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Easy solution, get a pickup truck. I hit speed humps at 40 mph in my F150 and I barely feel shit! I don't even slow down for them, I hate those things!

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You are such a drama queen.

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we are America, we should not care about what other people think

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It's a matter of mass vs volume.  Older vehicles had much greater mass per volume and as such able to "absorb" impact much better.

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I catch rides from friends due to health, most of them drive dinky cars that I have to drop myself in and then drag myself out. And they ride like shit if you have back issues.

My woman had a Pathfinder I liked, step boards and a good grab handle to get in and then getting out was a matter of falling out. Now she drives a Sentra. I have to be mindful of not using the door as a grab handle getting in/out. 6'3" 220 lbs, I will break the hinges over time.

One friend has a Lincoln that rides like a water bed.

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I drive an early 2000s grand marquis as my work car and it feels so much better than my other way newer vehicles.  People give me shit for driving am actual grandpa car but I like it.

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LP what you and I both know is that you are really looking for a Brodozer.
It fits you to a T. You could do some serious profiling in one.

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You brought back a memory from my childhood.  I had to ride around with my parents in a realtor's car one day in the late 80s looking at houses.  I was in the back seat and felt like I was going to throw up the entire time.  Absolutely zero feedback from the road.  I get motion sickness fairly easily and that did me in.  The realtor could have probably been stump jumping parking blocks and I wouldn't have noticed.  You can keep your floating fortresses.

Maybe this La Sabre would suit your needs.  It looks like a soft ride.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kMTHwjy6Z8

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Many Kia owners won't pay for new struts when they're needed, you think they're going to believe a hydropneumatic system when it's described to them?

Kharn

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Kia Soul
Extremely short wheelbase with lower profile tires.  What you bought is what you bought employee or not.   Higher end shocks would help quite a bit if your willing to spend the cash but it's just a bandage
 The answer for you is probably a Telluride

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LP wants more of what made our cars laughing stocks of the world.

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He's on a rant over econoboxes riding like shit.

Put him in a brodozer and he'll get Congress to ban lift kits.

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Sometimes I am half tempted to sell my Kia Soul with its 28mpg and get the last Lincoln town cars or another 45 year old piece of American pig iron.

Every time I go over a bump in practically any modern car save for a handful it feels like I am one Man being beaten around by 4 boxers.

Why does modern day bullshit have to be this way, Why did the late 80s/1990s obsession with "sport everything" have to happen, The obsession was so hard and so great for so long that nowadays even practically all premium makes ride like a brick with 4 wheels glued on.

I've had the good fortune to drive many different old cars and new ones even, from a seventies Rolls Royce to a DS with glorious hydropneumatic suspension to cheap ass crudely built fiat 500s, they just take it easily.

I've driven old cheap worthless garbage before oh trust me,  You're talking to to some weird fuck face whos favorite period in car history is from about 1973 to 1980ish, I am a automotive degenerate, I love malaise era American cars.

And when a horribly cheap, crude, pos Plymouth Volare can take a bump more gently and softly than anything comparatively to the same price in modern times well then you shouldn't be surprised if I feel disgusted and insulted.

I am just so tired of it, so fucking tired of it, Kia makes the closest thing I want but they ride like tanks, even fallen kings like Cadillac ride like shit.

I want the complete absence of roads feel, at an affordable price for the middle class man.

Decades ago you could get that easy, it was everywhere, now, no one builds that anymore, no one.

How doomed i am, to be a right wing Millennial pole smoker who listens to sad boy Boomer music and has Silent generation tastes!

Luckily I do have one saving grace the only industry in the entirety of the world that caters to my tastes because it has been mostly untouched by changing times is the gun industry, they still make brand new revolvers and double rifles, Double stack metal frame wood grip semi autos and good old side-by-side shotguns.

But if you want something like a brand new old style America car.

You, are doomed to nothing.

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I’m the exact opposite. I want to feel every little bit of the road. I also hate body roll with a passion.

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Sometimes I am half tempted to sell my Kia Soul with its 28mpg and get the last Lincoln town cars or another 45 year old piece of American pig iron.

Every time I go over a bump in practically any modern car save for a handful it feels like I am one Man being beaten around by 4 boxers.

Why does modern day bullshit have to be this way, Why did the late 80s/1990s obsession with "sport everything" have to happen, The obsession was so hard and so great for so long that nowadays even practically all premium makes ride like a brick with 4 wheels glued on.

I've had the good fortune to drive many different old cars and new ones even, from a seventies Rolls Royce to a DS with glorious hydropneumatic suspension to cheap ass crudely built fiat 500s, they just take it easily.

I've driven old cheap worthless garbage before oh trust me,  You're talking to to some weird fuck face whos favorite period in car history is from about 1973 to 1980ish, I am a automotive degenerate, I love malaise era American cars.

And when a horribly cheap, crude, pos Plymouth Volare can take a bump more gently and softly than anything comparatively to the same price in modern times well then you shouldn't be surprised if I feel disgusted and insulted.

I am just so tired of it, so fucking tired of it, Kia makes the closest thing I want but they ride like tanks, even fallen kings like Cadillac ride like shit.

I want the complete absence of roads feel, at an affordable price for the middle class man.

Decades ago you could get that easy, it was everywhere, now, no one builds that anymore, no one.

How doomed i am, to be a right wing Millennial pole smoker who listens to sad boy Boomer music and has Silent generation tastes!

Luckily I do have one saving grace the only industry in the entirety of the world that caters to my tastes because it has been mostly untouched by changing times is the gun industry, they still make brand new revolvers and double rifles, Double stack metal frame wood grip semi autos and good old side-by-side shotguns.

But if you want something like a brand new old style America car.

You, are doomed to nothing.

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Aren't you a mechanic?  You should be familiar with the available solutions: Smaller rims thus more sidewall for a more compliant ride, softer springs, and less aggressively tuned struts/shocks.

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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=joMK1WZjP7g