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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:15:04 AM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He's in leadership at a local church. Girl's family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I'm considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:18:11 AM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Here this happy horse shit comes... 
Words mean things. It's not hard to learn the right ones. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:20:03 AM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Not in FL are you? |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:21:08 AM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Divorced? A divorced 50-year-old man telling his 15-year-old son's ex-GF she's pretty and when can HE see her again? "Houston, we have a problem." Damn. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:21:32 AM EDT
[#5]
OP IF your post is true, then for that girls safety , well being etc. You need to report it.
Like right F'n NOW!!! To add.. And, I don't mean to the church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:21:56 AM EDT
[#6]
If you have/had a daughter would you be ok with someone’s dad making comments like that? There is your answer.
That’s beyond just saying hello or keeping up with an acquaintance online. Ymmv. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:23:42 AM EDT
[#7]
This is absolutely grooming behavior and needs to be addressed.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:29:11 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:33:16 AM EDT
[#9]
Wrinkle:
Girl showed us the Instagram messages and emailed them to my wife. But we’re not sure if she is old enough to consent to us using/distributing the messages to the church or LE. Kentucky is a one party recording state. Local LE officer I spoke to about it (I maintained confidentiality of girl’s ID) said it is probably not enough to prosecute the guy over but they’d definitely go have a talk with him if the girl’s parents will OK it. Girl’s dad passed away a few years ago and single mom is a wreck. The mom has had legal problems of her own and is kinda waffling on whether to come forward or not. I know what this guy is and what he’s capable of. But we might have a mom who might want to put her head in the sand. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:35:31 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I would be more tempted to take it to the Law. I have little doubt the church would try to cover it up as quietly as possible. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:36:16 AM EDT
[#11]
The guy is a perv and crossed all kinds of boundaries. I would report it to the police. If he hasn’t committed a contact offense yet, he will. And yes, he is testing the waters to see how far he can go.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:38:19 AM EDT
[#12]
Quoted:
15 year old boy and girl are dating. Boy breaks up with girl. No big deal. He just isn’t into her that much and she’s a bit insecure and clingy...as 15 year old girls can be. Boy’s dad, 50 years old, has commented on her Instagram posts a couple of times while kids dated and it’s fairly innocuous. A month or two after the break-up, girl posts a picture of herself in a little black dress. Nothing risqué. Kind of a glamour shot type thing. Boy’s dad comments on picture with the heart-eyes emoji and says “very pretty girl”. A week or two later, girl posts a selfie of her in her bathing suit during spring break. Boy’s dad posts the same comment as before except uses “beautiful” instead. A month later, boy’s dad initiates a message saying “hey pretty girl, am I ever going to see you again?” Girl replies “sure”. Boy’s dad replies “how?” Girl replies “me and (son) are still friends. God put us in each other’s lives. I’m sure (son) and I will be hanging out again at some point.” Girl is fairly naive but says she felt a bit creeped out by the messages. But boy’s dad didn’t respond after her reply. Was the dad fishing? Or was it a big ole misunderstanding? Dad has it for the girl and it is totally inappropriate. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:39:34 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:40:00 AM EDT
[#14]
Creep.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:40:04 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Inappropriate yes. Pedo no. She's 15. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:41:38 AM EDT
[#16]
Have the girl post screen shots of the messages to her story add pedo bear and chris hansen emojis. Have her friends share it.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:41:51 AM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. Pervy church dude, ya don’t say. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:46:14 AM EDT
[#18]
Report the creep
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:47:10 AM EDT
[#19]
Si according to GD and not actually knowing the whole situation, telling my sister in law who is 14 she looks really pretty or looks good (she has body image issues), even if I’m lying and think she looks like a hoe and should cover up more, makes me a pedophile? You said you know what he is and what he’s capable of makes it sound like he’s actually been caught doing stuff. Simple comments like that aren’t advances. Maybe he’s just a nice dude. It’s be different if he was all like “very pretty. Check your messages” or “beautiful. You’re a keeper”. Shit at my wedding my grandmother said to a lot of you get girls they were beautiful and so did my grandfather. Like wtf. Calling someone a pedophile without actual proof other than comments can ruin a mans life. This reminds me of the “my daughter is 18 and ran away” thread. You said it yourself. Her father passed away and her mother is a wreck. Maybe he realizes this and is trying to be a positive figure before she gets caught up in the whole twerk or treat phenomenon...
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:52:32 AM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Si according to GD and not actually knowing the whole situation, telling my sister in law who is 14 she looks really pretty or looks good (she has body image issues), even if I'm lying and think she looks like a hoe and should cover up more, makes me a pedophile? You said you know what he is and what he's capable of makes it sound like he's actually been caught doing stuff. Simple comments like that aren't advances. Maybe he's just a nice dude. It's be different if he was all like "very pretty. Check your messages" or "beautiful. You're a keeper". Shit at my wedding my grandmother said to a lot of you get girls they were beautiful and so did my grandfather. Like wtf. Calling someone a pedophile without actual proof other than comments can ruin a mans life. This reminds me of the "my daughter is 18 and ran away" thread. You said it yourself. Her father passed away and her mother is a wreck. Maybe he realizes this and is trying to be a positive figure before she gets caught up in the whole twerk or treat phenomenon... But yea I think most people can see the difference between what you're saying and the OP. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:53:18 AM EDT
[#21]
Here’s a litmus test. If teen was with her mom at a public swimming area, would it be appropriate for a 50 year old to tell her in person how beautiful she looks in a bathing suit?
It’s weird, right? A private message over social media is just as weird. How about a hand written letter? It’s amazing the shit people get away with when it comes to electronic communication. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:58:06 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Si according to GD and not actually knowing the whole situation, telling my sister in law who is 14 she looks really pretty or looks good (she has body image issues), even if I’m lying and think she looks like a hoe and should cover up more, makes me a pedophile? You said you know what he is and what he’s capable of makes it sound like he’s actually been caught doing stuff. Simple comments like that aren’t advances. Maybe he’s just a nice dude. It’s be different if he was all like “very pretty. Check your messages” or “beautiful. You’re a keeper”. Shit at my wedding my grandmother said to a lot of you get girls they were beautiful and so did my grandfather. Like wtf. Calling someone a pedophile without actual proof other than comments can ruin a mans life. This reminds me of the “my daughter is 18 and ran away” thread. You said it yourself. Her father passed away and her mother is a wreck. Maybe he realizes this and is trying to be a positive figure before she gets caught up in the whole twerk or treat phenomenon... Dad already knows the answer insofar as it concerns his son. His son was the one who broke up. What do you think Dad was fishing for with that question? And what could he have possibly meant when he said “how?” And then there’s the whole heart-eyes emoji he tacked on. Is that how you bolster the body image of your 14 year old sister-in-law? |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:58:23 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Creep. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:58:55 AM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Wrinkle: Girl showed us the Instagram messages and emailed them to my wife. But we’re not sure if she is old enough to consent to us using/distributing the messages to the church or LE. Kentucky is a one party recording state. Local LE officer I spoke to about it (I maintained confidentiality of girl’s ID) said it is probably not enough to prosecute the guy over but they’d definitely go have a talk with him if the girl’s parents will OK it. Girl’s dad passed away a few years ago and single mom is a wreck. The mom has had legal problems of her own and is kinda waffling on whether to come forward or not. I know what this guy is and what he’s capable of. But we might have a mom who might want to put her head in the sand. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 6:59:36 AM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Your situation sounds different in that it's probably not the best idea to encourage a 14 to "dress like a ho". But yea I think most people can see the difference between what you're saying and the OP. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:01:25 AM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I personally take these issues seriously. I myself was the victim of molestation and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. However, these are those cases where everything has to be known. According to the OP the dad passed away. The girl dated the 50 y/o son and maybe he looks at her like a daughter and realizes that she doesn’t have her father anymore. It could go either way. The odds of him being attracts and physically doing some fucked shit is smaller than just making inappropriate comments. What’s the context of the messages? Maybe he’s just old and lonely and misses the company. Happens all the time with old people really. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:02:30 AM EDT
[#27]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Does the alleged pedophile know all of this? Sounds like he may be trying to take advantage of the child's shitty support structure. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:03:15 AM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Would you ask your son’s 15 year old ex-GF “Am I ever going to see you again?” Dad already knows the answer insofar as it concerns his son. His son was the one who broke up. What do you think Dad was fishing for with that question? And what could he have possibly meant when he said “how?” And then there’s the whole heart-eyes emoji he tacked on. Is that how you bolster the body image of your 14 year old sister-in-law? |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:05:04 AM EDT
[#29]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:05:14 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Still should take a piece of rebar to the nose to remind him what appropriate adult behaviour is. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:05:25 AM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:06:02 AM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Sounds creepy. You should stop sending her messages  |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:07:15 AM EDT
[#33]
That's out of line and seriously creepy
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:14:41 AM EDT
[#34]
He's a creeper. And a church leader? He is using his position to take advantage of the girl. This needs to be brought to someones attention.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:20:18 AM EDT
[#35]
Being a HS teacher, I have a small number of students that transition from "student" to "friend" rather than "former student."
I'll see the students-now-friends post pictures on social media once they graduate. (I don't accept friend requests until after graduation." My standard comment on any of the pics from days at the beach, weddings, etc. is a "Like." If I do comment, it will be something lame to the effect of "lovely." The reality is that I'm a 48 year old married father. Any one of those kids could be my child, or even grandchild. There is simply no appropriate reason to post stuff like the OP is describing. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:21:23 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Does the alleged pedophile know all of this? Sounds like he may be trying to take advantage of the child's shitty support structure. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Wrinkle: Girl showed us the Instagram messages and emailed them to my wife. But we're not sure if she is old enough to consent to us using/distributing the messages to the church or LE. Kentucky is a one party recording state. Local LE officer I spoke to about it (I maintained confidentiality of girl's ID) said it is probably not enough to prosecute the guy over but they'd definitely go have a talk with him if the girl's parents will OK it. Girl's dad passed away a few years ago and single mom is a wreck. The mom has had legal problems of her own and is kinda waffling on whether to come forward or not. I know what this guy is and what he's capable of. But we might have a mom who might want to put her head in the sand. And as had been said, there's something wrong with that man. Clearly inappropriate behavior, but you'll probably encounter resistance at church when you out the dude. Even in this thread you've got people conjuring up implausible scenarios and justifications for why it's alright, and I'd expect 10x worse at the church where this guy is some kind of leader. Hopefully you'll still put pressure on him, and hopefully I'm wrong and your church leadership will handle this with a quickness. Eta - good for you OP for getting involved here. Something is clearly amiss, and we all just hope it's not the worst case scenario. Still, this girl doesn't have a dad to look out for her so you're losing sleep - it's good that you're stepping up because lots of people wouldn't. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:21:40 AM EDT
[#37]
I really appreciate the defense of language, but why does the cring-brigade always insist we define "pedophile" as prepubescent in these threads?
both definitions are correct, BUT we're clearly working in the legal realm here, not mental health. He's considering taking this to leadership, not his therapist. TLDR: the legal definition and psychological definition don't match fully.  Attached File Attached File
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:22:02 AM EDT
[#38]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I personally take these issues seriously. I myself was the victim of molestation and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. However, these are those cases where everything has to be known. According to the OP the dad passed away. The girl dated the 50 y/o son and maybe he looks at her like a daughter and realizes that she doesn't have her father anymore. It could go either way. The odds of him being attracts and physically doing some fucked shit is smaller than just making inappropriate comments. What's the context of the messages? Maybe he's just old and lonely and misses the company. Happens all the time with old people really.  "very pretty girl" seems inappropriate.That is flirty eyes, not a serious or motivational complement from an adult to a child. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:23:27 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
50 year old making advances on a 15 year old? That is the very definition of pedophilia. Don’t soft peddle the guy’s actions. This isn’t Saudi Arabia. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Inappropriate yes. Pedo no. She's 15.
pedophilia
: a psychiatric disorder in which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a prepubescent child Soft peddle? 
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:25:12 AM EDT
[#40]
Creepy. Can’t she block him?
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:32:05 AM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
His issue is hebephilia or ephebophilia, not pedophilia. Just because the term is used improperly by most doesn't make it correct. Soft peddle? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Inappropriate yes. Pedo no. She's 15.
pedophilia
: a psychiatric disorder in which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a prepubescent child Soft peddle? I'll just let you know that to this outside observer you come across really weird here, at minimum. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:34:14 AM EDT
[#42]
I think it crashes through “The appearance of impropriety” and is well into the grooming stage as you put it. She’s aware of it though so it's not going anywhere.
I sometimes give a ride to my neighbor’s 15 y/o daughter to school who I pick up along with bringing my own kids. I have one of my kids sit up front and she sits in back with the others. My kids need to be there earlier but I drop her off first. I will ask a generic “how’s school going” just to acknowledge she’s there, but otherwise there is no reason for me to talk to her. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:35:22 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Thats way over the line and beyond a misunderstanding. Advise the girls parents to go to tell the church. If for some reason they won't, then you should. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:35:23 AM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Ha. Seriously. He’s in leadership at a local church. Girl’s family confided in wife and me. It sets off alarm bells for me and my wife. I’m considering taking it to his church leadership. I know how much GD hates pastors because they are all pedos. But that needs to be reported to someone above that guy. My old pastor was a touchy feely type guy. Wife and 2 kids. Turns out he did like to touch young boys, although at the age of consent. Someone that he had been sending texts to finally sent the graphic texts to the district superintendent. Pastor basically got perp walked out of church and lost his credentials in the AG church forever. We helped him move out of the parsonage, and turns out he let a young gay dude stay there because his parents kicked him out for being gay. He had the audacity to tell the kid he could stay there another week while he moved out. He moved to TN and has been "pastoring" in a Presbyterian church. We can't say or do anything else about sounding the alarm without opening us up to litigation. Dude is a GRADE A NUMBER ONE PIECE OF SHIT. Very few in the church actually knew what he was doing. I was blindsided by it, along with many others. He bought a car and took a dude to NY on a family trip. That dude wrote a lengthy article in a christian magazine about what our pastor did to him. It was quite shocking honestly. Again, you need to report this guy, even to your district office. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:35:56 AM EDT
[#45]
Completely inappropriate. I'm 50 and have 7 nieces. Even though we were very close as they were growing up, I would have never thought to communicate with any of them like that creep did.
This guy needs to be called out on it. ASAP. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:39:15 AM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Correct. I just wasn’t sure if GD would understand ephedophilia. I figured the age description would provide the context. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Please do. That's completely inappropriate and honestly if he's in church leadership I think that's also a problem with this kind of behavior. That said to answer your question technically no it is not pedo grooming because at 15 she is developed and pedophilia has specific definitions Still creepy and inapproriate. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:40:22 AM EDT
[#47]
Think of the though process you had as a single man to get online and randomly message a girl. He just did that with a 15yo.
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:41:35 AM EDT
[#48]
100% pervert
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:42:30 AM EDT
[#49]
Quote HistoryQuoted: They are the worst kind at times. I know how much GD hates pastors because they are all pedos. But that needs to be reported to someone above that guy. My old pastor was a touchy feely type guy. Wife and 2 kids. Turns out he did like to touch young boys, although at the age of consent. Someone that he had been sending texts to finally sent the graphic texts to the district superintendent. Pastor basically got perp walked out of church and lost his credentials in the AG church forever. We helped him move out of the parsonage, and turns out he let a young gay dude stay there because his parents kicked him out for being gay. He had the audacity to tell the kid he could stay there another week while he moved out. He moved to TN and has been "pastoring" in a Presbyterian church. We can't say or do anything else about sounding the alarm without opening us up to litigation. Dude is a GRADE A NUMBER ONE PIECE OF SHIT. Very few in the church actually knew what he was doing. I was blindsided by it, along with many others. He bought a car and took a dude to NY on a family trip. That dude wrote a lengthy article in a christian magazine about what our pastor did to him. It was quite shocking honestly. Again, you need to report this guy, even to your district office. GD hates pedos. I suspect there are a number of those here also. Unfortunately pedo pastors are a common thing. There was one here a few years back who got caught and perp walked to the slammer. For teen girls I might add. |
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Posted: 10/28/2019 7:43:05 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Creep. |
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