I have a few friends that were in a similar situation. Most of them bought out the wife. Only one followed my advise to sell the house. Typically this is what happens if you buy out.  The wife never helped with bills and never thought about commissions, closing costs etc. Trust me sell the house and split it.

By the time your divorce rape is over, you will be left with nothing.  Between the courts and the lawyers, you will be screwed.  Effectively your life is over.  Done.

So take all the cash you can get, put it in an offshore account and leave the country.  Go to the Phillipines or some such place.  100 grand in US money will allow you to start a new life


And dont every get married again.

Blame the victim. The guy is clearly trying and even went to marital counseling.  

She clearly has a problem.  It isn’t that hard to treat people decently.

Tell her that if she doesn't want to get booted to go get checked out again.. This time, by a doctor that can prescribe meds.

A cocktail of anti-depressants and benzodiazapines might do the trick. I've seen meds calm a lot of bitchy women down.  It also sounds like she needs some exercise... Good for the body and mind.

Give her a year to improve her attitude and lose the weight.  If she doesn't, eject.

Damn sorry OP.

Obviously she has some mental issues that was triggered by the pregnancy.

The Fact she wants to try to make it work is a good sign though.

Good luck

No shit. No wonder our society is messed up.

Piss on the kid, amirite?

Having gone through a divorce after 22 years of marriage I’ll just say you are lucky you are getting out early.

Hormonal imbalances are never as simple as get one tested, get on meds and you're done.  Unless she's been proactively following up with the right doctors for the care she needs odds are nothing at all has been altered in any positive way.  

Infant/toddler years are just rough.  Some of the biggest joys come from that age, sure, but it's definitely the most difficult time to navigate for couples.  Your life has completely changed and you have to pick it up and run with it in the midst of a giant learning curve of just learning how to keep the kid alive, some of the most massive hormonal upheavals in a woman's life, crippling exhaustion, etc.  

I think people who split up during those years are doing a big disservice to everyone involved.  Because that part does get easier.  Way easier.  

That doesn't mean the people in the midst of it get a pass to be as nasty as they can be.  But folks used to pull together to make it through rough patches.  

What is her story?  Does she see how she's changed or does she not accept responsibility?  You said she wants another kid but you won't have one as long as she doesn't change-----have you told her this?

This.  One of my best friends is married to a shrew of a woman.  He’s 63 and will honor his vows until he dies. He chose to lay in his bed and is miserable. Don’t be him.

You can’t put a price tag on happiness, OP.
Also, money comes and goes, but one thing you can never never get back is time. 5 years from now when you’re in this same position after trying to make it work for the kid, you’re going to wish you did it now. Back before you were beaten down and miserable, and before you had a 7 year old who’d been raised in a toxic environment their whole life.

Suck it up.

Cheaper to keep her.

This isn't advice so much as an anecdote, if you even read it, OP:

My wife and I had serious marital struggles after our first child was born.  We were both underslept, overworked, scared, and ultimately overwhelmed.  It all came to a head when our daughter was about 2yo.  One night during a disagreement, at the same time we both said "maybe we should go our separate ways".  We both slept on it.  Sent our daughter to her mom's the next evening "for a date night" but really so we could discuss everything further.  Ultimately we both agreed we didn't want to give up, but we BOTH had work to do in order to meet the other person halfway.  Some of that "work" was about division of labor in the household, some of it was making the conscious choice to let the little annoyances go, and this last one was the biggie for us, some of it was to jettison the idea that we had to agree with how the other person was feeling and instead merely needed to acknowledge and respect it, and then move on.  Many of the fights were arguments about how the other person was feeling basically - one person expressed something, and the other would argue that they misinterpreted or were otherwise wrong for feeling that way.  See, it really doesn't matter "who's right" about those kinds of arguments and arguing that the other person is "wrong" in their feelings is a losing proposition.

We privately refer to that night as our "come to Jesus".  Immediately we both made changes, started respecting each other more, and things got better.  Now 9 years later we've become a well oiled machine of working together in all ways, and we couldn't be happier.


I know you said you did counselling.  I wouldn't hang my hat on that personally, marriage counselling is mostly bullshit.  But it sure sounds like you both have unmet needs.  Needs that the other person is probably unaware of.  So my advice, I guess, is talk to her and find out if the two of you can meet the other's needs, or not.  If so, then both of you need to get to work.  Agree to start with a clean slate, no dredging up past bullshit, no grudges - a fresh start with a new understanding.  And if not, then you have to end it.  But at least maybe you'll be in a position that a divorce will be amicable, at least for the child's benefit.

Good luck man.

Lose all your money gambling.

Go to counseling (sounds like that might be an exercise in futility).

Shop lawyers and talk to a good one.

Eject if that is still the path forward. Do it before it comes down to you turning to alcohol, other women, etc,. I waited too long. Was much more destructive to my kids and family than it needed to be. I’m in a better place now, but I spent many years alone and lost.

Life is too short to spend it with a toxic person.

He must be a South Pole elf.

It is worth looking at even if the other person is the problem. My wife went through a similar but smaller thing post kid. I changed my behavior and she changed hers. Being pregnant and a young mom I was really helping a lot and then she started taking advantage and blaming me standard female unhappy behavior. So I changed myself. Stopped focusing on her got back into lifting and other hobbies. I took the kid to give her breaks and handled business bit basically stopped doing anything for her and let her know when she was out of line. Things improved before 12 months of the kids age and are back to normal personality wise.

Have you considered van life?  Some people really get into it.

There were a lot of things that could have been. Most of the good ones are now moot.

She signed a prenup for past and future firearms?  You should buy a couple machine guns.

The mother pissed on the kid.  Ruining the father won't help matters.

I guess we can just discard that kid then. It seems it's presence is rather inconvenient.

Women seem dead set on raising children on their own or with support from the government.  Thank the feminists for that.  

Sounds like a perfect excuse to abandon your kid and completely disappear.

I wonder what it says about you that you would have a person stick in a one-way relationship that is unhealthy for him and his child and that might well end up in either suck starting a Glock.

Figure that she will be entitled to half of everything you have built, saved, earned, put into retirement, or any other financial recources you built during the marriage.  Get a good attorney, and plan on just being set back financially because that is the law.  You will also get tagged for child support, and maybe even alimony depending on the laws where you live.

Getting out from under that kind of a marriage is priceless though, and while it will set you back financially, you will be hundreds of light years ahead emotionally, you will be happier, and that will also help you out physically.

You built things up once, you can do it again, and you will be happy too.

I would do whatever a lawyer tells you to prepare, prepare, then have her served.

3 years isn't a rough patch in the road, that's an interstate bridge missing.

OP, first off consult an attorney in YOUR state. Find out all of the details such as marital property, debt, etc. before you proceed. Make an informed decision not one made in haste.

Secondly, all of the previous aside, at the very least you will see your child a lot less than you do now. Also, while in the care of the mother you will have no say. Boy friends, etc. will potentially come and go through your child's life for the next 16 or so years. And most likely you will be paying child support for the next 16 years with which the mother pretty much can do with as she pleases.

What the bottom line comes down to is what is more valuable to you your child and child's life for the next 16 years or your putting up with a miserable woman, a woman I might add that you chose to marry and have a kid with...........

OP here.
I've lost track of the number of guns I own. Probably in the 100 range. I really need to pare them down, but since they are potentially a protected asset, I should probably wait to see what happens. I need more suppressors I know that.  Maybe a machine gun too.



The only reason I'm not jumping to purchase the rural property (potentially with a post nup protective agreement around it -- that may or may not hold up) is I want to be part of my kids life.  As much a part as possible. I'm not giving up on my child.  



I'm going to insist she actually goes to a real doctor and get this looked into.  And I'm going to see if she's willing to sign some form of post nuptial agreement to stay the fuck away from my assets if this doesn't work out.  I'm not sure in NM such a thing is even possible or legally binding. But my time frame is not very long here.  



And quotes like this are why my timeline is weeks or months not years to see some serious changes or its time to bail.

And I should probably go see my lawyer this week and prepare accordingly either way.

Thanks for all the info so far. ARF never disappoints.

Well, OP could take his kid with him and start a proper family in the Philippines on 100k, but I don't think our courts would appreciate that...

Love her.  Love her more than yourself.

As soon as your divorce is final she will muster the strength to lose all kinds of weight.

It’s weird for women:

1. Wedding cake lowers women’s sex drive and staying fit.
2. Divorce is the only diet that works for women.

I hate divorce.

You see it as blame.  Sometimes self reflection is just part of the problem solving process.

It's probably her fault but since OP is going to be a party to the solution no matter what, a good look in the mirror is always worthwhile.

He chose a woman to marry and have a kid with and then her personality, values, demeanor, body -- basically everything about her completely changed. So who violated their vows first?

Oh. Okay. I guess THAT makes it perfectly okay to just disappear and leave the kid here.

ARFCOM: The black culture is in such a bad situation because black fathers won't stick around and actually take care of their kids.

Also ARFCOM: Your wife is a complete bitch after she had your kid? Just take your money and disappear overseas. Fuck her.

Drama much?

While the first couple of years post divorce sucked, the last three have been the best of my life.  My kid and I have a solid relationship, and I am doing better personally and professionally than I have in my entire adult life.  It is amazing what you can do when every day is not a struggle with someone that doesn't even like you!

Cuck-speak.

Is she loving him more than she loves herself?

OP should develop a gambling problem with that savings ASAP

came here to post this.  would explain things.  guilt is powerful.

Am I in Team again accidentally?   I need to know what level of shitposting is acceptable.

Bullshit

Were all looking into a crystal ball about what OPs future holds.

-Do you know what's higher than first marriage divorce rates? Second marriage divorce rates.
-The stats about kids from broken homes are clear and consistent.
-SOME men get a divorce and end up happier.

Were all making guesses based on some dude we know, what happened in our divorces, or what our parents did.

Bottom line- Guessing

What we probably know- OP took a vow in front of God, his family, and his priest.  That shouldn't be taken lightly.  OP is a grown ass man and chose to have a kid, his perceived "happiness" is less important than his child's wellbeing.

The Cats right.  A divorce can RUIN you financially for years (good luck).  A divorce will impact the kids life (good luck).  The Dad will be around less and a Step-Dad your Ex chooses will probably be a major part of raising them (good luck).  Just saying "eject" because you'll be "happy" is empty bullshit, and we don't know.

What it says about me- I take my word VERY seriously and I think the family and a present father is important to a functional society.

I don't think the majority of the issue is the men, regardless of race. Women of all races have turned into shitbag feminists who take what they want from men and kick them to the curb. In which case, yes fuck her. There are deadbeat dads too, again from all races.

If you have a kid, take care of the kid as best you can. But realistically, she's getting custody and will thus have more impact on that kids life when it is young.

I could be wrong but given the course of the conversation from Op, and given Fluffy’s particular skill set, he may have been getting at that with the original message of disappearing. Without necessarily going down that road.  It does sort of seem like op is more worried about financial things than the child. My apologies op if I’m wrong, but that’s the way you’re making it look.

You see it as a race problem, I see it as a gender problem.

M249, bruh!

Something ARF is terrible about is overlooking the fact that guys can be fucking shitty people and parents too. We love to say that women are bitches and terrible parents, but I see a lot of really shitty and immature guys out there.

An example of that would be a guy that does exactly what is recommended in this thread: disappearing with your money and leaving the country. He has a kid that he is equally responsible for. Nobody ever said life was easy. Having integrity certainly doesn't make it easier sometimes, but he has a responsibility to that child to be a father. You fucking work your dick off to meet that responsibility. No matter how hard it is. No matter how uncomfortable it is for you personally. You certainly don't sneak off and leave the kid while you take your money and set up shop in a foreign country. THAT is a shitty fucking man no matter what the woman does.

It’s atypical post partum depression. She needs meds and counseling. You need counseling. You both need marriage counseling.

You also need to talk to a divorce attorney, to see what the damages will be and because it will only get better if she wants it to get better.

PM me and I’ll give you my number. I’ve been through the exact same thing.