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7/14/2006 4:22:51 PM EDT
[#1]
This lady Liz totally brings pictures in my head of Burt's wife from Tremors.
7/14/2006 6:01:12 PM EDT
[#2]
I don't care what DEVLDOG says, keep it comming.
7/14/2006 7:10:12 PM EDT
[#3]
Rednecks!! Fuck yea!!!
Fuck the Police State
7/14/2006 7:23:12 PM EDT
[#4]
As with everybody else, I've got to say this is a great story.

Keep it coming!

D_F
7/14/2006 7:32:35 PM EDT
[#5]
Oh yeah! Liz is woody material!!!!!!!!!    I think I'm in love.
7/14/2006 7:53:16 PM EDT
[#6]
Daymn. Well I was hooked at the first chapter. Now It's starting to get interesting. I like that take charge woman. And like the others said it reminds me of Reba from Tremors.
7/15/2006 11:12:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: artyboy][Edited] [#7]
Chapter 20

"Are your hubs locked?" Liz asked Eric.  

"My hubs?" he gave her a stupid look.

"Your hubs.  For the four wheel drive," she might as well have been talking to a two year old.  "We're probably gonna have to use it to get where we're going."  Eric just kept looking at her like he didn't know what she was talking about.  Finally she snorted and hopped out of the Bronco to lock the hubs herself.  Wasting no time she got back in the car and started giving Eric directions.  

The route took them down a dirt trail that followed the edge of a pasture and some woods.  Finally it broke into the woodline.  The gunshots sounded much closer.  "You boys ok?" she asked into the radio.

"We're fine mama.  We're just really low on ammo," came the reply.

"Don't worry Cecil," she reassured him.  "The cavalry's comin.  How many do you have followin ya?"

"Hell mama every time we kill one two more replace it.  The fence is holdin em back pretty good but if they keep comin they're just gonna end up walkin right through it.  We got so low on mags we've been using our Glocks," They could hear how winded he was.

"You just hold em back for as long as you can.  We won't be long," she said before putting the radio back on her belt.  As they were driving through the woods Eric hit some bumpy spots that sent them all bouncing around inside the vehicle.  "You've never done any fourwheeling before have you" she glared at Eric.  The embarassed look on his face said it all.  "Get out of the damn driver's seat.  You're gonna get us stuck or break a damn axle."

"This is my truck," Eric said defensively.  

"I don't care who's truck it is," she told him matter of factly.  "It aint like I'm gonna steal it.  I just wanna get us there in one piece."  Eric wanted to continue to argue but it was impossible with the look she was giving him.  It was the same look that his mother used to give him when he was a kid that said "neither of us are going anywhere until you do what I say".  Finally he got out of the truck and let her slide into the driver seat.  When he got in the passenger side she started to go.  "You didn't even have it in four wheel drive!" she exclaimed.  

"I thought it was always in four wheel drive," Eric stammered.

"How long have you had this truck?" she asked as she dropped it into four high and started moving again.  

"We've only had it for a few days, man," Jon interrupted.  "We stole it from these dudes that were tryin to kill us."

At first she looked surprised but then she just shrugged it off.  "You do what you gotta do I guess," she said.  After that she concentrated on the trail.  

The ride was a lot smoother with her behind the wheel.  The gunfire grew steadily closer until they could see a group of zombies up ahead that were being held back by a wood fence reinforced with chicken wire.  It was hard to count them because the fence was on top of a hill that dropped off on the other side.  "We're here," she said into the radio.  She'd stopped on the trail about one hundred yards from the line of zombies.  

"We heard ya comin," the voice in the radio crackled.  "We'll be there in a sec."  

Everyone climbed out of the truck.  Liz replaced her mask and other protective gear then checked the mag on her AK.  Eric had his SKS with the pack of clips slung over his shoulder.  Jon wanted to take his shotgun but Liz convinced him to stick with the Saiga because she didn't want her fence getting damaged.  Amy was given the shotgun but her focus was going to be keeping everyone supplied with ammo.  Someone was going to have to keep reloading the Saiga mags.  Then two big men, dressed similarly to Liz, stepped on to the trail.  One kept his rifle trained in the direction of the zombies and the other one walked over to the truck.  They both had AR-15s.

"What took you so long mama?  We're both down to our last mag," the man said.  Then he picked his mother up in a big hug.

"Put me down you big oaf," Liz ordered.  "The ammo's in the back of the truck."  He put her down and walked back to the truck.  "We don't have time for introductions right now.  We need to kill these things before they bust the fence."  

"Damn momma," the man whined.  "You only brought us thirty mags?  You know how many there are out there?"

"Oh quit your whinin," she told him.  "There's plenty there."

He just shook his head as he reloaded his vest with magazines.  When he was finished he trotted over and relieved his brother.  Then his brother went back and filled his vest.  Both of them looked over the group as they ran by and both of their stares stopped on Amy a little longer than Eric liked.  It didn't make things any better when they saw the SKS in his hands and snickered at him.  He had no idea what they were laughing at.  

"That fence is holdin a lot better than I thought it would," Liz commented.  "It looks like this is gonna be easy.  How many do you think are out there Cecil?"

"A lot," he replied.  "If that fence wasn't on top of the hill they'd push right through it.  You can see where it's bending in spots."

"Well let's get to work then," she told them.  They all formed a firing line about fifty feet from the line of zombies that was still growing and started shooting.  They were dropping the monsters easily.  Most of the bodies were either rolling down the hill or stumbling over the fence.  Finally the group at the fence started to thin out.  When their weren't many left the group started to move in.  There were still more zombies taking the place of the dead ones but they couldn't keep up with the rate of gunfire.  Finally they had made their way forward enough that they could see over the hill.  There were zombies everywhere in the treeline.  They were all headed in the direction of the gunfire.  Some of them were stumbling along very quickly while others were barely moving at all.  They all kept tripping and getting caught on the underbrush which slowed them down considerably.  The group had very little trouble picking them off.

"We could sit here all day and plink away at these things," Cecil said.  "They just keep comin."

"Maybe we should bring the .22s out here and use those," his brother suggested.  

"A .22 round won't even get through their damn skulls," Cecil said.

"Bullshit, Cecil.  I told you, it'll go in and bounce around in thir heads without goin out the other side," he replied.  Then he quickly took two more down that were getting too close.  "It can't hurt to try."

Cecil just rolled his eyes.  "Will you two shut up," Liz butted in.  "It don't matter how good a .22'll work on em.    We don't have one out here and we can't go back to the house to get one without them things followin us back.  Let's just thin the herd with what we got then when we run low on ammo we'll head back."  Eric, Amy and Jon listened in on the family dispute as much as they could but they were busy shooting at anything that got too close.  Finally they all started to concentrate on the threat again.  They stayed behind the fence and eventually they managed to stem the tide.  After an hour of shooting none of the corpses in the woodline were moving.  

"This place is gonna stiiiink," Cecil said after they'd finished with their work.  "Aint no way you're gonna get me out here to bury these bodies, Momma."

"I wasn't plannin on makin ya," she replied.  "But now that you mention it..."

They all started walking back to the truck.  "So who are you people?" Cecil asked to try and change the subject.  "I'm Cecil and this is my brother Steve."  He pulled his mask and hood off as he talked and Steve did the same.  Eric, Amy and Jon all introduced themselves, too.  Cecil and Jon looked a lot alike.  They both had short brown hair and looked to be in their mid twenties.  They were both a little taller than six feet and they were very stocky.  "Well I'm glad you showed up when you did," he said as they approached the truck.  "We woulda been fightin them things off at the house."  Before they got in the truck they policed up as much of their brass as they could find without digging around the bodies along the fenceline.  Then they all piled into the truck with Liz driving and Eric riding shotgun.


Ninja Edit: Sorry guys I had to take those last couple of sentences out.  They were just too glaringly bland.  
7/15/2006 11:58:20 AM EDT
[#8]
my only problem with this story is your not turning out the chapters fast enough........

get to work man
I only use my guns when kindness fails


MLW >"<

it put's the lotion on it's skin or else it gets the hose again

I hope the zombies are armed with a taurus
7/15/2006 4:10:36 PM EDT
[#9]
mmmm good
7/15/2006 5:15:56 PM EDT
[#10]
more....more

very good story and can't wait for more
have gun will travel

Well you seen much combat? ......... I've seen a little on TV.

We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns.
7/15/2006 5:16:30 PM EDT
[Last Edit: EXPY37][Edited] [#11]
Artyboy,

How about a mutation to the DICE infection so that the MZB's suddenly become agile and expert marksmen!

Let's even up the playing field.
7/15/2006 8:05:34 PM EDT
[Last Edit: SirSqueeboo][Edited] [#12]

Originally Posted By artyboy:
Chapter 20

They both had AR-15s.

"You only brought us thirty mags?"  

It didn't make things any better when they saw the SKS in his hands and snickered at him.  


Yes, The ARFCOMers have arrived!
"Heroes in war are nice, unfortunately, most of them are dead"~ SGM Gary Fortunato, USAR
7/15/2006 9:53:08 PM EDT
[#13]
More story, please!
Space Available 555-1212
7/16/2006 7:06:56 PM EDT
[#14]

Originally Posted By SirSqueeboo:

Originally Posted By artyboy:
Chapter 20

They both had AR-15s.

"You only brought us thirty mags?"  

It didn't make things any better when they saw the SKS in his hands and snickered at him.  


Yes, The ARFCOMers have arrived!


Great!
I'll be looking foreword to your highly detailed story in the very near future.
7/16/2006 8:52:03 PM EDT
[#15]
tag
7/16/2006 9:41:54 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Johnny_Reno][Edited] [#16]
Never question a Genius......especially you.
7/16/2006 10:21:13 PM EDT
[#17]

Originally Posted By SirSqueeboo:

Originally Posted By artyboy:
Chapter 20

They both had AR-15s.

"You only brought us thirty mags?"  

It didn't make things any better when they saw the SKS in his hands and snickered at him.  


Yes, The ARFCOMers have arrived!

Originally Posted By donovan007007:
I would rather eat a cleveland steamer than own a glock.


كافر
7/16/2006 11:42:20 PM EDT
[#18]
Thanks for the time and effort you have put into this thing, and screw that DvlDog yahoo anyway, we need some good fiction to make us think.

Get some people to humping soon, remember, sex sells. All those near death experiences and no relief valves popping, someones overdue. :)
7/17/2006 2:28:48 AM EDT
[#19]
very good story, you should see about writing more stories and taking them to some publishers.
7/17/2006 5:16:52 AM EDT
[#20]

Originally Posted By pavester:
very good story, you should see about writing more stories and taking them to some publishers.


but not until you finish this one, is that understood ?

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
if you don't intend to BE monogamous, don't make a mockery out of an arrangement whose very foundation is BUILT upon it....


Some of your closest friends are those that are the farthest away
7/17/2006 11:34:41 AM EDT
[#21]
Need a Monday morning update!
7/17/2006 12:54:41 PM EDT
[#22]
I'll try and write an update tonight.  It's been a busy day at work today.  
7/17/2006 3:06:42 PM EDT
[#23]
WORK, dude ya gotta have yer priorities straight.  work can just fire you, yer online buddies can bring on the shtf if they go into withdrawal.
 mpi
7/17/2006 3:36:41 PM EDT
[#24]

Originally Posted By mpi:
WORK, dude ya gotta have yer priorities straight.  work can just fire you, yer online buddies can bring on the shtf if they go into withdrawal.
 mpi


According to Dvldog that's what I pray for everyday, anyway
7/17/2006 4:38:31 PM EDT
[#25]
Artyboy, I really appreciate your efforts.  I like the story a lot!
7/17/2006 4:58:45 PM EDT
[#26]
Ok, I've been reading along and I do like the story.  You asked for criticism so here's my input:
I'm not sure what you're going for, is this intended to be novel worthy at some point?  If so, I think it's a good start, but the one thing that keeps jumping out at me is the abbreviated transitions.  Take this for example:


On the way back Cecil told the story of what happened to them and how they'd made it to where they all met up in detail. The drive back to the house didn't take long. When they got back Liz invited them all in for dinner.


You cover some portions in great detail, but then you do a paragraph like this and cover a lot of time with just 3 or 4 sentences.  It feels abbreviated and hurried.  If this information isn't important, maybe it shouldn't be included?  Or, instead of giving it it's own paragraph, blend it into the end of the previous paragraph?  

Also there are some misspellings, but I'm not gonna nitpick you on that.

Keep 'em coming, I'm hooked with the rest of these guys.
7/17/2006 5:04:09 PM EDT
[#27]
I guess he does rush trough a few parts , if you had a bunch of us "gun loving survival nuts" messaging you to hurry up wouldnt you?

Keep up the good work arty and wheres our next chapter
Jeeps and Guns go together like peanut butter and jelly
We all can't be crazy
Visit my page at http://www16.brinkster.com/hawkspage/
7/17/2006 5:43:46 PM EDT
[#28]
WTF ya' bunch of GIRLS!

Write your own and show us all how it's done.
7/17/2006 6:57:39 PM EDT
[#29]

Originally Posted By JimTh:
Ok, I've been reading along and I do like the story.  You asked for criticism so here's my input:
I'm not sure what you're going for, is this intended to be novel worthy at some point?  If so, I think it's a good start, but the one thing that keeps jumping out at me is the abbreviated transitions.  Take this for example:


On the way back Cecil told the story of what happened to them and how they'd made it to where they all met up in detail. The drive back to the house didn't take long. When they got back Liz invited them all in for dinner.


You cover some portions in great detail, but then you do a paragraph like this and cover a lot of time with just 3 or 4 sentences.  It feels abbreviated and hurried.  If this information isn't important, maybe it shouldn't be included?  Or, instead of giving it it's own paragraph, blend it into the end of the previous paragraph?  

Also there are some misspellings, but I'm not gonna nitpick you on that.

Keep 'em coming, I'm hooked with the rest of these guys.


Sometimes I have to speed things up to get a chapter out and get back to work.  I get rolling on something and I don't want to stop until I finish it.  I had to rush to finish a few of these chapters to make sure that a) I'd have a chapter up for you guys and b) make sure the point I want to get across is still fresh in my mind.  If I were to convert this to a novel the first thing I'd do is rewrite the first few chapters.  After that I'd definately add some more beef to the rest of it.  I just write this stuff up in notepad and then copy/paste so I apologize for the spelling/grammar/formatting errors.  That's something else that I might eventually get around to cleaning up.
7/18/2006 1:08:03 AM EDT
[#30]
Man, this is great, thanks so much for entertaining me.  I thought I had an active imagination, but I couldn't write this quality of stuff, I can only dream it, lol.
7/18/2006 5:44:54 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Burkey][Edited] [#31]

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Arfcom/CJ2.jpg


I know that he's trying to use the glock to take as many zombies as he can with him, but what's the dynamite for?

Wow, this was very nice to read at once, I just found it today, man am I happy. It's so nice to find something this well done with so much of it already posted so I don't have to wait like a crack junkie for the next chapter...


OMG whats that!!



*shivers*

I'm sooooo cold, I need more maaaaan, mooooooore!!!!!!

*scratches neck*

humana humana humana!
7/18/2006 7:54:36 AM EDT
[#32]
"I don't even know these assholes!"

AoD reference? Eh Eh?

Through page 6, looking good.
7/18/2006 8:36:11 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Caimlas][Edited] [#33]

Originally Posted By j-spicoli:
This lady Liz totally brings pictures in my head of Burt's wife from Tremors.


I'm personally picturing a fit version of Captain Janeway from Star Trek: Voyager, with long hair...

EDIT: I just spent 2 hours reading this, so it must be good. Your writing is uncramping itself as you go get more on paper; that's good!

Hopefully my little fiction can work in a similar fashion... it's been like shitting diamonds so far. :)
7/18/2006 8:46:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Mr45auto][Edited] [#34]
I like it so far, how bout the boys being part of the local guard unit that went home to check on mom after everything else went to hell?   Stories can always use somebody with a little training.   They dont have to be ninja seals or anything special, maybe just a couple mechanics pressed into shootin zombies.
Beer me
7/18/2006 1:47:48 PM EDT
[#35]
tag
7/18/2006 2:07:32 PM EDT
[#36]

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Arfcom/CJ2.jpg


I know that he's trying to use the glock to take as many zombies as he can with him, but what's the dynamite for?




That's a road flare.  There's a tank of propane offscreen.  He's about to light off his barbecue.

Dude, have you not seen DOTD 2004?  It's received critical acclaim in the zombie documentary genre.
Never question a Genius......especially you.
7/18/2006 2:44:27 PM EDT
[#37]

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Arfcom/CJ2.jpg


I know that he's trying to use the glock to take as many zombies as he can with him, but what's the dynamite for?




That's a road flare.  There's a tank of propane offscreen.  He's about to light off his barbecue.

Dude, have you not seen DOTD 2004?  It's received critical acclaim in the zombie documentary genre.


I've seen it, I must have forgetten the details of that part.

I always space out at the end of documentaries
7/18/2006 2:47:36 PM EDT
[#38]

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Arfcom/CJ2.jpg


I know that he's trying to use the glock to take as many zombies as he can with him, but what's the dynamite for?




That's a road flare.  There's a tank of propane offscreen.  He's about to light off his barbecue.

Dude, have you not seen DOTD 2004?  It's received critical acclaim in the zombie documentary genre.


I've seen it, I must have forgetten the details of that part.

I always space out at the end of documentaries



Admit it: By the time you get to the end of them, you're too busy loading mags and listening to the news for any reports of rioting



Artyboy- Excellent story, we want the next update!
7/18/2006 3:26:33 PM EDT
[#39]

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Arfcom/CJ2.jpg


I know that he's trying to use the glock to take as many zombies as he can with him, but what's the dynamite for?




That's a road flare.  There's a tank of propane offscreen.  He's about to light off his barbecue.


Dude, have you not seen DOTD 2004?  It's received critical acclaim in the zombie documentary genre.


I've seen it, I must have forgetten the details of that part.

I always space out at the end of documentaries


The Glock would have made for a much more spectacular explosion
7/18/2006 3:52:43 PM EDT
[#40]

Originally Posted By artyboy:

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:

Originally Posted By Burkey:

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:
img.photobucket.com/albums/v687/Arfcom/CJ2.jpg


I know that he's trying to use the glock to take as many zombies as he can with him, but what's the dynamite for?




That's a road flare.  There's a tank of propane offscreen.  He's about to light off his barbecue.


Dude, have you not seen DOTD 2004?  It's received critical acclaim in the zombie documentary genre.


I've seen it, I must have forgetten the details of that part.

I always space out at the end of documentaries


The Glock would have made for a much more spectacular explosion

What are you replying for!? Every key stroke you make must go to the story!!!
7/18/2006 4:33:33 PM EDT
[#41]
I just found this thread a couple of days ago and read the whole thing!!! Today I was going to the range, it involves a stretch of interstate. I kept thinking of this story, I don't think driving down the interstate will ever be the same!
7/18/2006 6:45:08 PM EDT
[#42]
Wheres my crack!!! er, I mean STORY!!! yea, story...
7/18/2006 8:35:59 PM EDT
[#43]
Leave him alone so he can work on the story for us!!!!

John
كاف | kis ikht hizbola
and i said... dirka dirka mohammad jihad

7/18/2006 9:15:35 PM EDT
[#44]
Sorry guys work has just been a real drag this week.  I don't have anywhere near the time that I usually have to sit here pounding away at the keyboard.  I promise that I won't let this story dissapear, though :D.
7/19/2006 2:40:23 AM EDT
[#45]
B-Bump! I need a story!!! Waaaagh!
7/19/2006 3:01:23 AM EDT
[#46]
This story is incredible, ive read it all in one night.
Great job artyboy
KEEP EM COMING  

7/19/2006 11:41:52 AM EDT
[#47]

Originally Posted By Johnny_Reno:

Dude, have you not seen DOTD 2004?  It's received critical acclaim in the zombie documentary genre.


I'm acclaiming critically.

No really - if you haven't yet, go see it. It was an awesome movie, and you'll have trouble sleeping for days (something about a little zombie-girl finding her way into yours and your wife's bedroom to rip out your jugulars).
If Guns cause Crime, then Matches cause Arson.
7/19/2006 11:45:31 AM EDT
[#48]
Very good, keep'em coming!
7/19/2006 6:47:35 PM EDT
[#49]
oh man I am dying to hear more....


have gun will travel

Well you seen much combat? ......... I've seen a little on TV.

We are jolly green giants, walking the Earth with guns.
7/19/2006 9:07:08 PM EDT
[#50]
Where is the rest? Fun story, thanks for taking the time to write it up and post it.

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