There comes a quiet afternoon, and then a morning... (Page 7 of 33)
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03:06?
Time really does fly! Second coffee and I’m feeling much better. Big hugs from Lucky the cat helped for sure. Thought about all that anger- Yesterday had to pay full pop to get into the gun show. Somehow, while tossing now useless stuff out, I pitched my NRA card. Turns out it wasn’t so useless after all.......... That’s got to be it, Right? 
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I'm new to a lot - although I'm 63 I just bought my first AR in February and completed my second build last week. Yesterday, I decided I needed to support the forum and sent in a membership. Maybe it's the many years of Army life but I'm always up by 4AM...and I found your thread this morning.
So much grace. So much courage. So much strength. I've had a few close calls throughout life, especially during my Army career. I was in the impact zone of the Pentagon on 9/11 and managed twice to stare Death down. That, more than anything, made me aware of my mortality and of the need to embrace all that life has to offer, to say what needs to be said, do what I want to do and, most of all, to spend the time with family and friends now because we truly never know when our time will come. Over the past few years that idea of mortality finds itself creeping into my mind more often - having family pass on, seeing other both younger and a bit older pass just makes it all more real and inevitable...and pushes me even more to live the life I have. I told my Board I'll retire in two years...time to focus on Lynn, our family and my bucket list. I sat with my mother as we told her it was time to have hospice step into her life...the very best thing we could have done. They were as much there to support me, my wife and my sister as they were for Mom. Let them be there for you and Karla, too. What an amazing group of professionals they were - I can't imagine what it would have been like without them. The morning hours are my very favorite of the day. It is my time to reflect and plan. To relax and think. But, it can also be a time where the darkness tries to surround you. It is then that Faith steps in for me. Know that we are all connected in this forum and in this life...and that we are here to be whatever part of your journey you need of us. Thoughts, prayers, tears, hugs....whatever. And, if in those quiet hours the darkness tries to creep in, check in...I'm probably just a PM away. Mark |
COL, U.S. Army (Ret.)
"If they're not shooting at you, you're not trying hard enough. Now move out and draw fire!"
"If they're not shooting at you, you're not trying hard enough. Now move out and draw fire!"
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Sun finally came up- it's a long wait if you get up in the middle of the night, I guess.
Read a couple IMs. Things are happening to people- good things. Somehow this is bringing about changes, changing people's paths. It has a meaning I never intended, am amazed by. I wouldn't believe some of this, but I've seen it- it's as real as this thing is, and it doesn't get more real than that. Somehow, God is using this thing. Enjoy every minute of this beautiful day. There is something good in it. John |
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My life was already changed some years ago when the wife said, "I want to go first".
"Because I don't want to finish this without you". That moment changed the way I looked at life. 
We have all papers together life insurance and property in a trust and ready to go. Then we brought son over to update him where stuff was to make it smooth for him. He was in freaking denial to think of that direction. But it's a sane thing to do. Deep shit, huh? And 2 am is way to early for coffee. |
Benjamin Franklin, "You have a Rebublic if you can keep it."
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Originally Posted By Iamhere:
My life was already changed some years ago when the wife said, "I want to go first". "Because I don't want to finish this without you". That moment changed the way I looked at life.
We have all papers together life insurance and property in a trust and ready to go. Then we brought son over to update him where stuff was to make it smooth for him. He was in freaking denial to think of that direction. But it's a sane thing to do. Deep shit, huh? And 2 am is way to early for coffee. The other night, she said "could still happen". And 2am is NOT too early for coffee, if you're on watch.
ETA: Go easy on your son. We all thought we were invincible at one time, that Death could never happen. To us, or those we loved. He'll learn soon enough. We all will......... |
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Pic- I PROMISED I'd 'shop it to make us look good.
I lied.......
Had a LOT of fun here over the years with my epic " 'shops". Sadly, never saved any of 'em, and "photo suck" has made them go all away. 
Did learn though, that I could make friends with a Turkish Muslim Military Doc, learned that Air Force pogues have no sense of humor. No sense at all. 
And, It's going to be just like "Jenny", that babe in customer service- the one with the great voice and sense of humor, and you finally got to meet her and she was 5'4", 350 lbs and had a face just like the south end of a horse headed north. 
So, all that said, here we are a few years ago (she had finally talked me into a cruise- DO IT GUYS, IT"S AWSOME!). Don't know where 40 lbs went since the pic: Attached File |
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EARLY YEARS
I won't break that promise. Still got that hat- not done with it for this year yet.... Attached File She stole my heart........ No she didn't. I gave it to her.... Attached File |
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Originally Posted By BTccw:
This is a man that knows some stuff! "Never to early for coffee" is one of life's great secrets. Pearls are being thrown here. Pearls! Cousin's grandpa, a rancher up in Eads, Colorado was fond of saying- "Pigs is Pigs!" And I haven't seen any lately.....
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You know, I look back on these posts, and I think-
How is it one guy could have done all these things?, known all these people?, been these places?, and more........ Haven't even started, and it's all true (Now wouldn't be a good time to start ly'ng), And I think, "Thanks! How much more could there have been?". And I have the time and chance to think on it all and share it? How much more, could there possibly be? Have a great night. Good things will be there..... John |
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Originally Posted By usjet:
ETA: Go easy on your son. We all thought we were invincible at one time, that Death could never happen. To us, or those we loved. He'll learn soon enough. We all will......... I have this trust, and what it holds are those items which the government deems too dangerous for the "normal guy" to own. Some small-ish mechanical items that throw little pieces of lead at high velocity and those metal tubes that quieten them. My youngest daughter is the sole beneficiary to the trust. This one time, I sat her down and tried to explain to her what the trust was, what property was held by the trust, and what she'd be responsible for should I pass, and should that trust pass down to her. She acted like I was trying to kick puppies. Me, I thought I was just taking reasonable precautions. Her, she's still too young to even want to think about the eventualities of life. At 22, I figured she was grown up enough to realize what happens to people, eventually. It is, after all, the one thing we all have in common. I guess she just doesn't want to think that it could happen to me. |
I just can't fathom the complete and total near-sightedness, ignorance, and bigotry it must take to see things that narrowly. I imagine it's like taking a color-blindness test, and failing.
Shit, I can see the "46", why the fuck can't you?
Shit, I can see the "46", why the fuck can't you?
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Originally Posted By ceetee: This explains loads. I have this trust, and what it holds are those items which the government deems too dangerous for the "normal guy" to own. Some small-ish mechanical items that throw little pieces of lead at high velocity and those metal tubes that quieten them. My youngest daughter is the sole beneficiary to the trust. This one time, I sat her down and tried to explain to her what the trust was, what property was held by the trust, and what she'd be responsible for should I pass, and should that trust pass down to her. She acted like I was trying to kick puppies. Me, I thought I was just taking reasonable precautions. Her, she's still too young to even want to think about the eventualities of life. At 22, I figured she was grown up enough to realize what happens to people, eventually. It is, after all, the one thing we all have in common. I guess she just doesn't want to think that it could happen to me. What means a lot to you, don’t mean sht to them. And that’s ok. Leave ‘em some money. They’ll ALWAYS be happy with that. 
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Originally Posted By usjet: You just gotta figure- What means a lot to you, don’t mean sht to them. And that’s ok. Leave ‘em some money. They’ll ALWAYS be happy with that.
Most of the physical stuff doesn't mean anything to the next generation. Sure, there are a few items of worth or emotional value...but the majority just ends up as stuff someone else has to deal with. The memories, the stories, the pictures though, are invaluable. Share them, write them down, pass on the pictures. That, and cash, are the truly invaluable things we accumulate in our lives. |
COL, U.S. Army (Ret.)
"If they're not shooting at you, you're not trying hard enough. Now move out and draw fire!"
"If they're not shooting at you, you're not trying hard enough. Now move out and draw fire!"
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Water- Water Everywhere!
Water softener decided to overflow last night (probably a plugged filter screen). Went out into garage and it was wet. Everywhere. And I can't see easily- garage is still dark in places that time of day (even with all the led lighting) so that didn't help. At least it's not a pipe leak, which is what it first seemed. Life goes on, eh?
Oh, yeah---- Have a great day There will be something good in it John Eta: And re-route your over-flow tubes outside- while there's still time.
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Hey OP,
Thank you for sharing your journey. I swear I will be with you as long as you keep typing. I pray for one thing for you and the wife - for Peace. That type of peace that only Jesus Christ can bring. HE will be with you. CMOS |
"If their "fair share" demands that I get nothing for my labors, that it requires me to be a victim, then "public good" be dammed."
| Prayers for you again. Glad you're hanging in. |
"Then I said, I will not make mention of him, nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in my heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary from holding it back, and I could not." Jeremiah 20:9
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Thanks once again, and as I seem to do lately, here's "thoughts on the day":
I've noticed that a lot of things have seemed to take on some significance well beyond normal, as if they are a part of this somehow, although it's most likely just due to coincidence. My automatic watch has begun to lose time- it was running about 20-30 seconds slow over a week. Suddenly, it's losing time, running slower in pace with myself- minus 2-3 minutes a day. Guess you know, I'm now winding it daily. Might not be good if it stopped.
G'night, John |
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Originally Posted By usjet:
Thanks once again, and as I seem to do lately, here's "thoughts on the day": I've noticed that a lot of things have seemed to take on some significance well beyond normal, as if they are a part of this somehow, although it's most likely just due to coincidence. My automatic watch has begun to lose time- it was running about 20-30 seconds slow over a week. Suddenly, it's losing time, running slower in pace with myself- minus 2-3 minutes a day. Guess you know, I'm now winding it daily. Might not be good if it stopped.
G'night, John 
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Benjamin Franklin, "You have a Rebublic if you can keep it."
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John, you have a sweet mustache.
My GF finds it repellent when I shave my goatee into one, but if you're any indication on how to be awesome I may just have to again. If you want to leave us badass mustache secrets we'd appreciate it. I generally just end up with beer foam and guacamole in mine. I tell the GF, it's in case I get hungry later, leave it alone! |
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Maybe there is more in life than we know.
We keep a small pond of fish out back. For years, Karla has said if one dies, someone in the house was protected from something bad. I never gave much thought to that, but last night was the very worse so far- up and down all night, pain relentless. She just went out to feed the fish, and there's a large pool of blood on the patio, bird crap everywhere, and she's gone- my favorite- old, large, and beautiful she was. I am heartbroken. Be well today Ready for something good. John |
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While this isn't the first "snatch 'n grab" we've had, they always just disappeared before. While upset, never got really worked up about it.
Caught one one time:  Swimming Owl Fish Thief And it doesn't help I'm reading into everything things beyond what they maybe really are. I've read certain tribes despise and fear owls- That they are portents of death, that when they appear, someone has been marked. Sure hope that's a load of crap.
ETA: Oh wait, Someone WAS marked. 
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Well damn John, I'm sorry you lost a pet. We do tend to get attached to things, even fish. What are you doing for pain management? I know you don't want to dull your senses and are trying to live every moment with a clear head, but, in pain is no way to live. I'm hoping you find the right thing to keep your journey a tolerable one. I look forward to your insight into this everyday. Your journey has changed me, and for the better. You are an inspiration. I hope I am as strong as you when I'm faced with the final trip. You have shown me what true strength is.
Kelly Edited: Because I cant proof read. |
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Originally Posted By Railhead:
Well damn John, I'm sorry you lost a pet. We do tend to get attached to things, even fish. What are you doing for pain management? I know you don't want to dull your senses and are trying to live every moment with a clear head, but, in pain is no way to live. I'm hoping you find the right thing to keep your journey a tolerable one. I look forward to your insight into this everyday. Your journey has changed me, and for the better. You are an inspiration. I hope I am as strong as you when I'm faced with the final trip. You have shown me what true strength is. Kelly Edited: Because I cant proof read. Oh wait- that's GD!
Up to now, there's been nothing 800mg of otc ibuprofen couldn't handle. Last night though, was different- more acute than the background noise it's been. Almost like this thing said: " A good day, eh? Even fun you said. Well, we'll show you!" See a doc day after tomorrow- already had a load to dump. Well, it's gonna be a big steaming pile by then.....
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, and the pain.
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Daily final-
Somehow, during a time like this, you somehow become responsible for and to others . Pro tip.... If someone is spilling their guts, trying to make sense of it all, maybe offering some small thing that somehow might make a difference? SHUT OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONE!!!!! G'night........ Something good is waiting for you. John |
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Nice!
Slept quietly until 04:30 when I awoke to the “tink” of a can of cat food being opened. Dog heard it too, so up we got.. That’s a half hour late....... 
Enjoy the day all. And even though you might have to dig a bit to find it, There will be something good in it. John |
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Originally Posted By stacks04:
I say shut the dam cell phone off most times anyway. They are a great thing but get in the way of so much living that they are detrimental. So much to enjoy in this world that today's kids will never get to experience.  Kids today.
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Owls are assholes. We've lost a lot of good cats to those sneaky bastards. Seriously, make contact with hospice. It doesn't mean you're quitting, giving up, or "close". They can and will help with pain management and in most cases there is no charge. They bill Medicare. Living with less pain = better quality of life for everyone. |
The more I know- the less I understand
Everyday I catch God smiling at me through the eyes of a horse.
Everyday I catch God smiling at me through the eyes of a horse.
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John,
I've always wondered what it's like to go from knowing you will die, to knowing what will kill you.I think you are doing a great job of explaining that. On the religion side, I think you are more correct than you even realize.I have been a believer most of my life, went to church, led Bible study etc. I was convinced that we all go somewhere when we die. I've come to see though that that is not what the Bible teaches at all. The Bible is saying the same as you, that this is the only life there is. The only hope the Bible offers is Resurrection back to life. 1 Cor 15 has become a favorite of mine. This death is a death we will wake up from. I ddn't mean to make a big theological post, just was struck by how intuitive I thought your opinion was. I'll continue to watch this thread, it is inspiring in a unique way. Good luck and God bless. May you hope in Jesus, that he will heal you in the Resurrection. |
1995: We don’t want marriage, just civil unions.
2005: Our marriage won’t affect your rights.
2014: Bake me a cake, or else.
2015: Your opinion against same sex marriage is illegal.
2005: Our marriage won’t affect your rights.
2014: Bake me a cake, or else.
2015: Your opinion against same sex marriage is illegal.
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Guess I’m extra talky today (all that rest).
Thinking about that rapper’s plane yesterday. Never heard his name before, can’t remember it now, unless I look it up. Anyway, followed that flight all day, hoping, even praying for a good outcome. Told Karla, that pilot is either going to be “hero of the day”, or they’ll blame him for the whole thing if it goes bad. By now, you all know it turned out well. The rapper apparently got a lot of “tweets” during the day, including some death wishes. He was quoted as saying “(expletive)” “Not Today”. “Not Today” I like that. |
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Infantry, sales, nurse. Shoulda kept the rifle...
Joined:
Jul 2010
Posts:
3369
EE: 100% (3)
ME, USA
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Originally Posted By BTccw:
Owls are assholes. We've lost a lot of good cats to those sneaky bastards. Seriously, make contact with hospice. It doesn't mean you're quitting, giving up, or "close". They can and will help with pain management and in most cases there is no charge. They bill Medicare. Living with less pain = better quality of life for everyone. |
Proud Member of Team Ranstad. RIP RetMAC, we'll keep the mission alive.
Straddling the thin plastic line between psych nurse and patient.
Now say 3 FBHOs and go in peace, my son-PorchDog
Survivor of ARFBORTION 2016
Straddling the thin plastic line between psych nurse and patient.
Now say 3 FBHOs and go in peace, my son-PorchDog
Survivor of ARFBORTION 2016
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Well, THAT was a day, a day of rage I suppose, but I'm not going to go into all that today.
Doc tomorrow, and I can combine the 2. There WAS some tender and good things in it..... Words are there, but enough spew for a while. All that said, here's a couple more pieces of "art". Sorry about the phone pics- they really don't pick up the nuances of detail and color, Have a high-end digital sir, but just can't use it now. With all that: Attached File "Christmas Mission" - guess why and don't win a prize. Can't remember date, but Folger's still came in a can. Attached File "Warrior Mother" Collage on oil, circa 1972 Mom never liked this one- she, like many others, just didn't "Get it" So, G'night all, John |
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Fall is coming, faster than useless appointments are. They called yesterday. Set me up for ct scan Sept 13, that will bea full month after the neurologist.
One of our wild stallions is really worked up this am, hear him out in the darkness. He’s telling the herd off about something- probably time to kick out one of the male yearlings. Always sad to see those lonely young stallions out alone, especially during lean times. Last night Karla talked about these past few weeks, how they’ve been special, how much more fun, caring, I’ve been. Kinda shocked when she said for the past 15 years I’ve been “angry”, always ready to”let loose”. I had no idea. I apologized, we held each other for a while. It was nice. Slept all night again. Off to see my primary today. Boy, is he gonna get an ear-full. Got notes and questions all written down. Really hope I don’t keep him late for his next appointment. Enjoy the day There will be something good in it John ETA: By the way, if you’re getting tired of all this- it’s ok. I am too.
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Not tired of it. Sad. If those damn aliens don't get here with those cancer-killing nanobots soon, I'm going to dock their pay!
We're all headed to the "expiration date on our birth certificates". How will we face it? Watching your journey with courage and humor makes me hopeful. Both my parents went suddenly. A gradual decline and then BOOM! Gone. Thank you for sharing, regardless of how soon those aliens show up. I'm still hoping for a miracle or two. |
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Hey John I saw you had mentioned photobucket going kaput and losing all your old photoshops. They switched back to free memberships and I was able to log into my old account (as were the rest of us) and all of our pics are still there. As long as you remember your login info, they're still there and can be accessed again 
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Once the government starts passing laws that one no longer considers rational one looks at all things differently. -Paul