Folks from up north tend to make a big deal about it.

Folks from Texas make a bigger deal about it and are right.

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Pfft, I've got three for free!

Yeah, well, the hooker gave me my money back with a tip!

iirc you can find hielo's masterpiece by searching for "the grand unveiling"

@wakeboarder is my muse

…and everyone clapped!

SNL did a skit about the habitual one upper.

Oh yeah? Well I left Matt Damon stranded on mars, so.

All I can say is I was in a stationary vehicle hit by a moving house. True story.
Sometimes I don't tell stories that would fit in the conversation, not because they aren't true, but it would SOUND like they weren't, and I hate being called a liar for something that was totally true.
I had a friend who lost his mind as all of us from high school got older, had decent jobs, got married, and he was still living with his mom, and couldn't get laid with gold bars in his pocket, so he invented a girlfriend. He ran with it so hard that she had given him a brand new Mustang, but it was always in the shop when we wanted to see it, along with all the other expensive goodies. The last straw was him giving her address to one person, and it turned out to be an empty lot on the north side of town. He got so wrapped up in his delusions that the ambulance company fired him. Haven't seen him in years.

Thats nothing, I was all of his lost weight while stranded on Mars.

In for more one upper stories.

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I think we must have his twin brother working here because your description fits this guy perfectly.  I joked about him with a co-worker and said if you showed this guy your new watch, he'd tell you how he invented time.  

Thankfully he's only a part timer.  I hadn't seen him in a while, and I asked another one of my coworkers about him.  She said, "Oh, he had a heart attack and will be out for a while."

My reaction:  FINALLY!!  Something he CAN'T one-up me on!!

I've had two!*




*And I only missed a day and a half of work on the 2nd one.  So there.  

Ok.

A friend I used to ride motorcycles with almost 30 years ago taught me the entertainment value of biting my tongue and not being so quick to blurt out "bullshit" when I am around "one-uppers" or the guy who always caught the biggest fish.

He was a much better actor than me and almost had it to an art form in encouraging people and egging them on with their stories.

For instance, if a guy said something like "I ride an XYZ Eleven Hundred and I have had it up to 264 miles per hour", his response would be a very sincere looking "really?"

Then he would ask that person "Is that the new model with dual chain drives?" knowing good and well there is no such thing.

It was all I could do to not laugh out loud when he when was bull shitting a bull shitter, and in fact at least once I had to walk away.