I grew up watching my dad beat my mom mercilessly and even levelled a shotgun on his chest once when I was an early teen. I didn't have the balls to pull the trigger and got my beating after.
I escaped the house at 17 and never looked back.
As the years went on, he mellowed and stopped beating my mom. I don't know why she stayed with him.
I see them both a few times a year and in my head I want to leave ASAP. I've tried forgiving him, but I can't, yet. Maybe because I believe he should ask me for my forgiveness and he hasn't. I think part of my also blames my mom for staying with him and making excuses. I know it's zero her fault, but I think that feeling is there subconsciously.
It's something I'm thinking of seeking professional help for since I just can't seem to get over it at 44 years old. I'm not sure I should get over it, but I'd like to deal with it better than I do and maybe actually enjoy being in their presence for once before they're gone. Occasionally I still have dreams about it and hear her screams.
The universe still wants my dad in it for some reason. He's survived liver cancer, hep c, liver transplant, heart attack, and lung cancer. Maybe it's for me to make peace with what happened.