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Posted: 12/29/2018 2:46:15 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
And you know you are dying.
Might be soon,might be a while. but whatever it is, it is killing you, and you know it. And even though not spoken of, those around you know it too. You see it if you will. Sure, you’re doing the Dr thing, but you saw it in his eyes, heard the unsaid, along with the hope gven. And there is just so much that you won’t be able to finish, so much left undone. Any thought of prayer making a difference? It won’t. And I don’t know where we go, I believe in God, But I think all there is is this life, here and now. Every animal I’ve seen die fights to stay here. And yet, we will all have to leave. So take all you can, give all you can. Get every last bit out of life there is. Because I think it is all there is. Later.........  Where Do Cowboys Go When They Die UPDATE IN LATEST POST- 7/27 |
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Posted: 7/15/2018 11:24:03 PM EDT
[#1]
Hope this is more of a "I'm doing some reflecting on the inevitable" than "I'm giving up" sort of post.
I recall you posting recently about some health questions/challenges. Hang in there and look for the brighter spots. Talk here if you feel up to it. |
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Posted: 7/16/2018 12:12:04 AM EDT
[#2]
Still praying for you.
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Posted: 7/16/2018 12:17:17 AM EDT
[#3]
In some ways this life feels like a car wash, where you get hooked up and then pulled along for the ride.
I don't think this is all there is. You're in my prayers. |
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Posted: 7/16/2018 1:01:25 AM EDT
[#4]
I believe you are correct sir. Life is precious and fleet. It’s not something we all enjoy thinking about.
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Posted: 7/16/2018 3:38:11 AM EDT
[#5]
Hang in there.
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Posted: 7/16/2018 4:45:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#6]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By raysheen:
Still praying for you. Thanks Had a Blue Merle Aussie for 10 yrs- damn, they are strange doggies, but loved, and in the end just like every loyal dog there ever was Like me some cupcakes too. No, I'm not giving up, at all. But after 3 days, got no call-backs from those supposed to be setting up a game plan... Odd to think I can't wait for the sun to go down so I can simply just sleep. Why the hell I'm posting this crap here I don't know. |
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Posted: 7/16/2018 5:03:34 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Why the hell I'm posting this crap here I don't know. This is a perfect use of Team. |
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Posted: 7/16/2018 5:13:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#8]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By vim:
If I keep things bottled up and inside, they don't go away, or get processed, or resolved, and stress builds and builds. No good. (That is my own experience.) This is a perfect use of Team. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By vim:
Originally Posted By usjet:
Why the hell I'm posting this crap here I don't know. This is a perfect use of Team. Surprised you didn't tell me to move it to gd. 
eta: ouch, there's that little bite of something eating on me.... Doc did say if they weren't getting it together, go to er, do the 'i've fallen and can't get up' thing". Need another week then maybe... sorry to be so obtuse.... |
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Posted: 7/16/2018 6:46:21 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet: "Life's rich pageant" Surprised you didn't tell me to move it to gd.
eta: ouch, there's that little bite of something eating on me.... Doc did say if they weren't getting it together, go to er, do the 'i've fallen and can't get up' thing". Need another week then maybe... sorry to be so obtuse.... You laughed; I think you correctly got the nuances and feelz behind it. 
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Posted: 7/27/2018 8:49:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#10]
UPDATE:
A morning when you read your MRI results, and then read all about “massive perineural spread”. Well, looks like I was right. Now I need to figure out how to tell her... |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 9:36:53 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
UPDATE: A morning when you read your MRI results, and then read all about "massive perineural spread". Well, looks like I was right. Now I need to figure out how to tell her...  Not the end yet boss. High spirits
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Posted: 7/27/2018 9:48:02 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 4HShooter:
Not the end yet boss. High spirits The Doc just called, hard way for him to start his day. Next step is a consult to estimate timeline. Funny, I’m more concerned about getting rid of a lot of stuff so she isn’t stuck trying to figure out what to do with it all (motorcycle, gear, guns etc). Got my browser history and favorites all cleared out. So there is that....
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Posted: 7/27/2018 10:43:09 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet: Thanks The Doc just called, hard way for him to start his day. Next step is a consult to estimate timeline. Funny, I'm more concerned about getting rid of a lot of stuff so she isn't stuck trying to figure out what to do with it all (motorcycle, gear, guns etc). Got my browser history and favorites all cleared out. So there is that.... |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 12:21:23 PM EDT
[#14]
Funny thing- Lucky, my 20 yr old black cat, adopted Good Friday the 13th in 2001 (Hence the name), just won't leave me alone today.
They just know somehow..... Wives probably do too, but that conversation will be for tonight. Broke news to RN sis this AM, which means I probably won't have to tell a whole lot of other family...... I'm more ok with it than they are, but they'll be alright. Decided to do nothing today other than sit outside, enjoying the early cool day- Fall will be here soon, normally can't wait, but now wish summer could go on forever. No matter what I've said, thank you each for the thoughts and prayers. Guess this is as good a place as any to lay down my spew.... Thanks |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 1:03:43 PM EDT
[#15]
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family.
Fight when you want to fight, rest when you’re ready. |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 2:22:31 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By bandaid_man:
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family. Fight when you want to fight, rest when you’re ready. |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 4:11:48 PM EDT
[#17]
Tell her its OK to move on...that is very important!
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Posted: 7/27/2018 6:16:44 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Tulip:
Tell her its OK to move on...that is very important! Weakened, called and told her I needed her home. Had the talk. Hardest thing I ever did. Hardest thing she ever did was coming home today. Said she got flashed by a deputy coming up the hill, slowed down to 70in a 40 after that. God bless you deputy.... |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 7:16:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#19]
Just got off the phone with eye Doc,
He saw report and wanted to reach out. To let me know he’d pray for us! If I could just take her pain away. Prayer or good thoughts, Give it all ypu’ve Got |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 7:37:10 PM EDT
[#20]
It'll be an honor, sir.
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Posted: 7/27/2018 7:42:53 PM EDT
[#21]
Prayers for strength for you and your family.
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Posted: 7/27/2018 8:08:20 PM EDT
[#22]
Praying for you and your family, usjet.
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Posted: 7/27/2018 8:16:54 PM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By vim:
It'll be an honor, sir. Ain’t even a butter bar, let alone “sir”. But thanks.
Out for tonight, |
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Posted: 7/27/2018 10:09:54 PM EDT
[#24]
Will say some prayers for your wife and you.
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Posted: 7/27/2018 10:25:46 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cmw:
Will say some prayers for your wife and you. |
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Posted: 7/28/2018 11:48:39 AM EDT
[#26]
Wow, been contacting people with the news.
Comes a point in the conversation you realize it hurts them to hear. That you realize they really do care about and love you, that they never wanted to hear this. Makes the next call a lot harder..... |
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Posted: 7/28/2018 6:29:16 PM EDT
[#27]
Prayers sent.
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Posted: 7/28/2018 7:01:40 PM EDT
[#28]
Prayers sent for you and your loved ones.
Sometimes, if you can say "it's been a good run" that's all that counts. |
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Posted: 7/28/2018 8:32:49 PM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By EastcARstle:
Prayers sent for you and your loved ones. Sometimes, if you can say "it's been a good run" that's all that counts. It’s been so much more than a “good run”. Thanks again.... Good night all |
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Posted: 7/28/2018 9:29:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: grinning_bob]
[#30]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet: Thank you, It’s been so much more than a “good run”. Thanks again.... Good night all It is good for you to talk here. Some things are easier to express to strangers. Have a good night. Tomorrow is a new day. |
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Posted: 7/28/2018 9:52:07 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By grinning_bob: I will be praying for you and your family usjet. It is good for you to talk here. Some things are easier to express to strangers. Have a good night. Tomorrow is a new day. |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 1:28:07 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By bandaid_man:
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family. Fight when you want to fight, rest when you’re ready. Usjet- Prayers for you, your wife & family |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 1:35:56 AM EDT
[#33]
Prayers
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Posted: 7/29/2018 8:37:39 AM EDT
[#34]
Prayers for you and your family Good Sir!
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Posted: 7/29/2018 9:45:51 AM EDT
[#35]
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it.
John Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given". Was born just short of 2 months premature. Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom. Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling. Not done squawking yet. John |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 10:52:42 AM EDT
[#36]
Keep going it John. Tell your story.
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Posted: 7/29/2018 11:12:09 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it. John Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given". Was born just short of 2 months premature. Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom. Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling. Not done squawking yet. John Keep squawking, John. We've got you. |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 11:29:00 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SERVED_USMC:
This is likely the single most powerful post I've read during my time here. Keep squawking, John. We've got you. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By SERVED_USMC:
Originally Posted By usjet:
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it. John Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given". Was born just short of 2 months premature. Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom. Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling. Not done squawking yet. John Keep squawking, John. We've got you. |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 12:15:22 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Gingerbreadman:
No doubt. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Gingerbreadman:
Originally Posted By SERVED_USMC:
Originally Posted By usjet:
Thanks all, guess it's ok to put a name to it. John Mom said she chose that because it means "God Given". Was born just short of 2 months premature. Dad said I was stillborn, and Mrs. Robinson, the midwife laid me on a sideboard and started tending to Mom. Guess I wanted to be here, cause after a couple minutes I started squawking for all I was worth Dad said when he picked me up, my bottom was nearly black from the blood pooling. Not done squawking yet. John Keep squawking, John. We've got you. |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 1:22:37 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By pasquale91:
Keep going it John. Tell your story. |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 2:09:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: usjet]
[#41]
Thank you guys.
Just got a big kiss on the lips. Sure wish I could feel it. Came up with an idea(today has been idea and start the list day), to will my body to the local university med school. Normally they probably think jeeze, Thanks- another old guy to dissect. But the pathology in my head is kind of unusual from what I’ve read, so might make a real difference to someone 5 yrs down the road. Saves $1500,too.......... They take care of cremation, transport and all that. The only disadvantage is you won’t know until thery’re Done- means you have to leave it open for a while. But she’s ok with if I am. And I am... John |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 4:55:43 PM EDT
[#42]
Tough to read. Just be the spirit that others would want to follow.
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Posted: 7/29/2018 5:34:42 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Iamhere:
Tough to read. Just be the spirit that others would want to follow. Did you ever, ever..... Get behind some guy who said “Follow me, men!”?
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Posted: 7/29/2018 6:31:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Ubaddog]
[#44]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
Thank you guys. Just got a big kiss on the lips. Sure wish I could feel it. Came up with an idea(today has been idea and start the list day), to will my body to the local university med school. Normally they probably think jeeze, Thanks- another old guy to dissect. But the pathology in my head is kind of unusual from what I’ve read, so might make a real difference to someone 5 yrs down the road. Saves $1500,too.......... They take care of cremation, transport and all that. The only disadvantage is you won’t know until thery’re Done- means you have to leave it open for a while. But she’s ok with if I am. And I am... John I was having issues so I was looking at my options and was leaning toward local body donation. Easy peasy, I really didnt care I was looking to make it easy for the wife. I mentioned it to the wife and she was not on board, kinda upset. So I ended up getting what she wanted, side by side burial I prepaid all the details. Ended up getting 2 double plots on the aftermarket ( Searched the Internet, pretty trouble free) and purchasing 2 burial insurance policies from the local undertakers. Tough talk but put her at ease. |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 6:43:43 PM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By u-baddog: Make sure she is really fine with It. I was having issues so I was looking at my options and was leaning toward local body donation. Easy peasy, I really didnt care I was looking to make it easy for the wife. I mentioned it to the wife and she was not on board, kinda upset. So I ended up getting what she wanted, side by side burial I prepaid all the details. Ended up getting 2 double plots on the aftermarket ( Searched the Internet, pretty trouble free) and purchasing 2 burial insurance policies from the local undertakers. Tough talk but put her at ease. doin't think she was so much with the whole program as much as she was so very behind making some sense and use of al this. and just, to add, (I KNOW I will regret this), "HER" name is Karla.
Pics maybe later, maybe never..... |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 7:05:57 PM EDT
[#46]
@EdAvilaSr:
Don't know what you were thinking when you started this all, bet you never even thought this could happen, that this place could become so important to some, a place to let out more than anyone ever knew, a place someone would take their finish in. But there it is. And thanks for all of it. Thanks. John |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 8:56:19 PM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By usjet:
@EdAvilaSr: Don't know what you were thinking when you started this all, bet you never even thought this could happen, that this place could become so important to some, a place to let out more than anyone ever knew, a place someone would take their finish in. But there it is. And thanks for all of it. Thanks. John 
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Posted: 7/29/2018 9:10:33 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By bandaid_man:
Prayers for you, your wife, and the rest of the family. Fight when you want to fight, rest when you're ready. |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 9:37:00 PM EDT
[#49]
John,
We're all going to be where you are sometime. I'm a simple man, not very well spoken, but I'll pray for you and yours. Live well John. David |
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Posted: 7/29/2018 11:01:31 PM EDT
[#50]
John -
You're in my prayers. |
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