I'd hit it with Lursa and B'Etor.

It was the Neutrogena T/Gel Shampoo (and the commercial he narrated).

Stardate 42207
Calltime/Location: 05:06 - Holodeck 4
Call Reason: Occupant Unconscious

If I had to pick one person to consider my arch enemy aboard the Enterprise it is, undoubtedly, Commander William Riker. No one abuses the holodeck more often or more creatively than Commander Riker. His rank grants him seven hours a week and Riker somehow manages to squeeze almost 20 visits out of that.

Commander Riker uses the holodeck for everything, from his darkest fantasies to the most ridiculously mundane task. One day he'll be oil wrestling with kangaroos on top of a giant mattress or making love to a duplicate of himself with huge breasts. The next day he'll show up in his bathrobe and use the holodeck to shower and shave himself. What makes me hate him is that Riker pays no attention to the rules about bodily fluids. He will use the holodeck just to go to the bathroom. He'll have a floating toilet made out of clouds and he'll lay the biggest and smelliest deuce I've seen this side of the neutral zone. Then he'll just walk right out like he's allowed to do that.

When I got this particular call Riker had been at the tail end of one of his binge periods. His weight had skyrocketed up around 300 and he was trying to use the holodeck as a weight loss routine. Basically, he'd come in and gorge himself on everything he could think of. The man ate like a goat. He'd start with pies and cakes, work his way through a half dozen pizzas and tens of bottles of beer, then he'd finish by chewing up old belts and piles of weeds. When he was distended to the point of bursting he'd waddle out and the food would just *poof* disappear from his stomach. This time things didn't go so well.

I get there and Riker is rolling around groaning, foaming at the mouth, with a belly that looks like someone jammed a boulder inside. Turns out he'd been having mini-strokes all week during his binges and this one was a bit bigger than the others. He'd soiled himself, of course. He was naked, of course. And, of course, I had to start cleaning him up while a team from sickbay hurried down to the holodeck.

Once I had most of the crap off of him I dragged him out into the corridor. His swelling went down immediately and by the time the sickbay team arrived he was sitting up and swearing like a sailor. Riker uses language salty enough to cure pork and that particular day he repeatedly threatened to "choke the eyes out of my sockets" if I didn't get him a "triple milkshake." Luckily the sick team got there before he could make good on his threat and got him sedated and hauled in for surgery. I finished the cleanup in about half an hour.

Number 1, I order you to take a Number 2.

the chicks loved it when he wore his old California Highway Patrol uniform.

Yea his bad Eric Estrada impersonation.

And a T-33, although maybe not at the same time.

Michael Dorn is a pretty interesting guy.

I'm just talkin' bout Worf.

I must have missed an episode.  Can’t remember that at all.

EDIT:  Is that the one where he finds a bunch of Klingons held “captive” by the Romulans who have set up some sort of joint community.  He tries to teach them Klingon ways and they threaten to execute him over it or something?

If so, can’t remember any of the other characters in that episode, including the “jailbait”

Both Jadzia Dax and Ezri Dax.

Did he fuck Wesly too????

That's right. Worf didn't mind that old man boi pucci.

HA!

Big Klingon Cock

Stardate 42133
Calltime/Location: 01:06 - Holodeck 3
Call Reason: Debris Sensor Triggered

Report: About two hours into my shift I get an automated message that something has fouled up the image projectors in Holodeck 3. It's pretty much the most common red flag we can get from the computer and it's usually just some sweaty idiot who bumped into one of the tiles and left a big smudge of body soil over the projection plate. This call turned out to be anything but routine. I walk in there and it looks like someone filled a sack with pea soup and then swung it around the room just slow enough so that the crap would fly out in all directions. It's splattered all over all of the walls, it's hanging from the ceiling and then right in the middle of the holodeck there is this big pool of chunky red liquid and more of the pea soup. It smells like someone tried to make lemonade out of a dead raccoon. I start trying to mop the stuff up, but everything I do just seems to be spreading it around even worse on the tiles.

I decide to pull the isos, which if you're new to the holodeck job is shorthand for "isolated video log". It sounds boring but it's actually the funniest crap ever. It's a video record of what was going on inside the holodeck minus the actual holodeck projection. It is hilarious, as you would imagine.

So I lean my mop up against the wall and start cycling through the last session in the holodeck. Lieutenant Worf is there. Cowboy costume and a banjo. Nothing too unusual. He's swinging his arms around like he's throwing punches. Then he's taking off his clothes. Worf starts humping away at god knows what (I'm not pulling the buffer to find out) and all of the sudden he goes stiff and starts yelling in Klingon. His weird lumpy boner starts whipping around like a firehose and spraying green crap all over the holodeck. It keeps going and going.

Just when I think it's going to stop he thrusts his hips again and it flies back up into the air and starts whirling around again like a crazy snake. After like a minute of this (and still going strong) Worf doubles over and screams and then POW he just starts puking everywhere. It's incredible. Puke is just blasting out of his mouth, covering his Klingon beard, all over his cowboy hat and while he's puking there are these globs of green jizz flying straight through the stream of vomit. I've never seen anything like it before or since.

Anyway, I take my information about the nature of the substance and look up some cleaning options on the computer. Long story short on that one, it's five hours of hard labor with a scrubbing phaser and the inability to ever look Lt. Worf in the eye again. I mean good lord how did he ever have a kid with a human woman? Ugh.

Status:Resolved.

Blue Stripe

He was an excellent golfer?

If I recall correctly, it was said that human women weren't built right to withstand mating with Klingons.  All the gals he did do the nasty with were never actual humans.  I always figured they had barbed peckers or the like.

Because it's a TV show?

Liberals like STDs.

And a T-33.

Still active in the aviation World I think.
Probably why he has/had a Sabreliner also.

Pretty cool guy !

Damn DT , it's doing it again.

Sorry.

A warrior's drink!

Ens. Kim was the biggest cuck in ST.

Barbed shaft?