Had a friend burn his hand and asscrack pretty good shooting fireworks out his asscrack

They do happen.  My dad is now retired but he was a GI doc in South Texas for 35 years and he pulled on out of a patient with the endoscope that lodged just past her stomach.
Lots of people don’t chew their food.  Same reason he dealt with meat impactions regularly.
He came home that day and tossed all our bbq brushes in the trash.

Air Force ROTC fags doing some inventive PT. They had tow straps tied to the front of one of the senior cadet's SUV and they were pulling it like a strongman competition. They ended up on a downslope so small they couldn't tell, but enough that the car started picking up speed and ran over two cadets. One ended up with a good broken arm and ribs and whatever.

I laughed for a long time over that one.

When I was in 8th grade, one day in gym class, we had a kid take a leap over a vaulting horse...

...you know, one of these things...



...and somehow fucked up in midair such that he landed wrong and broke his wrist.

So a bunch of us are standing there watching this, and he stands up, bawling his eyes out, and holds up his arm for everyone to see.

Wrist was completely shattered.

His hand is flopping around loose on the end of his wrist like it is held on there with a rubber band.  It's flexing and bobbing in all kinds of ways a hand is NOT supposed to, when attached to a proper wrist.

I can still remember how fucked up that looked.

The guy who played Chekhov in the new star trek movies died when his own jeep pinned him aginst a gate/wall.  He got out and left in in gear or neutral.  Pretty shitty way to go.

In elementary school, I saw something similar happen with a girl who fell off a tire swing and broke her wrist. Her wrist was flopping around, but the part that I remember the most was her spinning in a circle like a cartoon character.

I got blew up a few times overseas. Last time was early 2010, kind of a parting gift from the Taliban, was on my last patrol.

I suffered a detached retina in late 2018. First question out of the doctor's mouth was, "So, how many times have you been blowed up?"

"It was a one-in-a-million shot, Doc!  One in a million!"

Not even close to some, but my pinnacle of stupidity was this  I believe I posted it when Idid it.
Don't try to be a carpenter boys and girls. When you're just a dumb electrician.    

Attached File

Niiiiice!

This turned to a cuck thread….why were you there, and put her hip back, when the “boyfriend “ couldn’t?

Buried a SkilSaw in my upper left thigh. Was cutting a 2x4 and thought to my self if this goes south it's not going to be pretty  . About that time it went south and I was right . Cut my jeans from my crotch to the knee , thought for sure my junk was gone , it was not . Then I saw the mangled mess of my thigh. Perfect cut the lenght of a 7 1/4" saw blade and the proper depth of the guard being all the way up . About 2'" above the kneecap . Never bled a drop.

1980's Texas football... (yee fricken haw!)

Field had a quarter mile track kinda close to the edges of the field. Like the curb for the track was about 6 feet from the out of bounds line. Kid from opposing team is like 6' 6" and 220#. His homeboys kept throwing him the ball and he kept walking over linemen. (This was 9th grade ball. Kid was a fucken mutant or a "held back" 19 year-old) Our biggest defensive guard gets sick of the fucken shit. Takes a full sprint for a solid 30 yards from backfield, and spears his ass... but really low.

Monstro had his move on and when he lost his legs he flew at a weird vector. Landed face down with chin on the curb of the track. I heard the crack from the other side of the field. He didn't move and every single soul was dead quiet. Like from yelling and screaming to the absolute silence of a funeral.

Kid lived but I don't think he ever walked again. We never played ball at that field again... and the little kid who wrecked goliath got kicked off the team.  

Just because it’s a small world sometimes… did you happen to be a teacher?  Just asking because my 8th grade Science teacher did pretty much that exact same thing.

Knew a guy that worked for a house moving company.
Large I beam feel on his foot. He was wearing steel tip boots. When the ER Doctor cut the boot off, the steel tip clean cut off all his toes.

Me too.  I remember going to a party in an abandoned camp in the woods and I kicked a window out.  A piece of glass stuck in the top of my foot.  One of the attendees "sterilized" a pair of pliers with Bacardi 151 and pulled it out.  We then proceeded to super glue the wound shut.

In elementary school this one kid was in a full out sprint across the playground, not looking where he was going, and he ran face first into the chin up bar, perfectly at his face level.  The next day…I’ve never seen an upper lip so swollen.  I didn’t even know it could do that…he looked just like an exaggerated Simpson’s character.  It was both funny and shocking.

Similar, but under the wheels of a large crawler crane that unloads shipping containers at the docks

You're not wrong, sounds weird. Roommates/housemates. They were upstairs and I was downstairs when it happened, heard the screaming and went to see what the hell was going on. He didn't know what to do, she wanted us to carry her out down two flights of stairs to go to the ER...I told her I could put it back in and she said ok, so I did.

Both were fully clothed at the time FWIW, but I'm not sure it would've mattered at the time.

Another strange one, group of guys are out walking, hoeing beans back in the late 70s. Storm rolls in so they're headed back to their trucks. Lightning strikes one guy's rake as he has it hanging over his shoulder. Boom, gone.

You know how used to see tons of videos of skateboarders sliding down stair rails and busting their nuts?   I went to HS with a now pro skateboarder that from multiple different people was left with only one
- not all that weird, probably happens to a lot of them and you just don't get all the details.

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Saw a girl at the beach one time in her late teens, probably close to 300 pounds, somehow step on a piece of a creosote covered piling about 1.5" wide that came about 4" out the top of the middle of her foot.  There was no blood at all visible on her or the wood. The fat I assume completely sealed it shut.

Several friends and I helped manhandle her back up the boardwalk (with multiple stops) and got her put in the family van.  Her mom or whoever it was asked if one of us would try and pull it out so they didn't ruin there beach trip going to a doctor and of course no one did.

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Another beach story, a kid caught a Portuguese man-o-war in a sand bucket and miraculously did not get stung.  The parents went up to the lifeguard and he said he'd dispose of it for them.  Lifeguard then dug a deep hole up near the dunes, dumped it in and returned the sand bucket.  The kid took the sandbucket down to the water, filled it, and then dumped water on his head.  

Stings and welts in the scalp, face, chest, back and anywhere else that bucket load of water touched.  That was the loudest and most horrid screaming I ever heard.

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In elementary school, I was in 3rd grade, we lived in a huge new neighborhood still under construction and there were tons of kids there.  We used to walk all through the houses under construction and would grab scraps and other pieces of trash we found to build bmx bike ramps and ninja weapons.
It was the mid-80s if bmx, ninjas, and kids still playing outside unsupervised didn't let you know.

One day we were at a house right behind mine under construction and there was a trench dug across the lot, I guess it was about 2 ft wide or whatever the diameter of a bmx bicycle tire is.  Yeah you already know how this ends.  We built a ramp to jump the trench.  Not really 'built' pretty much we stacked up some bricks and other crap and put a piece of plywood on top

I went first, hit it and made the jump. Dorky kid went and didn't make it but somehow landed sideways in the ditch.   All was good and once he got out of the way a little kid that followed us around (ones guy's younger brother in 2nd or 1st grade) hauled ass and went.  I still remember hearing his older brother scream "No!".

You probably think "how fast could a 1st or second grader go on a bicycle?", but he was fast for a little kid.  I think even for the 80s, our town was way into bmx bicycles more than typical because one kid who was older than us was always in the newspaper for winning races and traveling around the country.   Everyone of us knew him by name, even though none of personally knew him - the local Schwinn/Hutch/Diamondback/Mongoose dealer was laughing all the way to the bank.  'Little kid' was also faster than normal by necessity, since we would ditch him if we were able and he would have to go home.  

Anyway back to the story,  'Little kid' hits the ramp at high speed and being a little kid he didn't really jump the ramp.  It was actually more like he just rode over the ramp.  When the tire dropped over it fit right in the trench and the frame and him pivoted like a catapault over the front axle and slammed him face first into the ground hard.

There was screaming and lot of blood and some of us ran to my house to get help.  He had ripped his nose off.

There was plastic surgery and I think it looked pretty good after being attached.  It honestly might have looked like crap, but being a 3rd grader I wouldn't have really noticed.  We didn't ever explore any houses under construction after that.



All of us being into bmx actually hurt another kid as well - it was nasty too, but not as bad.  

So you get a new bike, what do you do?  A real bmx bike, no worked needed -  A catalog bike is a different story.
- put some ODI Mushroom handlebar grips on it (Or the generic ones from Kmart)
- get some checkerboard patterned pads
- remove kickstand
- remove reflectors
- replace padded seat
- remove the chainguard

One kid still riding on training wheels wanted to be 'cool' like we were so his older brother fixed his bike.  Predictably a few weeks later things went bad when his big toe went under the chain and halfway around the crank sprocket.

I was out of town so didn't see this happen, but all the other kids had cool stories about the day ambulance and fire truck came to cut him free.

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I also had a three fingered shop teacher with Parkinson's disease in middle school, but that happened in a different period than mine.  It was the radial arm saw.

Getting published is on the bucket list but I'm nowhere near creative enough to write fiction

Holy gerbil.  I think Darwin is afraid to take him in because he is not only stupid, but stupidly stubborn.

I was riding a wave runner & hit a wake from another rider. I went one way, it went another.

My foot got caught in the hull & twisted my ankle like a piece of straw.

Tore every tendon in my ankle, except my Achilles. That remained intact but tore a chunk of bone off of my heal where it connects. My foot was basically floating in skin.

Had orthopedic surgery where they screwed my foot to my ankle bone. 6 months in a hard cast & 6 months in a soft cast. & PT after that.

Freind who is a trauma Dr got tossed off her horse and shattered her wrist. We drag her back to the barn prop her up in the corner. Get the horse caught and thrown in a stall.

Asked her to hold the arm up, do you need an ambulance? She says no, then holds it up looks at it and goes "daaaaayum that's the most perfect colles fracture ever seen". "Yeah maybe ambulance because I'm probably about to go in to shock."

Had someone call the bus while I pulled her boots so emts wouldn't cut them. Freaking emts love their shears.

Colles fracture looks like a graphics glitch where someone cut and pasted your hand a couple inches above where it should be.

Ended up healing well, little mare ended up being a really nice little event horse as well.

Late 90s i was working on a framing crew building houses.
We had recently hired an older,  really odd man we named "Big Gay Al" (because of South Park)
He and my foreman were standing together holding the end of a bent board in place and struggling to line it up.
Al grabs the framing gun to try to nail the board when they forced it into position.
The gun was sitting on a tgi joist they were using as a temporary scaffold plank about chest high. Nail gun was sitting on the tgi and pointed toward both guys at head height.
Al grabs the handle by the trigger and  pulls it toward himself.  The safety nose of the gun caught the lip of the scaffold board as he pulled it,  and fired toward both of their facesI ducked at the cut table when I heard the spike bouncing around through the air hitting stuff.  Then I hear:


FOREMAN: " WTF! you almost shot me in the face?!?"
BigGay AL:  "No I didnt"

FOREMAN: "You shot yourself through the ear, Dickhead!"
BigGay AL: "No, I didn't"


FOREMAN: "uh, you're bleeding and there's a gottdamn d-shaped hole in your ear!"
BigGay AL "No there isnt"



Funny,  but an inch one way of the other would have been in either his or the foreman point blank in face.  He had a nice D shaped hole straight through the cartilage of his inner ear.  
For months everyone at the bar would tell him that was a weird place to get a piercing

I laughed way too hard at this ending!

Double tap

Yeah that's what it looked like - exactly!

You can actually dislocate your hip doing nothing more strenuous than sitting in bed watching a movie?



Damn!

We bought a farm from an estate when I was in my early teens. Previous owner was decapitated by a barbed wire fence while snowmobiling.

I was on a loop the loop roller coaster with my sons, hands over my head, when my left arm snapped back. My wrist hit one of the support beams. I was reluctant to look since I couldn't feel anything, fortunately my hand was still there. The hand was a weird shade of blue by the time I got to the aid station. That was the 3rd out of four times I have broken my left arm, I've never broken my right.

Chain link fences are the stuff of legend!

It's definitely possible.

I've personally known 2 gals who've had it happen, although it wasn't a complete dislocation and more of a subluxation.

First gal would have it happen fairly often (I put it back in place at least 3 times, that I can recall).

2nd gal, coworkers told me she was in pain, said she had an issue with her hip and couldn't put any weight on that leg. Again, subluxation and not a complete dislocation (a dislocated hip can take a fair but of force to get back in place). After getting it back in place, I asked her a few questions.

Turns out, she'd been training/stretching to be able to do a full split. Said she was ~6-8" away from a full split. A few days later, she showed me, and I told her, "You're stretching wrong". Instead of focusing on gradually increasing her hamstring flexibility until she could get down into a full split, she'd get down to about a foot away from all the way down, then rotate her body/hips to get a bit lower. Told her when she did that, instead of stretching her hamstrings,  she was stretching the ligaments holding her hip in place. She said, "Oh... that explains why I started having this hip issue,  and it's been getting worse, when I began trying to do a full split. I thought it was the early onset of arthritis or something".

Speaking of which, this reminded me of another example of dumb ways to seriously injure yourself;

Another gal I worked with started doing yoga, and became a full-on yoga nut. She was already pretty flexible from her cheerleading background in HS. Was taking classes to become a yoga instructor etc.

She disappears for a while, and when she finally reappears, I ask, "Where'd you disappear to?". She said, she'd been trying to increase her back flexibility for back bends, like her yoga instructor and pushed too much, too quickly and fractured 2 vertebrae in her spine.

Wife went to pick up our city provided plastic trash can, tripped and fell headfirst, head bounced off the concrete and then onto the edge of the can. Split her scalp open, concussion, brain bleed, A week later she finally got released from the KU. 3rd TBI and concussion in about 5 years. She has never been the same.

Years back I launched off of a jetski going one way while the jetski went the other way. I skidded on my back on the surface of the water probably 30-50ft or so at whatever ridiculous speed I was going at. I remember holding my head up and looking at my feet as I skidded across. It was pretty awesome actually.

Not long after I happened I thought to myself, I wonder what would have happened if I wasn't looking at my feet and my head dug into the water at that speed.

Im too lazy to look it up. But i think there was a recall on vehicle (jeep?) for jumping out of park into gear..

when I was 2 years old my maternal grandmother (from Syria) made me and my brother (4 yrs old) bows and arrows…harmless enough right? Well, somehow (and no one remembers how) I got an arrow stuck in my left eye.
I remember running into the grandmothers house holding my eye and the arrow protruding.
Right to the ER. Don’t remember anything else but have very limited vision since. I’m 73 now.
Then a few years later, a bunch of kids ( us and cousins) were jumping off of my uncle’s foundation that had just the 1st floor deck built…taking turns, we would run and jump to the dirt bank where the foundation had not been back filled yet. There was rebar sticking out of the concrete and guess who jumped and fell back down the ditch…got a rebar stuck in my back for years troubles…missed my right kidney by 1/4” the doc said.
Still got the scar.

Was in Okinawa back in the late 80's with an OV-10 squadron and had a BOQ room next to a CH-46 pilot. Over the next several months we became rather well acquainted over beers and cigarettes. Saw him in the parking lot one morning and he was all excited because he had just got his long awaited orders to transition to the OV-10 (we had several former 46 drivers in the squadron at that time).
That night he was off the coast doing practice landings on an LPH. Took off one time and became disoriented and drove the aircraft right into the ocean. The largest piece they ever found of him was part of his helmet. AFAIK the aircraft was never recovered. RIP JJ.

Two years later, I was flying with a former CH-46 transition pilot. We crashed and he didn't make it out of the plane in time. RIP Mike.