Posted: 12/18/2008 5:14:14 PM EDT
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I know there's a couple fans here, as I've seen some people notice the applicable quotes I've posted in threads.
Here I sit listening to Rant in E Minor as I run Windows Updates on servers... |
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Quoted:
"Let's Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus" should be the official TV show of this website Well, folks, this is kind of a sentimental evening for me because ... this is my final live performance I'll ever do ... ever. ... I've been doing this sixteen years, enjoyed every second of it –– every plane flight, every ... delay, every cancelled flight, every lost luggage, living in hotel rooms, every broken relationship, playing in the Comedy Pouch in Possum Ridge, Arkansas, every fucking year. It's been great, don't get me wrong.
... the reason I'm gonna quit performing is I finally got my own TV show coming out next fall on CBS ... it's a half-hour weekly show that I will host, entitled "Let's Hunt and Kill Billy Ray Cyrus. ... and we'll be back in '95 with "Let's Hunt and Kill Michael Bolton." |
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'll show you politics in America. Here it is, right here. "I think the puppet on the right shares my beliefs." "I think the puppet on the left is more to my liking." "Hey, wait a minute, there's one guy holding out both puppets!" "Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here's Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid. By the way, keep drinking beer, you fucking morons."
This was 15 years ago 
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Quoted:
I thought you meant the shooting sports supplier... Pbsh.... "If you have children here tonight—and I assume some of you do—I am sorry to tell you this. They are not special. I'll let that sink in. Don't get me wrong, folks. I know you think they're special. You think that. I'm telling you—they're not. Did you know that every time a guy comes, he comes 200 million sperm? Did you know that? And you mean to tell me you think your child is special? Because one out of 200 million sperm connected . . . that load? Gee, what are the fucking odds? Do you know what that means? I have wiped entire civilizations off of my chest............with a grey gym sock. That is special. Entire nations have flaked and crusted in the hair around my navel. That is special. And I want you to think about that, you two-egg-carrying beings out there with that holier-than-thou, we-have-the-gift-of-life attitude. I have tossed universes, in my underpants, while napping. That is special."
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Don't agree with some of his politics, but man the guy was seriously funny.
"We’re trippin’ and the car goes: "The door is ajar." We pulled over and thought about that for twelve hours, man." "Shit, how can a door be a jar?" "Why would they put a jar on a car?" "Oh man, this freeway's melting!" "Put it inna jar!" "George Bush says 'we are losing the war on drugs'. Well you know what that implies? There's a war going on, and people on drugs are winning it! Well what does that tell you about drugs? Some smart, creative motherfuckers on that side." "Supreme Court says pornography is anything without artistic merit that causes sexual thoughts. No artistic merit, causes sexual thoughts. Hmmm . . . sounds like every commercial on TV doesn't it?" |
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C99eZY4V5w8
Bill Hicks on Oklahoma. |
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Quoted:
Don't agree with some of his politics, but man the guy was seriously funny. Yeah, I feel the same way sometimes. I often wonder how he'd view the world in the post 9/11 world. He seemed pretty objective, and most of his criticism was spot on IMO. He'd probably fit right in on arfcom GD. |
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Quoted:
i always heard he was a brilliant comedian, and wondered why i had never heard of him with the material of his posted so far in this thread i can see why. You really need to listen to an album start to finish. Most likely the reason you never heard of him, is because he died 14 years ago at the age of 32 due to pancreatic and liver cancer. He made many appearances on national TV venues and had several albums by big name rock bands dedicated to him (Radiohead, Tool, etc). The easily offended probably won't like him. |