Posted: 9/7/2009 8:39:44 PM EDT
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So the man I are were sitting around tonight mourning the loss of his Garand (one more fine piece of art that the ex was kind enough to dispose of for him) when, in an effort to make him feel better I told him that given the opportunity I'd gladly beat the *&^%# to death with a hairbrush. (Hey, I'm a girl and don't believe in handling firearms and alcohol at the same time...) Which brought up the question- what would be listed as the cause of death on that one?
Coroner: Well we found a million little poky holes in her–– could have been a mad porcupine who was kind enough to remove all of his quills when he was done... So what say the night crew?? The most creative, non-firearm related method you could find listed on a death certificate...discuss. ETA: Fixed for all of the IBTL guys 
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Quoted:
So the man I are were sitting around tonight mourning the loss of his Garand (one more fine piece of art that the ex was kind enough to dispose of for him) when, in an effort to make him feel better I told him that given the opportunity I'd gladly beat the *&^%# to death with a hairbrush. (Hey, I'm a girl and don't believe in handling firearms and alcohol at the same time...) Which brought up the question- what would be listed as the cause of death on that one? Coroner: Well we found a million little poky holes in her–– could have been a mad porcupine who was kind enough to remove all of his quills when he was done... So what say the night crew?? The most creative, non-firearm related method you could come up with for disposing of someone...discuss. Why are you asking the night crew, while you're not in the night crew thread?
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There are far too many interesting ways to kill someone to even think of and focus on a single idea. I mean, come on, look around you. What couldn't you use to end somebody's life? Not that I've thought of random ways to kill people before, that would probably indicate some kind of psychosis.
Oh, that I can actually find listed on a death certificate. Fuck knows, I don't know where to find death certificates. |
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You guys are missing the point. She said "listed on a death certificate", as in cause of death.
Unfortunately for this thread, those are usually pretty lame: Electrocution, blunt-force trauma, exsanguination, myocardial infarction, etc. You not going to find "beaten to death with a fucking hair brush" on a death certificate. Edit for fat-fingering. |
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Quoted:
So the man I are were sitting around tonight mourning the loss of his Garand (one more fine piece of art that the ex was kind enough to dispose of for him) when, in an effort to make him feel better I told him that given the opportunity I'd gladly beat the *&^%# to death with a hairbrush. (Hey, I'm a girl and don't believe in handling firearms and alcohol at the same time...) Which brought up the question- what would be listed as the cause of death on that one? Coroner: Well we found a million little poky holes in her–– could have been a mad porcupine who was kind enough to remove all of his quills when he was done... So what say the night crew?? The most creative, non-firearm related method you could find listed on a death certificate...discuss. ETA: Fixed for all of the IBTL guys [batman] Obviously we have a mad serial acupuncturist on the loose![/batman] |
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Wierd ways to go - some very sad, some plain wierd and some down to utter stupidity:
2008: Gerald Mellin, a U.K. businessman, committed suicide by tying one end of a rope around his neck and the other to a tree. He then hopped into his Aston Martin DB7 and drove down a main road in Swansea until the rope decapitated him. He supposedly did this as an act of revenge against his ex-wife for leaving him. 2008: David Phyall, 50, the last resident in a block of flats due to be demolished in Bishopstoke, near Southampton, Hampshire, United Kingdom, cut his own head off with a chainsaw to highlight the injustice of being forced to move out 2005: Lee Seung Seop, a 28-year-old South Korean, collapsed of fatigue and died after playing the videogame StarCraft online for almost 50 consecutive hours in an Internet cafe 2005: Kenneth Pinyan ('Mr. Hands') of Gig Harbor, Washington died of acute peritonitis after seeking out and receiving anal intercourse from a stallion, an act he had engaged in previously. Pinyan delayed his visit to the hospital for several hours out of reluctance to explain the circumstances of his injury to doctors. The case led to the criminalization of bestiality in Washington. His story was recounted in the award winning 2007 documentary film Zoo. 2001: Gregory Biggs, a homeless man in Fort Worth, Texas, was struck by a car being driven by Chante Jawan Mallard, who had been drinking and taking drugs that night. Biggs' torso became lodged in Mallard's windshield with severe but not immediately fatal injuries. Mallard drove home and left the car in her garage with Biggs still lodged in her car's windshield. She repeatedly visited Biggs and even apologized for hitting him. Biggs died of his injuries several hours later. Chante Mallard was tried and convicted for murder in this case and received a 50-year prison sentence. The film Stuck is loosely based on this unusual death 2001: Bernd-Jürgen Brandes from Germany was voluntarily stabbed repeatedly and then partly eaten by Armin Meiwes (who was later called the Cannibal of Rothenburg). Brandes had answered an internet advertisement by Meiwes looking for someone for this purpose. Brandes explicitly stated in his will that he wished to be killed and eaten 1998: Every player on the visiting soccer team at a game in the Democratic Republic of the Congo was struck by a fork bolt of lightning, killing them all instantly 1995:A 39 year old man committed suicide in Canberra, Australia by shooting himself three times with a pump action shotgun. The first shot passed through his chest and went out the other side. He reloaded and shot away his throat and part of his jaw. Breathing through the wound in his throat, he again reloaded, held the gun against his chest with his hands and operated the trigger with his toes. This shot entered the thoracic cavity and demolished the heart, killing him 1993: Garry Hoy, a 38-year old lawyer and a senior partner at the Holden Day Wilson Law firm in Toronto, Canada, fell to his death on July 9, 1993, after he threw himself against a window on the 24th floor of the Toronto-Dominion Centre in an attempt to prove to a group of visiting Law Students that the glass was "unbreakable." His first attempt failed to damage the glass at all. On his second attempt the glass still didn't break but instead actually popped out of the window frame, and he fell over 300 feet to his death 1987: Franco Brun, a 22-year-old prisoner at Metro East Detention Center, died after attempting to swallow and choking on a 6.35 cm. (21/2 inches) by 10 cm. (4 inches) by 1.27 centimetres (half an inch) Gideon's Bible. Brun reportedly had mental deficiencies and as such, the coroner did not label his death as suicide, believing that "the swallowing of the Bible to him was some form of symbolism or allegory as though he was trying to purge himself of the devil by consuming religion". He was only serving a 15-day sentence. 1983: Four divers and a tender were killed on the Byford Dolphin semi-submersible, when a decompression chamber explosively decompressed from 9 atm to 1 atm in a fraction of a second. The diver nearest the chamber opening literally exploded just before his remains were ejected through a 24 in (60 cm) opening. The other divers' remains showed signs of boiled blood, unusually strong rigor mortis, large amounts of gas in the blood vessels, and scattered hemorrhages in the soft tissues 1982: James Joseph Suchochi was killed near Lake Pleasant, Arizona while shooting at Cacti for fun with his shotgun. After firing several shots at a 26ft (8m) tall Saguaro Cactus from extremely close range, a 4ft limb of the Cactus that was weakened by the gunfire detached and fell on him, crushing him with enough force to cause lethal injuries 1981: David Allen Kirwan a 24-year-old attempted to rescue a friend's dog after it fell into Celestine Pool, a hot spring at Yellowstone National Park on July 20, 1981. Despite numerous shouts from bystanders, Kirwan dove headfirst into the pool but was unable to save the dog. After managing to swim back to shore, he was helped out of pool, where his injuries became apparent - the exposure to the 200oF (93oC) water of the hot spring resulted in third-degree burns to 100% of his body and had also blinded him. After being led to the sidewalk, Kirwan reportedly stated: "That was stupid. How bad am I? That was a stupid thing I did." When one of Kirwan's shoes was removed, all of the skin came off with it. He died the next day at a Salt Lake City hospital. Although there have been at least 19 deaths due to scalding at the Yellowstone, this was the only known case where someone died after deliberately jumping into one of the park's hot springs 1978: Georgi Markov, a Bulgarian dissident, was assassinated in London with a specially modified umbrella that fired a metal pellet with a small cavity full of ricin into his calf 1959: In the Dyatlov Pass incident, Nine ski hikers in the Ural Mountains abandoned their camp in the middle of the night in apparent terror, some clad only in their underwear despite sub-zero weather. Six of the hikers died of hypothermia and three by unexplained fatal injuries. Though the corpses showed no signs of struggle, one victim had a fatal skull fracture, two had major chest fractures (comparable in force to a car accident), and one was missing her tongue. The victims' clothing also contained high levels of radiation. Soviet investigators determined only that "a compelling unknown force" had caused the deaths, barring entry to the area for years thereafter |