Posted: 7/21/2007 1:41:57 PM EDT
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There are a million and one different ones. I remember the T.V. commercial from the 90's that was selling a tape with a bunch of them ("what for the beep....just leave your name and leave your number"). Do you let the machine run with the pre-recorded message or do you have your own personal message that you add? I always thought about putting my voice with a couple of "hello's" spaced a few seconds apart but the wife will have none of that.  |
Just use the default. "Hello. Please leave a message after the tone". You be surprised how many numbnuts do the "Hello? Hello? Is anyone there?" bit after hearing it. 
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Years ago, I did one for my roomie and I. We worked offshore for the oil and gas industry. I used a side by side cassette recorder and the film Forrest Gump Remember the Viet Nam battle scene where Lt. Dan was calling for fire, and the VC rounds were snapping by? I recorded that in a loop, intentionally fuzzing the dialog toward the center. Strong arm...Strong arm! I am at Alfa Romeo Charlie, 223. I need HE and WP... Danger close... (or some such hollywood nonsense_) Get the gun up here... goddammit! I then did a voice over, after about 15 seconds of 'raging battle' sounds. [<gravely voice] Hey! You've reached rangermonroe and allan. Were a little busy at the moment <machine gun/gutteral war cries/> Leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as the ATF finishes serving this search warrant![/gravelly voice]. <back to platoon level firefight sounds until answering machine beeps> I didn't tell "alan" about our new message. One morning, the phone rang 'til pickup several times. The outgoing message played in its entirety three times without a message being left. I figured that this must be a phone call I needed to answer. I waited for the next ring. "Hello?", I slurred, wincing as the sound of my own voice reminded me of the punishment my liver endured. "Dude! Why'd you answer? I just hooked the PA system to the whole drill ship. I told them I was calling home, and wanted them to hear that F'd bwahahahhah up thing you did. Don't answer the phone bwahahaha anymore!" He and I are still good friends. He asked me if I had a copy of that 'outgoing message', as he bumped into a guy a while back who remembered it (10y ago). I so wish I had it. |
Well i guess my nuts are numb. 
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+1 for the "Hello?" ones. My GF in college had that & it's a great one to get folks  .The two that come to mind are one that some friends and I recorded after a party at his house. Pretty much standard "Hello... you have reached" type stuff, but the voice explains that he'd held a party and it would be some time before he'd be able to get to the phone... if he could even find it. In the background I was heard saying "Have you seen my pants?" several times throughout the message. Right after the main voice ended, I said "C'mon man, this isn't funny anymore..." <beep> Our friends used to call the number just to laugh. Another one went something like this (the subject material dates it):
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Especially if you can get the three diatones that shut off the phone company billing computers.  Unfortunately the "free call" only works on landlines.
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 You have given me an idea!  Vulcan94 |
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A long time ago I had one that said, "If you don't leave me a message, your phone will BLOW UP!" I had a machine that played some stupid, stupid music on it... so THAT message said, "And now for a short interlude with Michie, the musical chimp!" Last one was from a recording by a professional musician, a friend of mine, the song that starts off, "I wish that they'd send Hollywood to Baghdad I think they'd be happier out there..." ETA A friend had one that said, "Hello, this is XXXX's phone, If you'd like to press 1, press 1 now. If you'd like to press 2, press 2 now. Otherwise wait for the beep." |
Reminds me of an idea I had a while back. I was going to set up a recording while the GF and I were doing some fun things, and set up the answering machine message to the most interesting 10 seconds or so with a voice over of "We're a little busy right now, leave a message..." I was always too distracted to do it, and now I don't even have a landline to put an answering machine on. Oh well. |
 Another one the college GF came up with: "Hi, the is the toaster. The answering machine has the day off (or is on strike - I forget), so I'm filling in. When your toast pops up, leave a message.... oh, well.. you know!" |
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I'm the "church caller" for my church. I call everyone who is going to be the greeter, lay liturgist, announcer, usher team captain for the next Sunday. This is a once a week job where I get to leave messages. One individual who is an announcer has the "hello"...(ten second pause) thing. Drives me nuts. Ours is "Hi, you've reached the Deej86's. We can't come to the phone right now, if you leave a message after the beep, we'll get back to you as soon as we can." |
I remember having to endure something like that(wasn't rap), when I was frantically trying to call one of our College Bowl alternates on his cell phone like an hour before the match. I was thinking, "WTF is this?" I think I have the standard default message on my cell phone. I didn't want to go through the hassle of creating a message when no one leaves me voicemails anyways, except my girlfriend. |
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The best I've ever heard: "Identify yourself at the beep or don't call this number again". BEEP. I did, and the phone was promptly and politely answered. I had a wrong number.  "We couldn't get to the phone. You know what to do." BEEP. Short, sweet and too the point. Just how I like it. |
Very few people have my cell phone number, so instead of putting any kind of message, I just picked up my cat and had her meow a couple of times into the recording, followed by the beep. Not so much meowing as screaming, I guess.  It's awesome. I imagine wrong numbers get really confused. I had to give my cell phone number to my realtor, and whenever she leaves a message she is laughing so hard it's difficult to understand her message.
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"This is TexRDnec. I never answer this phone so leave a message and stop trying to call me." which is entirely true, the only reason i have a phone line is for my internet and tivo, i never answer the damned thing previously it was, "this is not the tony paz residence and has not been so for over 8 years. if mr. paz has not payed his bill in over 8 years it's really time for you to buy a clue and leave me the hell alone" to this day i still get $#@^!%& messages for that douchewaffle |