I will pay for one membership for the person that....... - Page 2

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - I will pay for one membership for the person that....... (Page 2 of 4)

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:45:12 AM EDT

[#1]

Here's my story.

Too good looking for TV.
Too good sounding for broadcast.
Too smart for Jeopardy!
Too good at dancing for Dancing With the Stars.
Too wealthy for the FSA.
Too well-hung for porn.

I weep at my suffering.

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:46:17 AM EDT

[#2]

Quote History

Quoted:
My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.

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Evil, where you been? Been Chillin' again?

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:47:03 AM EDT

[#3]

I got a $55,000 truck that I use for work.

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:47:17 AM EDT

[#4]

I dedicated all my additional funds that didn't go bills to paying off my credit card. I am just now out of credit card debt and I am working on saving up an emergency fund. I was a paying member on another site but had to let that membership go in order to achieve my no debt goal.

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:47:45 AM EDT

[#5]

Quote History

Quoted:
I got a $55,000 truck that I use for work.

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We don't believe you unless you post the pics!

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:48:30 AM EDT

[#6]

I haven't paid for a membership yet because..........

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:51:29 AM EDT

[#7]

Quote History

Quoted:
I was on my way to buy a membership but....
I ran out of gas. I... I had a flat tire. I didn't have enough money for cab fare. My tux didn't come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole my car. There was an earthquake. A terrible flood. Locusts! IT WASN'T MY FAULT, I SWEAR TO GOD!

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Posted: 5/26/2016 10:51:49 AM EDT

[#8]

I'm a 13'er.
I only make 87k, i'm not a millionaire like everyone else here.
I am mentally handicapped.
I spend all my momey on hookers and blow.
I need to save money for surgery on my genitals.

Posted: 5/26/2016 10:56:07 AM EDT

[#9]

On a serious note,

Have a 3 year old daughter with baby on the way in September, been to the emergency room twice in the last 3 months, once for preggo wife, once for the daughter. Also spending most my free time trying to help my folks with my grandfather who was diagnosed with a brain tumor about 5 weeks ago. He only has a few more weeks to live, they are moving him into my folks house.

Not really a sob story, it's not that sad. Just been hit with a bunch of bills lately. When everyone wants large sums of money on short order, it makes life a little hectic.

But I have never had a team membership, even when times were good and money was growing on trees.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:00:26 AM EDT

[#10]

Last year my wife quit her job to watch our two awesome boys full time. Then my salary got reduced by $15,000 a year. It's just not something I can justify right now on a tight budget. My wife's student loans cost a Mercedes payment every month.

Oh wait, was this supposed to be funny?

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:01:57 AM EDT

[#11]

A guy last night started a 'expired membership' thread.....8 team memberships were given away....none to the OP.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:02:30 AM EDT

[#12]

It itches when I pee.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:04:03 AM EDT

[#13]

Don't forget to link this with the haha pic in that guys thread

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:06:55 AM EDT

[#14]

American Express sent a hitman after me.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:08:07 AM EDT

[#15]

While I'm still employed for now. For health reasons I might not be for much longer. So I've cut back on everything . Don't really need a membership here though. As I can still sell things here without it.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:09:39 AM EDT

[#16]

Quote History

Quoted:

Don't forget to link this with the haha pic in that guys thread

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Posted: 5/26/2016 11:10:16 AM EDT

[#17]

Spent all my money on ammo and let other non-2A folks shoot it.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:10:16 AM EDT

[#18]

My job offered me a position in Georgia and I took it, no questions asked, just to get the hell out of this fucked up state I'm in. Now, I have a mortgage on a house I don't live in and am trying to find an affordable apartment for my family while the house sells. The real estate market sucks hairy ass in NY so my family and I may be stuck in a crappy apartment for awhile. Plenty of nice houses to buy down here, but there is no way I can do two mortgages. Fucking first world problems fucking suck.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:13:49 AM EDT

[#19]

i would buy a membership if they accepted Bitcoin or cash by mail.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:15:04 AM EDT

[#20]

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:15:26 AM EDT

[#21]

Self employed 2 torn rotator cuffs that need surgery, after 35 years of beating the fuck outta all things boat propeller related. Gonna be out for 4-6 months
Did I win

Thanks for playing

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:17:51 AM EDT

[#22]

Quote History

Quoted:

This is America, we are all born equal. Don't SJW my thread......

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Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I was born a poor black child

This is America, we are all born equal. Don't SJW my thread......

Don't worry about him, he has a special purpose.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:18:10 AM EDT

[#23]

On a serious note, I have been too busy a fuckin' to keep the white race goin' and a workin' to pay the child support and post quality content that I don't have the cash for a mag of 9mm, much less a membership. Props to Sylvan who lost a bet that paid for the last one, but it won't last forever. Pls help any way you can. No ragrets.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:24:55 AM EDT

[#24]

Quote History

Quoted:
I haven't paid for a membership yet because..........

http://www.themillergroup.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/JCLdMDveAn.png?4be9bf

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Log out and log back in.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:31:05 AM EDT

[#25]

I was doubled over in pain after eating a carolina reaper last night.

I filled the bathtub with cold water and I'm now sitting on the toilet naked waiting for the pain.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:31:45 AM EDT

[#26]

Quote History

Quoted:
https://media.giphy.com/media/3o85xCO2nvN0NwEJlm/200w.gif

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Posted: 5/26/2016 11:35:40 AM EDT

[#27]

Ehhh we have members here going through some serious shit.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:35:43 AM EDT

[#28]

I can't afford one because I'm hooked on the Hokey Pokey... ...and... ...and... ...I can't turn myself around.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:37:03 AM EDT

[#29]

Quote History

Quoted:
All these stories suck so far. I want to see something creative.

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I stopped off at the bar for a few drinks, had a bunch of people call complaints on my driving when i left. The cops didnt catch me until i was parked. I dodged the deuce but i got picked up for public drunk after i decided to switch strategies with the cop mid-encounter.

Now i got lawyer bills.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:37:15 AM EDT

[#30]

Are you aware that there are people in this world that have a severe
medical condition which causes them to be that way? My mother for
instance is one of those people. She is a truck driver that has bad
knees and a bad back from driving the truck but you probably do not care
about that case either. Oh well I am not one of those people I am 6'4"
245lbs and I exercise every day. I would love to see you say something
like to my mother in front of me. Probably never happen though you are
probably just an internet tough guy. I doubt very seriously you would
say that to someones face. Just my thought.What do you think. Oh I am
sorry you probably do not have a brain. I on the other hand will be
happy to buy you a plane ticket to come here and see if you have the
nerve to say that to someone I know.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:38:17 AM EDT

[#31]

All the best pregnant porn is on pay sites.

No money to renew.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:40:11 AM EDT

[#32]

Do you also give money to these people?

Don't encourage the behavior, man.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:41:05 AM EDT

[#33]

Quote History

Quoted:

I stopped off at the bar for a few drinks, had a bunch of people call complaints on my driving when i left. The cops didnt catch me until i was parked. I dodged the deuce but i got picked up for public drunk after i decided to switch strategies with the cop mid-encounter.

Now i got lawyer bills.

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Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
All these stories suck so far. I want to see something creative.

I stopped off at the bar for a few drinks, had a bunch of people call complaints on my driving when i left. The cops didnt catch me until i was parked. I dodged the deuce but i got picked up for public drunk after i decided to switch strategies with the cop mid-encounter.

Now i got lawyer bills.

I came to post this same story. It happened to you too? Ain't that some shit.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:43:55 AM EDT

[#34]

Was in a accident 2yrs ago. I've had three surgeries since then i have not been able to work. 3 months after the accident our twin girls turned 1yr. We don't have family close so her mom had to take of work for a week each time I had surgery and take care of the kids.

I'm a say at home dad until the kids go to school and I can go back to work.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:45:26 AM EDT

[#35]

Well it started when I was young. I was bullied as a kid, and my parents didn't really like me. We only got a computer when I was in middle school, but no internet, this was 1995-96ish. One day I came home and found an AOL cd in the mail. I got online and discovered the world of vagina. I had to stay up all night and browse because my parents would have caught me, so I didn't graduate school, since I slept through my classes. Well I started finding women on there wanting sex. Most were extremely hairy, some older then my grandma, but hey, once I finally had attention, I took all I could get. Well after knocking up 3 or 4 my funds from working at mcdonalds started drying up, due to support payments. By this time (17 or so) I learned to only fuck the ones over 50, so I don't knock them up. I then got fired from my job at mcdonalds for hitting up the senior citizens in the morning. Hell I knew THEY wouldn't be able to get me for anymore child support. I WAS BRINGING IN MORE BUSINESS FOR MCDONALDS THEN EVER and THEY FIRE ME!?!?!?! WTF I've been looking for work since, and AOL cds are hard to come by, so its hard enough for me to login.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:48:31 AM EDT

[#36]

Quote History

Quoted:

I came to post this same story. It happened to you too? Ain't that some shit.

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Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
All these stories suck so far. I want to see something creative.

I stopped off at the bar for a few drinks, had a bunch of people call complaints on my driving when i left. The cops didnt catch me until i was parked. I dodged the deuce but i got picked up for public drunk after i decided to switch strategies with the cop mid-encounter.

Now i got lawyer bills.

I came to post this same story. It happened to you too? Ain't that some shit.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:49:12 AM EDT

[#37]

This reminds me of the old game show "Queen For a Day" where three women would stand up and tell their
personal sob story and the winner was selected by how loud the audience clapped. The winner would get a washer & dryer
or a refrigerator or stove.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:53:39 AM EDT

[#38]

my dog broke his leg...kinda... long story short and 750 dollars later the Vet read the X-ray wrong due to the shitty monitor they used to read the X-rays on. Don't worry I'm sure the 750 bought them a new monitor! Do they have lawyers for this shit?

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:54:14 AM EDT

[#39]

I live in Iowa and we are suffering from Illinois transplants....specifically Chicago shitbirds. For the love of GOD, HELP!

Nothing worse than living breathing narcissistic FSA cumstains.

Posted: 5/26/2016 11:55:33 AM EDT

[#40]

I have been staring at your original post since 9:20:24 AM CDT...

in my best Obi-Wan voice, waving my hand and saying over and over again "these are not the panhandlers you seek"

I am beginning to think you must be Watto!

Posted: 5/26/2016 12:01:07 PM EDT

[#41]

Quote History

Quoted:

I stopped off at the bar for a few drinks, had a bunch of people call complaints on my driving when i left. The cops didnt catch me until i was parked. I dodged the deuce but i got picked up for public drunk after i decided to switch strategies with the cop mid-encounter.

Now i got lawyer bills.

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Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
All these stories suck so far. I want to see something creative.

I stopped off at the bar for a few drinks, had a bunch of people call complaints on my driving when i left. The cops didnt catch me until i was parked. I dodged the deuce but i got picked up for public drunk after i decided to switch strategies with the cop mid-encounter.

Now i got lawyer bills.

Funny story would have been funnier if you had the facts right........

Posted: 5/26/2016 12:09:07 PM EDT

[#42]

Never had a team membership in all my years here. Haven't a clue as to what benee having one would be.

Figured I'd try and win one over the years before I committed , my Guns and Ammo money funds.

If I would win one and find it worthy I'd be honor bound to pay it forward.

Posted: 5/26/2016 12:15:06 PM EDT

[#43]

To make ends meet with my part time job and 105 mile round trip, I have resorted to using as much hypermileage driving as possible (I've been getting 46 to 49 mpg.) Plus, I am eating mostly pasta, potatoes, beans, and rice. I'd like fresh vegetables and meat, but that requires more trips to the store which is 25 miles away, and money I don't have. Pasta, potatoes, beans and rice keep well.

My part time job only pays me for 16 hours a week, and there is no ability to work more hours. In fact, I usually only work 10 hours a week, but they pay me to show up four days a week with 4 hours show-up time.

My yard is a mess with grass that is more than a foot high in many places. I cannot mow the entire thing since I use a scythe. It gets dull before I finish 1/6th of it. Also, I am pretty beat at that time as well. Sharpening the thing requires beating on it with a hammer over a shaped anvil to thin the edge, then finally honing the edges with a whetstone.

The other thing that has been hanging over my head that I am trying to figure out how to afford, is that my house needs new plumbing. I have the new plastic pipe dug in, from the meter vault to the house, but I need to finish the hole in the rock basement wall before I hook anything up. I have a four inch deep hole in the first quartz stone which has taken me three years to get that far. I have no idea what kind of rock is behind it. It may be either quartz, granite, or basalt.

My garage either needs to be rebuilt, or at least a new roof. I'd like to put a slightly larger pole barn in its place, but again, I cannot afford this at this time.

I've not shot anything but air rifles for some time because it is the only ammo I can afford. Plus I bought tens of thousands of pellets back when I was more solvent.

Posted: 5/26/2016 12:16:52 PM EDT

[#44]

getting divorced, finances under scrutiny. about to lose my house & a lot of other things most people take for granted.

Posted: 5/26/2016 12:19:14 PM EDT

[#45]

Quote History

Quoted:
Does it have to be true?

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Ain't no use in letting the truth get in the way of a good story!
Hessian-1

Posted: 5/26/2016 12:20:02 PM EDT

[#46]

Quote History

Quoted:

Funny story would have been funnier if you had the facts right........

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Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
All these stories suck so far. I want to see something creative.

I stopped off at the bar for a few drinks, had a bunch of people call complaints on my driving when i left. The cops didnt catch me until i was parked. I dodged the deuce but i got picked up for public drunk after i decided to switch strategies with the cop mid-encounter.

Now i got lawyer bills.

Funny story would have been funnier if you had the facts right........

So thats a no on the membership then?