Posted: 10/10/2005 9:44:11 AM EDT
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"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." "The handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile." "So, you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?" "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want." "Warning! You want a warning? Okay, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket." "Life's tough, it's tougher if you're stupid." "In God we trust, all others are suspects." some sound familar |
Yeah you gotta love the ones that play possom. Get them an ambulance. Then when they realize you will be at the hospital w/ them, they are suddenly just fine....lol. Nice thread |
In God we trust, all others keep your hands in plain sight.  On the "ain't my pants" tip Had a friend with San Bernadino PD waaaaaay back in the day, early 70's. Responded to an after hours silent alarm in a clothing store. (Has some great stories about clearing the display floor, in the dark, with all the mannequins standing around) Anyway, cleared the whole store (multiple floors with partners) and were left with only the lockers in the employee changing room. Halfway down the row of lockers they find a black male hidden inside a locker. When they pull him out he holds up his hands and says, "You can't prove nothing, I be wearing gloves!" 
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A cop stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. He asks the man his name. "Fred," he replies. "Fred what?" the officer asks. "Just Fred," the man responds. The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name. The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. "Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?" The man replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me." "I was born Fred Dingaling. I know -- a funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time. So I stayed to myself, studied hard, and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Dingaling, MD. "After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through school, got my degree, so then I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS. "Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD. So now I was Fred Dingaling, MD, DDS, with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS. Then I was Fred Dingaling, MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Dingaling with VD. Then the VD took away my Dingaling, so now I am just Fred." The officer walked away in tears, laughing |
Of course, from the Fire/EMS side, there are those lovely "considerate customers"  who, after you approach and ask "what's going on / if they're OK" respond with:"I AIN'T GOTTA TELL YOU S&$* YOU M&#*$R F*$%@R! I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN' AND YOU AIN'T GOT S$&T ON ME... THIS WAS A SETUP AND I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN... YOU HEAR ME?" "Whoa, whoa whoa.... we're the Fire Department, not Police... If you don't wanna go with us, just sign this paper and we're outta here. " (we're the "round, happy badges, not the sharp, pointy ones" as my former partner - PD turned FD turned JD used to tell them )Then of course, they turn happy as can be... so fast you'd swear they were schizo. "Oh, I'm sorry.. I thought you was the po-lice..." (smile and sign the AMA) Then they turn back into "evil" mode and resume cussing out the cop who's finishing their booking. 
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When you realize the accident is not your fault. Hey! Someone call my lawyer and have him dial 911. After taking a long time to get to an accident scene someone asked what took me so long to get there. I said . If knew you were going to be in a wreck I would have been here waiting on you. |
| I was putting my gear in a patrol car. Some of the guys came running out of the PD and said there was a fight at the YMCA dance. I went along with them. When I arrived and got out of my car a lady said “took you long enough to get here”. I looked at my watch and said I don’t start work for 3 minutes. She stormed off. |