Are all relationships transactional? (Page 1 of 2)
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Posted: Yesterday 12:56:49 PM EDT
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Friends or romantic are we all just looking for what's in it for us? Personally I just want to be left alone and I try to treat others the same way. Your thoughts? |
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Maybe between adults, either in a romantic relationship, or at a place of work, those could be considered transactional. However, I think that parental relationships should be about what is best for your child, not necessarily what you as a parent can get out of it, beyond maybe a sense of pride. |
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If you had always had always wanted to go to Europe, visit the Louvre, see the Big Ben in London, go see some castles in Germany, see the Swiss Alps and eat chocolate. Would you be content to do it alone? The most delicious meal, meticulously prepared, at a table for one? It's a scene we often see in movies, emphasizing an emptiness. Some of life is about sharing it with others. Maybe it's just wanting someone to share in your achievements and validate you, but I'm not a social person. I want that one right person to be with and share a connection. |
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People bring this up as if it's a bad thing. The fact that relationships have a transactional component doesn't mean it's "what's in it for me". With that said, yes, every single one of us have certain expectations from every relationship we have.
We have expecations of our spouses. If they don't meet them, then there's varying levels of trouble coming. We have expectations of our friends. If they don't meet them, then eventually they are no longer friends. Those expectations also come with obligations from us to them as well, in order to mee their expectations. The best relationships have common ground between expectations and obligations to each other. |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By Explorer225: Friends or romantic are we all just looking for what's in it for us? Personally I just want to be left alone and I try to treat others the same way. Your thoughts? Yes probably. If I enjoy spending time around friends so I spend time with them, then yeah but I dont think enjoying being around people is like abnormal. |
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Perhaps.  Be Consciously Transactional. Why Every Relationship is Transactional But don’t think that it’s a free pass to be a dick. |
Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague.
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That would be dogmatic and therefore WRONG. This is how you end up with views like Race Politics |
Live your life as you would wish to have lived, when you come to die. Confucius
When words lose their meaning, a people can move neither hand nor foot. Confucius
When words lose their meaning, a people can move neither hand nor foot. Confucius
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Originally Posted By Explorer225: Friends or romantic are we all just looking for what's in it for us? Personally I just want to be left alone and I try to treat others the same way. Your thoughts? That’s my experience. I quit drinking, quit hearing from my friends. Lonely friend finally got a gf, quit hearing from him. Etc, etc. This has jaded me, because I see how things are, and am becoming the same. If someone has nothing to offer, I no longer waste my time. I used to go above and beyond for people. |
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Originally Posted By Predicament: Maybe between adults, either in a romantic relationship, or at a place of work, those could be considered transactional. However, I think that parental relationships should be about what is best for your child, not necessarily what you as a parent can get out of it, beyond maybe a sense of pride. Before modern progressive women turned sex into a bargain chip or a reward system, relationships were still transactional to some extent, because you needed each other to basically survive. One kept the kids alive, the other worked until the kids were old enough to help out both sides. Now that women are independent and life has become so much easier (with huge social safety nets in terms of insurance, child rearing: think "public school" and healthcare), relationships have become optional as neither side really needs the other. So you're either religious and/or want a family, or you want safe access to intimacy. But ultimately in our culture sex is not saved for your life partner, it's something to be used for attention, validation, or to "reward" your partner for something. So even sex has lost it's real value for a lot of people. Unfortunately, on the other foot: a relationship with your own kids should always be about love and what's best for raising them into good adults - but those other factors bleed into this arena as well. So now kids are almost a lifestyle accessory, which is why I think it's so easy for women to see abortion as a convenience, and working to pay other people to raise your kids as a good trade-off for actually showing up as a parent. There are still good marriages and great parents out there, it's just not encouraged or appreciated in modern media. Every car commercial has the strong independent woman driving; kids are just when mom get's home, and dad is optional. After all, we have our careers to worry about! |
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This one wants me to put food in the bowl. Attached File This one wants me to throw the ball. Attached File This one wants me to go to lunch with her. Attached File 
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Strive to carry the handgun you would want anywhere, everywhere; forget that good area bullcrap.
"Wouldn't want to / Nobody volunteer to" get shot by _____ is not indicative of quickly incapacitating.
"Wouldn't want to / Nobody volunteer to" get shot by _____ is not indicative of quickly incapacitating.
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Originally Posted By FMJshooter: My kids are 100% give and no take. Unless you assign some sort of tangible value to things like love and joy which would be f'd. And no I'm not expecting them to take care of me when I'm old. I can afford big breasted nurses if need be. Joy does have value, and kids can damage it if they aren't careful. Even that relationship runs both ways, if they're disrespectful or not meeting their responsibilities, there have to be consequences. I'd do anything for my kids if it was what was best for them, but I get as much out of those relationships as they do. My oldest will be 19 next week and is really leaning into her independence, and I'm proud of her for it, but damn. My 16 Y/O is away at school and when she calls just to talk it's the best part of my day. |
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I don't think so outside of the transactional part. If I travel with a friend and have no expectations beyond walking a different city and play random games in the evening. No expectations etc. I don't feel like it's transactional. Just being friends and all basically with agreed upon limitations. If I travel and expect to act like bunnies upon arrival and she demands first class, some expensive Hyatt/Wyndham etc. I hired a prostitute and it's indeed a transaction. |
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To be honest, yes they are. Been married 44 years, and if my spouse offered nothing, but expected my full support it would be an issue. Be it sex, companionship, emotional support, or whatever, humans are selfish creatures that demand loyalty. With few exceptions (FWB) we expect our mates to be not just loyal but exclusively our possesions. As far as friends rather than mates go, even then we subconsciously expect a level of "what's in it for me". That's why you may have many acquaintances, but very few true friends, those that meet the criteria do so by giving more than expecting. |
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Call sign:Radio Silence
Call sign:Radio Silence
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Originally Posted By CapedCrusader: Absolutely not. It's most always true love! https://www.agegaplovestory.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/07/older-man-younger-woman.jpg Maybe not all, but the rest are gold diggers! |
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Originally Posted By fishing_cabin: I don't think so outside of the transactional part. If I travel with a friend and have no expectations beyond walking a different city and play random games in the evening. No expectations etc. I don't feel like it's transactional. Just being friends and all basically with agreed upon limitations. If I travel and expect to act like bunnies upon arrival and she demands first class, some expensive Hyatt/Wyndham etc. I hired a prostitute and it's indeed a transaction. |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By Windustsearch: Depends on how sociopathic you are. If they didn't, there would be no relationship at all, or it would be completely one sided. |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By FunnyStar: What is the meaning of life? Relationships I actually agree with this 100% and repeat the phrase often. Relationships with God, spouse, children, family, friends and neighbors. But each of those relationships can be very unique and different from another, and each relationship can evolve over time and through stages of life. That's kind of why life is so much fun. 😁 |
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Short answer is yes. To go further, should you only do things for your friends or significant other so you can get something out of it, absolutely not. Nor should you hold it over their head by saying I did this for you, so you must do (insert). But, let's be honest. If you are giving over and over, eventually you will stop when there is no reciprocation. Barring some issue. |
| My relationship with my sons are not transactional. I will love them no matter what, I will do anything for them no matter what, I will always be there for them no matter what, I would die for them no matter what. |
I can’t stand it to think my life is going so fast and I’m not really living it.
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Originally Posted By RTUtah: I don't think I have that many transactional relationships at all, really. Business relationships, sure, but that's about it. I don't want anything from my friends except a mutual relationship. The elements of a "relationship" are benefits to you. Look at it this way; why would you willingly engage in a personal relationship in which the other person gets all the benefits, but you get nothing? Do you pick friends with no common interests, or who don't like listening to your stories, or don't find your jokes funny? |
Of all men’s miseries the bitterest is this: to know so much and to have control over nothing.
- Herodotus
- Herodotus
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Originally Posted By Predicament: Maybe between adults, either in a romantic relationship, or at a place of work, those could be considered transactional. However, I think that parental relationships should be about what is best for your child, not necessarily what you as a parent can get out of it, beyond maybe a sense of pride. Parent/child relationship is def transactional even down to the biological level. The whole point of having kids (especially back in the day) was to progress the lineage and have help, both with the household and then when the parents were at their end life, hence why women routinely popped out 13 kids. And kids thems literally just live for themselves. Normally that ends around 18-22, when they realize there's a cold hard world out there and soon appreciate what their parents did for them..until then, it's all about them and what they can get from you lol |
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Originally Posted By gearjammer351: The elements of a "relationship" are benefits to you. Look at it this way; why would you willingly engage in a personal relationship in which the other person gets all the benefits, but you get nothing? Do you pick friends with no common interests, or who don't like listening to your stories, or don't find your jokes funny? |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By RolandofGilead: Exactly the point I'm trying to make. The "mutual friendship" IS a transaction. That's not a bad thing, relationships SHOULD be give and take (with a few debatable exceptions) I used to show this poem to my students. My favorite line: "true friends are people that benefit you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and regularly"  Friends | Suli Breaks | Rise Above |
Of all men’s miseries the bitterest is this: to know so much and to have control over nothing.
- Herodotus
- Herodotus
| Dating here in Mexico has really opened my eyes to the transactional aspect of relationships. For years, I pretty much just banged whores so the transaction was obvious. Now that I've settled down and am with a good one, it's not quite so obvious but it's still there. A big part of it though is our income disparity. |
We should have shotguns for this
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Originally Posted By gearjammer351: I used to show this poem to my students. My favorite line: "true friends are people that benefit you emotionally, spiritually, mentally and regularly"  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88DIPQ2WIegBenefitting from a relationship is a good thing. I don't understand why people things it's negative. |
Your boos mean nothing, I've seen what makes you cheer
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Originally Posted By K2QB3: Joy does have value, and kids can damage it if they aren't careful. Even that relationship runs both ways, if they're disrespectful or not meeting their responsibilities, there have to be consequences. I'd do anything for my kids if it was what was best for them, but I get as much out of those relationships as they do. My oldest will be 19 next week and is really leaning into her independence, and I'm proud of her for it, but damn. My 16 Y/O is away at school and when she calls just to talk it's the best part of my day. Does that make love and excitement transactional? In a way. But that doesn't make it bad or superficial. Those good things get reinforced by reciprocation, and repressed by lack of it. That doesn't mean a child is doing it solely to get a positive reaction. |
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