[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Delete OP request (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 4/1/2009 1:25:34 PM EDT
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| Ok, here goes.................. I have divorced three times, (Yea I know glutton for punishment) and I can tell you this. No matter what your wife says, she means to take everything she can from you. If you can't settle on items of property, the judge can force the sale ot the property, and divide the proceeds. If there are children involved, and a house involved, be prepared to pay enough child support and alimony to keep her, the kids, and the house afloat. Divorce is devestating financially and emotionally. Kiss your life as you know it bye-bye. You will have to rebuild. As far as items such as guns, if she knows you want them, be prepared to pay heavily elsewhere. Sorry, but it is only rare cases where it is amicable, and everyone gets what they want. |
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Pragmatically, as in financial, gun-related, investments, kids, etc...what could you have done to put yourself in a better situation to handle divorce? Pre-nuptual agreement is the only thing that can save you. If you're already married and don't have one, your fucked. Learned this the hard way. My advice is, don't get married. |
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If I EVER make the mistake of getting married again, and then getting divorced again, I will follow my best mans advice, which was,
"It is cheaper to shoot her than divorce her" I wish to this day that I had let Mike kidnap me the night before. My advice to you. Love doesn't exist. It is only a word you use to get laid. Nothing more, nothing less. Love your kids, tolerate your wife. All I can say. |
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Remember that after you go through the entire legal shit-storm that is called, "Divorce" and you have the Agreement tucked in your coat pocket, she can and probably will violate whatever portions she chooses to and you will have to hire a lawyer to enforce those violations. The Divorce Agreement isn't worth the paper it's written on. Unless, of course, you, the male portion of the divorce, are in violation. In that case the state government will have your sorry ass arrested and you WILL obey the Agreement. This is especially true if there are children involved. The State will assume that she is destitute and you are an asshole. |
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No matter how friendly to her you plan to be or are, know this... She is in it for EVERYTHING she can lie, cheat or steal from you...
She will try to paint you to be an abuser, monster, molester, cheater, drunk, druggers, lazy, etc... to gain leverage in the settlement or for court. You need to have separate funds set aside discretely with family as Go to money, because the first thing she will do is claim abuse, get a restraining order to kick you out of the house and freeze all funds so you are homeless and broke. typically you will be required to continue to pay bills as previously (you will be on the hook for house payment, auto payments, insurance, utilities, and whatever else, except you won't be actually to use or enjoy those things or have access to your funds often. (If the wife is advised, she will usually wipe out any joint accounts by withdrawing all but a couple of dollars, charging up credit cards and / or taking cash advances, and generally screwing you over. You will get the debts to be paid, while she spends the money. Pretty Fair isn't it?? PUT a SIGNIFICANT amount of cash (done in increments with paperwork in a secure spot) as "Loans" to a close family member you can trust to not spend the money so it will be there if / when you need it. Remembe you will most likely have all the bills and none of the savings in a divorce, so you need to have some reserve to cover a years worth of living expenses and Atty fees for the case. That is NOT cheap, but again you are better to know and prepare now, then getting Peal Harbored later. GET THE BEST DAMN DIVORCE ATTY (yes it will cost more, but believe me it is a BARGIN when everything is said done and finished). My divorce was a nightmare and I'm now only going to be renting my ladies from this point on! BIGGER_HAMMER 
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My advice to you. Love doesn't exist. It is only a word you use to get laid. Nothing more, nothing less. Love your kids, tolerate your wife. All I can say. You don't know what you are talking about. I absolutely love my wife and I know she loves me. The proof is the way she always puts my needs before hers. My wife is terrific and I don't know what I would ever do without her. We dated 2 years and then got married. This year will be 34 years of marriage. I'd do it over again in a heartbeat. Love exists. You just have to let it find you. You then must nurture it and let it grow. Love is a wonderful thing... sharing it with the right person. |
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Remember that after you go through the entire legal shit-storm that is called, "Divorce" and you have the Agreement tucked in your coat pocket, she can and probably will violate whatever portions she chooses to and you will have to hire a lawyer to enforce those violations. The Divorce Agreement isn't worth the paper it's written on. Unless, of course, you, the male portion of the divorce, are in violation. In that case the state government will have your sorry ass arrested and you WILL obey the Agreement. This is especially true if there are children involved. The State will assume that she is destitute and you are an asshole. Completely TRUE... My slimey EX has violated EVERY portion of the decree with ZERO consequences... Now, on the other hand if I were to skip a payment or not produce my children exactly as scheduled at the end of visitation I'd be in the slammer faster than you could say... "Double Standard" BIGGER_HAMMER
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My advice to you... ignore 90% of the BS advice in this thread.
Every marriage is different. Every divorce is different. Every PERSON is different. So the dynamics that play-out are different in every case. You will be able to judge just how much the mother of your children (and YOU) really loves them by how she handles divorce. If she does everything in her power to make your life a living hell (and thereby making your children miserable), then simply put she is a BAD MOTHER. End of story. My ex and I certainly have had (and still have) our issues, but we tolerate each other because we share five kids that we love very much. She irks me and my current wife on a daily basis... but we just zip it and if need be, vent about it to each other. My kids don't need to be involved in our differences. And they don't need to have one or both parents making them feel loyalty issues. When one parent insults the other, it hurts the child. The kids are smart enough to figure-out who's the douchebag and who's the grown-up eventually... |
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My advice to you... ignore 90% of the BS advice in this thread. Every marriage is different. Every divorce is different. Every PERSON is different. So the dynamics that play-out are different in every case. You will be able to judge just how much the mother of your children (and YOU) really loves them by how she handles divorce. If she does everything in her power to make your life a living hell (and thereby making your children miserable), then simply put she is a BAD MOTHER. End of story. My ex and I certainly have had (and still have) our issues, but we tolerate each other because we share five kids that we love very much. She irks me and my current wife on a daily basis... but we just zip it and if need be, vent about it to each other. My kids don't need to be involved in our differences. And they don't need to have one or both parents making them feel loyalty issues. When one parent insults the other, it hurts the child. The kids are smart enough to figure-out who's the douchebag and who's the grown-up eventually... Red_Label - with all due respect, My "ex" loves our children very much. However she loaths me for not bending to her will and agreeing to the divorce she treatened over and over if I didn't give her complete control over our "joint" finances (she had her own "personal" accounts that she used as she wanted from her own paycheck. However my income was somehow "OUR" income for her purposes... Since the divorce, she has made every effort to keep me from spending any time with them outside of the minimum decreed in the divorce, even going out of her way to do so only because she knows it hurts me. Now bear in mind that my "ex" is a minister who lied repeatedly to get the maximum she could (that would be everything) in the settlement. Because I was a high road honest guy, I didn't have resources set aside and her financial and legal "Pearl Harbor" set me at such a disadvantage that I could never really compete in the divorce (Attorneys don't work for free and without a excellent and agressive atty you are screwed - PERIOD!!) If a DIVORCE is even possible, Then you owe it to yourself to plan and expect it to be MUCH WORSE than you could ever imagine, because it WILL BE MUCH WORSE than you could have imagined!!! BIGGER_HAMMER
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Get the best divorce lawyer - in fact go and see the top 3 in your county and PAY for the time spent with them, pick the one you think is the most able of them. Then YOU have a working relationship with all the best of them and then they can NOT represent your spouse. This worked for me both times and saved a LOT of money in the long run
Good Luck & Best Wishes |
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My wife informed me she wanted a Divorce so I filed.In my state there a 50/50 distribution clause. I watch 1/2 half of my moms estate go to the women who no longer loved me.Plus the bonus of having to pay child support .(the courts are not concerned if you have enough money to live as long as your payments are made). So you do the deed, and now your divorce, every time the Kids have an activity, You have to deal with your ex.What time are you picking up your kids, can you cover because I have to work late? (do you say no ...they are your kids.) It's like dealing with all the bullshit with out any sex. If I ever thought I would get a Divorce I would have never brought kids into this world. If you can work it out ...really really try other than having your kids grow up believing that marriage is disposable.Sometimes I think the Divorce rate is as large as it is because people won't work to keep together,it's just too easy to give up!! Good luck!!
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Pragmatically, as in financial, gun-related, investments, kids, etc...what could you have done to put yourself in a better situation to handle divorce? Pre-nuptual agreement is the only thing that can save you. If you're already married and don't have one, your fucked. Learned this the hard way. My advice is, don't get married. I'm no divorce/domestic relations lawyer, but there is a thing called an antenuptial agreement, good luck bringing that up though. |
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1) Lawyer up on day one. Not some hippy ass looking lib-lawyer, but the guys you see on T.V. all the time, and have the big yellow pages ads. They are busy, so they're in court a lot, and know the judges. Before my lawyer smacked my ex down in court, he actually walked up to the judges bench, leaned across it, and started joking with the female judge like old friends.
2) If you leave your home to stay somewhere else you will lose your shit. 3) If you give her ANY money for ANY reason - make it a check or money order and write "child support" in the memo section (providing you have kids w/her). 4) Seek counseling if you are hurting. It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of maturity. 5) Don't get all bitter and jaded. There are plenty of good women out there - go see how many you can bang. j/k - Find your next wife at church or the gym, not a bar. |
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Never borrow money to make a woman happy.
<edited> . But the law is run by the lawyers and used by the women to suck the life blood out of men. Get your own PO box. If you work at home or out of the home, file first to ensure that you can get to your computer and office. Make copies of financial records. Get your hooks on titles, policies, etc. My ex and her father came in and took away financial records. It cost me thousands to get those back just to file taxes. Cancel credit cards. She will use them and you will be on the hook for them. Also, she will refuse to help with the house payment even though her name is on the mortgage. Refuse to accept a restraining order. They tie your hands so much you won't be able to wipe your ass. Trust me, I know what I am talking about. |
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Get the best divorce lawyer - in fact go and see the top 3 in your county and PAY for the time spent with them, pick the one you think is the most able of them. Then YOU have a working relationship with all the best of them and then they can NOT represent your spouse. This worked for me both times and saved a LOT of money in the long run Good Luck & Best Wishes This made me laugh. Excellent. Find all of the top players for YOUR team for pennies on the dollar (relative to the out come of the divorce in your favor). Not married or even engaged... but taking very careful notes. |
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I have been happily married to a great woman for almost 3 years, and things are wonderful. She is a great cook, gives me pie anytime I want, and goes out of her way to make me happy. Her parents are great, and pay for us to go on a cruse or week-long Hawaii trip every year, and the wife is beautiful and sweet as an angel. I am a full time student (sucks) and she works full time and makes about 60k/yr, we are looking at buying our first house, so life is good. I absolutely have it MADE. Now, with all of that being said...
DEAR GOD STAY SINGLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! there is nothing better than not having to answer to anyone. and I mean NOTHING BETTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that's all. -AJ |
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Oh brothers I admire those of you with happy marriages and loving spouses. I loved my wife, and she loved me. Unfortunately she also loved a boyfriend or two about the same time ! If you suspect a problem, it is probably there, do not rationalize it away. Take action immediately ! hoard cash, guns go to a friends house. boats, atv's etc get sold asap ! burn credit cards. Important, while doing this, be nice and tell her that you understand how she feels, and that you want an amicable end to things. Be supportive of her and her new found hopes and dreams that do not include you. Tell her you understand that she feels trapped, or that she married too young. Basically eat shovels full of shit while you get your act together!
I managed to convince my ex that joint custody would be best, and convinced her that primary physical placement didn't matter as long as we had equal access to the children (I got primary placement). I would never keep the kids from her, but I didn't trust her to do the same. Thank god I did this as she got knocked up by some felon 2 months after our divorce, and wound up having all sorts of domestic violence issues along the way (both of them being arrested at various times). Now she is out of the picture, she flew the coop 9 years ago and I have not heard a peep from her since. She left our two kids, and the kid she had with the felon and is living somewhere in white trash hell in Illinois. Me? I am one lucky bastard, I could have my wonderful kids living a shit life somewhere. As it is I have them with me and they are happy and healthy. It was tough trying to explain that mommy just lives somewhere else, and I am sure that will pop up later in their lives to haunt their own relationships. I ate a lot of shit while it was all going on, but now it sure tastes like roses. I am the only guy I know to have gone through this and not gotten raped on child support, spousal maintenance etc. AND GET A GOOD LAWYER, one that isn't an asshole unless he needs to be (but if he needs to one that can be a major prick !) I really like the above idea of retaining / establishing a paid relationship with the top attorneys in the area in order to block spousal use of them....That's sinister ! 
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DO NOT FUCK HER NO MORE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! my dumb ass knocked up the exwife after the divorce   I'm sorry, I couldn't help it, I LOL'ed. You didn't wrap it before you tapped it? not with her ever aar is a bitch sometimes |
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I don't care what anyone else says, believe what JCoop said about the Divorce Decree being a one way agreement. This is absolutely true.
Don't get hung up on money... you can always get more of that. But if you don't get to see your kids as often as you like, you can't get that back. Think about how the agreement will affect you 5, 10 & 15 years form now... not just this year. |
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My advice to you... ignore 90% of the BS advice in this thread. Every marriage is different. Every divorce is different. Every PERSON is different. So the dynamics that play-out are different in every case. You will be able to judge just how much the mother of your children (and YOU) really loves them by how she handles divorce. If she does everything in her power to make your life a living hell (and thereby making your children miserable), then simply put she is a BAD MOTHER. End of story. My ex and I certainly have had (and still have) our issues, but we tolerate each other because we share five kids that we love very much. She irks me and my current wife on a daily basis... but we just zip it and if need be, vent about it to each other. My kids don't need to be involved in our differences. And they don't need to have one or both parents making them feel loyalty issues. When one parent insults the other, it hurts the child. The kids are smart enough to figure-out who's the douchebag and who's the grown-up eventually... This, Im divorced with 4 kids. Be smart, it is a mental chess game. |
| My atty asked me if he could be frank with me I said sure .he said "you're fucked" I asked what about the equal rights thing. He said " it doesn't exist in a court room".. He was right I was so screwed.. advice Don't let them ever know what all you have . If you do they will get it all.. Mine forgot a damn skillet got a court order and came back with a court appointed escort and got the skillet.. So don't kid yourself your screwedin a court room.. I got to pay for her atty,her college,car,credit cards,etc. Thank god she moved back in with her parents....and there were no kids.. The second wife I told before we were married there would not be another divorce in my life....... a funeral maybe hers or mine but there would never be another divorce for me.... we have been married going on 30 years this year.. as said earlier.. Divorces are so costly because they are worth ever cent.. Good luck |
