Quoted:
I love how we keep sending money to those retards.

Dismember an albino and rape a dwarf, the African way.

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I knew an older man who was an albino when I was a child. His iris(s?) were pink.
I don't see any red eyes in that pic. Are there albinos with brown eyes?

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Dont forget curing AIDS by having sex with a virgin! (even if she's 3)

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I posted this a while back in a thread about that insane theory the Nation of Islam guys have that black people had Jetsons-level technology thousands of years ago and artificially created white people and jews to be their slaves. I asked what would happen if a rabid global warming cultist, a 9-11 troofer, a Scientologist, and a Nation of Islam guy all got together, dropped acid, and tried to formulate a theory that combined all of their ideologies into one. Then it amused me so much that I had to write a sarcastic story about it.


––––––––––––––––––––-

Hakim squinted in concentration as he stared at the glowing computer monitor. His wife, Shawanka, entered his laboratory and asked him what he was up to this time.

"Ah, I am glad you asked, beautiful wife! Today I am working on my greatest achievement: white people!"

"White people? What do you mean?"

"I am creating people who will be white! I have done this so they will stand out from the rest of us, that we may know who they are instantly, on sight. It would not do if they could hide amongst us, no. And I shall make him without rhythm so he will always know he is inferior to us."

"What do you mean?"

Hakim gestured at the banks of incubators along one wall of his laboratory.

"I am making these people to be our servants! No longer will the black man have to feel the dust of the earth cling to the sweat of his brow as he works his fields! No more shall he know the labor involved in picking cotton for our clothing! We will have these white people to do all our work for us, freeing us to spend our times in leisure as we pursue intellectual study and personal enlightenment!"

Shawanka frowned and adjust the numerous gold necklaces she was wearing.

"Does this not sound a bit sinister, husband? Besides, couldn't you create robots that would do the work more efficiently than humans ever could?"

"Do I look a programmer, woman?! I'm a genetic engineer, not a wrench monkey! I cannot build robots! Creating these white people to be our slaves is within my ability. Besides, robots would just rebel, conquer the earth, and enslave us. My white people would never do that."

"Yes, I'm sure you're right, dear. Anyway, it's time we left for dinner with the Hawankatutus. Their son Jamal just proposed to that nice Orangello girl and wish to celebrate."

"Oh yes, you're right! We must be leaving. Let us take the flying car, it will be faster than the moving sidewalks."

Hakim quickly took off his lab coat and hurried for the door.

"By the way dear, while I am creating these white people, is there anything you'd like to add to them?"

"Hmmm. Well, if they're going to be servants, I wouldn't mind if they were sort of decorative. You know, to look good around the house. You said their skin is white? What color are their hair and eyes? Not white too, I hope."

"Oh no, dear, too monotous. I just made their hair and eyes brown like normal people's."

"Why not make them different colors, my husband? I always liked red and gold for my dresses, maybe some house servants with matching hair?"

"Hmm, intriguing."

"And why not differently colored eyes? How about blue? I always liked blue. And maybe green."

"Yes dear, I'll write it down on the way to the restaurant. Where are my keys?"

"Right there, next to the jug of purple drink I told you to put away an hour ago."

"Aaach!"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

The white man blinked his blue eyes several times, then sat up. He was dressed in a utilitarian jumpsuit and sitting in some sort of glass tube full of machinery. He climbed out and looked around, shading his eyes with his hand. He stood in the middle of a field. A man in a lab coat stood nearby with a proud look on his face.

"Who are you?"

"I am Hakim. I am your creator."

"You're God?"

"No, silly white person. I am a scientist."

"White person?"

"Yes. Your skin is very pale, so you are white. My skin is very dark, so I am black."

"I see. And you created me?"

"Yes!"

"Why?"

"So you could do our labor for us! No more will the black man have to spend his days performing back-breaking, soul-destroying manual labor. Now you and the other white people I have created will do it for us!"

"You made us so we could do all your work?"

"Yes! Ingenius, no?"

"Hm. What is this place?"

"This is Africa. Beautiful, is it not?"

"Um... Sure. The sun is very bright, though. I have pale skin; won't my skin get burned if I'm out in the sun working all day?"

"Unfortunately, yes. It's because we're so close to the equator. If we were further north in, say, Europe, the sunlight wouldn't be as direct. It'd also be much cooler."

"Sounds like a nice place. What is that?"

"That? That is a lion. Be careful, it may eat you if you get too close."

The white man seemed startled.

"Eat me? Are there many of them in Africa?"

"Oh yes, very many. Also, poisonous snakes, panthers, cheetahs, enraged elephants, parasitic brain worms, diseases, crocodiles..."

"Does Europe have any of those?"

"Oh no, it's much too cold for them there. Anyway, this is the field you'll be working in from now on. You will take this shovel and dig straight rows to plant crops in. Once the entire field has been dug, you will plant the crops. Then you will come out here every day to water the crops, and eventually harvest them. After that, you start all over. Got it?"

"I suppose."

Hakim started to head back to his flying car, then paused.

"Oh yes, I have been very forgetting! I need to give you a name!"

"A name?"

"Yes, so I have some way of distinguishing you from the other white people I have created. Let's see, Shawanka is fond of 'natural' names, like Rain... I know! I shall call you Bush!"

"My name is Bush?"

"Yes!"

"That's a stupid name."

"Shut up, you silly white person! It's your name and you will like it! Now, I must be leaving now, so get to work! I'll be back to check on your progress tomorrow."

With that, Hakim climbed into his flying car and flew away toward the distant city with its towering spires and flashing lights. Bush poked at the ground with his shovel a bit, glancing at the lion in the distance to be sure it wasn't approaching, then looked north. He leaned on his shovel and thought for a moment.

"Fuck it, I'm foing to Europe."

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Bush struggled desperately against his exhaustion and thirst as he trekked northward. Surely Europe had to be ahead somewhere, right?

Finally, after many days of hard travel, he came to the sea.

"Oh, this sucks! How am I supposed to get to Europe if there's a friggin' sea in the way? Now what am I supposed to do?!"

"I just might be able to help you with that."

Bush spun around and saw the most bizarre looking person he'd ever seen. Of course, he was the second person Bush had ever seen, so that didn't say much. Still, he was green-skinned, with large black eyes and a costume of silvery material.

"Who are you?"

"I am Xenu. I am emperor of the cosmos. However, I have been unable to conquer and subjugate this world thanks to the dark-skinned people who live here. Their technology matches mine. But," Xenu added slyly, "If someone they trusted were to help me destroy them, I would be eternally grateful."

"What do you mean?"

"You wish to reach Europe, yes? Help me defeat the Africans and I will take not just you, but all white people to Europe where you may live free from their tyranny! And I will make sure that you and your descendents are always in positions of power here on this planet. Merely swear allegiance to me and obey me, and I will make it all happen. Do we have a deal?"

Bush thought for a moment, then looked at the impassable sea.

"What do I gotta do, Xenu?"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Bush laughed as he watched the unconcious black people being unloaded from the DC-8 planes lined up at the airfield by the thousands. They had been gathered from all over the world and brought back to Africa for an express purpose. It had taken years of hard work, but Bush had united all of the white slaves for a common purpose and, on a chosen day, they had all simultaneously risen up and beaten their masters, then loaded them onto planes waiting to take them all to a central location.

"Excellent work, Bush. I am very pleased. You're certain you got all of them?"

"Yes, Lord Xenu. Every black man on the planet has been brought here. I do have some questions though."

"Oh? Proceed, minion."

"Why have us bring them all to one place? Why not have us simply kill them when we rebelled?"

"Because, I want to make them suffer. I will have them all placed into a giant theater and forced to watch Red Zone Cuba on endless loop until they scream for mercy!"

"That's it?"

"The theater is on top of a volcano!"

"Oooh!"

"WITH A THERMONUCLEAR BOMB ON THE ROOF OF THE THEATER!"

"Wow. That's, uh, that's pretty overkill, Xenu. But wouldn't it have still been more efficient to just kill them all when we rebelled? Why blow them up with a nuke AND a volcano at the same time?"

"Because, Bush, if you're going to do something, do it with style. Now, you've held up your end of the bargain. Once all the black people have been loaded into the giant theater, have all the whites board the DC-8 planes and you'll all be taken to Europe."

"And I'll be in charge of them once we get there?"

"Yes."

"And my descendents will be in positions of power too?"

"Yes, so long as they continue to obey me as you have, Bush."

"Well, hot-diggity-dog!"

––––––––––––––––––––––––

Hakim, Shawanka, and a handful of others had managed to untie themselves and escape from the giant theater before the nuclear bomb went off and the volcano erupted. Swearing vengaence, the survivors decided they would get revenge on the whites and Xenu some day. It was determined that their odds of surviving, now that their technology and cities had been destroyed, would be better improved if they split up and went to seperate places around the world to rebuild.

Hakim and his family would stay in Africa and rebuild their glorious civilization. Muhammed and his family would travel to the Middle East. Shojo would travel to Asia. Geronimo would build a large boat and sail to the Americas. From there, everyone would grow in numbers, spread out to cover more territory, and pass down the truth of what had happened so that their ancestors would one day be strong enough to get revenge upon the whites and the evil Xenu that they served.

That decided, Hakim, Muhammed, and Shojo all went their seperate ways, while Geronimo stood there trying to figure out how the fuck he was going to build a boat that could get him and his family across an entire ocean. Unlike Bush, he didn't have any evil galactic overlords to make bargains with.

––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Many thousands of years later...

George W. Bush looked out the window at the White House lawns, pleased with the carefully cut and cultured lawn. His assistant behind him coughed to get his attention.

"Uh, sir? We have the 9-11 plan in place. But I did have some questions though."

"Yes?"

"How the FUCK are we going to make it look like airliners crashed into the World Trade Center and Pentagon instead of missiles? There's going to be thousands of witnesses, many of them with video cameras. How do we make them see giant fucking airliners instead of little bitty missiles? And how do we keep the thousands of engineers, office workers, federal agents, soldiers, and others involved in the demolition of the towers from talking and revealing that it was all done with explosives? What do we do with all the passengers on the planes once we land them? What do we do with the planes themselves?"

"Don't worry, minion. It's all going to be taken care of. Just as Lord Xenu promised me, and my father, and his father before him."

"Uh, yes sir. I suppose so. Also, Mr. Cheney wanted to let you know that the Haliburton weather machine just began construction and will be complete in another couple years. He wants to know where you want him to place it."

Bush took a bite of his pretzel and continued staring at the lawn.

"Have him put it in New Orleans. And hit the city with a hurricane. Maybe two. And arrange for the Army Corps of Engineers to blow up the levees."

"Ok. May I ask why, sir?"

Bush turned around and glared at his assistant.

"Because... I. Hate. Black people."

"Uh, yes sir. Of course sir. I'll pass the message along."

"Hail Xenu."

"Uh, hail Xenu, yes sir."

Bush turned back to the window and eyed his Mexican gardner fertilizing the lawn.

"Heh heh heh. Tacos rule."

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Time: The Middle Ages
Location: The Middle East

Muhammed, not to be confused with THE Muhammed or any of the sixty bajillion Muhammeds also born in the region of the Middle East, glared at the horizon.

"For three hundred years, we tried to teach them the ways of peace. For three hundred years, we tried to show them how to peacefully coexist with us. For three hundred years, we tried to show them mercy despite our superiority as black people. And this is how the whites repay us: with a Crusade!"

"Uh, sir?"

Muhammed turned to Achmed, his assistant.

"We just spent the last three hundred years INVADING their homeland, raping their women, enslaving their children, and murdering their men. We make them pay taxes simply for the privilege of living. And then we kill them anyway. How is this merciful or peaceful? Isn't it a little understandable that they'd respond to three hundred years of that with-"

"OURS IS A RELIGION OF PEACE! Any who question this will be beheaded!"

"Uh, yes sir. Also, 'our superiority as black people'? We're not black. We're-"

"SILENCE! I KEEL YOU!"

Achmed was silent.

"Now, as I was saying, they launch this filthy, treacherous crusade. But they will not succeed! Even now, our armies are ready on their flea-ridden camels to ride forth and-"

"Sir, the infidels are killing the goats!"

Muhammed spun around and saw that the white knights were indeed slaughtering a herd of goats that had strayed in the path of their march.

"You bastards! That was my fourth wife! Enough of this! ATTACK!"

With that, thousands of muslims charged forward with a cry of "Allahu ackbar!"

In response, thousands of white people charged forward with a cry of "HAIL XENU!"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Time: Sometime after 1492
Location: Somewhere in the Americas

Cortez wiped the sweat from his brow and put his billed helmet back on. He wasn't certain why he continued to wear it; these savages posed so little threat that his armor was basically a heavy oven that he strapped himself into each day.

The indians strode forward to greet them.

"Greetings, white people. We know you are the evil servants of Xenu, but seeing as you are massively outnumbered thousands to one, we wish to give you the chance to surrender in peace."

"Xenu? Never heard of him, red man."

"Red man? What are you talking about? I'm black."

"Black? Have you looked at yourself? You don't look anything like black people. I know, I've seen 'em."

"Darn. I knew our ancestors must have been smoking peyote when they came up with the 'we're black people from Africa' theory. I guess they were wrong about Xenu too."

"See? We're not here to hurt anyone. We're just peaceful explorers. We even brought gifts, to show you how nice we are. Here, have some blankets."

"My thanks."

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Cortez stood atop the stone pyramid, laughing. Montezuma, leader of these people, lay at his feet, gasping and trying to keep pressure on his bleeding wound.

"It is all over for you, Montezuma! Between small pox and the gift of gun powder given to us by Lord Xenu, my small army of six hundred has defeated your entire empire of twenty million! And now we have defeated you as well!"

"Ack- Don't be so proud of yourself, Cortez!"

"Oh? And why not? Soon my people shall inhabit all this land, and Senor Bush will rule over it as you once did!"

"I- *gasp* I shall have my revenge!"

"Revenge? I don't think so, Montezuma. There will be no revenge for you! Only death!"

With that, Cortez drove his sword through Montezuma a second time, killing him.

"Ah great, now I gotta shit again. And it takes fifteen minutes to get out of this armor too! I knew I shouldn't have eaten so many burritos before battle..."

––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Time: Late 1930's
Location: Europe, center of white power

Hitler watched his troops march forth with smug satisfaction. At last, he would have his revenge against the black people for oppressing his people for millennia. He would have his revenge by killing all the jews.

"Herr Hitler?"

"Yes?"

"I had a question about Operation Final Solution."

"What is it?"

"If we're expanding our empire to unite all white people as the supreme race and annihilate all the non-white people, why are we exterminating the jews? Aren't they white people created by the blacks just like us?"

"Don't ask questions, Hans."

"Um, yes sir. But, I did have one more..."

"Yeeeees?"

"If we're conquering the world for white people and exterminating non-whites, especially blacks, why are we allied with Japan? And why do we have blacks and muslims in our army?"

"Silence! Do not question me! I take mien orders from Bush himself, and he takes his orders from Xenu! Do you dare question Xenu?!"

"N-no sir!"

"Then get out of here and get to work!"

"Yes sir! Heil Xenu!"

"Heil Xenu!"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Time: 1940's
Location: Pacific

Macarthur lit his corncob pipe and took a deep puff of satisfaction. All was going according to plan.

"Sir! Operation Pearl Harbor was a complete success. We faked an attack on Pearl Harbor to dupe the public into letting us attack the peaceful and tolerant Japanese people. But it appears that the Japanese have developed a pair of Peace Rays designed to zap white people and make them enlightened and stop being so mean! Those dastardly Asian blacks!"

Macarthur whipped off his sunglasses and glared at his assistant.

"Blast! We knew they might develop peace rays, but this soon? All right, send a message to Grand Marshall Bush. We need Xenu to give us atom bombs to strike the sites of both peace ray platforms."

"Yes, sir! Also, sir, I was curious."

"Yes?"

"If we're all united under the common goal of subjugating and exterminating black people, which includes everyone who isn't white regardless of whether or not they're actually black, why are we fighting the Nazis? Aren't they white? In fact, isn't EVERY country fighting against Germany populated mostly by white people?"

"Don't ask questions, son, it makes you look stupid. Now get that message out so we can bomb these peace-loving, gentle Japanese people for no fucking reason whatsoever."

"Yes sir! Hail Xenu!"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Tom Cruise shook hands with Barack Obama, grinning.

"Well done, Tom. Although your whiteness sickitates me, you have done an excellent job supressing your natural white tendencies to be a genocidal dick and I thank you for it. Together, we can overcome all the white in the world and defeat Xenu once and for all."

"It will be my pleasure, Mr. President."

"But first, we have to destroy the greatest nation in the world and bring the white people within it to their knees. It's the only way."

"I understand, Mr. President. We'll bring black people back to number one status and defeat Xenu or my name isn't Maverick!"

"Uh, your name isn't-"

"I fly F-14's and save people from exploding buses! Watch me jump over this couch!"

"Tom, don't- *sigh*"

Obama shook his head in vague amusement.

"White people."

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Time: Now
Location: One of Al Gore's many houses

Al Gore sat across from Michael Moore and put on a stage smile just as the cameraman gave the thumbs up and the red recording light came on.

"I'm here with Al Gore, ready to discuss a range of topics with him. Now Al, I'd like to just get a brief overview of each subject before we go into them all in detail."

"Of course. The first subject is global warming. We have to stop the earth from warming up!"

"That would be disastrous, wouldn't it. But, uh, hasn't all the actual science showed that the earth is actually cooling down, very slowly? And that the sunspot period that was supposed to help warm us up even more than the minions of Xenu have with their industry and SUV's has actually been almost nonexistent, leading to even further cooling?"

"Yes, which just shows the brilliance of our strategy."

"Uh-huh."

"And we still have to keep our emissions down and reduce the amount of greenhouse gases and carbon we produce if we're to preventing global warming."

"We're in one of... I'm not sure how many houses you own, actually. It produces four times as much pollution and uses four times the energy of an average house. How do you explain this?"

"Well good grief, man! I'm one of the most important people in the world! Do you actually expect me to turn down my air conditioning when we've got all this global warming going on?!"

"Um... Ok. So you're concerned about the environment and pollution?"

"Yes. I especially hate plastic."

"Plastic?"

"Yes. It won't biodegrade for hundreds of years! And that's terrible!"

"Is it toxic to the environment?"

"Well, no, it basically just sits there until it finally breaks down. But it looks really tacky, and we can't have that!"

"Oooookaaaay... This is going to take more editing than usual to get the agenda through. Next we have gun control. How about gun control?"

"We have to have gun control or the white people will continue their oppression of the world in the name of Xenu."

"Don't your gun control laws disarm non-whites too though?"

"Nah, they're all criminals, so they'll get theirs anyway."

"Excuse me? That's an incredibly offensive stereotype."

"And I'm an incredibly important man who is sworn to defend the truth."

Michael Moore turned to the cameraman, making a subtle 'shut it off' gesture.

"Mr. Gore, I think you're letting your evil whiteness take over your good sense. Now, is there anything else you wanted to discuss?"

"Xenu?"

"We already interviewed Tom Cruise."

"Oh. Well, I have a few fliers here about Manbearpig, if you're interested."

"We're done here. Get out of my sight, you disgusting jackass."

"But this is my hou-"

"OUT!"

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––––-

Time: Now
Location: Africa, most enlightened and peaceful location on the planet

Hakim, thousands of years old thanks to his aging treatments he'd given himself before inventing white people, sat down wearily and watched the village activities around him. He had lived here for millennia, guiding Africa and its people back to the path of technological development and cultural superiority that it had possessed before Bush and Xenu had struck down their civilization and taken over much of the earth. It had, he reflected, been a frustrating and not very rewarding challenge.

"So, Shaka. Tell me of the day's activities while I was away."

"We hacked apart the people from the neighboring village with machetes!"

"What?! Why?! I gave you those machetes to clear land for growing crops, not for dismembering people!"

"Because they are Hawootis, and we are Jimcocks!"

"So?"

"So we hacked them apart for having a funny name. And then we ate them."

"You all have funny names! They're our fellow black people, you idiot! We're supposed to kill the whites, not each other!"

"I am sorry Hakim. We have failed you again."

"Ugh. Nevermind. I still am unable to develop a cure for the AIDS the white people made to exterminate our people. I made medicine to help slow down its destruction of the immune system, but instead of swallowing the pills, your people have been grinding them up and smoking them in an attempt to get high! No wonder I have spent the last eight thousand years living in a straw hut! You people are all idiots! This is worse than what happened in that Idiocracy movie!"

"But Hakim, this should make you proud! We have been killing and dismembering albinoes!"

"Because they look like white people? Very good, Shaka!"

"No, because we can use their body parts for magic! Now we are strong!"

"Magic? There is no magic, you fool, only the power of science! What other stupid magic have you been trying to use?"

"We have gained special powers by sodomizing pygmies, Hakim! Now we are strong enough to kill the white man!"

"What magic powers do you get from sodomizing midgets?"

"Um..."

"Nevermind. Have you at least been practicing with your AK-47's while I was away? I gave you those to fight the white man, you'd better know how to use them."

"Oh yes, Hakim! We are very good with them!"

"Show me."

Shaka and his companions picked up their AK-47's, held them all over their heads, sideways, and began to repeatedly jab them forward while firing and dancing in the open. Their target, a scarecrow, was not hit even once.

"What the fuck was that?! I taught you proper marksmanship and use of cover! What is wrong with you people?!"

"But Hakim! We look badass if we do it like this!"

"Badass? You look like a bunch of fucking morons! You are a bunch of a fucking morons! I devised the overthrow of Rhodesia and gave you the white man's farms and you spent all your time pissing on the crops instead of watering them and you let the cattle starve to death! Please tell you at least continued work on the cure for AIDS while I was away from the lab."

"Oh yes, Hakim. Through much research, I believe we have developed a cure."

Hakim raised his eyebrow and studied Shaka's proud grin.

"Ooooooh? You have, have you?"

"Yes! Sex with virgins!"

"Sex with... Shaka, you're a fucking idiot."

"Ah, I anticipate your criticism, Hakim! You and I both know that our people begin fucking as soon as possible, so it is difficult to find someone who is still a virgin!"

"That's not the flaw I was going to point ou-"

"So we rape babies! In their crib! So we know they are virgins!"

"........"

Hakim carefully stood up, wincing at his arthritis, shambled over to Shaka, and took the AK-47 from him, noting with disgust that the front sight, stock, trigger guard, and safety lever had all been removed with a hacksaw. He backed up a few feet, took a deep breath, and then emptied the magazine into Shaka's face.

"Now then. Enough of this bullshit about magic! Enough fucking everything that moves! Enough not giving a shit about hygeine! Enough killing people for no fucking reason! We have lost sight of our goal, which is to restore the glory of Africa, wipe out the evil white man, and defeat the evil Xenu! Jamar, I want you to- JAMAR! Why are you fucking that chicken?! And in the middle of the street in broad daylight!"

"Because I could not catch the dog, Hakim! Why, is there something wrong?"

Hakim collapsed to his knees and wept.

"Damn you, white man! Damn you, Xenu! You destroyed it all! You destroyed it aaaaaaall!"

Quoted:
I posted this...

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Jesus christ this thread should be locked just for posting that long ass shit..............AND THEN HAVING SOMEONE REPOST IT ALL!!!

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What a fucked up culture...

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frica and rebuild their glorious civilization. Muhammed and his family would travel to the Middle East. Shojo would travel to Asia. Geronimo would build a large boat and sail to the Americas. From there, everyone would grow in numbers, spread out to cover more territory, and pass down the tru aaaaaaall!"

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"Fuck it, I'm foing to Europe."

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Most albinos have blue eyes.

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Dood.  PUT THE BONG DOWN!

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Dont forget curing AIDS by having sex with a virgin! (even if she's 3)

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You sure you weren't dropping acid w/ them too

You should try to include sharia law arf.com COC in their somewhere....  



Yo swindle you smoking dope w/ shaunofthedead?

Quoted:Africa: Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. You know what, what with all the bullshit about "penis wizards", pygmie rape, cannibalism, arresting goats for armed robbery, hacking up albinos for magical body parts, AIDS, and the shit you see in the Liberian civil war thread, Africa is so fucked up that if some alien race were to judge all of humanity's worth based on a few hours of observation in Africa, they'd blow up the entire fucking planet out of a sense of mercy, kind of like that scene in Dawn of the Dead where they blow away the zombie baby.

I guarantee, no matter how much you try to help, no matter how much you try to civilize the morons, they will find to fuck it up beyond all comprehension. AIDS is a good example. Half of Africa is expected to be dead in thirty years because of AIDS. They originally got AIDS by buttfucking chimps. They continue to spread AIDS because not only are they too stupid to just stop fucking everything that moves, but they refuse to wear condoms because they're somehow unmanly. Then they turn the That's Fucked Up dial up to 11 and, on the poorly conceived theory that sex with virgins will cure AIDS, they rape babies in their cribs. Or that's their excuse, anyway; personally, I think they'll just fuck anything they can, no matter how messed up you'd have to be to fuck it. And finally, now that we're giving them medicine to help control AIDS... the dumb shits are smoking their medicine like crack in a retarded attempt to get high.

Seriously, there is nothing that Africa cannot fuck up.

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Yeah, God forbid something making fun of how retarded and insane the ideologies of Nation of Islam, Scientology, global warming, and 9-11 troofers not make much sense.

If all you have to work with is crazy, then the result is gonna be crazy too.

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Actually, that was a pretty good parody you wrote up.

Bonus points for the Haliburton Hurricane Machine and the whole "It's Bush's Fault" deal.

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Some more of Swindle's genius:

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http://vientodelsur.files.wordpress.com/2008/04/negros-albinos.jpg

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Mother Africa has much to teach us.

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Yes, you can now get a degree in Failure.



Failure As A Civilization 101 (example lessons include Kill All The People Who Actually Know How To Run A Farm, Communism, and Dictators: Confiscate Food So Your Population Starves)
Failure At Hygiene (example lessons include Shitting In Your Water Supply and Fucking Everything That Moves Regardless Of Gender, Age, Or Species)
Failure To Properly Use A Firearm (example lessons include Ignore The Sights, Hacksaw Gunsmithing,  Ignoring Use Of Cover And Dancing In The Open While Being Shot At, and Holding The Gun Sideways Over Your Head)
Failure To Behave Like Normal Human Beings (example lessons include Tribal Warfare And Ethnic Genocide, Murdering People Out Of Superstition, Rape And Cannibalism: Have Your Cake PIE And Eat It Too)



Lessons also available in Arabic.

Quoted:
... Then it amused me so much that I had to write a sarcastic story about it....