDT
[#47]
PM me her info and the court case number - I'll try to get you current information on her.
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USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 2:03:22 PM EDT
[#48]
OP - I sent you her info.
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CO, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 2:07:13 PM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Lawmonkey: OP - I sent you her info. Thank you!!! 
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TN, USA
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Posted: 4/23/2024 2:11:59 PM EDT
[#50]
 Need photos evidence to determine level of crazy. |
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