Posted: 7/28/2023 10:32:17 AM EDT
| I'm a new dad to a 4 week old, mom is on maternity leave but that won't last forever. I work from home, she commutes. I'm planning on being a stay at home dad, but the baby needs soo much constant attention I don't see how it's a workable situation. Any tips from the hive? |
| Maybe hire someone to tend to the infant while you are being compensated by your employer to work? What would you do if you were working at the "office?" Otherwise, I'm pretty sure you're being paid for something you're not doing. Or, where I grew up, it's called stealing. |
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Originally Posted By xcalibur12: Maybe hire someone to tend to the infant while you are being compensated by your employer to work? What would you do if you were working at the "office?" Otherwise, I'm pretty sure you're being paid for something you're not doing. Or, where I grew up, it's called stealing. Lol please |
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Originally Posted By gearsmithy: I'm a new dad to a 4 week old, mom is on maternity leave but that won't last forever. I work from home, she commutes. I'm planning on being a stay at home dad, but the baby needs soo much constant attention I don't see how it's a workable situation. Any tips from the hive? You are going to have your work cut out for you. There is a reason daycare places charge a fortune to watch newborns and toddlers. They need constant attention.......especially babies. |
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Originally Posted By esa17: You can’t do both and be good at either. Hire a nanny or become a stay at home dad for the next few years. Don’t fuck up your kid or miss out on those years if you don’t have to. This right hear. Either your job, your kid, or both are going to suffer. Hire some help. |
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For the record I'm an author, so I make my own hours and can work whenever/wherever I want. So no, I'm not 'stealing' from anyone other than me if I don't write. My issue is that I can't write 15 minutes at a time, I need to be able to concentrate for hours on end so the (hot) nanny route sounds optimal, that way dad is always around. By the way, that was the old lady's first reaction when I floated it by her - "you better not fuck the nanny". |
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Originally Posted By esa17: You can’t do both and be good at either. Hire a nanny or become a stay at home dad for the next few years. Don’t fuck up your kid or miss out on those years if you don’t have to. This. And it isn't "handling." It's your kid. It's "raising." |
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Wife and I are self employed and work from home together in our business. We do alternating schedules. Morning/afternoons. One of the first things we did was set up a really really good sleep routine/hygiene and not rely on "aids" such as pacifiers,etc with ours around 3-4mo. Scheduled naps, wakes, and bedtimes. This is now paying dividends as she gets older for our work schedules. Kids thrive on routines and this has worked absolutely. For now? I say "write" off the next few months during the day, and set up a routine with your wife where you write in the evenings after she's home. Get your little one into a schedule and the rest will fall into place. |
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Originally Posted By gearsmithy: I'm a new dad to a 4 week old, mom is on maternity leave but that won't last forever. I work from home, she commutes. I'm planning on being a stay at home dad, but the baby needs soo much constant attention I don't see how it's a workable situation. Any tips from the hive? We keep our grandson several days a week. We started at about 8 weeks old. Pump and freeze breast milk or if he’s on formula. Get him on a set schedule. Nap, feed, awake. Repeat. He sleeps about an hour, feeds, plays about an hour. When he gets fussy put him to bed in one of those Michelin man suits. Noise machine. Main thing is schedule. |
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I stayed at home with my first two daughters (18 & 11 now) and you have an unrealistic expectation unless you completely can dictate your work hours. The kid will dictate their work hours, and the schedule is gnarly for any kid under 10-12 yrs old. Now I work from home and it's difficult with a well behaved 7 & 11 yr old. Edit: Seeing that you are an author, you can make it work but caffeine will be your fix!! Good luck! |
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Originally Posted By gearsmithy: I'm a new dad to a 4 week old, mom is on maternity leave but that won't last forever. I work from home, she commutes. I'm planning on being a stay at home dad, but the baby needs soo much constant attention I don't see how it's a workable situation. Any tips from the hive? This is why grandmothers exist. |
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Do what everybody else does - including many of the proud parents in this thread: 1. Hire someone else to raise your child for the first 5 years of their life, except for a few hours each evening, and while I they sleep at night. 2. Once they’re old enough, enroll them in the free government school of your choice and let the government employees raise them. They’ll even feed them breakfast and lunch. You can hire someone else to keep an eye on them until you get home from work. Usually they’ll even feed them dinner. You can then spend a few hours with them before putting them to bed - unless you want them involved in sports, in which case the coach (also a government employee) will take care of them until dinner time, or even later. 3. Brag about how you’re “raising” your kids to be good people, despite the fact that your children spend the vast majority of their waking hours and eat most of their meals with other people, most of whom are government employees or minimum-wage daycare workers. |
| Appreciate the input guys. I don't see any reason why we can't make it work - my writing time (actually pushing buttons instead of doing research) is the only challenge, and I only do that maybe 15-20 hours a week in blocks of 5-8 hours. Unfortunately me and my old lady aren't spring chickens anymore (she's late 30s I'm mid 40s) and our daughter only has one grandparent left (but she's in her 80s, has dementia and lives in a nursing home 1000 miles away). Fortunately her aunt lives down the street and is retired so we've got permanent babysitter. My preference would be to be a stay at home dad, write when I can - most likely evenings after mom gets home from work. Right now baby is 5 weeks old and I like the idea of putting her on a schedule. |
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Originally Posted By gearsmithy: For the record I'm an author, so I make my own hours and can work whenever/wherever I want. So no, I'm not 'stealing' from anyone other than me if I don't write. My issue is that I can't write 15 minutes at a time, I need to be able to concentrate for hours on end so the (hot) nanny route sounds optimal, that way dad is always around. By the way, that was the old lady's first reaction when I floated it by her - "you better not fuck the nanny". First paragraph: I can work whenever I want. Second paragraph: I can’t work whenever I want. You have no idea what you’re in for and what you’ll miss if you don’t make the child your priority. Children are the best part of life while simultaneously being the most difficult part of life. If you want to raise happy, healthy, and productive children you will have to make a few difficult choices. They’re kids, not jewelry. |
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It’s ok to have a baby sitter while you’re at home. My mom once babysat for a nurse who worked nights. The nurse would be sleeping while her toddlers were being supervised. |
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Originally Posted By Gunner226: Do what everybody else does - including many of the proud parents in this thread: 1. Hire someone else to raise your child for the first 5 years of their life, except for a few hours each evening, and while I they sleep at night. 2. Once they’re old enough, enroll them in the free government school of your choice and let the government employees raise them. They’ll even feed them breakfast and lunch. You can hire someone else to keep an eye on them until you get home from work. Usually they’ll even feed them dinner. You can then spend a few hours with them before putting them to bed - unless you want them involved in sports, in which case the coach (also a government employee) will take care of them until dinner time, or even later. 3. Brag about how you’re “raising” your kids to be good people, despite the fact that your children spend the vast majority of their waking hours and eat most of their meals with other people, most of whom are government employees or minimum-wage daycare workers. When you add it up some parents spend less time around their kids than the school bus driver does. |
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