I have failed in my duties as Kommandant of my Chicken Stalag. - Page 1

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - I have failed in my duties as Kommandant of my Chicken Stalag. (Page 1 of 3)

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:31:17 PM EDT

Yesterday I discovered four of the eight interned chickens had escaped from the camp that I not only designed but constructed.

I was assured by authorities that the breeds of chickens in question could not fly over a 6' high fence. This was not the case.

Layout of Stammlager Hahnchen I:

Attached File

The outer perimeter is constructed of 6' high welded wire. It is 20 feet by 30 feet in size.

There are three strands of electric wire on the outside of the perimeter, positioned at 6", 10" and 14" above ground.

The inner re-purposed dog pen is made of welded wire and measures 5 feet by 10 feet. It is enclosed with hardware cloth/wire set into the ground 12" below ground (and cemented). There is a roof made of chicken wire.

The coop is made of cedar and houses the chickens for the duration of the war.

They are allowed outer perimeter time to lift weights, exercise, and to my dismay clearly plan and execute escapes.

There is a dog house that doubles as a cooler for those who attempt to jump motorcycles into Switzerland.

The rules are as follows.

Kein Fleigen (no flying).

Kein Graben (no digging).

Kein Entkommen (no escaping).

I rounded up those who escaped and confined all to the inner pen. Their liberty has been revoked until the whole outer perimeter can be reinforced with thick nylon netting.

It is my belief that inmates Skynyrd, Eggo, Lucy and Pippy escaped en mass by first jumping on top of the cooler, then using that to go over the outer wire.

Skynyrd is the ringleader. Figures....Free Bird.

I assure you this failure will not be repeated. It is my wish not to be remanded to the Eastern Front.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:33:38 PM EDT

[#1]

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:34:51 PM EDT

[#2]

10/10 good read!

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:35:02 PM EDT

[#3]

I lost. Big time.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:35:47 PM EDT

[#4]

You'll never have as good of a record as Stalag 13 now.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:36:42 PM EDT

[#5]

To the ovens with them.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:37:23 PM EDT

[#6]

Calling @67Firebird

He can help with your interned poultry.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:37:59 PM EDT

[#7]

10/10 too funny. If they do it again have there leader shot at dawn!

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:39:16 PM EDT

[#8]

As God as my witness, I swear, I thought chickens could not fly!

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:40:02 PM EDT

[#9]

Lmao. Mine once attempted this. The guard Husky snatched one like a boss and the others ran back inside and all I saw were heads peaking out the door lol

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:40:43 PM EDT

[#10]

Separate their children from them and cook the children as punishment for escaping.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:40:48 PM EDT

[#11]

Scheming raccoon avatar is appropriate avatar

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:42:05 PM EDT

[#12]

I think you need to make an example of one of them.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:42:19 PM EDT

[#13]

Gliders or slingshots. Were the searchlight towers operational?

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:42:23 PM EDT

[#14]

Instructions for thread:

Play this song in a browser window: HERE

Read OP's post slowly and in a thick German accent.

PROFIT.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:45:37 PM EDT

[#15]

Those chickens are up to something...

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:45:53 PM EDT

[#16]

My schickens have been indoctrinated and subject to generations of selective breeding through incubation. They've become brainwashed. I let them out to work the fields in the morning and they are always on the roost at dusk to be locked up.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:47:10 PM EDT

[#17]

I'm laughing out loud at work. Great post OP!

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:47:28 PM EDT

[#18]

Wow...LMAO...

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:47:44 PM EDT

[#19]

Those chickens are up to sumthin'. I just know it.

Attached File

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:52:11 PM EDT

[#20]

Send them, to the coolah.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:53:59 PM EDT

[#21]

They almost made it.

Tramp, Tramp, Tramp, the Boys Are Marching

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AO6SmllpTR8

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:54:59 PM EDT

[#22]

Kommandant Käsebrot do your chickens look like this?

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:58:20 PM EDT

[#23]

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:58:23 PM EDT

[#24]

You had me at the thread title. Funniest thing I've read in a while.

Posted: 7/27/2017 3:59:24 PM EDT

[#25]

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:00:59 PM EDT

[#26]

Well done Klink!

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:05:06 PM EDT

[#27]

Quote History

Quoted:
10/10 too funny. If they do it again have there leader shot at dawn!

View Quote

And devoured at sunset.

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:09:37 PM EDT

[#28]

A great opportunity for "The Great Escape" sound track...if I had time...

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:15:51 PM EDT

[#29]

Quote History

Quoted:
Kommandant Käsebrot do your chickens look like this?
https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/images/ic/640x360/p01g4wvy.jpg

View Quote

Jawohl.

One of them was unable to destroy ze Ausweis they had altered.

Attached File

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:18:53 PM EDT

[#30]

Your mistake was to create an intermediate platform from which the incarcerated fowl could launch their final flight. 6ft fence is from the ground, not from the top of interior structures.

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:21:09 PM EDT

[#31]

Clip primary flight feathers on one wing per bird. This throws off balance and they will give up flying/jump flying..... mine cannot get over a 4 ft chainlink this way.

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:27:26 PM EDT

[#32]

Sorry OP it's off to the Eastern Front for you.

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:30:31 PM EDT

[#33]

Quote History

Quoted:
Clip primary flight feathers on one wing per bird. This throws off balance and they will give up flying/jump flying..... mine cannot get over a 4 ft chainlink this way.

View Quote

I have tried reason.

I am a reasonable man. They took advantage of my good nature and have run amok.

I must resort to harsher measures to return order and discipline to this rabble.

I will consult with the camp doktor about performing this operation.

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:39:49 PM EDT

[#34]

Guard towers...I didn't see any guard towers!

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:42:17 PM EDT

[#35]

Quote History

Quoted:

Guard towers...I didn't see any guard towers!

View Quote

The perimeter is patrolled by my German Shorthaired Pointer. She was clearly remiss in this case.

I don't know how to effectively punish her. She was clearly derelict in duty...yet she did not eat any of the inmates.

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:42:41 PM EDT

[#36]

Its...poultry in motion.

Posted: 7/27/2017 4:56:39 PM EDT

[#37]

Quote History

Quoted:

The perimeter is patrolled by my German Shorthaired Pointer. She was clearly remiss in this case.

I don't know how to effectively punish her. She was clearly derelict in duty...yet she did not eat any of the inmates.

View Quote

Is said Guard named Shultz? If so we have found zee problem. I suggest remedial training in basic patrol and apprehension techniques!

Posted: 7/27/2017 5:02:36 PM EDT

[#38]

Ausgezeichneit!

Posted: 7/27/2017 5:03:36 PM EDT

[#39]

Quote History

Quoted:
Sorry OP it's off to the Eastern Front for you.

View Quote

He lives in NH - not much farther east he can get.

Posted: 7/27/2017 5:03:57 PM EDT

[#40]

Your Dog(s)

Posted: 7/27/2017 5:04:10 PM EDT

[#41]

Quote History

Quoted:

Is said Guard named Shultz? If so we have found zee problem. I suggest remedial training in basic patrol and apprehension techniques!

View Quote

Don't bother - he knows nah-zing

Posted: 7/27/2017 5:05:23 PM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
Yesterday I discovered four of the eight interned chickens had escaped from the camp that I not only designed but constructed.

I was assured by authorities that the breeds of chickens in question could not fly over a 6' high fence. This was not the case.

Layout of Stammlager Hahnchen I:
https://www.AR15.Com/media/mediaFiles/41569/StalagLUFTIII-264320.JPG

The outer perimeter is constructed of 6' high welded wire. It is 20 feet by 30 feet in size.

There are three strands of electric wire on the outside of the perimeter, positioned at 6", 10" and 14" above ground.

The inner re-purposed dog pen is made of welded wire and measures 5 feet by 10 feet. It is enclosed with hardware cloth/wire set into the ground 12" below ground (and cemented). There is a roof made of chicken wire.

The coop is made of cedar and houses the chickens for the duration of the war.

They are allowed outer perimeter time to lift weights, exercise, and to my dismay clearly plan and execute escapes.

There is a dog house that doubles as a cooler for those who attempt to jump motorcycles into Switzerland.

The rules are as follows.

Kein Fleigen (no flying).

Kein Graben (no digging).

Kein Entkommen (no escaping).

I rounded up those who escaped and confined all to the inner pen. Their liberty has been revoked until the whole outer perimeter can be reinforced with thick nylon netting.

It is my belief that inmates Skynyrd, Eggo, Lucy and Pippy escaped en mass by first jumping on top of the cooler, then using that to go over the outer wire.

Skynyrd is the ringleader. Figures....Free Bird.

I assure you this failure will not be repeated. It is my wish not to be remanded to the Eastern Front.

View Quote

Clip their wings

Posted: 7/27/2017 5:08:25 PM EDT

[#43]

Quote History

Quoted:

The perimeter is patrolled by my German Shorthaired Pointer. She was clearly remiss in this case.

I don't know how to effectively punish her. She was clearly derelict in duty...yet she did not eat any of the inmates.

View Quote

You know what that means......

She was in on it.

You have a collaborator......

I'm afraid there is only one recourse......no more beggin strips for her

Harsh but fair