Thank gawd I got socks though.

Seems to be that way as of lately.

Don't mind socks. Got some.

Working on the first part, soon

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Doggo looks like it's about to be abducted by aliens

First

For real though. The MIL pulled through for me

We'll make an exception for you

Solar charging

MIL got me a new set of Vortex binos

I’m waiting for the text that the office is closed tomorrow. Snowpocalypse is upon us

Weak.

Help you see all those kings deer you can’t shoot

That’s cruel

Not like any work is getting done.


Might as well pull a Rex and just stay home

It is coming down pretty good

I’m calling in dead if the office is open

Sad news, I drank all my cheap bourbon

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Switch to expensive bourbon?

Oh hey it is Monday.

Pretty sure this is just the common cold

And yes, I’ve been bad and need a good spanking

Off until the 3rd

Boop

Boop

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Andre Kostelanetz – Old Devil Moon

I got a scarf.
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Improving , good to hear

You got married?

Might as well be.

She did say her wedding dress fits again

Murder scarf FTW!

If you like it shoulda put a ring on it

He was biting my hair today, too.

I’ll put your file away then.

Sleeping in a patch of sunshine…

Tecovas pair #4.
Docs in Scotch goat.

Merry Christmas to me.

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Imagine if Waffle House served alcohol.

Bring it with you.
I have.

Bought muzzle brake for my 22 pistol.
I hope it helps??

Freezing rain for the drive home. Yay!

My phone says it’s snowing.
Unless my dog needs to take a shit I’m not verifying.

That’s not a suppressor

I’m not buying another suppressor.
Nope nope.

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Tasered myself
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.
The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a
little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.
The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety and every woman
needs something to protect herself with, right??
WAY TOO COOL!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!
I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!!
Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it.
She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this
thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock
and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5' long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...?
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, 'don't do it dummy,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.
I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and  . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . . WEAPONS OF
MASS DESTRUCTION. ... WHAT THE HECK!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again.
I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself!
You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
A three second burst would be considered conservative?
IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.
I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
'If you think education is difficult, try being stupid.