Yeah, you're here with a sympathetic crowd, and not getting much traction.  You'd have to be insane to go on national TV and admit to kidnapping the cat and burning her mother's ashes.

I'm gonna to try and fix that wall of text.  But, I'm a bit drunk....

So I met my ex back in Cali 2013 on Tinder, when times were simpler. We had a good run for a min, but every time I went for a deployment she tried to hook up with my buddys when she was drunk. Every time I came back I would come back to a mess because of this drama.  This should have been my first warning.

I mean to be fair she was in the Army for 6 years as a 88M so I should have figured. We had 3 boxer dogs and a cat together.  The cat was a sphynx who she paid about $3,800 or more for (I can't remember).  I thought this was crazy but it came out of her money.  We named him Dez because he looked like a hairless Dez Bryant. Dez was cool because he was raised around boxer dogs his entire life so he was pretty much a hairless black yoda cat who acted like a dog.

Fast forward until after I got out of the Army, she worked at the VA and would constantly say she had migraines and claim she needed to stay after her shift because she was in the VA ER. I was pretty cool with it until a few times when stories were different and didn't match up. She also had a few times where she went to one of her "boot camp" ghetto gyms (fat camp) where she didn't actually end up going.
 
I kind of just sat on all this intel for a bit.  Sometimes you have to.  One day, as an expert investigator, I simply looked at her phone one day when she asked me to reply to her brother in a text. Turns out, she was cheating on me with one of my joe's from when I was in.
 
This was going on for months I guess.  A few months prior to me finding out, she had us leave our house and move in with her dad to help him after his breakup where he couldn't afford his re-financed place because a work injury left him out of a job.  Pretty cool dude tbh (trump fan in Cali).
 
So she made me sell all my furniture and shit because we didn't have space at this new place. We both were making good money.  I sold an entire bedroom set, couches, and other random furniture. Shit, she made me sell my lovesac. Fucking loved that thing. I got pennies for all of it, but I thought that the ends justified the means at that time, ya know?  Anyways.

So what did I do after I found out about her and one of my old joe's?  Eh. I took it alright.  I got her shitty commie vodka she had in the freezer and poured the bottle in it and took the vase with her mother's remains and lit on in fire in the backyard. Nothing huge.  Same day I commandeered her sphynx cat, Dez, and moved to New Mexico. This all happened in one day mind you.

Dez ended up escaping my home and getting eaten by my methhead neighbor who ended up being evicted, but that's another story for another day.  Haven't talked to her since. I think she ended up marrying fucking Pvt fucking Garza. Prick. Never liked that fuck anyways.

I'm not quite sure why we she took me to Judge Judy. I never asked and they haven't explained to me. I did the whole "ex, no contact" thing, so I truly have no clue. To be honest, this entire situation worked out just fine for me.

Summary, OP is trolling.  Regular 80 proof vodka doesn't burn, especially when mixed with ashes, of any kind.

Fuck the Judge Judy story. You say your neighbor ate your cat? ATE? Am I reading that right?

I want to hear about this story instead.

Attached File

Please go. And drop 87 references to ARF. It’ll be epic to watch. You’ll be famous and worshipped here for it too.

I was with you til you burned the mothers ashes

stole



Seems pretty straight forward based on the details you provided.
Although you're trolling so it doesn't really matter.

On the off chance that you're not trolling, fucking with her mom's ashes is about as low as it gets. I wish she would've taken you to regular small claims so you actually had to pay out of pocket for the cat.

Yeah, you're nuts if you go on the show.

No shit....

DAMN......that's just fucking unbelievable......

Not reading this entire shit show but would like an update and I'll venmo op if he does it but needs video in this thread

Jody, Judy.

Whole pile of nope up in here.

Pretty sure there’s no reasonable amount of money that could get me to humiliate myself on TV.

Drop a few 87's in there.

Claim she slept with private AROCK.

Claim you thought the vase was filled with nut coal, that's why you tried to burn it. If Judy looks puzzled when you say nut coal, explain it to her in detail

Also, make a counter-claim.
It doesn't matter what... jsut DO IT.

Evidently there is a civil case waiting for you in Cali. Default judgements are real.

Bring a Lawyer.  Like a Real Lawyer.  It doesn't have to be a good one... just one from ARFCOM.  the more obscure their legal focus, the better.  And at some point, he's obligated to look over at you and loudly say

I posted earlier on page 3 saying go and tie your story to some of the crazy Arfcom stories we've all seen.  This was before you updated your OP with how you stole her exotic cat, that your meth head neighbor ate, and after you set her mother's remains on fire.

After reading your update...by all means...FO!!!

FO like the wind dude!!!  

Just tie it all into some other crazy Arfcom stories.  Be sure to point out how you were emotionally destroyed and not in your right mind when you caught her cheating, and how she forced you to sell your stuff when you moved in, then counter sue for that.

You'll most likely lose...but by gosh you will become an Arfcom legend and the Judge Judy episode will be an epic shit storm!!!

Just let us know if and when it's set to air.

Did I make it before OP starts backpedaling on his story???

Was the cat boiled, barbecued, smoked, or consumed raw?

Inquiring minds want to know. Also what the fuck?

I’m not buying it .

Kudos for an entertaining story though

I think you go on the show just to see how many times Judge Judy has to tell you to STFU when you’re giving that 10,000 word explanation of your side of the story.

Judging by your post, just being yourself will make you hillbilly famous.

preferably someone who is well versed in bird law.

Don't do it.

You set her Mothers ashes on fire ???

WHAT THE FUCK ???

No, he didn't. This is a troll thread.

Should've dumped the ashes out on her table and jizzed on them.

Yeah, hopefully Judge Judy makes you personally pay for everything and locks your ass up.

If you had messed with my Momma’s ashes I’d be the one in trouble and you’d be alligator shit.

Your neighbor ate your $3800 sphinx cat
Attached File

Never happened.

Trolls don’t backpedal, they just fade away.

OP, the letter in your original post said that someone has filed a lawsuit against you or intends to.

It should be easy enough to contact the local small claims court to see if a case has been filed against you.  Around here, you can look it up on-line and that is probably true where you are.

Also, I noticed that you got an email from the JJ show.  Around here, email addresses are not supplied to the court however, email addresses are on the form to submit your case to the JJ show.

As I seriously doubt that the JJ show is searching court records anywhere but in California, in which case there is no case against you and your ex is just trying to embarrass you.

Given that you laid waste to her mom's ashes and stole her cat, it shouldn't be too hard to make you look bad.

Bottom line, check your local small claims court for a case, which I seriously doubt you will find anything.  If that happens, forgot about the show and the lawsuit because if she was going to sue you, she would have just sued you instead of contacting the JJ show.

I am just now catching the update to this.  Holy fuck.  Inter unit infidelity, meth heads eating cats, and abuse of a mothers remains.  Holy shit this is why I love GD.  

No shit, it's fake?  No wonder people show up. I know its arbitration,  I thought it was legit and if you lose you pay.  Learn something new everyday.

Ok, everything made sense up to the vodka and second cremation of mom. Then it just got fucked up.

OP, you can’t be seriously considering going on TV and telling that story. Judy will hammer you.

On the plus side, every fucked up methbilly chick in the region will hit you up afterwards.

Can you really burn ashes though?  I mean really?  

With the right accelerant maybe.

Not only that but they'll coach the guests on what to say. Someone I knew went on there and they offered her a few hundred more to say some made up stuff to add to the drama. Her case never aired though.

Like most "reality" TV it's almost entirely fake.

So she's suing you for Dez? $3,000?   I like the revenge burning, never mind what the do gooders think.
That story would make a great Judge Judy show...fill up a full half hour, do it and you'll get rid of her bullshit forever.

I’ll take it didn’t happen for 300 ....

"Your honor, Judge Booty, the bitch, I mean [Borat] my wife [/Borat], isnt entitled to $3800 for that cat.  $3800 was what the cat cost new.  The cat was at least a few years old when it was absconded with, not that I had anything to do with that.  I have brought the Kelly Bloo Book with me to show that that year's model of cat, with its defective Dez Bryant face, is worth at most $38.  To heal old wounds, as we say in the industry, to tourniquet a taint, I will pay for that sum for the cat.  As to her 3-legged bitch of a mother's ashes, that may or may not have been her ashes to begin with, to start the healing process I am willing to replace those ashes with a tidy sum from my BBQ grill.  In fact Judge Booty, if you want to bring hubby and your Mandingo Bailiff over, you can supervise a BBQ with me, mine, the ex and her Private Arock.  I'll make you a real brisket.  You can collect the ashes and pass them onto her.  I dont have to tell you the value in the quantity of these ashes as she'll have more ashes than ever before."

This went from Judge Judy to Jerry Springer. Nice troll.

Current price for such a cat seems to be less than 1/2 that listed in the original trollpost.

Find Keith_J. He is out there.

Kharn

Bonus points if he shows up with a coffee can of cremains and claims they're the mother's mixed with Dez's, and try to demand $0.87 for the gallon ziplock and the coffee can or he'll dump them on the plaintiff's table.

Kharn

So......did OP die?