User Panel
Posted: 6/8/2023 6:54:32 PM EDT
Hear about the new hotel in town? Its staffed with nothing but topless cowgirls.
They call it the Breast Western. |
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What do you call a guy who just finished digging a hole?
...Doug. |
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See those cows? They're famous cows.
Why are they famous? They're outstanding in their field. |
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You know those round bales of hay you see out in the farmers fields?
Turns out they are being outlawed. The reason? The cows weren’t getting a square meal. |
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What did the Ewoks say after they ate Chewbacca's son?
He tasted a "little Chewy". That one I made up myself for my son. |
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You hear about that new movie called constipation?
No? It hasn’t came out yet. |
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Quoted: Hear about the new hotel in town? Its staffed with nothing but topless cowgirls. They call it the Breast Western. View Quote That sounds like one hell of a business opportunity. |
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What’d the hat say to the hat rack?
You stay here, I’m going on ahead. |
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- Monday starts diarrhea awareness week. Runs through Friday.
- I was once kidnapped by a gang of mimes. They did unspeakable things to me. - I sent my hearing aids off for repair last week. I haven’t heard anything since. - Guess who I bumped into on my way to the eye doctor? Everyone. - You gotta hand it to short people. Because they can't reach it on their own. - I told my wife that her underwear was too tight and revealing. She told me that I should wear my own. - I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. - Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left it. - My asked me if I was listening to her. I thought that’s a strange way to start a conversation. |
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What happened When Captain Kirk tried to Fart?
He Left a Captain's Log. |
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My wife just confessed that she broke my favorite lamp.
I don't think I'll be able to look at her in the same light ever again. |
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My wife said to me, "You really have no sense of direction."
I replied, "Where did that come from?" |
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There is a new product that combines alphabet soup and a laxative. It’s called “letter rip”.
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Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up on its own?
Because it was two tired. |
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My dad would always talk like he's the smartest one in the room...
Well, I grew up to be just like him - I'm an arrogant SOB... BUT, At least I got the brains to back it up.... |
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Why did the golfer carry a change of pants?
In case he got a hole in one. |
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I used to use beef on the grill but now I use asteroids. They’re so much more meteor.
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Did you hear about the kidnapping at “insert your local school here”???
It’s ok - he woke up |
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My wife said that if I bought her one more stupid gift, she would burn it.
So I bought her a candle. |
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How do you get beer from the teats of a cow?
Its udderly impossible. |
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Did you know the biggest export for Australia is boomerangs?
It’s also it’s largest import. |
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Quoted: That sounds like one hell of a business opportunity. View Quote View All Quotes View All Quotes Quoted: Quoted: Hear about the new hotel in town? Its staffed with nothing but topless cowgirls. They call it the Breast Western. That sounds like one hell of a business opportunity. "Topless" anything is a goldmine of a business opportunity... Carwash Food truck Ice cream stand Tiki bar Barber shop Maid service etc. Or even simply a "Bikini" version of the above, assuming the bikinis are worn by attractive fit women. |
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I got one of those GPS watches and started tracking everything I do.
I found out it takes me 20 minutes to walk to the local bar but 90 minutes to get home. The difference is staggering! |
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The giraffe broke up with the turtle. Seems they couldn't see eye to eye on anything.
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Why don’t witches wear underwear?
To get a better grip on the broom! (Yeah, my wife didn’t think that was appropriate either.) |
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I couldn't understand why the baseball was getting larger - then it hit me.
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What do you call a guy with no arms or legs laying at your front door?
Mat. What do you call the same guy hanging on the wall? Art. And if he’s laying in a pile of leaves? Russell |
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What do you call a lady with one leg shorter than the other?
Ilene. What if she’s Chinese? Irene. |
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