And FWIW, my last cruise was on Carnival. I expected to die in a gang shootout according to the naysayers here. But yet, here I am.  
Only real excitement was the first day when everyone boards and starts hitting the bars heavy.  Had a group of middle age white wommenz that looked like the school teachers that live in the trailer park type get a little tipsy before we left port and one was starting to dance on a pole.  
I had more sprue of the moment fun conversations with the crowd everyone accuses of causing problems. Damned cruise broke all the arfisms about cruises. Especially Carnival.  

Oh, I didn’t come back sick, but my wife came back with breast cancer and had to have a double mastectomy two weeks later.  Well, she took a mammogram right before we left.  Got the news on the drive home.  Does that count?

Nobody has asked about drink packages. My view is that they make sense if you're pretty sure BOTH of you will drink 7-8 drinks per day, every day, on board the ship. (Obviously, the drink packages don't cover your drinks when you're on shore.) Once nice thing about having the drink package is that if you want to try some crazy cocktail and you end up not liking it, there's nothing lost. Just order a different drink. They do cut you off at 15 drinks per day, however.

Drink packages vary by cruise line but they're usually in the range of $70-$90 per day, per person. And yes, both guests registered to a stateroom have to buy the package. You can't just buy one. If you purchase drinks individually, expect to pay $8-$15 each depending on what you get.

Regardless of whether you buy the drink package, you'll have to show your cruise card every time you order a drink and they'll keep a running tally which you'll see at the end of the cruise when you settle up. If you don't buy the drink package, you'll pay for every drink (unless you scam some complimentary champagne at events like the art auction of the sailing away party). At the end of the cruise you'll be hit with a huge drink bill, which may or may not be as much or more than what you would have spent on the drink packages. Either way, you're going to pay for your drinks.

Drink packages rarely go on sale.

Unlike buffets on shore, soft drinks are not included. It's water, tea, juice, coffee only on the buffet line. You pay for soft drinks. You can get a drink package that covers soft drinks and specialty coffees. Those packages cost much less than the alcohol drink package.

BTW, cash is completely useless on a cruise ship. Everything goes on the stateroom account.

I like cruises, so while I am going to say almost everything negative - I do enjoy them and look forward to them.

First off, I guess a lot will depend on the Cruise Line.  All of my cruises have been Carnival.  My wife has done some with her family on other lines.  Carnival is the Golden Coral of the Sea.  Be prepared for all you can eat mediocre food.  They have good food (hell bordering great food), but that requires additional costs and often reservations.  The fellow cruisers will be fairly diverse - well not really.  They will be either older or "budget minded" or perhaps families.  You will not be sharing much of the cruise with the elites of society, honestly probably the barely average.  Of course, that might describe me so...  The shore excursions will be overpriced.  The drinks will be overpriced.  The all you can drink package will be overpriced - but at least you don't worry about costs anymore with it (I think we got 15 drinks per day - that is more than enough to maintain a constant drunk).  Last cruise ago we did Nassau and Freeport (as well as 3 other stops IIRC).  Freeport really sucked.  Dirty flat island.  Nassau we did a private beach - it contained no real beach - but a man made cove.  The beach was off limits due to waves - it's the fucking ocean, there are supposed to be waves.  They said it was all inclusive - bull fucking shit.  The only drink covered was some Coolaid knockoff with the pathetic lunch.  Apparently Nassau has good shopping if that is your thing.  They supposedly have a nice waterpark - but why the blue fuck would I want to go to a waterpark while I am on a cruise.

That said, all in all - it was the best cruise I have been on.  The shore excursions were weak at best, but we decided to indulge in the onboard shows.  We got to know some of the cast, the cast manager was great with our youngest daughter.  We did shows every night, then went to the piano bar till closing (all you can drink package).  Had a great time, other than the excursions.  Key West was the best I can recall off the top of my head - and it sucked due to weather (we were trying to snorkel, but I was the only person in my family that could enjoy that with the weather).  Cruise before that was for Scuba and all the Scuba excursions were excellent - but other issues really marred the cruise experience.  A lot of that depends on who you are with - that kind of sucked.  That was a more southern cruise - as I knew I wanted to do heavy scuba so I picked a cruise based on the scuba destination.

Was on her in March. She’s due for a refresh so it’s the old Oasis set up so no sides, playmakers, etc. We were at 110% capacity due to spring break but never had an issue with crowds except when every single person seemed to want to go to the pool deck when we left PC. If you haven’t bought drink or dining packages better get to it. There’s a really good sale going on right now.

We stayed on board at Nassau because there were five ships in port and the last call time was 1430. PDCC was good but didn’t do anything specific.

Boarding day:


The Genie brought us an ice cream sundae bar before we watched the Aqua show. They will cancel it if the seas are rougher than glass.


View from the balcony

I haven’t gone through all the responses so forgive me, but which cruise line are you on? As you are a sailor and having been on the ocean before I would highly recommend you go a little bit higher end and do a river cruise in Europe. Just about to do our fifth one six weeks from now in Portugal.  Stay away from the aircraft carrier size boats. Go small, pay more, but enjoy every moment of it.  It’s worth every penny.

I found a quiet spot on the lifeboat deck to drink cold beer, read a book about German military history since 1500, and watch flying fish.  Occasionally I'd put the binos up to watch ships passing us.

For two full days.  

Then we went snorkeling and birdwatching and ate some great food for three days.

Then cold drinks and reading on the lifeboat deck for another day.  

It was awesome.

Look for all the fat people sitting in the jacuzzi because they are too fat to fit into the tiny showers to get clean

I’ve noticed that the newer the ship the larger the shower. Almost like they’re accounting for something. lol

That being said I like the showers better as the tubs are so high that it’s a non starter if you’re over 5’10”.

There is one way to scam the drink package - if you have a party that needs several rooms.  Minors are excluded, so you can book 1 adult with the minors and get a single drink package - or book the drinkers all in one room so the rest don't pay.

We needed 5 rooms 2 cruises ago, initially I was the only one with the drink package.  You can only get 1 drink at a time, so I don't want to know the miles I logged that cruise going to get drinks for the rest of the party - but damn it I was going to hit 15 drinks per day.  Wasting over 2hrs a day playing bartender sucked (15x10minutes - so 2.5hrs minimum to get 15 drinks served).  I got good at bar shopping, trying to find the closest with the shortest lines.  About 1/2 way through that cruise, 2 others in my party got comped package - so at least I was not running to get their drinks anymore.  We had a Karen and a Ken in our group - so having a good time was difficult.  The straw that kind of broke my back was when the Karen wanted to get a club manager fired because they let a white person karaoke a rap song - what a fucking bitch.  Maybe the kid was an asshole to sing that song in a mixed club - but none of the many black people in the club gave a rat's ass if a frat boy said N***r because it was in the lyrics of a song.


OK, I did not completely crack because of the Karen, I cracked because of a tour on Cancun.  We tried to do it ourselves and hire a taxi.  Taxi was $20 and took us to a crap beach - then demanded $100 to take us to a nicer beach.  That beach had one restaurant, so we ordered, and waited, and waited - we only had 3 hrs and it took 2hrs to get our food - which I think they ultimately just took off their buffet line (I think that was a $300 meal).  After waiting an 1hr and 45minutes - I laid into the wait staff asking what the fuck.  We were served 15 minutes latter - most of our beach time gone.  Oh, and the Karen did not talk to me again for 2 years because I was rude to a minority.  We were planning on driving home after the cruise - but she would not share a vehicle with us, so I paid for her air fair to get home.  I should also mention, I paid for the cruise for both her and her husband - he cancelled a week before and I could not get a refund - so I had to pay for an extra full room for the entire cruise.  FWIW, she is immediate family...  We eventually got over the cruise issue - only for her to go bat shit crazy because my wife called her one time when she was traveling through the town she lived in.  Apparently my wife was trying to kill her grandson by visiting (during covid).  We have not heard from her for the last 2 years.  The last interaction we had with her was when she dropped off the car she had been using for 5 years.  She called us when they were dropping it off, I did not bother to go outside (sensing a trap).  Yep, they locked the keys in the car - I assume they were parked a block or 2 away to get a laugh when we found out the car was locked with the keys inside.  They did not get the laugh, and I happened to have a spare key for it just in case...  Her biggest issue is we allowed her to grow up with white privilege.  You know, healthcare, dental care, a vehicle to drive, a house to live in.  I even offered to pay for her college - but it had too many strings attached (I said she would actually have to go to class).

Fuckin’ Carnival. I’d be so pissed if I was her.

Yes - It’s not a party cruise, more expensive, better cruisers.

On a serious note, on some ships they offer a very limited number of spa pool passes for sale, first come first serve, so go to the spa and and ask right when you get on the ship.

I don’t remember how much it was but it wasn’t too much, and it gives you unlimited access to the private pool and jacuzzis etc that are otherwise only available to people getting massages and the like.

My girlfriend and I took advantage of that once and it was so much nicer spending time together there than being at the crowded topside pool. Definitely worth looking in to

If you stop in Haiti do you get a cheap AK with paki tape to riot?

That brings up another good point. Washing glassware uses water which is a commodity on a ship. IIRC, you shouldn’t ask your poolside server for another drink, you specify that you’d like a refill, and that your drinks will be a buck or two less expensive when they reuse your glass.

My last cruise was 15 years ago or so, so can anyone more current on cruises confirm this?

The OP should take this warning seriously. Do not -- under any circumstance -- go on a cruise with mousehunter's Karen.

Pretty sure they jack you with the gratuity regardless of whether your drinks are through the package or billed individually.

I haven't had sex with a guy but I am pretty sure that isn't my thing either.  Ricky Gervais did a bit on that.

Screen name fits.

Walmart people can't afford good cruises.

If you're on a cruise full of that crowd, it's either too short, on a budget line, or both.

I don't know about the inside rooms or whatever, but I can tell you the balcony suites on a NCL Breakaway class ships have showers big enough for my wife and I to be in there together.

Expect to catch some kind of stomach bug because the booger-flingers on cruises only wash their hands twice a year.

Expect to feel like a retard that paid thousands of dollars to ride what is basically a Greyhound bus on the water...

I don’t really drink, don’t gamble, on a diet so can’t enjoy buffets, hate crowds / lots of people.

What’s a cruise got to offer me between ports ?

Because I’m not seeing anything , my brother wants to take a cruise to Alaska , to do so I have to fly from here to I guess California/ Oregon etc, then get on a boat I paid $5000.00 to ride on, where I have no entertainment, and eventually get to Alaska and get off to explore. I’m sure there is nice scenery near Alaska, but that’s it.

Vs… I simply fly to Alaska, explore, take some crowded boat tours for a day for a few hundred bucks, see the same cool shit and then back on ground and no more crowd a few hours later. Use that $5000 boat cost to explore Alaska, hotel rooms, buying cool shit, like a hunting rifle souvenir etc. plus I can take my ccw on a plane to Alaska, where I can’t on a cruise.

The only way a cruise would be attractive to me… I’m 25 again and single, on a singles cruise that’s 75% female, I’m free to drink, gamble , eat, party, and sport fucking the entire time. Sure, that sounds fun.  However, 56, married, don’t drink, don’t gamble, on a diet, hate crowds, it sounds like hell.

Pro tip, except on Disney cruises, you will often fine topless European women on the top deck.

Attached File

I won't say you're wrong.

The Alaska cruise is an entirely different experience than a cruise in the southern waters (at least from my experience). For one, it's a much older, more sedate crowd (though that impression may have something to do with sailing on Holland America). Far fewer kids. Far fewer young people. Obviously, the shore excursions are going to be vastly different. Instead of beach days and snorkeling, etc. the excursions are centered more on wildlife watching, nature, etc. Also, a lot of the allure is what you see from the ship. With a Carribbean cruise, the view is nearly always water. With the Alaskan cruise it's shore line. In fact, at least one day will be spent sailing inland to see glaciers.

As for seeing and doing stuff in Alaska, the first thing you'll realize is that a cruise ship only exposes you to a tiny (miniscule) percentage of Alaska. Look at the route map. All you're going to get a glimpse of is the southern most part of the state. If you were to draw a picture of Alaska I doubt you'd even include the part you cruise past. You won't go anywhere near the vast land mass of Alaska. You're basically skirting along Canada, which just happens to have a tiny sliver of Alaska along the coast.

The second thing you realize is that Alaskans live near the coast. Look on a map of Alaska and you won't find many big cities inland. Most of the populations centers are near water. The cruise ports are located in towns close to origination cities (Vancouver and Seattle) but large enough to accomodate 5,000 to 10,000 tourists descending for a few hours. Tourism is the lifeblood of these communities, so when you visit Alaskan cities on a cruise, you're seeing towns that basically would dry up if it weren't for you, the tourist. It's a really artificial experience (though that's probably true of most cruise port cities).

If you want any sort of wilderness experience on an Alaska cruise, you'll probably have to use some other form of transportation from the cruise port. You'll either take a bus, a train or an airplane to get you to what you want to see. If you stay close to the ship on shore days, you'll probably be visiting museums or shopping. Some of the ports have good whale watching nearby, but to reliably see bears you're probably taking a trip across land.

All that said, my one Alaska cruise was really enjoyable. It was a rather passive experience -- lots of looking and not a whole lot of doing -- but it had a good vibe. Everything I said in an earlier post about focusing on food was even more true on the Alaska cruise. Yes, some people hit the pool on the Alaska cruise ship, but I thought it was too cool for that. We were blessed with great weather the whole trip (no rain and clear skies) but a lot of people report being drenched all week. I'm glad I did it, but I probably won't do an Alaska cruise again. I much prefer to head south in the winter and find some sunny, warm weather.

Here's what I mean about the cruise ships only taking you to a tiny part of Alaska:



At least 97% of Alaska cruise passengers will select one of two itineraries. The "Inside Passage" trip begins and ends in the same city -- usually either Seattle or Vancouver. It's a round-trip boat ride. You'll be "at sea" for a day or two either at the beginning or end of the trip with either Juneau or Skagway being the turn-around spot. During one one leg of the trip you'll hit a couple of other ports along the way. If you start and end at Seattle, at least one port stop will be in Canada (British Columbia) to satisfy legal requirements that U.S. cruises on foreign-owned ships have to leave the country.  The other option is a one-way trip that either begins or ends up near Anchorage (the port is actually Whittier). This is the trip that people choose if they want to take a train or plane to Denali. Obviously, with this itinerary you have to book your arrival/departure air travel out of different cities. There are slight variations but the vast majority of Alaska cruises seem to follow these two models. Neither itinerary will take you anywhere near what you think of when you hear "Alaska."

I've never seen that. But I have heard there are specialty cruises specifically for nudists.

A floating Golden Corral

When I lived in SoCal we spent a lot of weekends and holidays on our boat moored in Avalon Harbor/Catalina, occasionally a cruise ship would stop by and disgorge a mass of tourists ashore for part of the day. The normally sleep little town would change drastically for those few hours. We usually just hung out on the boat avoiding the mess until they went back to the cruise ship.

That's obvious from your reply. You can "hear" a lot of things on the internet.

They might call it a refill but it’s not likely the bartender is going to make a drink in a used glass.  On Carnival they used to sell the Drink Of The Day in a souvenir cup and give you a discount on subsequent dod orders if you exchanged the cup.   There may have also been a discount if you ordered the dod in a regular cup.
Reusing towels is probably the best way to save water.

When my wife first raised the idea of going on a cruise, I told her I didn't want to go to a bunch of tourist traps or port communities that existed only to cater to cruise ships. In order to get me to go, she agreed to my selection of a cruise with a stop in Havana, Cuba. I figured that was one place that wasn't completely spoiled by tourists (yet, anyway). It was actually a really cool stop. We berthed at Havana overnight. We were there for 30 hours so we could come and go on shore several times during our stay. We came back to the ship to sleep but we had time to explore and check things out.

We booked one Havana excursion through the ship -- a group guided tour where we all rode in the old American car taxis -- but the rest of the time we explored on our own. We hired a horse drawn carriage tour with a super helpful guide (he took us to a restaurant in a private home where we watched them give dance lessons and helped navigate our purchase of cigars) and we hired another cab driver independently. The guy barely spoke English, but he showed us around to some cool stuff.



The non-English-speaking cab driver we hired. BTW, I brought along the hat and gave it to him as a gift. I also brought a Chevy hat that I gave to one of our drivers the previous day.

I wonder if any of the cruise ships have a bathroom with a toilet right next to the hull and a window you can lean out of while you're on the toilet.

You know, so everyone can get a senic view regardless of the condition of their intestines or stomach...

A short walk from the pier will be Margaritaville. It's nice. Cool lazy river and good food and drink. The cover charge is 40 or $50, I can't remember. But way better than $200 or whatever for Atlantis....

https://www.margaritavilleresorts.com/margaritaville-beach-resort-nassau


But frankly, in Nassau, we generally just stay on the ship and enjoy the quiet.

I'm pretty sure most modern cruise ships have their own water purification and waste water treatment systems.

Also, a lot of the drinkware is disposable.

For all this buffet talk, many/most cruise ships only have 1-2 buffets.

The NCL ships I'm familiar with have well over a dozen restaurants, and ONE is a buffet.

There are traditional dining rooms, a steakhouse, a Brazilian steakhouse, a French restaurant, a Japanese steakhouse, an Italian restaurant, a bar and grill, etc, but only one buffet. You may succumb to the temptation of really damn good, all-inclusive food, but nobody is force feeding you buckets of fried chicken and macaroni.

Also, most cruises aren't $5,000 per person, really nice dining is included in the price, you can opt out of the drink package, and the casino has a relatively small footprint on the ship.

There's a reason millions of people go on cruises every year and make that their annual vacations, and it's not for the sort of Golden Corral grade food and bottom shelf booze that Arfcom claims.

LOL!  My last was an older Carnival boat.  Much bigger showers than the tiny glass tube shower on RC.  Yea, I’m a fatty.  
But I think the larger shower was designed by someone from those Asian countries where they stand and squat on the toilet seat.  The damned shower floor divider bar was right where you place your right foot to sit and do your business.   Fucktards!

Lots of puking.

I love Arfcom Cruise Threads...

Eurogals know the best taytays are no-tan-line taytays

Make you clean out your bags.

It is going to depend on the cruise excursions  available to you during the voyage.

OMG, exactly what I was going to post!

We enjoy cruising. Have a good attitude and don’t let the small things ruin your time or affect your mood. Things won’t be perfect. Food will be decent but not great. People will be annoying. Just roll with it. Every cruise we have done we have found something on the ship that we have really enjoyed. Piano bar, comedy shows, bourbon tastings, etc. The employees in general are great…it’s amazing how many of them will remember your name. As for the stops we haven’t been to coco. We both said after seeing Atlantis in Nassau we both wouldn’t get off the ship next time. Nothing bad it just wasn’t our favorite stop.

Another thing to expect: On each day's activity schedule you will see a listing for "Friends of Bill" in such and such a room. I'm so clueless that on the first couple of cruises I went on I marveled that this Bill fellow sure takes a lot of cruises and always seems to take care of his friends. I finally realized these were AA meetings.

Have fun.

Often it is more fun to stay on the boat at some stops.

I enjoy cruises.

There is no need for motion sickness meds.

My wife and I as well as other family members have always had a really nice time on cruises.  

Ignore the middle school level people who have the need to be negative about everything.

Don't know about your planned destination though.  Other places in the Caribbean have been nice.