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I spent pretty good money down on a ranch in Texas to hunt a giraffe. Saved up for it all year long it was pretty excited about going with friends of mine. We are having a good time hanging out and enjoying being in the outdoors.

In the evening a friend suggested we get some hookers and alcohol to cap off the night. We had a great time until one of the holier than thou guides wake us up in the morning yelling at the top of his lungs about Democrats and such... then started complaining about the hookers and his family being on the ranch

We still had a good time, but I'll be damned if I give that guide a tip!
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All of them, see you tomorrow.

All of them are wealthy Mexican Nationals on Visas and legally live here.  I still don't like their mentality of entitlement and assholery.  You wasted my weekend where I could have had good clients, instead you want to get your willy wet by a NM 3 and sleep through hunts.

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Give him your meat stick to chew on instead. He'll probably appreciate it more than a tip, and you save on the hookers. Win win

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I spent pretty good money down on a ranch in Texas to hunt a giraffe. Saved up for it all year long it was pretty excited about going with friends of mine. We are having a good time hanging out and enjoying being in the outdoors.

In the evening a friend suggested we get some hookers and alcohol to cap off the night. We had a great time until one of the holier than thou guides wake us up in the morning yelling at the top of his lungs about Democrats and such... then started complaining about the hookers and his family being on the ranch

We still had a good time, but I'll be damned if I give that guide a tip!
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@Pirkle

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Drove 6+ hours up from Texas to Ada, OK for a trophy whitetail hunt. Met the guide, had dinner and planned out the next three days. Went back to the hotel at a decent hour to rest up for an early start the next day. Next morning, 5 AM, guide is no where to be found. Call his cell, pound on his hotel door until 8 AM to no avail. Call his boss asking WTF, pack up and go home.

Dude went back out after calling it a night, got shitfaced/drugged up and was too afraid to answer the door.

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Oh man, that guide went and messed up horribly.

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This morning I got up at 5am to get ready to go hunt, get breakfast, and coffee going.  I knock on the door to multiple rooms, one stirs.  I turn FOX News on really loud and start back talking all the news stories calling democrats this and that at the top of my lungs.  Then I escalate to going in the rooms and shaking individuals awake.  That was a bold move and I am glad the hookers left at 4am according to the Mexican National hunters we are hosting right now.  I didn't know they brought a bunch of hookers here last night.   One of the other guides said they were NM 3's.  I am not cool with this shit as I live on the ranch with my wife and teenage daughters.  I have a very low opinion of assholes that cheat on their wives.  I do want to get these fucking assholes gone as soon as possible, but they may not get up in the morning and they can not stay after the morning hunt because we have another group coming in.

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Had a friend try to get me to join a duck lease in TX. $1200/yr for duck hunting, another $300 to shoot coyotes for the year (haha...no thanks), and $150/hog. Got to talking to the owner and he was complaining about how the hogs were tearing up his fields something aweful that year. Was begging me to come shoot some. I mistook this as an offer to come see the property and shoot some hogs to help him out. He must have picked up on my confusion and said he would cut me a deal at $100/pig.

Told the old cooter he was nuts and to enjoy his hog problem....didn’t sign on the duck lease either. Greedy fuck wants his pig money then I hope he is prepared to lose his fields. I’m not driving 6 hours and pay him to take care of his own rodent problem. Fuck most TX ranchers. They made their bed and now they can lie in it. Viva la Piggy.

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Had a friend try to get me to join a duck lease in TX. $1200/yr for duck hunting, another $300 to shoot coyotes for the year (haha...no thanks), and $150/hog. Got to talking to the owner and he was complaining about how the hogs were tearing up his fields something aweful that year. Was begging me to come shoot some. I mistook this as an offer to come see the property and shoot some hogs to help him out. He must have picked up on my confusion and said he would cut me a deal at $100/pig.

Told the old cooter he was nuts and to enjoy his hog problem....didn’t sign on the duck lease either. Greedy fuck wants his pig money then I hope he is prepared to lose his fields. I’m not driving 6 hours and pay him to take care of his own rodent problem. Fuck most TX ranchers. They made their bed and now they can lie in it. Viva la Piggy.

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I went on a guided Aoudad ewe hunt in south TX once. Drove hours to get there. The guide started drinking as soon as we got there. Didn't tell me it was the middle of a hurricane. Refused to let me hunt from the ground, instead forced me to ride shot gun in an side by side while he chased exotics we weren't after and he drank beer. We went out to dinner one night and I had to buy his whole family dinner. The chicken wings they tried to feed me were 2 hours on the smoker short of being done.

3 days total in the rain and I still came home empty handed.

Worst canned hunt ever.

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Wow, I hope you left a bad review.

He must have picked up on my confusion and said he would cut me a deal at $100/pig.

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Fuck entitled pricks that think they should be allowed free use of shit others pay for!

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That's just crazy money.  Hell, short of shooting them at night through thermals, I wouldn't pay $15/pig.

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I'm a fast reader.

It sounds fun, other than the boozing. And raw chicken. And 40 miles.

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What are yours?

Saskatchewan whitetail hunt:
Well renowned outfitter that a friend had been to a few times.  Get picked up at the SK airport in a large van.  So over packed complete strangers were damn near sitting on each others laps for a couple hours drive.  Not a great start, but okay.  Husband and wife operation.  Nice lodge.  They both used to work in a prison (which I didn't know beforehand.) Ran the camp just like a prison.  It was horrible!  Want to hang out and checkout the successful hunters deer and BS with them when you got back?  Not happening for more than 5 minutes before the owner kicked everyone out.  Took your guns and locked em up in a shed at the end of every day.  Just a horrible experience with them from start to finish.... almost felt like being in jail.  Spent a lot of money to get treated like shit... most of the other guys in camp agreed.

I have a couple others I'll share .

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LOL, sounds like our all inclusive duck hunt at Reelfoot lake we booked pre internet days. Little did we know they were in the middle of a drought that fall and the lake was way down. All of the blinds were left in what amounted to dry fields.

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A friend said his uncle ran a trophy ranch in Brownwood, Tx. Had two cull bucks for $200.
I booked both hunts. One for me and one for my wife.
We arrived and got settled in to the 5 star newish bunkhouse.
Uncle took us to town and treated us to a great steak dinner.
Next morning I’m in a comfortable stand with the uncle. First light there is the biggest 8pt buck I have ever seen in Tx.
He says shoot it.
I say what is the up charge for that trophy buck.
He says stop fucking around and shoot that cull buck. I say that buck for $200?  He says YES! What are you waiting for? Shoot it.
Turns out that trophy bucks there wer 10 and 12 pointers. Mature 8s were cull bucks.
Couldn’t believe it. Wife got one just like it.
Next day we both shot does for $50 each.
My complaint? I had to go to town to buy two additional coolers to take the meat home. ????

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A friend said his uncle ran a trophy ranch in Brownwood, Tx. Had two cull bucks for $200.
I booked both hunts. One for me and one for my wife.
We arrived and got settled in to the 5 star newish bunkhouse.
Uncle took us to town and treated us to a great steak dinner.
Next morning I'm in a comfortable stand with the uncle. First light there is the biggest 8pt buck I have ever seen in Tx.
He says shoot it.
I say what is the up charge for that trophy buck.
He says stop fucking around and shoot that cull buck. I say that buck for $200?  He says YES! What are you waiting for? Shoot it.
Turns out that trophy bucks there wer 10 and 12 pointers. Mature 8s were cull bucks.
Couldn't believe it. Wife got one just like it.
Next day we both shot does for $50 each.
My complaint? I had to go to town to buy two additional coolers to take the meat home.

Quoted:
What are yours?

Saskatchewan whitetail hunt:
Well renowned outfitter that a friend had been to a few times.  Get picked up at the SK airport in a large van.  So over packed complete strangers were damn near sitting on each others laps for a couple hours drive.  Not a great start, but okay.  Husband and wife operation.  Nice lodge.  They both used to work in a prison (which I didn't know beforehand.) Ran the camp just like a prison.  It was horrible!  Want to hang out and checkout the successful hunters deer and BS with them when you got back?  Not happening for more than 5 minutes before the owner kicked everyone out.  Took your guns and locked em up in a shed at the end of every day.  Just a horrible experience with them from start to finish.... almost felt like being in jail.  Spent a lot of money to get treated like shit... most of the other guys in camp agreed.

I have a couple others I'll share .

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Why you would stay is beyond me, even if it was prepaid, and if it was you didn't do any reviewing, hey>

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Not my experience but something to think about.

A guy at my gun club was required to give presentations about poaching as part of his plea bargain.

He had used a Montana guide for elk 3 years in a row, all inclusive thing that included license and tags. He was contacted by a federal prosecuting attorney because the guide was not actually getting any licenses or tags. He cooperated and included all of his paperwork from the guide.

Bad decision. The fed prosecuted both him and his son under the Lacy act. He spent low 6 figures defending his son and then took a felony plea because he couldn't afford his own defense.

My take away was don't talk to the cops and check to make sure you're legal yourself.

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Is that you James?  Maybe I struck a nerve. To be clear I’m not entitled to anything on the mans property. He practically started the conversation bitching about the hog population and in the end wanted me to pay to help him solve it. I had no desire to hunt hog...only duck... but after he showed his ass I passed on his offer. Try rereading what I wrote...

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I have no problems with what you said about the old man. He seemed like he deserved it, and I’d probably say the same. Your quote about all the Texas ranchers is what struck my nerve. Not most of them are like that, but you seem to think you should have free reign of their place just because they have a problem.

By the way we allowed free hog hunting on our place IF we trusted you. That bit us in the ass several times too many though. People just don’t respect shit when it’s given to them.

Quoted:
Had a friend try to get me to join a duck lease in TX. $1200/yr for duck hunting, another $300 to shoot coyotes for the year (haha...no thanks), and $150/hog. Got to talking to the owner and he was complaining about how the hogs were tearing up his fields something aweful that year. Was begging me to come shoot some. I mistook this as an offer to come see the property and shoot some hogs to help him out. He must have picked up on my confusion and said he would cut me a deal at $100/pig.

Told the old cooter he was nuts and to enjoy his hog problem....didn’t sign on the duck lease either. Greedy fuck wants his pig money then I hope he is prepared to lose his fields. I’m not driving 6 hours and pay him to take care of his own rodent problem. Fuck most TX ranchers. They made their bed and now they can lie in it. Viva la Piggy.

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I've always gotten along great with my in-laws. And deer hunting is a big deal in my family and a really big deal to me. Big enough that I always dedicate one of my two weeks of annual vacation time to deer hunting. I'll do one year with my family and the next year with my in-laws and just keep switching like that. My in-laws land sucks but the deer get much bigger up north. My family's land in Missouri is pristine perfect and very large with better accommodations but the deer don't seem quite as nice. So there's benefits and downsides to hunting either place.

2 years ago I hunted with my in-laws when my BIL (kind of a famous dumbass) showed up. My in-laws are shitty communicators. Thought it was just gonna be my FIL but here comes BIL too. Whatever, it's not my land. But BIL is nearly 40 and admits that he's kind of scared of the dark so he needs a light on in the one room cabin for him to sleep well and the woods really spook him even though he's a goddamn apex predator with a high powered rifle.

So the night before opening we all decide where each of us will hunt. I'm last out the door by about 10 minutes making my final preps. Finally get to my spot to find out my BIL changed his mind and took my spot. Wtf. So now I have to really hustle to get over to where he was supposed to be. Not a good start.

Lunch time comes around and I'm hungry and frozen so I head back to the cabin. Bout 30 min later, BIL shows up dragging a bobcat he poached. He was hoping he could buy a permit for it. We explained that was no longer possible and his dad told him he needed to make that cat disappear. So he stuffed it down the outhouse shit hole.

I announced the weather was too fucking cold, packed up my shit and left. Swore I'd never hunt with BIL again.

So 2 years later rolls around. I'm talking 3 days ago. On Thursday I'm texting my FIL and he's asking when I'll get to camp. I tell him around noon. He says he'll be there then too. So I get to the cabin just when I said... and there's my fucking BIL. I said, this is a surprise, when's your dad getting here? BIL says not until around 6pm because he's bring BIL's kids.

You gotta be shitting me. These kids are wild animals. One is 10, the other 8. The cabin is perfect for 1 or 2 people. Tight with 3. And a major problem with 5 especially when 2 of them are I'll behaved terrors. From Friday night through Sunday afternoon they farted on every pillow in the cabin, repeatedly belched as loud as they could at the dinner table, spilled 3 sprites, 2 waters, 1 glass of chocolate milk, and a beer. They ate nothing but junk food and began to complain of belly aches. At one point I walked in the cabin and there sat the 8yo with a glass of vomit in front of him. His vomit. He was admiring all the colors in it. Feeling slightly better, he promptly went back to eating junk food.

The property they own for hunting has a steep, narrow valley as it's main terrain feature. It's heavily wooded, is about 1/4 mile long (though they don't own it all), 300 yards from ridge to ridge and each ridge rises about 500 feet from the base. The bottom of the valley has a deep cut ravine running along the bottom that is all but impossible to cross. I was told to hunt one side of the valley and across the ravine, on the opposite ridge from BIL's location. I can just see BIL's hunting spot through the tree tops. His is clearly the better spot as the morning sun hits it's slope first warming it and making it more enticing to chilly deer.

My BIL brought 2 rifles to hunt with to camp. Each had two stamps. One was a suppressed 10.5" BO with red dot. The other was a suppressed 14.5" 5.56 with a 1-4 scope. Neither had been sighted in. So the evening before opening day he's on the hunting property banging away trying to get a 28 yard zero. After about 20 rounds they're inconsistently on an 8.5x11 sheet of paper. Good enough he figures.

On opening morning some poor, stupid 4pt buck walks up within 8 yards of BIL and his 10yo. He let's the kid take the shot. It blew out his front right leg just beneath the body, knocks it down for a split second before it gets up again as a tripod and begins to hobble off. BIL shoots 3 rounds of 5.56 at it from about 15 yards, misses every shot. Finally switches guns with his son and gut shoots it at 20 yards. Deer drops and BIL immediately walks right up to it on it's downhill side. Didn't wait at all, at which point it stands up again. BIL points gun point-blank at it's vitals and blasts it which causes the deer to fall over dead on top of him. I could just barely see it happen from my position. Not that it mattered. He and his son wouldn't stop talking about how awesome it was and what great hunters they are. It then takes BIL over an hour of cursing at the top of his lungs, gagging and wretching to field dress the little thing. Then he drags it down the hill to the cabin. Meanwhile, nothing is going to even consider entering that valley for the commotion he's creating. His tirade echoed up and down that short valley. So opening morning is a total bust for me. That afternoon wasn't any better. I never saw a thing and normally this area is rife with deer.

I call my wife and tell her day 1 was a bust. She says, "no problem, stay Sunday night and hunt all day Monday. Things are fine here. Just get a couple of deer if you can."
Venison in various forms makes up about 95% of the meat our household eats.

So I talk to FIL and he says he's staying till Tuesday but BIL has to leave Sunday because his monsters have school. FIL is retired and doesn't have anything else to do until Thanksgiving day. Awesome! The circus is gonna leave town and I'll have over a day of peaceful hunting!

So Sunday morning rolls around and everyone sleeps in but me. I get out to my spot and things are picking up. I see some nice does on the opposite side of the valley but there was never a decent shot what with all the trees. Then I pick up on a couple of bucks not far from me. A real nice 8 pointer and a small 5 point. But they were well within the neighbors property and no matter what I tried they wouldn't budge from it and I wasn't gonna shoot across the property line.

Then I hear someone shouting my name from the cabin at the mouth of the valley. It's BIL calling me at the top of his lungs. The bucks move off never to be seen again. I grab my gear and shamble my way down the snowy slope to the cabin to see what the emergency was. He wanted to know if I wanted breakfast and how I liked my eggs. I had to stop myself from spazzing. Fuck it. I'm here. I might as well warm up, eat, drink some coffee, and head back up to coax some deer in. I'm officially half way though my 3 day hunt but things are finally picking up and BIL is about to leave with the kids. Then I look around the cabin and see everything is packed up. Everything but my stuff. I ask my FIL if he's leaving. Yup. Just up and changed his mind. He's preparing to lock up and go home. Hunting season is over. I packed up my shit and we all left.

$160 nonresident deer permit for 1 days of hunting and dealing with utter incompetence. But it's not my land so I'm not about to complain about it to them. If they had just told me ahead of time BIL was coming with his kids I'd have shuffled my schedule and gone to my family's place instead. But, no. They let me buy the permit and walk right into the shit show and only gave me about 12 hours of fruitless hunting for it.

I will never make that mistake again. From here on out my side of the family comes first. They can keep theirs.

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Had a friend try to get me to join a duck lease in TX. $1200/yr for duck hunting, another $300 to shoot coyotes for the year (haha...no thanks), and $150/hog. Got to talking to the owner and he was complaining about how the hogs were tearing up his fields something aweful that year. Was begging me to come shoot some. I mistook this as an offer to come see the property and shoot some hogs to help him out. He must have picked up on my confusion and said he would cut me a deal at $100/pig.

Told the old cooter he was nuts and to enjoy his hog problem....didn't sign on the duck lease either. Greedy fuck wants his pig money then I hope he is prepared to lose his fields. I'm not driving 6 hours and pay him to take care of his own rodent problem. Fuck most TX ranchers. They made their bed and now they can lie in it. Viva la Piggy.

Quoted:
A friend said his uncle ran a trophy ranch in Brownwood, Tx. Had two cull bucks for $200.
I booked both hunts. One for me and one for my wife.
We arrived and got settled in to the 5 star newish bunkhouse.
Uncle took us to town and treated us to a great steak dinner.
Next morning I'm in a comfortable stand with the uncle. First light there is the biggest 8pt buck I have ever seen in Tx.
He says shoot it.
I say what is the up charge for that trophy buck.
He says stop fucking around and shoot that cull buck. I say that buck for $200?  He says YES! What are you waiting for? Shoot it.
Turns out that trophy bucks there wer 10 and 12 pointers. Mature 8s were cull bucks.
Couldn't believe it. Wife got one just like it.
Next day we both shot does for $50 each.
My complaint? I had to go to town to buy two additional coolers to take the meat home.