Posted: 11/30/2006 7:08:34 PM EDT
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So, I had been out of work for a day with an intestinal virus or something... fever, diarrhea, vomiting... I knew I was getting dehydrated, but couldn't keep fluids down. I got to sleep, and the next morning I felt better (just tired, sore from puking, and dehydrated), so I went to work. There's an e-mail in my Inbox telling me I need to go for a drug test in about 45 minutes. I had been drinking water all morning, but generating sufficient fluid for the test was all I could do. I finally got about 0.75" in the cup, which was just enough. I guess all's well that ends well. I still have my job.  Y'all have any funny drug testing stories? |
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got the call to head in for the random drug test just after finishing up in the men's room prior to my shift end. Sat in Social Actions for hours waiting to "go". I drank a ton of water, iced tea and even asked if I could go get a six pack to make it faster. My body was so used to being asleep at that time I didn't get out of there until after 1pm, after being there since 7:45a. I am sure they tested that sample for everything. |
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When I reported to boot camp, one of the first things we did was a wiz quiz. We had to stand in a line and drop trou. Each of us had to go when directed. After watching at least 4 or five dudes do their thing this recruit puts his cup on top of the latrine and tries to pee up into it. You can imagine what happened when the RDC's saw this. I get yelled at for laughing. BTW. this thread sucks. 
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Years ago, a crew from the DOE (Department of Energy) showed up tp randomly test some firefighters at work. One of the guys to be tested decided to have some fun, and stated "I can't pee right now". The testers said "well you can drink water and cokes, and sit right here in this chair until you do have to pee." Well this guy sat in his chair drinking all damn day. He somehow held it till late in the afternoon. Just to screw with the DOE peoples heads. He didn't drink or do drugs. |
| Only on one piss test, I'd had several cups of coffee that morning, whizzed when I came in the door was told it was "test" day and dranks several more cups of coffee. Came back a few days later and I was told I had "failed" the test. Asked what for [no drugs or anything of the sort] and they told me it was because there was nothing in the piss. Well no duh, so whats the problem? Well, there is no piss to test, it's just water. Sheesh, wasted 2 hours to go down to the piss doc and pee in another cup. Complete waste of time, after 18 or 19 years at the time, and always clean you'd thienk they might actually "get it". |
It costs too much money. Most places that test randomly take samples form random people, then test random samples out of that batch. They usually dont test every single sample unless they have a reason. |
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At my previous job - where I was the manager - my boss called a huge meeting of all the staff and announced that random drug tests would begin the following month. I laughed out loud and said, "I'll go first, if you go second." I knew that the boss was smoking dope, even if I couldn't prove it. Oddly enough, the drug testing never started... Shane |
Generally they used a pair of dice and the last digit of your SSN, if they were doing something else and it wasn't random, people on both sides of the test could get in trouble. I got to tell my XO 3 drills in a row that he and I had appointments. Back in the very dawn of "Operation Golden Flow" when I was on my 3rd class Midshipman NROTC cruise, (1972), we were standing in line and we were waiting a long time. One of our guys was a football player and he got out of line for a while and then came back. "Where did you go?" "I had to go take a leak, I been standing in line for too long." "Why are we standing in line?" "Operation Golden Flow?" "And what are we going to do?" "Piss in a, OH SHIT" In those days a buddy watched, so he got one of the guys to do it for both of them, and then when they came out, the guy that did it for him, showed the football player where his appendectomy scar wasn't really healing well and he was taking several different anti-biotics and painkillers. Then they started worrying about what they were going to be testing for. I do know now that MaDanby can hold it for several hours if she needs to. Had a minor surgery and needed to produce a specimen before they released her. 4 hours later after several diet cokes and other diuretics, we finally got a specimen, but I let her know, we ain't ever going to have an emergency stop on a road trip anymore. |
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After I got out of the USMC in 86, I enlisted in the Ohio NG (for the college benefits ) I was to be trained as an aeroscout/observer on OH58's. On my second drill, there was a squadron urinalysis. The roster was generated by Regimental HQ and was on a computer generated spread sheet. The sample bottles were pre labeled for every man in the unit. As you signed in, your showed you I.D. and they gave you your bottle. I took my place in line with my troop, guys I really didn't know from Adam. I showed my I.D., and they searched for my bottle and my name on the roster. Nothing found. I explained that I was new to the unit and this was my second drill. No problem, they filled in my information on a blank bottle and the roster. I peed, signed out and went on my way confident that the NG had things well in hand. I report for drill the following month. I am met by the 1st Sgt. "Why didn't you drop piss last month?". I did. "No you didn't, see the Squadron XO." Squadron XO; "Why didn't you drop piss last month?". I did. "Hq says you didn't. You are removed from flight status. Your security clearances are revoked". I explain the entire process that I went through at the test. including the info that I wasn't on the roster and my info was filled in by hand. I hypothesis that when the sample reached the lab, my named wasn't on their roster so they tossed it out. "I'll look in to it, report to SSgt. whatshisname in supply". I am branded with the moniker "Buzz". I bore my shame with my head held high as I handed out E tools and canteens. 6 months go by and I get a call one morning to report to the flight facility. I am to hitch a ride to Columbus to re take my piss test. me and another trooper board a slick and fly to the flight facility in Columbus, drop pee and fly back to Canton. I come up clean, am exonerated of any malfeasance and restored to my regular duties. I carried with me the moniker "Buzz". |
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I had to take a drug test, so I brought a bottle of pain meds I was prescribed. The tester said "I don't care, bring the bottle back when you fail!"  I got a call a few weeks later "Mr Balming, uhhhh....you failed your drug test.....why is that?" I replied "I'm using narcotics!"  They didn't think it was funny, so I brought in the script. |
When I hired into GM, we had to do a hair test that went back 90 days. One woman had extremely short hair (less than 1/4") and couldn't give a good enough sample. They eloquently asked her if she had hair longer anywhere else to which she replied "No, I shave that too." They told her that she could not be employed here.  Our salaried (non-union) supervisors have to take random drug tests also. One of our new supervisors had to take a random test and failed it. Apparently, they found nose candy in his test. We never saw him again. (which was good because he was an asshole.) So, it's not just the hourly union guys that are drug addicts and alcoholics. It takes all types. Although, I won't deny it. If he was a union worker, he would have had his job back within a month if he agreed to go to rehab. |
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A few months ago on the last day of Annual Training, my unit was having a little family-day luncheon and quite a few dependents had shown up. We are just setting up for lunch when suddenly we have a counterdrug NCO show up and announce a random test for everyone in the unit. They sequestered the families off in an airconditioned classroom, and no one was allowed to see or talk to them, for some reason. So, the families sat there for several hours in that room without being able to see their husbands/fathers while we all stood in line in front of the bathrooms, and then waited for the last couple of holdouts to finish up. Extremely stupid decision on the part of our higher-ups, and a lot of guys got angry and just sent their families home with no lunch or celebration, then took off as early as possible. Perfect end to a perfect two weeks in the woods. |
| When I worked part time for an armored car, the same 2 people got "randomly" selected twice. Te only 2 in the 4 years I worked there. Me the full time FF, and a retired FF. The second time was after I had already given notice that I was quiting. I had plans after work that day, and I had to go "right now". When I walked in to the Doc in a box office, I told them I was in a hurry. I sat there for 10 minutes. I then went to the desk and told them I was leaving in 2 minutes test or no test. I wa told I would not be able to work unless I took the test. I infromed them that I already gave notice and did not care. It is amazing how fast they move when you dont HAVE to wait on them. |
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Back when I was on active duty, I decided that I would not go home on Christmas. During Christmas Exodus, I must have given 20 urine samples. Every morning I would head on down to the company area, sign up and give my urine. They didn't have to call me, I was already there. And there were no "peeping toms" needed, I just went into the latrine and produced. I have only had pre-employment screens since then. One time there was a "random" UA at work but only the married guys were picked. Some random choice. |
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Years ago I was working for an LTL company as a line driver and was constantly getting selected for the "random" test, this went on for a couple months until one day I show up for work and there's only 3 regulars on the dock and a couple suits actually busting freight. It seems the suits back east had noticed the random test wasn't quite so random and flew out to find out what was going on. apparently the terminal manager had hired a bunch of his dope smoking buddies and had been selecting me and another guy he knew didn't do drugs for the "random" tests, the sweep nailed almost two thirds of the crew. Worked out good for me, I'd only been there a few months and suddenly I was the lead driver
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While an instructor at advanced electronics school for the USN I was having to take the quiz about once a month. They would come into the middle of the class some random morning and I had to produce by lunchtime. So I would get an entire pitcher of water - 8 cups worth and chug it in front of my students - always great fun. Within 20-30 minutes I'd put the class on break and hurry down to the collection site across the street and as a chief petty officer I would get (AND NEED) head of the line pridviidge. Within seconds I could have filled every container in the box. The unfortunate side effect is that 64 ounce of urine then follows ... so all morning long we're taking breaks. |
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I've been working since 1981, have worked for defense contractors, banks, and many others, and managed to avoid (not intentionally BTW) taking any drug tests until May 2004, when I applied for my present job. I did some research and became concerned about the wide variety of OTC and prescription drugs that can cause false positives on one test or another, which leads to complications. After they told me I would have to do a drug test, I went to one of San Diego's most venerable head shops, The Black, and bought two specimens of the test kit for the most commonly used initial screening "whiz quiz". To my surprise, I showed a postive for cannabis (marijuana). I knew that couldn't be right, so I dug a little deeper and discovered that etodolac (Lodine) a non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drug (NSAID) that I take occasionally for back pain, causes a false positive on the pot test. Not wanting any trouble, I tried staying off Lodine for two days. The second test came up clean. I passed the live test. I can see how it would be a big problem for people who actually do use illegal drugs. Once you fail the piss test, you either have to admit you are a user or challenge the test. Standard procedure for a challenge is to submit the original sample to a lab for gas chromotography testing, which can "weed" out the false positives from the real thing. Best strategy for an occasional user IMO is to stop using the drug, and dilute the bejeepers out of your urine for the piss test. The worst thing that can happen is the result comes up invalid because the level of creatinine is lower than normal. Then the employer can either accept that as a passing score, or order a second urine sample. Usually they do the former, because even if the person is a user, the additional elapsed time makes detection less likely than it was on the original test. |
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My company (with over 800 employees) doesn't do them. We don't have a weapons policy either, but we DO have two pages on sexual harassment. Go figure. I think the powers that be know what us engineers know: Everybody does a fantastic job, good help is REALLY hard to find, and the sinner to saint ratio is a touch off kilter. 
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If I work for a company that actually does piss tests, I want to be prepared by bringing along one of the small kidney stones I passed a while ago, in a tiny little vial, and dumping it in the sample. If they know what it is, they'll probably freak out a little. If they don't know what it is, they'll probably freak out a little more.  CJ |
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I cheated on a drug test once. Its easy to do if they're not physically watching. I had 2 pastic containers of water taped to my armpits. That keeps it at body temperature (some times the sample bottles have little paper thermometers on them to tell if the sample actually came from your body.) I filled the cup with my armpit water and dropped in about 3 drops of my real piss just for coloration. |
you do realize that they check for creatinine levels to make sure you didn't dilute it? |
No, but it worked.  |
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I was laying in the ER one day, and this nurse asks me to give them a sample to run tests on. I tried. Then I tried some more. Fifteen minutes later I told them I was going to have to drag the IV stand into the bathroom if they wanted any results. I did, and after about ten minutes of trying with the water in the sink running, I gave up and went back into the ER cubicle. About fifteen minutes later, the nurse comes back in and says if they don't have a sample in ten minutes, she had orders to catheter me.  Five minutes later they had their sample.
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