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Quoted: It really depends on whether y’all are on the same sheet of music about things. If you’re both there for a good time and nothing more, great. If she’s looking for a long term and you’re just there to wet your wick, move along and don’t waste her time. If you’re in it for the long haul, take it slow. Watch how she interacts with and disciplines her child. Watch how she interacts with her ex. Pay attention to how she supports the relationship between her ex and her child. I will say that you’ve thrown a few red flags out there already. Every time you speak positively about her, you lead with comments on her appearance, and other characteristics almost seem like afterthoughts. You’ve listed several negative qualities of her ex. That means she’s either got a problematic, drama-laden ex that’s already negatively impacting your life, or she’s bad-mouthing him to you. Neither scenario is good. Lastly, you say she’s been lying about you to him. There is no good reason for a grown adult to behave that way unless she considers him a danger to you or her, and that is not an evil to bring into your life. Short of that, she likely considers lying as a first line option for avoiding confrontation or uncomfortable situations, and that comes with a whole host of problems. Tread carefully. All of this ^^ You have enough Red flags now to simply eject. However, you seem to be simply looking to date, for now. Not a terrible plan to do ONLY that, as long as you do not get her pregnant, be very observant as stated above and do NOT get pushed into escalating the relationship any time soon. You have a very slim, sliver view of the over all picture right now. Her willingness to lie to the baby daddy is likely a natural act for her, so don't be duped, they can be very, VERY good at it. |
| I married a girl with a kid from another relationship. I too have a son from my previous marriage. Co parenting is a GIGANTIC pain in the ass and basically the only source of stress, frustration and arguments between me and my wife. I love my wife to death and don't regret what we have but it's definitely taken some getting used to and a lot of sacrifice and sometimes swallowing my pride to get through the bullshit. How me and her ex haven't come to blows is pretty amazing. |
| Not to get off topic. But, there is some tried and true wisdom in the western ideals of a man and woman being virgins, getting married in early adulthood, raising kids together as a team, and setting those kids off to do the same, all in the same community, with support. It's not perfect by any stretch, but its a hell of a lot better than what we have now. |
| Every situation is different. Mrs. 'Bravo and I came into the marriage with 3 kids each, so I guess our baggage was equal. Her ex, while kind of a douche just because he's from SoCal and that's the norm, takes good care of his kids and doesn't give us any trouble. Everyone's cordial and there are no issues. If they have kid issues, I don't interject. That's between them. YMMV. |
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Quoted: I appreciate all the input so far, aside from getting called a simp. I didn’t go into this thinking it would lead me to where we are now, it all just kind of happened. I’m mid 30’s never married and no kids. She’s divorced from the baby daddy but he is still around a lot. I kinda figured I’d just roll with it and see what happens. No plans to move in together or get married but curious to see where it goes. Mostly looking for stories or similar situations and how it worked out. O.P. When it all broke apart for me telling the kid was the hardest part. So just remember it not just the mom your are messin' with here. Don't do it move on. it will hurt more later.  
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This reminds me of the thread where the guy took in a stray pit bull and let it sleep in his daughters bedroom. Despite multiple warnings from site members that it was a horrible idea he made excuse after excuse and justification after justification in order to make himself feel better. We all know how that ended. |
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I have had friends make it work, but it is generally when both are older, divorced and on their second go arounds, and are interested in making it work over sweating the small stuff. Its better if both bring some baggage and see teh big picture rather then taking the downsides and making them deal breakers. ANd frankly, older men and women realize they dont have that much time left to play the game. If shes still hot and young, and so are you, tread carefully. If she is lying to him and told you she is lying to him, Im not saying eject, but those are a lot of red lights blinking in the cockpit. Any more signs of this BS and Id say take your game elsewhere. |