User Panel
Posted: 9/8/2022 3:35:33 PM EDT
Months ago, noticed that this guy was "liking" or commenting on every one of my wife's social media posts. Asked her about it, if he knew the guy and what his deal was. Just basic intel gathering. Apparently guy used to deliver supplies to her workplace office, no big deal she said. Still kind of stuck with me, especially after he commented on my wife's pic from her Florida va vacation where he commented that wife/daughter looked "great." (No, not posting wife pics today, fellas).
She showed me a video on her phone yesterday and I swiped off her app and took a quick glance of her FB messages. Low and behold this guy had chatted her up last week. I asked her about it today and she said he was asking for prayer requests for his mom etc. Sound innocuous enough, but I ain't buying it either. You want a prayer request go to church, or find a group of friends that you can pray with etc. Messaging a married woman for a prayer request out of the blue falls outside appropriate to me. Which leads me to the point or question or this, is it appropriate for a married woman to chat, or private message with another man, outside business or work related conversation? Or vice versa. |
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Yeah gonna go with there is shit going on for sure. If she's not riding the horse yet, she's definitely taken the saddle out of the barn
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Edit: No it is not inappropriate. If you can't trust your wife then you don't have a good relationship with her.
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My wife will not friend any men on Facebook.
She considers it to be playing with fire. We give each other passwords to our accounts and phones. If she texts a dude, even for her job, she puts me on the text. I didn’t ask for any of this, but wife came from a previous marriage where her husband cheated, so we just agreed on ground rules and both follow them. |
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No sarcastic remarks from me but you have some issues that probably cannot be resolved. Sorry OP- time to get a legal counsel.
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He likely likes your wife but don’t be too hard on her just yet for her replying to him.
It can be easy to get down that road a little bit without realizing it. Sounds like this just happened and not too much went on. If you talk to your wife and she still messages the guy then I would say that’s not good. |
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Quoted: Yeah gonna go with there is shit going on for sure. If she's not riding the horse yet, she's definitely taken the saddle out of the barn View Quote Attached File |
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Kinda creepy bro
Does she sneak around checking your socials or browsing history? |
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My wife is addicted to the online “words with friends” app. Literally every single day she’s got dudes hitting on her. It’s not a big deal.
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Those are things that should've been worked out before marriage, friend.
It is not appropriate to tell your wife what she can and can't do. You don't "own" her. The trick is to marry the one that respects you, and doesn't put herself in situations that might seem less than honorable. That line is different for every couple...but both members within a couple should have similar views on where just that line starts. |
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Quoted: Where their is smoke... View Quote Well, if OP is making the smoke. Sorry OP, but time to be an adult. Look at the messages. If she is right, apologize, grow up, and address your insecurity. If you have trust issues, you need to address the internal ones you have OR address the things she is or has done that justifies the lack of trust. |
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he's worming his way into her life, slowly innocently trying to be her confidant and when you fuck up he will strike. Time for him to FO and dont fall for her or him trying to be "reasonable" about it. He can find unmarried women to pray for him , etc. Put your foot down. I prefer the DONT CONTACT MY WIFE EVER AGAIN direct approach but thats just me..also be ready for her to defend him.....
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My Persian ex girlfriend had a lot of the same thing going on. Yes, she was a cheating whore.
Good luck. |
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You'll get more responses if you post pics, OP. They may be lesser quality, but you know how this place works.
Check her text messages. Browsing history too. Also can check the location history in her phone to see if she's gone anyplace odd recently... |
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Go to the guys profile
See if your wife liked any of his pics If so Id say you prob got a problem If not it could be nothing and perhaps your wife is ignoring most of the messages to begin with |
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She may feel like it’s innocent but 100% he does not. It’s shady on her behalf, in my opinion. No good comes of some random guy messaging your wife and that involved in liking/commenting on her photos.
Did you read the convo? |
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Quoted: Edit: No it is not inappropriate. If you can't trust your wife then you don't have a good relationship with her. View Quote This. I have female friends and coworkers that I talk to daily (hell that I go on trips with). She has male friends and hunting buddies she talks to. It is a non-issue. |
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It's a bad look.
No idea about your wife - she may just be naive (with no...wanderlust on her part), but what this dude is doing is pretty inappropriate, IMHO. |
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Quoted: Well, if OP is making the smoke. Sorry OP, but time to be an adult. Look at the messages. If she is right, apologize, grow up, and address your insecurity. If you have trust issues, you need to address the internal ones you have OR address the things she is or has done that justifies the lack of trust. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Where their is smoke... Well, if OP is making the smoke. Sorry OP, but time to be an adult. Look at the messages. If she is right, apologize, grow up, and address your insecurity. If you have trust issues, you need to address the internal ones you have OR address the things she is or has done that justifies the lack of trust. this is just horrible advice, disregard. Men dont contact married women period. and men dont contact married women, just the way it is and all this technology makes it secretive which leads to no good, weasels always coach their behavior as innocent, reasonable, friendly and normal, ITS NOT. Its a sham to worm their way in between you and your wife and shes not the only one hes doing this to... |
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I wouldn't like it, but you wouldn't think someone would be stupid enough to make all of the public comments and likes if something was actually going on though.
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For some reason my female friends that married quit texting me, but they send me random messages on social media about things they know I'm interested in. There's nothing going on between any of us, and there never was.
That being said, those are my friends, and I know their husbands. |
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Quoted: this is just horrible advice, disregard. Men dont contact married women period. and men dont contact married women, just the way it is and all this technology makes it secretive which leads to no good View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Where their is smoke... Well, if OP is making the smoke. Sorry OP, but time to be an adult. Look at the messages. If she is right, apologize, grow up, and address your insecurity. If you have trust issues, you need to address the internal ones you have OR address the things she is or has done that justifies the lack of trust. this is just horrible advice, disregard. Men dont contact married women period. and men dont contact married women, just the way it is and all this technology makes it secretive which leads to no good Meh, I just got off a 20 minute phone call with a married friend of mine. No one died. |
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I can't imagine being in a relationship where such a thing is a concern. How long have you been married?
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He didn’t message her for no reason, OP. She hasn’t made you aware of it for a reason, OP. It may be time for you to pay a little more attention, OP.
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Quoted: Months ago, noticed that this guy was "liking" or commenting on every one of my wife's social media posts. Asked her about it, if he knew the guy and what his deal was. Just basic intel gathering. Apparently guy used to deliver supplies to her workplace office, no big deal she said. Still kind of stuck with me, especially after he commented on my wife's pic from her Florida va vacation where he commented that wife/daughter looked "great." (No, not posting wife pics today, fellas). She showed me a video on her phone yesterday and I swiped off her app and took a quick glance of her FB messages. Low and behold this guy had chatted her up last week. I asked her about it today and she said he was asking for prayer requests for his mom etc. Sound innocuous enough, but I ain't buying it either. You want a prayer request go to church, or find a group of friends that you can pray with etc. Messaging a married woman for a prayer request out of the blue falls outside appropriate to me. Which leads me to the point or question or this, is it appropriate for a married woman to chat, or private message with another man, outside business or work related conversation? Or vice versa. View Quote OP all we have to go on is what you wrote. But be careful, sometimes we can work ourselves up seeing something that is not there. You have at least one child with her, is she the type to do that to not only you, but to your daughter as well? |
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Quoted: this is just horrible advice, disregard. Men dont contact married women period. and men dont contact married women, just the way it is and all this technology makes it secretive which leads to no good View Quote Umm, grow up! Either you can have adult relationships or you can't. Looks like you can't. When they are "secretive", that is different. You shouldn't have secrets from your spouse. Well, except the cost of guns, but she needs to know that sooner or later. |
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The only woman from work I text with is a sometimes workout buddy, and her husband knows me and knows we’re workout buddies.
We don’t trade any iffy texts either; everything’s above board. |
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It boils down to either you trust your wife or not. There is no in between.
mine can chat with whomever she wants. Guys flirt with her, whatever. She's not going home with them, and if she did it would be over between us, simple as that. either you have trust or you don't. Jealousy will ruin a marriage and drive you into a being a lunatic. |
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Send someone to speak to him.
Pat Parisi threatens Gloria Trillo - The Sopranos |
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inappropriate and she should have shut it down already,the fact she hasn't doesn't bode well
you already have suspicions,trust your gut |
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Hertz puts you in the drivers seat...sorta |
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That's a tough call. My instinct is that I would trust my wife - wouldn't really matter who she talked or messaged with but I won't say it wouldn't bother me either.
It sounds like you don't trust her or there are some red flags causing you not to since you went through her facebook messages. The only thing you can do is sit down with the wife and be open about it. Don't be a dick. Explain to her pretty much exactly what you did here, maybe you have and you didn't like her answers. If she tells you nothing to worry about than you need to be able to let it go. When my GF and I first got together she had a really good male friend that she talked to pretty much daily. It really bothered me and I told her since we were in a new relationship it bothered me and if she could knock it off. She did for a long time but pretty sure they still talk to this day. It was long enough for me to grow the trust and I am ok with the relationship at this point. I don't ask about it. Trust is earned - she earned it and I trust her. She also did not want me talking to an ex gf so I stopped and haven't since she asked. |
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