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Quoted: Honest question here.... Is there no pathway for repentance, forgiveness, and reconcilation? Is this because he's proven untrustworthy for life, or because he's soiled the profession and the rest of those in the profession don't want to be tarred by his actions? Personally, guy is a fucking dirtbag, and if ran out on a rail never to return, I'd not care. But, I'm also not a pastor that works professionally with forgiveness. View Quote There's absolutely a pathway to forgiveness and reconciliation (through repentance). Absolutely. What there is not, is a path back into leadership. A leader who fails in such a spectacular way cannot be put in that position again. Leaders are to be 'above reproach' and 'blameless'. You're observant if you note that Christianity 101 teaches that no man is truly either of those. We're all sinners. yes. But leadership in a church is reserved for those who have been tested and proved able to handle the responsibility. That doesn't mean that every sin boots you and slams the door on future leadership, but inappropriate behavior with a counselee, yeah, that ship has sailed forever. |
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Quoted: I haven't read past page 3 but thanks to those who have offered great advice. Ok, here's the update: My friend and his wife had separated a few weeks ago because her erratic behavior was affecting the children. He also has sort of given up on his marriage but is hoping his wife will finally agree to get mental health care for the post-partum thing from appropriate doctors. He told me he's mentally ready to move on in his life without the wife. He was aware that "bible boy" was going to counsel his wife. He saw that as a step in the right direction for her. I showed him the photos and he was shocked to see that they were meeting at a remote location... in the guys van... alone. But he took it very well. He went on to say that when he met with this very same guy last week, he demanded that they meet at the church and their conversation would be recorded for legal reasons and "safety against impropriety". We both came to the conclusion that "Mr. Holy Hypocrite" is likely "grooming" his poor wife for his own deviant purposes. He agreed that I should keep my meeting with church elders. He also asked that I not share what I saw with anyone else (so there won't be photos guys). As for me, I haven't even mentioned this to my wife. I only asked one trusted church elder for a meeting with at least two church leaders. So... I hope to remain anonymous on this site so please don't ARock me. Anyway, for those of you who think the details of impropriety are important; I don't think "Van Man" convinced the woman to "do the sex" in the van but there was certainly kissing and petting going on. I fully expect the creepy church guy to lie about what was going on yesterday. I have photos to support the fact that they were together.... I do not have clear photos of them making out in the car. I have mixed feelings about doing more updates here. But I've read some really great advice on this thread and think others might benefit from that advice as I have. I think it is important for people to know that predators like this find their way into our churches, schools, inner circle of friends, etc. so they can prey on people when they are vulnerable. Someone has to shine the light on them. This time it's my turn. I just want to do it the right way. View Quote All these pages to find nasty stuff equals heavy petting, not even a frantic blowjob? Fuck this thread! |
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Quoted: Who? Paul? Or Jesus? I can forgive a man all day but a pastor has ZERO business being a pastor and living in such a way. Absolutely zero. Paul makes it clear here and Timothy if I need to pull those verses out. The “first stone” section you mention is an interpolation. Maybe it was part of the Bible originally, maybe not. Either way there’s no question about the other verses above. View Quote I agree. He shouldn't be a pastor if the allegations against him are true. Also, you either believe the Bible is the infallible word of God or not. |
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Quoted: The weak husband, who had a child with this woman, yet finds it easy to leave when she's going through a rough patch, helped create this domino effect as well. (That's as far as I can tell from reading the OP's statements) View Quote That's entirely possible and a very good observation. |
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Quoted: So how far do you take that? Can I judge you for lying if I looked at porn last night? Can you judge me for cussing if you hurt your wife's feelings yesterday? View Quote The passage says to get the log out of your own eye first, THEN deal with the brother. So, yeah, you repent of looking at porn - then judge the liar. Problem is, repentance of some things isn't a 30-second process. So your question doesn't have a cut and dried answer, but we do have guidelines - you repent, then call out the other sinner. But be careful and mindful of your own shortcomings in the meantime. |
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Quoted: I agree 100%. He should not have even posted this here. With his attitude I question if he's actually a member of the church. If he took all the steps eg. tell the elders (they do nothing), tell the parishioners (they do nothing), then you should tell people outside the church. View Quote I think he was fine to post it here. He didn't name names or out anyone. He just described a situation. |
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Quoted: I hate when people give bad advice like yours. I always wonder the motivation of people like you. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Explain this "chance of fucking around"? When I'm at the store? Softball practice? The park? Church? When does this apply? I can answer that. It occurs when you're alone with a woman who isn't your wife/daughter/mom/sister. Be careful with it. I hate when people give bad advice like yours. I always wonder the motivation of people like you. I didn't give any "advice". Have you "accidentally" had sex with someone? Explain how that works. |
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as a long time volunteer at a church I would have texted the fellow pastors and deacons those pictures just before I yanked open the car door to confront them.
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Quoted: Pay attention, folks: This is an object lesson in being a man. Rock on, OP. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but I admire your determination to handle it. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: I think it is important for people to know that predators like this find their way into our churches, schools, inner circle of friends, etc. so they can prey on people when they are vulnerable. Someone has to shine the light on them. This time it's my turn. I just want to do it the right way. Pay attention, folks: This is an object lesson in being a man. Rock on, OP. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but I admire your determination to handle it. 40% of men are predators 40% of woman are Sluts work,church,bars! Doesnt matter really! |
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Quoted: Probably just a goodbye peck on the cheek after getting some personal counsel on the wishes of our Lord Jesus. There is no limit to the mental gymnastics some people will complete to live in denial land. Joe Biden won fair and square. Epstein killed himself. View Quote I don’t know many places in todays age where a goodbye peck is in the normal realm in a van down by the river. |
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Tell your friend ASAP and then deal with pastor/church so he doesn’t ruin more lives.
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Quoted: I don’t know many places in todays age where a goodbye peck is in the normal realm in a van down by the river. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Probably just a goodbye peck on the cheek after getting some personal counsel on the wishes of our Lord Jesus. There is no limit to the mental gymnastics some people will complete to live in denial land. Joe Biden won fair and square. Epstein killed himself. I don’t know many places in todays age where a goodbye peck is in the normal realm in a van down by the river. Your read that entire post and determined that the part about the kiss was legit and not sarcasm? |
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Quoted: So I took the kids to a park (remote & quiet) to get some autumn photos when I see our assistant pastor sitting alone in his minivan. I wanted privacy so we avoided contact with preacher man... Then along comes my buddy's wife and she plops down in Bible boy's car after hugs and kisses. I could see nasty stuff going on in the minivan. Had the camera so I took some photos as they said their goodbyes. Just hugs and a kiss. Normally I mind my own business but I think this guy is a total predator. My Friend's wife has been going through major bout of post-partum and she's a total train wreck right now. Clearly mentally fragile. I've asked for a meeting with church leadership. Not sure if I should tell my friend yet. Having mixed feelings about not confronting them in the car... Could use some advice here. View Quote I don’t go to church anymore but I did catch my wife’s priest going into a hotel with a sweet young thing. I didn’t make a stink but every time he asks for money I ask him how much of it is going to the Holiday Inn. Shuts him up real good. |
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Quoted: I am not reading 2 pages of shit. Its not your business OP, butt out. Maybe she likes dick from other sources, maybe her husband cant provide it. Whatever the reason, butt out, its none of your business. View Quote Boy, I'd sure like to have friends like you. Op, you need to tell your friend now. Before the church leadership, now. |
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Havent seen post by op what he is doing. Hash tag safe thread.
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Quoted: Probably just a goodbye peck on the cheek after getting some personal counsel on the wishes of our Lord Jesus. There is no limit to the mental gymnastics some people will complete to live in denial land. Joe Biden won fair and square. Epstein killed himself. View Quote Never and I mean never should a pastor or any man meet with another mans wife alone at an out of the way spot. Even if nothing happened this time he was up to no good. |
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Quoted: I agree. He shouldn't be a pastor if the allegations against him are true. Also, you either believe the Bible is the infallible word of God or not. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Who? Paul? Or Jesus? I can forgive a man all day but a pastor has ZERO business being a pastor and living in such a way. Absolutely zero. Paul makes it clear here and Timothy if I need to pull those verses out. The “first stone” section you mention is an interpolation. Maybe it was part of the Bible originally, maybe not. Either way there’s no question about the other verses above. I agree. He shouldn't be a pastor if the allegations against him are true. Also, you either believe the Bible is the infallible word of God or not. I do but also have studied enough to know that through the centuries that interpolation was often in the margins of the scripture. As I said before Jesus said he doesn’t judge her and I’d say that’s within his character given the circumstance with the woman at the well. But what he was stopping was her being stoned. That was the judgment. Her sin convicted her and he said go and sin no more. So should the pastor do, but also if we consider scripture infallible then we must heed the words of Paul as well, he must repent or be put out of the church. And he no longer meets the scriptural requirements of a teacher. |
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Quoted: TBH, this is the first time I've ever thought about that on the micro level. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: "Weak men create rough times." The weak pastor is about to create some really tough times for a lot of people. Thank you. I appreciate your thinking on it. I'd argue that the quote was meant to apply to the micro level. It's not the single president/king/dictator being weak that creates hard times, although that contributes to it. It's millions of men making billions of small daily decisions that build a culture like a wave builds as it gets closer to shore. Whether that wave is something beautiful meant to be admired, or a tsunami destroying everything in site depends on those millions of small decisions. |
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Quoted: You did well sir. I was concerned that this pastor was probably doing counseling with the troubled wife and family. He has unfortunately damaged many families in his desire for more power and sex. I hope your church leadership does the right thing and disciplines this wolf in sheep's clothing. Feel free to call if you need or want to talk. View Quote Op, I vouch for Amos, 100%, he's a good and honorable man that I completely trust. If you need good advice call him it would be well worth your time. |
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The easiest thing is to inform church staff - it's a safe bet their professional relationship with this guy will come to an end. It's pretty much a known outcome.
The harder thing to to is inform your friend - you don't know how he will react, what will happen to their marriage, and so forth. It's an unknown. Humans tend to gravitate to the known and steer from the unknown. It's our nature. But, psychology aside, a bigger matter might be legal and financial. Your friend would benefit from knowing about this before church staff, and before the two involved in the affair. Being in a position to properly secure his finances and property, and secure legal advice is crucial, if that's the way he chooses to go. But if church staff are informed first, your friend will be the last to know. Bank accounts could be emptied, property destroyed or stolen, and so forth. Your friend will no doubt be harmed in all of this. One way or another. However, I fail to see how your friend will benefit in any way from being the last to find out. |
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Quoted: Martin Luther is spinning in his grave. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: All the way to the Hell of Misbehaving Preachers. I hate these people with their expensive cars, wives and lifestyles that corrupt the churches. No one needs a Hummer or Corvette as a vehicle to drive from their McManshion to their church. I had gone through CCD most of my childhood, had been confirmed, the whole thing. Turns out she didn't need to do that though. Just start showing up to services. So....we did that. We also did the private meetings with the priest, took tests with multiple choice questions separately so that he could decide if we were a good match, etc. Right before the wedding in one of the last meetings, he mentioned that another option would have been for us to make a one time donation to the church, in lieu of attending the services. I was frankly fucking shocked. So I followed up to make sure that I had understood correctly, that if we had donated enough money to the church, that we would not to have had to come to all the services every week, and he would have married us in the church because of that donation. He confirmed that that was the case. My faith in the church began it's death that day. I can only speak for that particular Catholic church, but it was sale. Martin Luther is spinning in his grave. When martini-butt and I got together, she was Catholic but not active at all. When we started looking for where to get married, she wanted to try a local Catholic church. We stopped by to talk with the priest, and he said that since I was a divorced non-Catholic, it wasn't allowed. Next he said that it would be allowed, if I filled out an anulment form and attached a check for a few hundred dollars. We went somewhere else. |
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Quoted: I do but also have studied enough to know that through the centuries that interpolation was often in the margins of the scripture. As I said before Jesus said he doesn’t judge her and I’d say that’s within his character given the circumstance with the woman at the well. But what he was stopping was her being stoned. That was the judgment. Her sin convicted her and he said go and sin no more. So should the pastor do, but also if we consider scripture infallible then we must heed the words of Paul as well, he must repent or be put out of the church. And he no longer meets the scriptural requirements of a teacher. View Quote I see it more as the Pharisees were trying to trap Jesus. It was a loaded question that he couldn't possibly answer correctly in their eyes. He lobbed the ball back in their court and they turned and ran. The Pharisees weren't following the correct procedures according to their own law but asked Jesus to condemn her. He did not but he also didn't immediately absolve her. Only once she repented did he forgive her. It was also a strong allegory to the coming "grace" taking place of the "law". Yes, Paul's writings are very important to us Gentiles concerning structure of the church and how to behave ourselves. Honestly, I would have probably just rolled up on them and said, "Oh, hello Brother Bob, Sister Karen. Fancy running into you here. How's the new baby doing Karen? Hope to see y'all at church Sunday!" |
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Quoted: When martini-butt and I got together, she was Catholic but not active at all. When we started looking for where to get married, she wanted to try a local Catholic church. We stopped by to talk with the priest, and he said that since I was a divorced non-Catholic, it wasn't allowed. Next he said that it would be allowed, if I filled out an anulment form and attached a check for a few hundred dollars. We went somewhere else. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: All the way to the Hell of Misbehaving Preachers. I hate these people with their expensive cars, wives and lifestyles that corrupt the churches. No one needs a Hummer or Corvette as a vehicle to drive from their McManshion to their church. I had gone through CCD most of my childhood, had been confirmed, the whole thing. Turns out she didn't need to do that though. Just start showing up to services. So....we did that. We also did the private meetings with the priest, took tests with multiple choice questions separately so that he could decide if we were a good match, etc. Right before the wedding in one of the last meetings, he mentioned that another option would have been for us to make a one time donation to the church, in lieu of attending the services. I was frankly fucking shocked. So I followed up to make sure that I had understood correctly, that if we had donated enough money to the church, that we would not to have had to come to all the services every week, and he would have married us in the church because of that donation. He confirmed that that was the case. My faith in the church began it's death that day. I can only speak for that particular Catholic church, but it was sale. Martin Luther is spinning in his grave. When martini-butt and I got together, she was Catholic but not active at all. When we started looking for where to get married, she wanted to try a local Catholic church. We stopped by to talk with the priest, and he said that since I was a divorced non-Catholic, it wasn't allowed. Next he said that it would be allowed, if I filled out an anulment form and attached a check for a few hundred dollars. We went somewhere else. Happy Reformation Day! |
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Quoted: When martini-butt and I got together, she was Catholic but not active at all. When we started looking for where to get married, she wanted to try a local Catholic church. We stopped by to talk with the priest, and he said that since I was a divorced non-Catholic, it wasn't allowed. Next he said that it would be allowed, if I filled out an anulment form and attached a check for a few hundred dollars. We went somewhere else. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: All the way to the Hell of Misbehaving Preachers. I hate these people with their expensive cars, wives and lifestyles that corrupt the churches. No one needs a Hummer or Corvette as a vehicle to drive from their McManshion to their church. I had gone through CCD most of my childhood, had been confirmed, the whole thing. Turns out she didn't need to do that though. Just start showing up to services. So....we did that. We also did the private meetings with the priest, took tests with multiple choice questions separately so that he could decide if we were a good match, etc. Right before the wedding in one of the last meetings, he mentioned that another option would have been for us to make a one time donation to the church, in lieu of attending the services. I was frankly fucking shocked. So I followed up to make sure that I had understood correctly, that if we had donated enough money to the church, that we would not to have had to come to all the services every week, and he would have married us in the church because of that donation. He confirmed that that was the case. My faith in the church began it's death that day. I can only speak for that particular Catholic church, but it was sale. Martin Luther is spinning in his grave. When martini-butt and I got together, she was Catholic but not active at all. When we started looking for where to get married, she wanted to try a local Catholic church. We stopped by to talk with the priest, and he said that since I was a divorced non-Catholic, it wasn't allowed. Next he said that it would be allowed, if I filled out an anulment form and attached a check for a few hundred dollars. We went somewhere else. Coincidentally, today is Reformation Day, when Luther posted his 95 Reeses. |
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What if this whole thing goes nuclear, OP?
I’m pretty sure that love triangles are the second biggest cause of murders behind urban turf battles. Maybe you should do things anonymously and avoid risk to yourself or your family. Just a thought… |
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Holy shit at all the intellectuals on here giving amazing advice without actually reading the thread to know whats going on
OP has given numerous updates and replies. Friend has been told. They were already separated to "work on things" Meeting has been set up with church leader. And thank god I don't have a good amount of the posters in this thread as a friend |
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Quoted: Honest question here.... Is there no pathway for repentance, forgiveness, and reconcilation? Is this because he's proven untrustworthy for life, or because he's soiled the profession and the rest of those in the profession don't want to be tarred by his actions? Personally, guy is dirtbag, and if ran out on a rail never to return, I'd not care. But, I'm also not a pastor that works professionally with forgiveness. View Quote Honestly, there is always room for forgiveness and restoration. That's what Christ and Christians are is forgiveness. But it when it comes to leadership qualifications on a scriptural basis, a pastor is to be blameless and above reproach and this man has ruined his reputation. And the denomination that I am a pastor in, he can come and repent and we would welcome him back with open arms but he would no longer be qualify to be a pastor or an any leadership position in the church. |
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Quoted: There's absolutely a pathway to forgiveness and reconciliation (through repentance). Absolutely. What there is not, is a path back into leadership. A leader who fails in such a spectacular way cannot be put in that position again. Leaders are to be 'above reproach' and 'blameless'. You're observant if you note that Christianity 101 teaches that no man is truly either of those. We're all sinners. yes. But leadership in a church is reserved for those who have been tested and proved able to handle the responsibility. That doesn't mean that every sin boots you and slams the door on future leadership, but inappropriate behavior with a counselee, yeah, that ship has sailed forever. View Quote |
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Quoted: It's apparently not very clear to you. Jesus is telling you directly to judge, and when you do so, make sure that you're not guilty of the same sin. Correct your own error first, then, then you can see clearly to correct your brothers error. But you darn better correct your brothers error in the end View Quote @MRW is 100% spot on |
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Quoted: Reality check 40% of men are predators 40% of woman are Sluts work,church,bars! Doesnt matter really! View Quote |
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Quoted: When I first got married, my wife to be was not Catholic but I was. We went to the priest of the local church and inquired about a Catholic wedding, but I expected it to be a "no" unless she went through whatever steps were needed to properly convert. To my surprise, the priest said that if we attended Sunday Mass between that date and the date of the planned wedding, that he would marry us in the church. I had gone through CCD most of my childhood, had been confirmed, the whole thing. Turns out she didn't need to do that though. Just start showing up to services. So....we did that. We also did the private meetings with the priest, took tests with multiple choice questions separately so that he could decide if we were a good match, etc. Right before the wedding in one of the last meetings, he mentioned that another option would have been for us to make a one time donation to the church, in lieu of attending the services. I was frankly fucking shocked. So I followed up to make sure that I had understood correctly, that if we had donated enough money to the church, that we would not to have had to come to all the services every week, and he would have married us in the church because of that donation. He confirmed that that was the case. My faith in the church began it's death that day. I can only speak for that particular Catholic church, but it was sale. View Quote Why not just find another Catholic Parish? The priest sounds like a douche |
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Quoted: Nope. Your ex-step mother sucks - as does that particular pastor. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: My step mother was fucking the pastor while married to my dad. Really broke his heart when it all came out. Organized religion sucks. Exactly. Name one profession that doesn’t have shitheads in it other than ArfMods. |
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You did well going directly to your friend. I would say all moves from here on out should be based on how your friend wants you to proceed. It is his personal life that is about to go on public display and he might want to handle this with church leadership on his own. Your job right now is to support him and help him make good choices about his future.
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The House Is Rockin'' - Stevie Ray Vaughn 1989 |
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Can someone please update the thread with a short list of the details thus far. I can't read 10 pages of a dr. Zeus book let alone 10 pages *of GD.
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post photos on internet link your buddy and all involved. Thank me later. JK
Honestly I would confront church leaders and pastors. Let your buddy and his wife hash it out on their own, i wouldn't say a word to either and expect to maintain a freindship with either in the future. Hell your buddy maybe doing the same thing, hopefully not with the pastor though. |
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Quoted: What part of that is out of context? It’s pretty clear to me what Jesus was teaching us. None of us are without sin. Is her sin greater than yours? https://www.ar15.com/media/mediaFiles/436951/Screenshot_20211031-121045_King_James_Bi-2149893.jpg View Quote 19 “Did Moses not give you the Law, and yet none of you carries out the Law? Why are you seeking to kill Me?” 20 The crowd answered, “You have a demon! Who is seeking to kill You?” 21 Jesus answered them, “I did one deed, and you all are astonished. 22 For this reason Moses has given you circumcision (not that it is from Moses, but from the fathers), and even on a Sabbath you circumcise a man. 23 If a man receives circumcision on a Sabbath so that the Law of Moses will not be broken, are you angry at Me because I made an entire man well on a Sabbath? 24 Do not judge by the outward appearance, but judge with righteous judgment.” |
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In situations like this, NEVER talk to anyone by yourself. Don’t tell the wronged husband alone. Take another male leader with you.
I would be concerned about violence. |
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The slimier members of the clergy have indulged in congregation sport fucking for so long it's a cliche. Unfortunately most of them don't ever get weeded out.
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Quoted: I would totally agree if it was a random guy and a mentally healthy woman. But she is not healthy, she has had ongoing post-partum issues. She is fragile and confused. This guy is a pure predator. How can I stand by while he preys on those in my church home? Who will he go after next? View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Mind your own business. It's not your problem so why inject yourself are you fucking stupid? I would totally agree if it was a random guy and a mentally healthy woman. But she is not healthy, she has had ongoing post-partum issues. She is fragile and confused. This guy is a pure predator. How can I stand by while he preys on those in my church home? Who will he go after next? I would want to know, if i were in that situation. |
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