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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:03:43 PM EDT
[#1]
Am I really the first? No Sex is the the definition of marriage!
Monkeyonthedrumset.gif 
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:10:58 PM EDT
[#2]
Barring medical issues, I don’t see who wouldn’t want sex in a healthy marriage. Drives may vary, but I don’t see it being completely off the table assuming no medical issues. I would think that, outside of a few extreme examples, lack of any sexual intimacy whatsoever would indicate an unhealthy marriage.
That’s just me, though. 
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:12:58 PM EDT
[#3]
for me it is
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:24:37 PM EDT
[#4]
Told my wife this after this topic came up, due to a buddy getting none for 6+ months.
2 weeks- we talk 2 months- it's a Dr visit 4+ months- its lawyer time. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:26:57 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted: At 30 one or both are getting it elsewhere at 50 who gives a shit. Snip 50 who gives a shit.  Maybe for some, I am having more than when I was 30. Not with 50 year olds though.. And yes op for me it was over. I stayed too long though |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:30:11 PM EDT
[#6]
52, wife 48.
Yes if sex is withheld it's a deal breaker. That is the ultimate form of communication and intimacy. I could not imagine a life without that pleasure. And as for the age stuff, I know we have gotten better with age. For the young married guys if you play your cards right and stay physically healthy the sex is better than you can imagine! |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:30:42 PM EDT
[#7]
I'm not a horndog goat anymore, but it's still fun and enjoyable. None at all? Fuck all that. My wife and I were talking about this yesterday actually. She's still very normal in that regard. A friend of hers hasn't and won't. Apparently it's been a long, long time for her and her husband. My wife keeps telling her that it isn't normal to go see a doctor. Which I agree. Don't get me wrong, some folks can get it on daily, some a few times a week, some a few times a month. But regardless, they still want it. Someone not wanting it isn't normal at all. Barring medical problems.
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:41:32 PM EDT
[#8]
A medical condition is not grounds for ejection. "In sickness and in health".
Lack of sex due to lack of intimacy, on the other hand, is no bueno and must be dealt with sooner or later. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:42:24 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: It's over Unless the couple is really old or a medical condition. Plenty of older people are in the same boat. They still love their spouse even though there is no sex. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:43:06 PM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted: If she ain’t fuckn you she is fuckn someone else. That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:43:49 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted: That's one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:46:32 PM EDT
[#12]
Marriage has it’s up and downs.
Just because your marriage is currently on the down doesn’t mean it’s over. Maybe people need to reevaluate their expectations. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:49:23 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Depends on a lot of things. But if there are no medical reasons and she withholds sex then it’s over. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:50:02 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My husband will be 50 in 2 months and I certainly give a shit.  We're in our mid sixties and still active |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 12:50:56 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Barring medical issues, I don’t see who wouldn’t want sex in a healthy marriage. Drives may vary, but I don’t see it being completely off the table assuming no medical issues. I would think that, outside of a few extreme examples, lack of any sexual intimacy whatsoever would indicate an unhealthy marriage. That’s just me, though. We were talking once, and he said that his wife's sex drive dropped off after their first kid, and disappeared completely after their second. Said that every once in awhile, he'd go out and get laid, and that worked for them. Said he was pretty sure she knew, but didn't care. He said, other than the sex, she was good wife: kept a clean house, good cook, good mother. She got what she wanted out of the relationship, and he got what he wanted. I dunno... seemed weird to me, but whatever. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 1:13:57 PM EDT
[#16]
It's 10% of the problem if it is happening, 90% of the problem if it isn't
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Posted: 5/3/2023 1:21:38 PM EDT
[#17]
for a marriage -- i lean towards yes its over -- of course barring a medical condition.
there should be a reasonable effort made to accommodate the other's intimate desires. of course no two people likely have 100% identical drive. and even that drive may change from month to month -- based on factors like illness, stress, work, fatigue, etc bottom line -- it can be complicated. but BOTH sides need to make a concerted effort to understand the other. (point of reference -- married 20+ years -- have sex multiple x per week still. as toby keith sang -- we're not as good as we once were -- but we're as good ONCE as we ever were... )
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Posted: 5/3/2023 1:31:45 PM EDT
[#18]
Yes. In my case it was.
They are getting it elsewhere. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 1:47:00 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Weird that you say that. I worked with a guy years ago, one of these these people liked to "share." We were talking once, and he said that his wife's sex drive dropped off after their first kid, and disappeared completely after their second. Said that every once in awhile, he'd go out and get laid, and that worked for them. Said he was pretty sure she knew, but didn't care. He said, other than the sex, she was good wife: kept a clean house, good cook, good mother. She got what she wanted out of the relationship, and he got what he wanted. I dunno... seemed weird to me, but whatever. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Barring medical issues, I don’t see who wouldn’t want sex in a healthy marriage. Drives may vary, but I don’t see it being completely off the table assuming no medical issues. I would think that, outside of a few extreme examples, lack of any sexual intimacy whatsoever would indicate an unhealthy marriage. That’s just me, though. We were talking once, and he said that his wife's sex drive dropped off after their first kid, and disappeared completely after their second. Said that every once in awhile, he'd go out and get laid, and that worked for them. Said he was pretty sure she knew, but didn't care. He said, other than the sex, she was good wife: kept a clean house, good cook, good mother. She got what she wanted out of the relationship, and he got what he wanted. I dunno... seemed weird to me, but whatever. Really weird, but that’s one of those few extreme examples. I will add that emotional connection is also vital for a healthy relationship. When that emotional connection is gone, the relationship is on just as much shaky ground as when the sexual connection is shut off. Men seem to pick up on the sexual need but gloss over the emotional need, and women seem to gloss over the sexual need and pick up on the emotional one. It takes both to succeed, and lack of either or both signals problems. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 1:48:13 PM EDT
[#20]
My opinion would be yes unless due to medical reasons or old age.
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Posted: 5/3/2023 1:58:34 PM EDT
[#21]
A buddy of mine told me he is in a 4 mo dry spell. Poor bastard. I dont put up with that. Got married, says to world that i am yours and you are mine.
Me? After two weeks I have told woulda told her if she doesnt get busy with me she’ll wake up with me rubbin’ one out in her hair. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 2:41:17 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My wife and I are in our 50's. She is menopausal and a PITA. Very little sex. But I'm an ugly and grumpy old man with few good options so what can I do? Give yourself a hand. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 2:42:41 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted: As with everything in life, there's no simple yes or no here. There are too many if/ands/buts involved between two people to determine the answer to your question. Yes but this is GD. Has to Putin, trannies, EVs or incels. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 2:44:44 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My husband will be 50 in 2 months and I certainly give a shit. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: At 30 one or both are getting it elsewhere at 50 who gives a shit. My husband will be 50 in 2 months and I certainly give a shit. Come back to us in 2 months and say that.
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Posted: 5/3/2023 2:48:43 PM EDT
[#25]
A friend of mine was 38, his wife was 50 and she decided their sex life was over so he was cut off. During a conversation w/ his wife my wife asked "Why don't you let him get a surrogate then?"
"I would but knowing him he couldn't keep it as just a sexual relationship so no" Bullshit. She knows he would quickly realize being married to her is not in his best interest. The man is now 53 so no action for 15 years. When one partner gives up on the physical part of the relationship just because then IMO the other partner is free to get it wherever he/she can. And to the people who say, "The guy should just get a divorce before he cheats" that would work IF the courts were 50/50 but they are not. He files for divorce, a judge splits everything 50/50, orders him to pay alimony (sometimes for life) and child support, he has to move out and ends up living a shitty one bedroom apartment |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 2:58:26 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted: At 30 one or both are getting it elsewhere at 50 who gives a shit. Both 54 here, married 21 years and fuck about 6 days a week. Breaking out the sex bench tonight.  |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:01:40 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My wife and I are in our 50's. She is menopausal and a PITA. Very little sex. But I'm an ugly and grumpy old man with few good options so what can I do? Hormone replacement. Crazy that people are still aging like their parents/grandparents. Sad actually. Options for staying healthy are out there and people are to lazy to take advantage. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:06:25 PM EDT
[#28]
It’d be over for me, personally.
Not staying with someone who willfully withholds sex from me. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:09:23 PM EDT
[#29]
No sex = OVER!
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:11:03 PM EDT
[#30]
I won't go more than a week without it; first wife learned the hard way, new chick is still safe. If I'm not getting it at home, I'll get it at a hotel.
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:20:16 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I won't go more than a week without it; first wife learned the hard way, new chick is still safe. If I'm not getting it at home, I'll get it at a hotel. Maybe don’t get married? |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:24:10 PM EDT
[#32]
Quoted: Just a discussion with some friends about relationships, in what they are and how they work. Someone said that if there is no sex, the relationship or marriage is over. Someone else said there are other ways to be intimate and care and remain in the relationship, even if there is no sex. Barring medical issues, which is correct? If a marriage or relationship has no sex is it over? I made a sworn oath before God and friends "for better or worse, for sicker or poorer" to remain with my wife. IMHO - the only out for that is infidelity, which lack of sex can lead to |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:25:32 PM EDT
[#33]
A question for those who ejected because of it. How long did you hold on for your kids?
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:27:00 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I won't go more than a week without it; first wife learned the hard way, new chick is still safe. If I'm not getting it at home, I'll get it at a hotel. *snicker* |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:37:08 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I'm not a horndog goat anymore, but it's still fun and enjoyable. None at all? Fuck all that. My wife and I were talking about this yesterday actually. She's still very normal in that regard. A friend of hers hasn't and won't. Apparently it's been a long, long time for her and her husband. My wife keeps telling her that it isn't normal to go see a doctor. Which I agree. Don't get me wrong, some folks can get it on daily, some a few times a week, some a few times a month. But regardless, they still want it. Someone not wanting it isn't normal at all. Barring medical problems. Absolutely! My wife has thyroid issues, and has had forever... despite getting those levels sorted out, she was always tired and had essentially zero sex drive. She finally found a useful Dr that did some blood testings and found out her Testosterone levels were single digit! Things were much better after that got sorted out! |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 3:42:00 PM EDT
[#36]
If there is no sex is the marriage/relationship over?
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:07:44 PM EDT
[#37]
Its over
period Let it go |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:21:29 PM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Come back to us in 2 months and say that. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: Quoted: At 30 one or both are getting it elsewhere at 50 who gives a shit. My husband will be 50 in 2 months and I certainly give a shit. Come back to us in 2 months and say that. I used to think it would be gross in our 40s but since it's definitely not and we're this >< close to our 50s I doubt it'll be gross then either. I still think it'll probably be gross in our 60s. 
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:27:46 PM EDT
[#39]
IMO, Less sex reduces intimacy, which makes your partner more like a roommate. There is less desire to resolve conflicts, making the relationship more difficult.
The age comments are a little funny. I'm 57, wife is 51. We've been together thirty years. Sex ain't what it used to be (almost every night) but still pretty good by long term relationship standards. I think we still average sex about twice a week. My libido is "OK" for a guy my age but was much stronger ten years ago. TRT helped a little, but guys here talk like it'll make you so hard a cat can't scratch it. That hasn't been my experience. Still, after about four days I start to get the urge, and it doesn't take much to get her motor running. Libido seems to be better when I'm on vacation and not dealing with daily stressors. It also helps that she's attractive and hasn't turned into the hambeast many of my former girlfriends have become. She's told me that when she goes through menopause to make her go get HRT. I'm sure one day will come when we don't care at all about sex, but I feel that is at least ten years off for me. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:33:49 PM EDT
[#40]
Bullshit on age.
My father and stepmother will be 76 this month. As of last fall they both said they were still having sex. They will be married 40 years in '24. My wife will be 50 this month and I'm not too far behind. Sex 3 times over the weekend alone. She wanted it the last two nights but didn't tell me (you know I'm supposed to read her mind). Said I better give it up tonight or I will be in trouble. We've been together 9 years My wife's brother just ejected from a sex less marriage. It causes problems. They would fight a lot. They were miserable. She is a very nice woman but isn't interested in sex. I doubt she will ever be with anyone the rest of her life. So the comment that if they aren't having sex with you it's with someone else can be incorrect. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:36:04 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I took the class. Eye opening. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: This guy gets it… ask me how I know. I took the class. Eye opening. I too, would have treasured being ignorant of the experience. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:37:47 PM EDT
[#42]
I would think GD understood that fornication is only for the married and only for pro creation.
cherry pickin morals ? |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:40:15 PM EDT
[#43]
Pretty much, unless there's a damned good reason.
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Posted: 5/3/2023 4:55:45 PM EDT
[#44]
Texted my ex-wife for an answer.
She says it’s not important and I’m an asshole for asking so it’s unclear if it matters…. |
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Posted: 5/3/2023 5:33:28 PM EDT
[#45]
A relationship is over when 1 or both people decide it’s over and walk away. The reasons for that decision are as varied as anything. Sex may or may not have anything to do with it.
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Posted: 5/3/2023 6:01:47 PM EDT
[#46]
Ok, all you guys with women yelling "health" issues (menopause, thyroid, etc.)???
I call bullshit.... IMO, that doesn't fall into the "She can't", it falls into "She won't" A woman called Dr. Laura, who was honest that medically/physically she lost interest in sex - but did she throw in the towel? No. She sought treatment cuz she actually didn't see the "In sickness and in health" as a one-way street. I also knew a married guy whose ex would claim she had a UTI (which I "get" where she's coming from) and all kind of other physical excuses - but when he asked to go to the Dr. with her? Nope...she declined. He did say she was abused as a child - so there you go. In sum, lots of women using the physical as an excuse to be lazy and/or act out some trauma they had and guys shouldn't tolerate that shit...IMO. But I guess, like Dr. Laura says, guys usually can't be alone - especially when they've been with a woman for years. Me? Again, I have my male "buddy" and am not putting out job applications for any more "buddies" - I need a "lover" 
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Posted: 5/3/2023 6:12:58 PM EDT
[#47]
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Posted: 5/6/2023 8:32:41 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted: At 30 one or both are getting it elsewhere at 50 who gives a shit. Post 50 and I'm nailing more younger and hotter chicks than ever before. Most men in their 30's today are worthless and so much more effeminate than woman of the same age group, that the 30 something women want a man to fuck them and fuck them good and hard. They don't want to be holding the younger "man" together while he rage quits at the first trigger word and endlessly moans about his feelings. |
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Posted: 5/6/2023 8:35:07 PM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I would think GD understood that fornication is only for the married and only for pro creation. cherry pickin morals ? Pro creation? Intimacy is not solely for pro creation. If that was the case, God would have had the timeframe to get pregnant substantially longer than what we have. |
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Posted: 5/6/2023 8:40:01 PM EDT
[#50]
I don't expect most 90 year Olds to have sex.
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