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Posted: 3/13/2024 9:41:11 PM EDT
The walking speed of an average human is too fucking slow. Walk with some god damn purpose.
If you choose not to, have some damn self awareness to get your land whale ass out of the way of people who actually walk more than one little shuffle every three seconds. A bonus fuck you to the same land whales who can’t even be bothered to lift their feet off the ground as they pace through the grocery aisles and then always have a reason to stop in the corridor of the entrance/exit blocking all traffic. Get the fuck out of the way. I hope your cart hits a rock in the parking lot and dumps all your Doritos and soda on the ground because I know you can’t possibly bend over to pick it up. The elderly and disabled get a pass on this. But the rest of you land whales, get the fuck out of the way. I bet your fat ass camps in the left lane doing 50 in a 75 zone. I feel slightly better now. Carry on. |
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OP doing supermarket sweep while everyone else is shopping like a person.
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Fat shoppers are the most unaware people in the world. I'm not sure if they think others don't matter or if they simply can turn their fat necks to see that other people exist.
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Bravo.
Your first two sentences are how I can tell if a new hire is going to make it on not. Walk with a purpose vs. stroll |
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Quoted: I don't trust their scrutiny when selecting produce. They just grab whatever is on top. I like to make sure I'm not getting anything that's wilted or mushy or not ripe. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Order groceries for curbside pickup. I don't trust their scrutiny when selecting produce. They just grab whatever is on top. I like to make sure I'm not getting anything that's wilted or mushy or not ripe. It's pretty bad. I keep telling my wife I dont mind stopping on the way home from work. Walmart usually credits us for anything bad. One time they gave us 30 days to return some vegetables. I told her go ahead and wait 30 days before taking it back. |
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I have bad knees and a hip that hurts sometimes. So !@#$%^% with your "walk faster" bullshit. Most days, it just ain't happening.
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Yep. Whenever I'm out and about, I spend 5X more time trying to find my way past slow people than I spend actually doing what I set out to do.
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I think the median walking speed is too slow.
![]() If I remember my 5th grade cyphering. ![]() |
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Quoted: Slow moving people in airport terminals ![]() View Quote Even worse, lazy fucks that just stand still on the moving walkways. Like yeah, there’s a line down the middle and one side is for standing. But almost every lazy fuck that stands while they ride the conveyor belt never fails to block the entire width with their luggage. Move, bitch! I’m trying to use the moving walkways to walk at an even faster pace to catch my connection! |
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Quoted: I have bad knees and a hip that hurts sometimes. So !@#$%^% with your "walk faster" bullshit. Most days, it just ain't happening. View Quote Seeing how you acknowledge this, I would bet that you have the self awareness of your speed and allow others to pass when the opportunity arises. |
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![]() Michael Jackson - The First Moonwalk (1983) |
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9/10.
Correct use of 'aisles' versus 'isles'. I would like to subscribe to OP's newsletter. |
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Quoted: Seeing how you acknowledge this, I would bet that you have the self awareness of your speed and allow others to pass when the opportunity arises. View Quote Well, I usually walk on the right-hand side (in hallways, at the store, etc.), the same as I do when I drive (just some weird thing I do). But what's crazy is I'm not a slow driver. I usually get annoyed by anyone going slower than about 10 over the limit. |
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I agree with your observations, you even covered how no one can move to the side of the aisle. Bonus points for their kid or car being pointed the opposite direction for maximum blockade effect.
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View Quote That was done by Bill Bailey back in 1955. ![]() At the end of the video... ![]() The First Moonwalk - Bill Bailey - The Apollo Theatre - New York - 1955 |
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About 7mph sustained if I remember right for a motivated individual. About 25 miles a day for about a week with full rations and full rest periods.
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Quoted: Even worse, lazy fucks that just stand still on the moving walkways. Like yeah, there’s a line down the middle and one side is for standing. But almost every lazy fuck that stands while they ride the conveyor belt never fails to block the entire width with their luggage. Move, bitch! I’m trying to use the moving walkways to walk at an even faster pace to catch my connection! View Quote Down escalators to the train in ATL ![]() |
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What drives me nuts is the family vacation to the grocery store. Grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, uncle Steve and 4 fucking kids completely clogging up an aisle. I am sure one of them has a high enough IQ to complete a grocery run on their own.
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I have a natural, energy-minimal walking gait.
If that's too slow, too fucking bad. |
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Quoted: What drives me nuts is the family vacation to the grocery store. Grandma, grandpa, mom, dad, uncle Steve and 4 fucking kids completely clogging up an aisle. I am sure one of them has a high enough IQ to complete a grocery run on their own. View Quote Yes, never fails in rural TN, Walmart aisles completely clogged with 2 groups of the above. Forget trying to go down the aisle between checkout and the beginning of the merchandise, always totally oblivious slow movers and people pulling into the aisle without looking. |
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Get a tuba OP.
![]() Family Guy Stewie follows fat people with tuba |
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Quoted: The walking speed of an average human is too fucking slow. Walk with some god damn purpose. If you choose not to, have some damn self awareness to get your land whale ass out of the way of people who actually walk more than one little shuffle every three seconds. A bonus fuck you to the same land whales who can’t even be bothered to lift their feet off the ground as they pace through the grocery aisles and then always have a reason to stop in the corridor of the entrance/exit blocking all traffic. Get the fuck out of the way. I hope your cart hits a rock in the parking lot and dumps all your Doritos and soda on the ground because I know you can’t possibly bend over to pick it up. The elderly and disabled get a pass on this. But the rest of you land whales, get the fuck out of the way. I bet your fat ass camps in the left lane doing 50 in a 75 zone. I feel slightly better now. Carry on. View Quote ![]() |
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