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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:27:47 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
At my age, I'm pretty sure I don't want to even look at any of the women I went to school with.   
Same here! |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:28:56 AM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I will be honest, I have been struggling more and more with this issue of late. My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is 42, I am 40. My wife was a super horn-dog up until about three years after our daughter was born seven years ago. That is when the perimenopause started and her libido practically disappeared. Since then she gets the "urge" for sex once, maybe twice per year. We still have sex once or twice per month, but I can tell she totally isn't into it and would rather be watching TV or sleeping. She claims the problem is her work requires she gets up early, is tiring and stressful, but she is a middle school teacher and doesn't really work long hours and gets four months per year off on vacation. I have noticed since the perimenopause kicked in she has far less energy than before. Might just be getting older also. I work long(er) hours than she does, and get up only an hour after she does, but I'm just as energetic and alive as I was when I was twenty. And my libido hasn't diminished one bit in all those years. I've urged her to see a MD, but she just never takes any action about it and when we "discuss" the lack of a sex life issue it just ends up in a fight where she says I'm being selfish and not thinking about her needs. So yeah, my eyes have been wandering more lately, and I've been having thoughts more and more about getting something on the side. But what keeps me from doing it is love for my wife and kids and not wanting to destroy my family. Those of you with spouses who still get that "burning desire down south" frequently are lucky. Never take that for granted. Amberen is a big help. Have her check it out. |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:37:20 AM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted: It will never stop, no. Avoid stupid situations, exercise self control, and you'll be fine. |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:41:34 AM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Having urges makes you human, controlling them makes you a man. |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:46:12 AM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Well, I texted him that question 18 minutes ago (right after he sent ME a text) and haven't gotten a reply back yet. I guess that settles that, then. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
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I notice if men are attractive but there's no *urge.* Only one man brings that out. Not sure how far it goes for him. I'd like to think he's just noticing and appreciating their beauty and not engaging in a full-on sex romp with them in high definition in his head but we've never discussed it.
I'm not sure I would ever want to know the answer to that question. Well, I texted him that question 18 minutes ago (right after he sent ME a text) and haven't gotten a reply back yet. I guess that settles that, then. Wait you forgot the other thread. Have to send him a second text for a reply, its that 2/3rds rule..... 
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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:46:56 AM EDT
[#6]
I feel bad for anyone whose significant other doesn't elbow them and point out hot chicks with a discrete nod of the head.
Seriously, the shit some of you guys put up with... |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:49:11 AM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Wait you forgot the other thread. Have to send him a second text for a reply, its that 2/3rds rule..... Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I notice if men are attractive but there's no *urge.* Only one man brings that out. Not sure how far it goes for him. I'd like to think he's just noticing and appreciating their beauty and not engaging in a full-on sex romp with them in high definition in his head but we've never discussed it.
I'm not sure I would ever want to know the answer to that question. Well, I texted him that question 18 minutes ago (right after he sent ME a text) and haven't gotten a reply back yet. I guess that settles that, then. Wait you forgot the other thread. Have to send him a second text for a reply, its that 2/3rds rule.....
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Posted: 11/9/2013 9:52:07 AM EDT
[#8]
Not interested in other women at all. There is one word that clearly explains why:
Condoms. Haven't worn one in many years and never will again. |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 10:04:49 AM EDT
[#9]
This is one of the many reasons I'm glad I didn't meet my wife until I was older and had been around the block a few times.
Of course I notice beauty, and my sex drive is still strong, but that biological drive to conquer and sow my seed far and wide is tempered by having fulfilled it, psychologically I have no need of it. My imagination is my own, but I don't feel any significant temptation to act. I would certainly feel differently if my wife was not interested, and I avoid contact with old flames because that's a different drive. When I had kids, their well-being became my primary concern, my wife's is my secondary, my sexual gratification isn't a high enough priority to register an attractive woman flirting with me as anything but a threat to my family. I have experienced the seven year itch though, more than once, it passes. |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 10:33:51 AM EDT
[#10]
Old girlfriend that looks hot?
After 30 years of marriage, I'd dry hump a stuffed porcupine given a chance.... 
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Posted: 11/9/2013 10:38:47 AM EDT
[#11]
Never had the urge to cheat. I sure think some women are beautiful, but that doesn't mean I want to have sex with them...or even listen to them yammer on about who knows what.
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Posted: 11/9/2013 12:16:20 PM EDT
[#12]
Have I had the urge to cheat? yes. Would I ever be willing to cause that much harm to my wife, my family, my God, my self, my honor, my word, or my finances? No.
Even though I may find women other than my wife attractive, and I may be sexually attracted to them. I also know that they are not for me. The one for me is waiting at home. |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 12:32:26 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I will be honest, I have been struggling more and more with this issue of late. My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is 42, I am 40. My wife was a super horn-dog up until about three years after our daughter was born seven years ago. That is when the perimenopause started and her libido practically disappeared. Since then she gets the "urge" for sex once, maybe twice per year. We still have sex once or twice per month, but I can tell she totally isn't into it and would rather be watching TV or sleeping. She claims the problem is her work requires she gets up early, is tiring and stressful, but she is a middle school teacher and doesn't really work long hours and gets four months per year off on vacation. I have noticed since the perimenopause kicked in she has far less energy than before. Might just be getting older also. I work long(er) hours than she does, and get up only an hour after she does, but I'm just as energetic and alive as I was when I was twenty. And my libido hasn't diminished one bit in all those years. I've urged her to see a MD, but she just never takes any action about it and when we "discuss" the lack of a sex life issue it just ends up in a fight where she says I'm being selfish and not thinking about her needs. So yeah, my eyes have been wandering more lately, and I've been having thoughts more and more about getting something on the side. But what keeps me from doing it is love for my wife and kids and not wanting to destroy my family. Those of you with spouses who still get that "burning desire down south" frequently are lucky. Never take that for granted. People post this all the time. Tell her to shut her mount and point her feet at the ceiling for a brief period of time a few times a week. It's free and it's not much to ask if she slightly gives a shit about you, and wants to keep you from being angry and frustrated all time. Otherwise, hit the street,it's over. Don't get sucked into all the BS you just posted. |
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Posted: 11/9/2013 12:33:32 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This. It mostly comes at night, mostly. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Urge to kill your wife? It comes and goes This. It mostly comes at night, mostly. 
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Posted: 11/9/2013 12:50:24 PM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
The saying goes "It's ok to get an appetite.As long as you eat at home."  Going on 14 years for us. I thought the saying was "just because there's a goalie doesn't mean you can't try to score"?
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Posted: 11/9/2013 1:03:40 PM EDT
[#16]
Probably after the second maybe third shovel of dirt on our graves.
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Posted: 11/9/2013 1:11:50 PM EDT
[#17]
Nothing wrong with running to the end of your leash and barking.
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Posted: 11/9/2013 1:14:40 PM EDT
[#18]
12 years flat, on a life sentence. I still read the menu, but I always eat at home.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 5:00:32 PM EDT
[#19]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yup. Been married 18 years and haven't had the urge overcome my brain. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
It will never stop, no. Avoid stupid situations, exercise self control, and you'll be fine. Several pastors were asking an 85 year-old instructor at a seminary when sexual temptations would end and the instructor replied "Some time after 85"... |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 5:04:28 PM EDT
[#20]
It's normal, look but don't touch .
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Posted: 11/10/2013 5:05:14 PM EDT
[#21]
Quote HistoryQuoted: FYI: Women have the same issue...  
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Posted: 11/10/2013 5:06:55 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
"At some point in your life, knowing you could have will become as important as having done." This should have been the first post. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 5:57:43 PM EDT
[#23]
21 plus years and yes I still look. Boobs still make me smile.
Just don't set yourself up for a stupid decision. That being said, being invited to watch my wife bowl (lady's league) was not the treat I thought it would be. 
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Posted: 11/10/2013 6:00:14 PM EDT
[#24]
My great grandpa told me once: "Son, it don't matter where you get your appetite, so long as you eat at home."
That shit confused me for a long time. He told me this at a Wendy's, when I was like 9 years old ("But aren't we eating out right now?!). Now that I'm married, though, it makes perfect sense. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 6:02:46 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This. It mostly comes at night, mostly. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Urge to kill your wife? It comes and goes This. It mostly comes at night, mostly.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 6:06:07 PM EDT
[#26]
Fifty plus and female, nope.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 6:35:31 PM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Fifty plus and female, nope. No wonder you are so grouchy. You've given up. I have not been married for all that long. I will admit I look around and see attractive women... she does the same with men. It's only natural to notice these things. Acting on an "urge" is a whole different ball game. Our relationship is healthy, and I don't foresee myself giving in to "the urge" any time in the future. Too much to lose. For both of us. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 6:57:44 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
No wonder you are so grouchy. You've given up.
I have not been married for all that long. I will admit I look around and see attractive women... she does the same with men. It's only natural to notice these things. Acting on an "urge" is a whole different ball game. Our relationship is healthy, and I don't foresee myself giving in to "the urge" any time in the future. Too much to lose. For both of us. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Fifty plus and female, nope. No wonder you are so grouchy. You've given up.
I have not been married for all that long. I will admit I look around and see attractive women... she does the same with men. It's only natural to notice these things. Acting on an "urge" is a whole different ball game. Our relationship is healthy, and I don't foresee myself giving in to "the urge" any time in the future. Too much to lose. For both of us. Pretty sure she answered the OP's question directly which means she has not overcome the urge.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:08:03 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
It will never stop, no. Avoid stupid situations, exercise self control, and you'll be fine. +1 |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:10:42 PM EDT
[#30]
Just cause your on a diet doesn't mean ya can't look at the Menu
Yes Dear I on my way 
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:23:52 PM EDT
[#31]
Man, I'm glad some of you posted in here, of having long term, successful relationships, its a breath of fresh air from the usual ARfcom curse threads.
many of you are very blessed! may He bless you all with many decades more. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:36:20 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Or if your wife chops them off. 
jb Quote HistoryQuoted:
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Probably will if you chop your balls off Or if your wife chops them off.
jb this.. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:37:50 PM EDT
[#33]
My wife is out of my league. So no. I'm a happy man.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:38:10 PM EDT
[#34]
As I have gotten older, I am amazed at the gals who want to toss a leg over me. Not the quantity, nor the quality... but the fact that an occasional gal actually is hitting on me. I normally tell my wife, who blusters up and says" where is she.. I am going to kick her ass!''. (ProTip this honesty with your wife should be avoided at family reunions. )
Over the years of mellowing, your wife might just say: "Yup. She is hitting on you! I bet you could fuck her in the toolshed if you got her a Budweiser out of your cooler!" (ProTip this is a trap, especially at family reunions). ETA: You know you have reached a point when she says "Yep... hitting on ya. Go get a beer and meet us both in the toolshed." |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:39:05 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If you remove your testicles and penis, I believe you might be able to overcome to the stronger aspect of the urge. For as long as I live I will never stop noticing attractive women--that's in our nature. The important part is dealing with it when it arises. due to a medical condition I've had testosterone as low as 50. the urge does not go away. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:41:27 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
She went once a few years ago when the perimenopause started and the MD told her there was nothing they could do until she entered full blown menopause. She has yet to hit menopause (still in the perimenopause phase), and she won't go to see another MD because she thinks they will tell her the same thing. And when I urge her to go, she just gets mad at me. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I will be honest, I have been struggling more and more with this issue of late. My wife and I have been married for ten years. She is 42, I am 40. My wife was a super horn-dog up until about three years after our daughter was born seven years ago. That is when the perimenopause started and her libido practically disappeared. Since then she gets the "urge" for sex once, maybe twice per year. We still have sex once or twice per month, but I can tell she totally isn't into it and would rather be watching TV or sleeping. She claims the problem is her work requires she gets up early, is tiring and stressful, but she is a middle school teacher and doesn't really work long hours and gets four months per year off on vacation. I have noticed since the perimenopause kicked in she has far less energy than before. Might just be getting older also. I work long(er) hours than she does, and get up only an hour after she does, but I'm just as energetic and alive as I was when I was twenty. And my libido hasn't diminished one bit in all those years. I've urged her to see a MD, but she just never takes any action about it and when we "discuss" the lack of a sex life issue it just ends up in a fight where she says I'm being selfish and not thinking about her needs. So yeah, my eyes have been wandering more lately, and I've been having thoughts more and more about getting something on the side. But what keeps me from doing it is love for my wife and kids and not wanting to destroy my family. Those of you with spouses who still get that "burning desire down south" frequently are lucky. Never take that for granted. Get her to see a doc. They have hormone therapy that can help her. And these problems don't just end in the bedroom; decreased energy and the like are also symptoms. Or so I've read... She went once a few years ago when the perimenopause started and the MD told her there was nothing they could do until she entered full blown menopause. She has yet to hit menopause (still in the perimenopause phase), and she won't go to see another MD because she thinks they will tell her the same thing. And when I urge her to go, she just gets mad at me. godzillamax, let me tell you something a "friend told me" works really well. If you happen to be, or know someone on testosterone therapy, and a little bit of that testosterone cream were to get on your wife occassionally, like, 1 click of the T cream, (not 4 clicks daily like a male would take), your wife's sex drive will noticeably go up. that's what I heard. allegedly. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:43:23 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
No shit, I used to go to class reunions to see which girls still looked good. At my last one I realized it was...none of them.  Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
At my age, I'm pretty sure I don't want to even look at any of the women I went to school with. No shit, I used to go to class reunions to see which girls still looked good. At my last one I realized it was...none of them. we just had our 20 year reunion two years ago. Three hottest chicks in the school? Fugly. The hottest chick at the reunion that wasn't my wife? This kinda weird girl named Julie who was a bit odd, and gangly as hell in high school. all knees elbows and whatnot. She's GORGEOUS. She has 6 kids but she's stunning. and in HS you would have ranked her a 3 out of 10. weird. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:44:17 PM EDT
[#38]
It's only natural to find a woman attractive but actually having the urge to cheat means there is something terribly wrong with the marriage if you truly love and care for your wife the thought should never cross your mind.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:44:52 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted: FYI: Women have the same issue... Why, those lying, dirty, no-good backstabbing Jezebels....  |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 7:48:36 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: My wife will even point out girls that are hot or have big boobs . But no i wouldnt put myself in that situation my wife is awesome she's not replaceable  .Funny story: My wife (25 years together) and I were watching the news a week or so ago and the weather babe was on giving the forecast. She is quite well-endowed and this evening was wearing a very tight dress which accentuated her assets. My wife and I watch in silence for a minute or so, and she pipes up and says "Dang, she's really showing them off tonight". |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 11:36:32 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
No wonder you are so grouchy. You've given up.
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Married Arfcommers - Do you ever overcome That urge? Fifty plus and female, nope. No wonder you are so grouchy. You've given up.
No, I haven't "given up". I'm still "giving it up" though. Actually, not long after my relationship with my husband went horizontal, I told him, "Precious, I'm too old for you to let a hard-on go to waste - you're ready to rock, I'm ready to roll." And if I occasionally seem grouchy, it's because I'm surrounded by morons people with chronic reading comprehension failure. 
ETA: Quoted:
Quoted:
Fifty plus and female, nope. Send me an IM, maybe I could change your mind... Jesus, another one. Stop, you're making me grouchy. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 11:42:31 PM EDT
[#42]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
This. It mostly comes at night, mostly. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Urge to kill your wife? It comes and goes This. It mostly comes at night, mostly. Judging from pre-menopausal shows of aggression, it is highly likely my wife will kill me first, either in my sleep or in a fit of hormonal (or lack of) rage. It will get out of control. It will get out of control and I will be lucky to live through it. |
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Posted: 11/10/2013 11:50:31 PM EDT
[#43]
The evolutionary psychologist would say that monogamy is a cultural adaptation that is at odds with our more primitive, animalistic nature. Women are selected to choose a mate based on his genetic contribution and his ability to provide resources for her and her offspring. Those two factors don't necessarily go hand in hand. A woman may pair with a man for the later, but she will be sexually drawn to others for the former. If you're a man, well, take a look at your cock and balls. They are the essence of your purpose in life. You are designed to mate with absolutely as many woman as possible. Sperm factory and delivery device, that is all you are from an evolutionary perspective. The resources you can marshal are a secondary consideration.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 11:56:19 PM EDT
[#44]
In most cases,the fantasy is probably better than the reality.Meh,if a man cheats on his wife,he is traitor.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 11:56:21 PM EDT
[#45]
No.
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Posted: 11/10/2013 11:59:39 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Fifty plus and female, nope. Send me an IM, maybe I could change your mind...
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Posted: 11/11/2013 12:10:09 AM EDT
[#47]
To the guy with the wife in perimenopause: I just don't believe there isn't ANYTHING to be done. That can't be right.
I did a Google search for remedies for perimenopause and libido, and came up with this: http://www.realmenopausesolutions.com/2/post/2013/03/wheres-my-libido-5-herbal-remedies-to-kick-start-yoursexlifeafter-menopause.html I know it says for "menopause," but I think it would be worth a shot for perimenopause too, since the hormones being out of whack is what is causing the problem. There are probably a lot of other herbal remedies, vitamins, or foods that could be tried. If they don't work, they don't work, but if you check them out on a site like Web MD and there are no side effects or alarm bells that go off, then the worst that can happen is that it's a waste of a little bit of money. More and more people are finding relief for ailments (that are not life-and-death) through alternative means. It's definitely worth a shot since the doctors apparently can't/won't help. (Though I also think that your wife should see a different doctor and get a second opinion on this. Because it can't be right!) |
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Posted: 11/11/2013 12:22:57 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Send me an IM, maybe I could change your mind... Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Fifty plus and female, nope. Send me an IM, maybe I could change your mind... See above. |
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Posted: 11/11/2013 12:23:56 AM EDT
[#49]
I've had the urge, but I'm also not retarded. My Wife is fucking awesome.
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Posted: 11/11/2013 12:54:48 AM EDT
[#50]
Nothing wrong with the highlight reel or spank bank.
A long time ago my friend's dad said "An appetizer won't hurt her as long as you don't order desert."
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