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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:10:57 PM EDT
[#1]
is his comfort zone sitting at home on a phone, tablet or computer playing games?
other sports/activities outside of baseball season? |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:15:39 PM EDT
[#2]
Some people are just introverts.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:15:42 PM EDT
[#3]
Find some other club or something he will enjoy. Sailing, scouts, something like that. Don't overload him with it, but something that's once a week or so would be good.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:16:06 PM EDT
[#4]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Some people are just introverts. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:17:21 PM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
is his comfort zone sitting at home on a phone, tablet or computer playing games? other sports/activities outside of baseball season? |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:18:15 PM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: This too which is why OP shouldn't push it TOO hard. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:19:21 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I definitely don’t want to push him but he has zero friends that he hangs out with. Zero. That seems weird to me. My 12 year old prefers his friends over me now. Makes me kind of sad. 
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:21:58 PM EDT
[#8]
I wasn't very social as a kid either, and just read books and shit when it wasn't hockey season.
My parents bought me a bike and I spent a lot of time outdoors riding by myself or to the library. I had zero close friends until I was 15 and at boarding school. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:22:14 PM EDT
[#9]
Quoted:
So do more stuff with him yourself. My 12 year old prefers his friends over me now. Makes me kind of sad. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:22:45 PM EDT
[#10]
My 14 year old is the same way. He has a small group of friends that he is pretty talkative and loud with but he's perfectly content sitting in his room playing video games, learning guitar or writing D&D scripts. He's a swimmer and summer swim season started for our city team and I saw him talking to a girl without being forced to so I'm guessing part of it is aging up a bit from the weirdness of 12-13 year old boy.
Arrange for social activities, church, sports, clubs, hell if he is a gamer kid most cities and towns have video game tournaments where they have to interact with other people too. And most comic stores have D&D nights or other games where again, they have to socialize with others. We also sporadically do 4H though I am going to push it harder this coming year in order to help round him out. Funniest thing was when my son asked me, "Why do you care so much about me socializing?" and I told him that no matter what he chose to do with his life, the ability to converse with other humans was an important task. I think it may have gotten through to him. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:24:46 PM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I definitely don’t want to push him but he has zero friends that he hangs out with. Zero. That seems weird to me. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: This too which is why OP shouldn't push it TOO hard. Some people are introverts who find socializing to be fun but draining, and they "recharge" by having quiet time alone with a book. Not every person wants to recharge by socializing, which is what extroverts do. My daughter and I are introverts. We relax with a book. My son and wife are extroverts. They relax by hanging out with other people. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:27:47 PM EDT
[#12]
Kids hang out online now.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:27:59 PM EDT
[#13]
Well, the moving every few months certainly isn't helping. Hard for a kid to make friends if he knows he's going to have to leave them in a few months.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:28:24 PM EDT
[#14]
Soon he will have a sniff of the opposite sex...
THAT'S when you need to start worrying... For now...leave it be and enjoy the short time you have left with him.. Teach him all you can... |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:28:47 PM EDT
[#15]
Ask him if he has any hobbies he would like to explore.
Metal working, carpentry, building a go-kart, music, drawing, painting, scuba diving/snorkeling, hunting, graphic design, etc. I was introvert and still am. Never really fit right in. I prefer to play music or modify retro video games when I'm not customizing my guns. Summer camps and sports are not always the answer to improving social skills. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:30:32 PM EDT
[#16]
12 years old?
He's perfectly fine. Just knock before opening the door. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:30:52 PM EDT
[#17]
That's a tough age to have moved twice and only being in the area for a few months he may be unsettled and lack the confidence to make new friends. He might grow out of it. Are there other activities besides baseball he might get into? Scouts? Nerdy war games? Probably he just needs time
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:31:31 PM EDT
[#18]
Moved twice in a year?
Are we talking down the street moves or to another town? Hard to keep real friends that way |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:32:10 PM EDT
[#19]
As long as has good grades, i wouldn't worry.
Maybe steer towards individual sports like dirtbikes or hunting if you want him out and doing stuff. Sounds typical for a young man sorting life out. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:32:56 PM EDT
[#20]
We have a pretty shallow concept of friendship in this country, with friends counted as status objects. I wouldn't push it. He will find a small number of people he is comfortable with.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:32:58 PM EDT
[#21]
Hobbies.
Make friends that enjoy the same hobbies. When I was a kid that was sports, BMX, skateboarding, fruit booting, scooter (lost teeth due to that one and a badly made ramp), as well as motocross. I found a bunch of friends who were into the BMX and skateboarding stuff. Only had a couple that had dirt bikes and loved riding as much as I did. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:34:11 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Moved twice in a year? Are we talking down the street moves or to another town? Hard to keep real friends that way |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:34:31 PM EDT
[#23]
Quoted:
He reads mostly. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:37:15 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Mil. Left CO for Germany. There two months before being reassigned to Luke AFB, AZ. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Moved twice in a year? Are we talking down the street moves or to another town? Hard to keep real friends that way |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:42:37 PM EDT
[#25]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Mil. Left CO for Germany. There two months before being reassigned to Luke AFB, AZ. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:42:59 PM EDT
[#26]
Moving messes with kids.
I grew up in one house and had a large circle of friends, some I had known almost my whole life. Moved cross country halfway through HS. Made a lot of acquaintances but few friends. Just didn’t want to put forth the effort. Also became a lot quieter and introspective (I was a rowdy, loud kid). As an adult I basically have no friends (except my wife). And that is just fine by me, I see no need to involve myself in the drama of others. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:44:59 PM EDT
[#27]
I have two boys that are 17 and 19 now and they are never home, so your situation is only temporary.
When they were younger I would get them season passes to one of the area water parks. They loved going and having that freedom away from the house and parents. I would let them invite someone to come sometimes and pay their way. They suddenly have all kinds of friends when you suggest they could bring a friend.
At the ages 7 and 9 , I would always go with them. But when they were like 11 and 13 or older I just drop them off. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:45:12 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Social awkwardness is a bad trait to develop.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:49:21 PM EDT
[#29]
My 13 y/o son is similar. All computers, video games, etc.
One thing about my son is he isn't painfully shy around girls like I was at his age. I'm sure once he gets a taste it will be game on. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:49:36 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I definitely don’t want to push him but he has zero friends that he hangs out with. Zero. That seems weird to me. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: This too which is why OP shouldn't push it TOO hard. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:50:56 PM EDT
[#31]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Naw, it can be great if it leads to a Team membership here. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Social awkwardness is a bad trait to develop. Maybe ill give her a 5 posts a day limit. Do as I say, not as I do. 
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Posted: 5/15/2019 1:51:26 PM EDT
[#32]
As an introvert and looking back, I’m really glad I did baseball, but that was not nearly enough. I wish my parents pushed more on me. I was too stupid to know what else is out there or if I did, would not ask or press the issue.
My nephews play sports year round. Look at Lacrosse, soccer, etc. My mom made the connections for a lot of my friends at your sons age. She set up the play dates and would drop me off or invite a kid over. Those friends are critical heading into middle school and high school. It allowed me to take it from there and also set me up with the right kind of friends. Back then we were outside ALL the time, but those days are over. Kids retreat to their separate houses to then meet up in an online game. 
Push, carefully |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:07:59 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Part of me does and part of me does not hope my daughter grows up to start posting with us in GD. Maybe ill give her a 5 posts a day limit. Do as I say, not as I do. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Social awkwardness is a bad trait to develop. Maybe ill give her a 5 posts a day limit. Do as I say, not as I do. 
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:08:45 PM EDT
[#34]
Tell him you have 3 tickets to a movie and for him to invite a friend. That may trigger him to involve others in fun activities with you there at first.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:10:38 PM EDT
[#35]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
My son asked me last year to make him an account "so when I am older and can start posting in 3 years, I'll have credibility." https://media1.tenor.com/images/99e59449b7554b81bd40770ce32aa322/tenor.gif Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
Social awkwardness is a bad trait to develop. Maybe ill give her a 5 posts a day limit. Do as I say, not as I do. https://media1.tenor.com/images/99e59449b7554b81bd40770ce32aa322/tenor.gif 
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:11:57 PM EDT
[#36]
Have you considered scouts? In spite of the hate on arf good troops are still out there.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:21:54 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I definitely don't want to push him but he has zero friends that he hangs out with. Zero. That seems weird to me. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:27:34 PM EDT
[#38]
He may have social anxiety. Which is not really something you can just 'get over' despite what some idiots here may say.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:27:57 PM EDT
[#39]
Get him to join clubs at school. If you attend a church, get him involved in a youth group, or go to a church with an active youth group. Get him involved with Scouting or Civil Air Patrol. Join a local shooting club that has leagues for kids. Take up an activity that you can share. One that involves other parents and children. Limit his internet/gaming time.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:29:02 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted: I definitely don’t want to push him but he has zero friends that he hangs out with. Zero. That seems weird to me.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:29:46 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Red flag his ass. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: I definitely don’t want to push him but he has zero friends that he hangs out with. Zero. That seems weird to me. 
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:33:42 PM EDT
[#42]
needs a hooker and blow
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Posted: 5/15/2019 2:40:14 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Find some other club or something he will enjoy. Sailing, scouts, something like that. Don't overload him with it, but something that's once a week or so would be good. Also right now is where you really need to start spending time together doing something... hopefully something both of you enjoy, but make sure it isn’t something you are forcing on him. He is in that critical age where he is trying to find his identity and sense of belonging. For the next six years or so is where he really needs a father to help him navigate those tough adolescent years. Having a common interest in something both of you will enjoy will help with that. Around that age I started to really get into the outdoors and hunting and fishing. My dad was too busy with his career to take part for the most part, so I became close with my friends dads who did that sort of thing. I learned and was mentored by them more than him, and that lead to a lot of conflicts down the road. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 3:04:08 PM EDT
[#44]
Most my friends were from playing sports or having similar interests. I enjoyed going shooting with my dad and playing tennis. But yeah get him into running, biking, working out. I'm more of an introvert also. But it's good to get out and do active things.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 3:20:46 PM EDT
[#45]
Relax OP. If he is reading a bunch, doing well in school, and playing a sport he will be fine. All the kids his age spend most of their time plugged into electronic devices and don’t know how to socialize anyway.
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Posted: 5/15/2019 3:28:51 PM EDT
[#46]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I definitely don’t want to push him but he has zero friends that he hangs out with. Zero. That seems weird to me. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted: This too which is why OP shouldn't push it TOO hard. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 3:44:16 PM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Some people are just introverts. I wouldn't fuck with him too much, just make sure he's not addicted to a computer or ipad. There's time for that, but there's time for other stuff too. I was wearing out BB guns at that age. I didn't have any brothers or close friends. Some people are just like that. I don't have any close male friends myself. I'm married and I have kids and I enjoy spending time with my wife. She's kind of an introvert too. We don't have people come over to our house, except for her sister and brother-in-law at Christmas for 3 or 4 hours and that's enough for me. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 3:53:43 PM EDT
[#48]
Ask him what he has always wanted to do or has an interest in.Help him pick "one" of those and dive deep into it with him. When he owns the hobby, sport or skill set, then he will feel good about himself and interact with his peers in a confident manner.
Good luck. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 3:56:19 PM EDT
[#49]
Quoted:
He's not very social. He only wants to hang out in his room. He reads mostly. We've moved twice this year and we've only been in place for five months. His baseball season just ended and he had a good time but he doesn't connect with other kids. I would see him chatting and joking around and laughing with his teammates in the dugout but then when I ask him why don't you make plans with any of those kids it seems like he doesn't want to leave the comfort zone and try to make plans. When I was his age I was out of the house for the majority of daylight hours. I was all over my hometown getting into trouble and have a great time with my friends. What can I do to help foster social skills and help him get the hell out of the house? Stop worrying. |
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Posted: 5/15/2019 3:59:00 PM EDT
[#50]
Take away tv and video games in bedroom?
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