Trump had some bangers in his speech/roast:
"Tradition holds that I'm supposed to tell a few self deprecating jokes this evening. Nope, I've got nothing. There's nothing to say. I guess I just don't see the point of taking shots at myself when other people have been shooting at me."
"It is a true pleasure to be with you this evening... and these days, it’s really a pleasure anywhere in New York without a subpoena for my appearance."
"Unfortunately Governor Walz isn't here himself, but don't worry, he'll say that he was."
"There’s a group called “White Dudes for Harris”... but I’m not worried about them at all, because their wives and their wives’ lovers are all voting for me."
"A major issue in this race is childcare, and Kamala has put forward a concept of a plan... The only piece of advice I would have for her in the event she wins would be not to let husband Doug anywhere near the nannies."
“Chuck Schumer is here looking very glum — But look on the bright side, Chuck, considering how woke your party has become, if Kamala loses, you still have a chance to become the first woman president”
“Well, I had better wrap up, because Mayor Adams told me earlier that I needed to make this one very quick...the city has reserved this room for a large group of illegal aliens coming in from Texas"