Posted: 3/25/2015 7:57:22 PM EDT
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DIVORCE AGREEMENT
Dear American liberals, leftists, social progressives, socialists, Marxists and Obama supporters, et al: We have stuck together since the late 1950's for the sake of the kids, but the whole of this latest election process has made me realize that I want a divorce. I know we tolerated each other for many years for the sake of future generations, but sadly, this relationship has clearly run its course. Our two ideological sides of America cannot and will not ever agree on what is right for us all, so let's just end it on friendly terms. We can smile and chalk it up to irreconcilable differences and go our own way. Here is a our separation agreement: --Our two groups can equitably divide up the country by landmass each taking a similar portion. That will be the difficult part, but I am sure our two sides can come to a friendly agreement. After that, it should be relatively easy! Our respective representatives can effortlessly divide other assets since both sides have such distinct and disparate tastes. --We don't like redistributive taxes so you can keep them. --You are welcome to the liberal judges and the ACLU. --Since you hate guns and war, we'll take our firearms, the cops, the NRA and the military. --We'll take the nasty, smelly oil industry and the coal mines, and you can go with wind, solar and biodiesel. --You can keep Oprah, Michael Moore and Rosie O'Donnell. You are, however, responsible for finding a bio-diesel vehicle big enough to move all three of them. --We'll keep capitalism, greedy corporations, pharmaceutical companies, Wal-Mart and Wall Street. --You can have your beloved lifelong welfare dwellers, food stamps, homeless, homeboys, hippies, druggies and illegal aliens. --We'll keep the hot Alaskan hockey moms, greedy CEO's and rednecks. --We'll keep Bill O ' Reilly, and Bibles and give you NBC and Hollywood . --You can make nice with Iran and Palestine and we'll retain the right to invade and hammer places that threaten us. --You can have the peaceniks and war protesters. -- When our allies or our way of life are under assault, we'll help provide them security. --We'll keep our Judeo-Christian values. --You are welcome to Islam, Scientology, Humanism, political correctness and Shirley McClain. You can also have the U.N. but we will no longer be paying the bill. --We'll keep the SUV's, pickup trucks and oversized luxury cars. You can take every Volt and Leaf you can find. --You can give everyone healthcare if you can find any practicing doctors. --We'll keep "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" and "The National Anthem." --I'm sure you'll be happy to substitute "Imagine", "I'd Like to Teach the World to Sing", "Kum Ba Ya" or "We Are the World". --We'll practice trickle-down economics and you can continue to give trickle up poverty your best shot. --Since it often so offends you, we'll keep our history, our name and our flag. Decreed this day _________________ P.S. Also, please take Ted Turner, Sean Penn, Martin & Charlie Sheen, Barbara Streisand, ( Hanoi ) Jane Fonda with you. P.S.S. And you won't have to press 1 for English when you call our country. |
| Split it up no way. You do not let someone sneak into your home disobey your rules and violate everything you stand for and then give them half to get them to leave. If they want a socialist country then they can leave. my family dates back from one year after the landing of the mayflower we bled fought and died for this country I will be damned if we give up half to those who oppose what my family helped create. |
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Quoted:
Split it up no way. You do not let someone sneak into your home disobey your rules and violate everything you stand for and then give them half to get them to leave. If they want a socialist country then they can leave. my family dates back from one year after the landing of the mayflower we bled fought and died for this country I will be damned if we give up half to those who oppose what my family helped create. But, you know, slavery and shit. |
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You forgot to add, 'You can keep; NY, NJ, CT, CA, MD, VT, OR, HI, WA, MA. We'll even throw in the District of Columbia, the Whitehouse because FBHO has ruined it, Colorado, Illinois because FBHO and Florida because it's bat shit crazy. We'll foot the bill for building walls around all of those places.'
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